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SCENE I.- A room in Kitely's house. To rule thy thoughts, as thy fair looks do mine,
Then shouldst thou be his prisoner, who is thine. Enter Downright and Dame KITELY.
[Master STEPHEN answers with shaking his Down. Well, sister, I tell you true; and you
head.] will find it so, in the end.
E. Kno. Slight, he shakes his head like a botDame, Alas, brother, what would you have tle, to feel an' there be any brain in it! me to do? I cannot help it. You see my brother Well. Sister, what ha' you here? Verses ? brings them in here; they are his friends, Pray you, let us see. Who made these verses ?
Down. His friends! his friends! 'Slud they do They are excellent good. nothing but haunt him up and down, like a sort Mat. 0, Master Well-bred, 'tis your disposiof onlucky spirit, and tempt him to alt manner tion to say so, sir. They were good in the mornof villany, that can be thought of. Well, by this ing; I made them extempore this morning. light, a little thing would make me play the devil Well. How, extempore ! with some of them. An' 'twere not more for Mat. I would I might be hanged else; ask your husband's sake, than any thing else, la Captain Bobadil. He saw me write them at the make the house too hot for the best of them. (pox on it) the Star yonder. They should say, and swear, hell were broken Step. Cousin, how do you like this gentleman's
loose, ere they went hence. But, by God's will, verses? . 'tis nobody's fault but yours; for an' you had done E. Kno. O, admirable! the best that ever I
as you might have done, they should have been heard, coz! parboiled, and baked too, every mother's son, Step. Body of Cæsar! they are admirable ! ere they should ha' come in e'er á one of them. The best, that ever I heard, as I am a soldier.
Dame. God's my life! did you ever hear the Dow. I am vext! I can hold ne'er a bone of like? What a strange man is this ! Could I keep me still! Heart, I think they mean to build and out all them, think you? I should put myself a
breed here. gainst half a dozen men, should I? Good faith, Well. Sister Kitely, I marvel you get you not you'd mad the patient'st body in the world to a servant, that can rhime, and do tricks too. hear you talk so without any sense or reason! Dow. Oh, monster ! Impudence itself, tricks! Enter Mrs BRIDGET, Master MATTHEW, Well- somewhere else, and not here, I wuss.
Come, you might practise your ruffian tricks
This is BRED, STEPHEN, EDWARD Kno’well, Boba
no tavern, nor drinking-school, to vent your exDIL, and Cash.
ploits in. Bridget. Servant, in troth, you are too prodi- Well. How now! whose cow has calved? gal
Dow. Marry, that has mine, sir. Nay, boy, Of your wit's treasure, thus to pour it forth never look askance at me for the matter; I will Upon so mean a subject as my worth.
tell you of it; aye, sir, you and your companiMat. You say well, mistress; and I mean as ons; mend yourselves when I ha' done. well.
Well. My companions ! Dow. Fley-day, here is stuff!
Dow. Yes, sir, your companions, so I say: I Well. O, now stand close. Pray Heaven she am not afraid of you nor them neither, your hangcan get him to read; he should do it of his own bys here. You must have your poets, and your natural impudence.
potlings, your soldados and foolados, to follow Bridg. Servant, what is this same, I pray you? you up and down the city, and here they must
Mat. Marry, an elegy! an elegy! an odd toy come to domineer and swagger. Sirrah, you -I'll read it, if you please.
lad-singer ; and Slops, your fellow there, get you Bridy. Pray you do, servant.
out; get you home; or, by this steel, I'll cut off Dow. O, here's no foppery! Death! I can en- your ears, and that presently. dure the stocks better.
Well. 'Slight, stay, let us see what he dare do. E. Kno. What ails thy brother? Can he not Cut off his ears ! cut a whetstone. You are an bear the reading of a ballad?
ass, do you see; touch any man here, and by Well. O, no; a rhime to him is worse than this hand, I'll run my rapier to the hilts in you. cheese, or a bag-pipe. But, mark, you lose the Dow. Yea, that would I fain see, boy. protestation.
[They all draw, and they of the house make Bob. Master Matthew, you abuse the expec- out to part them.] tation of your dear mistress, and her fair sister. Dame. O, Jesu! muriser! Thomas, Gasper ! Fie, while you live, avoid this prolixity.
Bridg. Help, help, Thomas. Mat. I shall, sir.
E. Kno. Gentlemen, forbear, I pray you. Rare creature, let me speak without offence, Bob. Well, sirrah! you Holofernes ! by my Would Heaven my rude words had the influence hand, I will pink your flesh full of holes with my Yol. II.
rapier, for this; I will, by this good Heaven.
Enter E. Kno'WELL, WELL-BRED, and Brain
WORM. [They offer to fight again, and are parted. Cash. Hold, hold, good gentlemen.
E. Kno. Well, Brain-worm, perform this busiDow. You whoreson, bragging coistril ! ness happily, and thou makest a purchase of my
love for ever. Enter KITELY.
Well. In faith, now let thy spirits use their best Kite. Why, how now, what's the matter?- faculties; but at my hand, remember the mesWhat's the stir here?
sage to my brother; for there is no other means Put up your weapons, and put off this rage. to start him out of his house. My wife and sister, they're the cause of this. Brain. I warrant you, sir, fear nothing. I What, Thomas! where is the knave ?
have a nimble soul has waked all forces of my Cash. Here, sir.
phantasy by this time, and put them in true moWell
. Come, let us go; this is one of my bro- tion. What you have possessed me withal, I'll ther's ancient humours, this.
(Exit. discharge it amply, sir. Make it no question. Step. I am glad nobody was hurt by his an
Erit. cient humour.
[Erit. Well. Forth, and prosper, Brain-worm. Faith, Kite. Why, how now, brother, who enforced Ned, how dost thou approve of my abilities in this brawl?
this device? Dow. A sort of lewd rake-hells, that care nei- E. Kno. Troth, well, howsoever : but it will ther for God nor the devil. And they must come excellent, if it take. come here to read ballads, and roguery, and Well. Take, man ! Why, it cannot choose but trash! I'll mar the knot of them ere I sleep, take, if the circumstances miscarry not. But perhaps; especially Bob there: he that is all tell me ingenuously, dost thou affect my sister manner of shapes; and songs and sonnets, his Bridget as thou pretendest ? fellow. But I'll follow them.
[Erit. E. Kno. Friend, am I worth belief? Bridg. Brother, indeed you are too violent, Well. Come, do not protest. In faith, she is Too sudden in your humour.
a maid of good ornament, and much modesty; and There was one a civil gentleman,
except I conceived very worthily of her, thou And very worthily demeaned himself.
should'st not have her. Kite. O, that was some love of yours, sister. E. Kno. Nay, that, I am afraid, will be a ques
Bridg. A love of mine! I would it were no tion yet, whether I shall have her or no. worse, brother! You'd pay my portion sooner Well. 'Slid thou shalt have her; by this light, than you think for.
[Erit. thou shalt. Dame. Indeed, he seemed to be a gentleman E. Kno. Nay, do not swear. of exceeding fair disposition, and of very excel- Well. By this hand, thou shalt have her. I lent good parts. What a coil and stir is here! will
go fetch her presently. Point but where to
(Erit. meet, and, as I am an honest man, I will bring Kite. Her love, by Heaven! my wife's mi-her. nion !
E. Kno. Hold, hold, be temperate. Death, these phrases are intolerable !
Well. Why, by
what shall I swear by? Well, well, well, well, well, well!
thou shalt have her, as I am It is too plain, too clear. Thomas, come hither. E. Kno. Pray thee, be at peace; I am satisfiWhat, are they gone ?
ed; and do believe thou wilt omit no offered ocCash. Ay, sir, they went in.
casion to make my desires complete. My mistress, and your sister
Well. Thou shalt see, and know I will not. Kite. Are any of the gallants within ?
(Ereunt. Cash. No, sir, they are all gone. Kite. Art thou sure of it?
Enter Formal and Kno'wELL. Cash. I can assure you, sir.
Form. Was your man a soldier, sir? Kite. What gentleman was it that they prais- Kno. Aye, a knave; I took him begging o' the · ed so, Thomas ?
way, Cash. One, they call him Master Kno'well, a This morning, as I came over Moorfields. handsome young gentleman, sir.
Enter BRAIN-WORM. Kite. Aye, I thought so. My mind gave me as much.
Oh, here he is ! you have made fair speed, beI'll die but they have hid him in the house
lieve me. Somewhere; I will go and search. Go with me, Where, in the name of sloth, could you be thus Thomas,
Brain. Marry, peace be my comfort, where I Be true to me, and thou shalt find me a master. thought I should have had little comfort of your
[Ereunt. worship’s service.
Kno. How so?
Form. Not a whit, sir; Brain. Oh, sir ! your coming to the city, your You have been lately in the wars, sir, it seems? entertainment of me, and your sending me to Brain. Marry have I, sir, to my loss, and exwatch-indeed, all the circumstances either of pence of all, almostyour charge, or my einployınent, are as open to Form. Troth, sir, I would be glad to bestow a your son, as to yourself.
bottle of wine on you, if it please you to accept Kno. How should that be! unless that villain, itBrain-worm,
Brain. 0, sirHave told him of the letter, and discovered Form. But to bear the manner of your serAll that I strictly charged him to conceal ! 'Tisso ! v ces, and your devices, in the wars; they say
Brain. I am partly o' that faith; 'tis so, indeed. they be very strange, and not like those a man
Kno. But how should he know you to be my reads in the Roman histories, or sees at Mileman?
End. Brain. Nay, sir, I cannot tell; unlcss it be by Brain. No, I assure you, sir; why, at any the black art! Is not your son a scholar, sir ? time, when it please you, I shall be ready to dis
Kno. Yes, but I hope his soul is not allied course with you all I know; and more too, someUnto such hellish practice; if it were,
what. I had just cause to weep my part in bim,
Form. No better time than now, sir. We will And curse the time of his creation.
go to the Windmill, there we shall have a cup of But where didst thou find them, Fitz-Sword? neat grist, as we call it. I pray you, sir, let me
Brain. You should rather ask, where they request you to the Windmill. found me, sir; for I will be sworn I was going Brain. I will follow you, sir, and make grist of along in the street, thinking nothing, when (of a you, if I have good luck.
[Exeunt. sudden) a voice calls, 'Mr Kno'well's man;' another cries, soldier;' and thus, half a dozen of Enter Matthew, EDWARD KNO'WELL, BOBAthem, till they had called me within a house,
DIL, and STEPHEN. where I no sooner came, but out flew all their Mat. Sir, did your eyes ever taste the like rapiers at my bosom, with some three or four-clown of him, where we were to-day, Mr Wellscore oaths to accompany them, and all to tell bred's half brother? I think the whole earth canme, I was a dead man, if I did not confess where not shew his parallel, by this day-light. you were, and how I was employed, and about E. Kno. We are now speaking of him. Cape what; which, when they could not get out of me, tain Bobadil tells me he is fallen foul of you too. (as I protest they must have dissected me, and Mat. () aye, sir! he threatened me with the made an anatomy of me first, and so I told them), bastinado. they locked me up into a room i' the top of a Bob. Aye, but I think I taught you prevention high house, whence, by great miracle, having a this morning for that—You shall kill him beyond light heart, I slid down by a bottom of pack-question, if you be so generously minded. thread into the street, and so escaped. But, sir, Mat. Indeed, It is a most excellent trick ! thus much I can assure you; for I heard it while Bob. O, you do not give spirit enough to your I was locked up; there were a great many rich motion; you are too tardy, too heavy! O, it must merchants, and brave citizens' wives with them, be done like lightning; hey! at a feast, and your son, Mr Edward, withdrew
(He practises at a post. with one of them, and has appointed to meet her Mat. Rare captain! anon, at one Cob's house, a water-bearer, that Bob. Tut, 'tis nothing, an't be not done in adwells by the wall. Now, there your worship punto! shall be sure to take him; for there he preys, and E. Kno. Captain, did you ever prove yourself fail he will not.
upon any of our masters of defence here? Kno. Nor will I fail to break his match, I Mat. O, good sir! yes, I hope he has. doubt not.
Bob. I will tell you, sir. They have assaulted Go tbou along with justice Clement's man, me some three, four, five, six of them together, And stay there for me. At one Cob's house, as I have walked alone in divers skirts of the say'st thou?
town, where I have driven them before me the Brain. Aye, sir, there you shall have him. whole length of a street, in the open view of all (Erit Knowell.] Yes! invisible! much wench, our gallants, pitying to hurt them, believe me. or much son! 'Slight, when he has staid there Yet all this lenity will not overcome their spleen; three or four hours, travailling with the expecta- they will be doing with the pismire, raising a hill, tion of wonders, and at length be delivered of a man may spurn abroad with his foot at pleaair! O, the sport that I should then take to look sure. By myself, I could have slain them all; but on him, if I durst! But now I mean to appear no I delight not in murder. I am loth to bear any more before him in this shape. I have another other than this bastinado for them; yet I hold it trick to act yet. [To Formal.] Sir, I make you good policy not to go disarmed; for, though I be stay somewhat long.
skilful, I may be oppressed with multitudes.
E. Kno. Aye, believe me, may you, sir ; and, Dow. What peevish luck have I, I cannot meet in my conceit, our whole nation should sustain with these bragging rascals ! the loss by it, if it were so.
Bob. It's not he, is it? Bob. Alas, no! What's a peculiar man to a E. Kno. Yes, faith, it is he ! pation ? Not seen.
Mat. I'll be hanged then, if that were he. E. Kno. O, but your skill, sir !
E. Kno. I assure you that was he. Bob. Indeed, that might be some loss; but Step. Upon my reputation, it was he. who respects it? I will tell you, sir, by the way Bob. Had I thought it had been he, he must of private, and under seal, I am a gentleman, and not have gone so: but I can hardly be induced live here obscure, and to myself: but were I
to believe it was he yet. known to his majesty, and the lords, observe me, E. Kno. That I think, sir. But see, he is come I would undertake, upon this poor head and life, again! for the public benefit of the state, not only to Dow. 0, Pharaoh's foot! have I found you ? spare the entire lives of his subjects in general, Come, draw; to your tools. Draw, gipsey, or I'll but to save the one half, nay, three parts of his thresh you. yearly charge in holding war, and against what Bob. Gentleman of valour, I do believe in thee; enemy soever. And how would I do it, think hear me
Dow. Draw your weapon, then. E. Kno. Nay, I know not, nor can I conceive. Bob. Tall man, I never thought on't till now ;
Bob. Why thus, sir. I would select nineteen body of me! I had a warrant of the peace served more to myself, throughout the land; gentlemen on me even now, as I came along, by a waterthey should be, of good spirit, strong and able bearer; this gentleman saw it, Master Matthew. constitution; I would chuse them by an instinct, [He beats him, and disarms him. MATTHEW a character that I have; and I would teach these runs away.] nineteen the special rules, as, your Punto, your Dow. 'Sdeath, you will not draw, then? Reverso, your Stoccata, your Imbroccata, your Bob. Hold, hold, under thy favour, forbear. Passada, your Montanto; till they could all play Dow. Prate again, as you like this, you whorevery near, or altogether, as well as myself. This son foist you. You will controul the point, you ! done, say the enemy were forty thousand strong; Your consort is gone; had he staid, he had shared we twenty would come into the field the tenth with you, sir.
(Exit DOWNRIGHT. of March, or thereabouts; and we would chal- E. Kno. Twenty, and kill them; twenty more, lenge twenty of the enemy; they could not, in kill them too. Ha, ha! their honour, refuse us! Well, we would kill Bob. Well, gentlemen, bear witness, I was them; challenge twenty more, kill them; twenty bound to the peace, by this good day. more, kill them; twenty more, kill them too; and E. Kno. No, faith, it's an ill day, captain ; thus would we kill every man his twenty a day, never reckon it other: but say you were bound that's twenty score; twenty score, that's two hun- to the peace; the law allows you to defend yourdred; two hundred a day, five days a thousand; self; that will prove but a poor excuse. forty thousand; forty times five, five times forty, Bob. I cannot tell, sir. I desire good constructwo hundred days, kill them all up by computa- tion, in fair sort. I never sustained the like distion. And this I will venture my poor gentle grace, by Heaven. Sure I was struck with a plaman-like carcase to perform, provided there be net thence, for I had no power to touch my weano treason practised upon us, by fair and discreet pon. manhood, that is, civilly, by the sword.
E. Kno. Aye, like enough, I have heard of E. Kno. Why are you so sure of your hand, | many that have been beaten under a planet. Go, captain, at all times?
get you to a surgeon. 'Slid, an' these be your Bob. Tut, never miss thrust, upon my reputa- tricks, your passados, and your montantos, 111 tion with you.
none of them. E. Kno. I would not stand in Downright's Bob. I was planet-struck, certainly. [Erit. state, then, an' you meet him, for the wealth of E. Kno. O, manners ! that this age should any one street in London.
bring forth such creatures ! that nature should Bob. Why, sir, you mistake! If he were here be at leisure to make them! Come, coz. pow, by this welkin, I would not draw my wea- Step. Mass, I'll have this cloak. pon on him! Let this gentleman do his mind : E. Kno. God's will, 'tis Downright's. but I will bastinado him, by the bright sun, Step. Nay, it is mine now; another might have wherever I meet him.
taken it up as well as I. I'll wear it, so I will. Mat. Faith, and I'll have a fling at him, at my E. Kno. How, an' he see it? He'll challenge distance.
it, assure yourself.
Step. Aye, but he shall not have it; I'll say I Enter DownRIGHT, walking over the stage.
bought it. E. Kno. God's so ! look ye where he is; yon- E. Kno. Take heed you buy it not too dear,
der he goes.
Kite. Against his will! Ha! it may be so— SCENE III.- A chamber in Kitely's House.
and may be bribed for them—they've Enter KITELY and Cash.
various means to draw the unwary in; if it be so,
I'm lost, deceived, betrayed, and my bosom, my Kite. Art thou sure, Thomas, we have pryed full-fraught bosom is unlocked and opened to into all and every part throughout the house ? Is mockery and laughter! Heaven forbid ! He canthere no by-place, or dark corner, has escaped not be that viper ; sting the hand, that raised and our searches?
cherished him! Was this stroke added, I should Cash. Indeed, sir, none; there's not a hole or be cursed—But it cannot be-no, it cannot be. nook unsearched by us, from the upper loft unto the cellar.
Enter Cash. Kite. They have conveyed him, then, away, or
Cash. You are musing, sir. hid him in some privacy of their own, -Whilst we were searching of the dark closet by my sister's why—I have wronged you, and am sorry'tis
Kite. I ask your pardon, Cash-ask me not chamber, didst thou not think thou heard'st a
gone. rustling on the other side, and a soft tread of
Cash. If you suspect my faithfeet? Cash. Upon my truth, I did not, sir; or if you let it die and be forgotten
Kite. I do not-say no more—and, for my sake,
Have you seen did, it might be only the verinin in the wainscot; your mistress, and heard—whence was that the house is old, and over-run with them.
noise? Kite. It is, indeed, Thomas—we should bane these rats-Dost thou understand me—we will them, and I found them throwing out their mirth
Cash. Your brother, Master Well-bred, is with they shall not harbour here; I'll cleanse my house from them, if fire or poison can effect it mal, as he stiles himself, and he appertains, so
on a very truly ridiculous subject; it is one ForI will not be tormented thus—They gnaw my he phrases it, to Justice Clement, and would brain, and burrow in my heart — I cannot bear
speak with you. it. Cash. I do not understand you, sir! Good tice's clerk? Where is he?
Kite. With me! Art thou sure it is the jus now, what is it disturbs you thus? Pray, be coniposed; these starts of passion have some cause,
Enter BRAIN-WORM, as FORMAL. I fear, that touches you more nearly.
Kite. Sorely, sorely, Thomas—it cleaves too Who are you, friend? close to me-Oh, me-[Sighs.] Lend me thy Brain. An appendix to Justice Clement, vularm-so, good Cash.
garly called his clerk. Cash. You tremble, and look pale! Let me Kite. What are your wants with me? call assistance.
Brain. None. Kite. Not for ten thousand worlds- Alas! Kite. Do you not want to speak with me? alas! it is not in médicine to give me ease-here, Brain. No, but my master does, here it lies.
Kite. What are the justice's commands? Cash. What, sir?
Brain. He doth not command, but entreats Kite. Why,—nothing, nothing—I am not sick, Master Kitely to be with him directly, having yet more than dead; I have a burning fever in inatters of some moment to communicate unto my mind, and long for that, which, having, would him. destroy me,
Kite. What can it be? Say, I'll be with him Cash. Believe me, 'tis your fancy's imposition; instantly, and if your legs, friend, go no faster shut up your generous mind from such intruders than your tongue, I shall be there before you. -I'll hazard all my growing favour with you; Brain. I will. Vale !
TErit. I'll stake my present, my future welfare, that Kite. 'Tis a precious fool, indeed !-I must go some base whispering knave—nay, pardon me, forth—But first, come hither, Thomas—I have sir—hath, in the best and richest soil, sown seeds admitted thee into the close recesses of my heart, of rank and evil nature ! O, my master, should and shewed thee all my frailties, passions, every they take root
[Laughing within. thing.– Kite. Hark! hark! dost thou not hear! what Be careful of thy promise, keep good watch. think'st thou now? Are they not laughing at me? Wilt thou be true, my Thomas? They are, they are. They have deceived the Cash. As truth's self, sirwittol, and thus they triumph in their infamy- But be assured you're heaping care and trouble This aggravation is not to be borne. (Laughing Upon a sandy base ; ill-placed suspicion again.) Hark, again !-Cash, do thou, unseen, Recoils upon yourself—She's chaste as comely! stcal in upon them, and listen to their wanton Believe it, she is-Let your not note your huconference.
mour; Cash. I shall obey you, though against my will. Disperse the gloom upon your brow, and be
(E.cit. As clear as her unsullied honour.