Say. I have; the gown will not be indued without perplexity. Mask. Meet me in half an hour, here, in your own chamber. When Cynthia comes, let there be no light; and do not speak, that she may not distinguish you from Mellefont. I'll urge haste to excuse your silence. Say. You have no more commands? Say. But pithy, and I will handle it with dis cretion. Mask. It will be the first you have so served. [Exeunt. SCENE II. Enter Lord TOUCHWOOD and MASKWELL. Lord Touch. Sure I was born to be controuled by those I should command: my very slaves will shortly give me rules how I shall govern them. Mask. I am concerned to see your lordship discomposed Lord Touch. Have you seen my wife lately, or disobliged her? Mask. No, my lord- -What can this mean? [Aside. Lord Touch. Then Mellefont has urged somebody to incense her--Something she has heard of which carries her beyond the bounds of you, patience. Mask. This I feared. [Aside.] Did not your lordship tell her of the honours you designed me? Lord Touch. Yes. Mask. 'Tis that; you know my lady has a high spirit; she thinks I am unworthy. Enter MELLEFONT. -Did Maskwell tell you any thing of the chaplain's chamber? Mel. No: ny dear, will you get ready?—The things are all in my chamber; I want nothing but the habit. Care. You are betrayed, and Maskwell is the villain I always thought him. Cyn. When you were gone, he said his mind was changed, and bid me meet him in the chaplain's room, pretending immediately to follow you, and give you notice. Care. There's Saygrace tripping by, with a bundle under his arm-He cannot be ignorant that Maskwell means to use his chamber; let's follow and examine him. Cyn. My lord musing! Lord Touch. He has a quick invention, if this were suddenly designed- -Yet he says he had prepared my chaplain already. Cyn. How is this! Now I fear, indeed. Lord Touch. Cynthia here! Alone, fair cousin, and melancholy? Cyn. Your lordship was thoughtful. Lord Touch. My thoughts were on serious business, not worth your hearing. Cyn. Mine were on treachery concerning you, and may be worth your hearing Lord Touch. Treachery concerning me! Pray, be plain--Hark! What noise! Mask. [Within.] Will you not hear me? Lady Touch. [Within.] No, monster! TraiNo! Lord Touch. Unworthy! 'Tis an ignorant pride in her to think so-Honesty to me is true nobi-tor! lity. However, 'tis my will it shall be so, and Cyn. My lady and Maskwell! This may be that should be convincing to her as much as realucky-My lord, let me entreat you to stand beBy Heaven, I'll not be wife-ridden!-hind this screen, and listen; perhaps this chance Were it possible, it should be done this night. may give you proof of what you never could have believed from my suspicions. son Mask. By Heaven! he meets my wishes. [Aside.] Few things are impossible to willing minds. Lord Touch. Instruct me how this may be done; you shall see I want no inclination. Mask. I had laid a small design for to-morrow (as love will be inventing) which I thought to communicate to your lordship-But it may be as well done to-night. Lord Touch. Here is company— way, and tell me. Come this [Exeunt. Enter Lady ToUCHWOOD, with a dagger, and MASKWELL: CYNTHIA and Lord TOUCHWOOD abscond, listening. Lady Touch. You want but leisure to invent fresh falsehood, and sooth me to a fond belief of all your fictions; but I will stab the lie, that's forming in your heart, and save a sin in pity to your soul. Musk. Strike then-since you will have it so. Lady Touch. Ha! a steady villain to the last! Mask. Come, why do you daily with me thus ? Lady Touch. Thy stubborn temper shocks me, and you knew it would This is cunning all, and not courage; no, I know thee well-But thou shalt miss thy aim. Mask. Ha, ha, ha! Lady Touch. Ha! Do you mock my rage? Then this shall punish your fond, rash attempt! Again smile! [Goes to strike. CONGREVE.] your desires. His case is desperate, and, I be- that various face. O! that they were written in thy heart, here, take this; you may employ it better than Lady Touch. Thou canst deceive every body--- ed in all passions! But thus my anger melts[Weeps.] Here, take this poniard, for my very spirits faint, and I want strength to hold it; thou hast disarmed my soul. [Gives the dagger. Lord Touch. Amazement shakes me-Where will this end? you Mask. So, 'tis well-let your wild fury have a vent, and when have temper, tell me. Lady Touch. Now, now, now I am calm, and can hear you. Mask. [Aside] Thanks, my invention: and now I have it for you--First tell me, what urged you to this violence? For your passion broke out in such imperfect terms, that yet to learn the cause. I am Lady Touch. My lord himself surprised me with the news, you were to marry Cynthia-That you had owned your love to him, and his indulgence would assist you to attain your ends. Cyn. How, my lord! Lord Touch. Pray forbear all resentments for awhile, and let us hear the rest. Mask. I grant you, in appearance all is true; I seemed consenting to my lord; nay, transported with the blessing- -But could you think that I, who had been happy in your loved embraces, could e'er be fond of inferior slavery? Cyn. Nay, good my lord, forbear resentment, let us hear it out. of Lord Touch. Yes, I will contain, though I could [Aside. burst. Mask. I, that had wantoned in the rich circle your world of love, could be confined within the puny province of a girl? No-Yet, though I dote on each last favour more than all the rest, though I would give a limb for every look you cheaply throw away on any other object of your love; yet so far I prize your pleasures over my own, that all this seeming plot that I have laid, has been to gratify your taste, and cheat the world, to prove a faithful rogue to you. Lady Touch. If this were trueit be? -But how can Mask. I have so contrived, that Mellefont will presently, in the chaplain's habit, wait for Cynthia in your dressing-room: but I have put the change upon her, that she may be otherwhere employed. Do you procure her night-gown, and, with your hood tied over your face, meet him in her stead; you may go privately by the back-stairs, and, unperceived, there you may propose to reinstate him in his uncle's favour, if he will comply with VOL. II. Lady Touch. I go, I fly, incomparable Mask well! [Exit. CYNTHIA and LORD TOUCHWOOD come forward. Lord Touch. Astonishment binds up my rage! Cyn. My lord, have patience, and be sensible how great our happiness is, that this discovery was not made too late. Lord Touch. I thank you, yet it may be still too late, if we don't presently prevent the execu tion of their plots-Ha! I'll do it. Where is Mellefont, my poor injured nephew? How shall I make him ample satisfaction? Cyn. I dare answer for him. ness Lord Touch. I do him fresh wrong to question SCENE II. Enter LORD FROTH and SIR PAUL. Lord Froth. By Heavens! I have slept an age -Sir Paul, what o'clock is it? Past eight! On my conscience, my lady's is the most inviting couch, and a slumber there is the prettiest amusement! But where is all the company? Sir Paul, The company! Gad's-bud, I don't Lord Froth. O Heavens! What's the matter? 2 B 4 Sir Paul. All turned topsy-turvy, as sure as a gun. Lord Froth. How do you mean? My wife! Sir Paul. The strangest posture of affairs! Lord Froth. What! my wife? Sir Paul. No, no, I mean the family. Your lady's affairs may be in a very good posture; I saw her go into the garden with Mr Brisk. Lord Froth. How? Where, when, what to do? Sir Paul. I suppose they have been laying their heads together. Lord Froth. How? Sir Paul. Nay, only about poetry, I suppose, my lord; making couplets. Lord Froth. Couplets! Sir Paul. Oh, here they come. Enter LADY FROTH and BRISK. Brisk. My lord, your humble servant; sir Paul, yours- -The finest night! Lady Froth. My dear, Mr Brisk and I have been star-gazing I don't know how long. Sir Paul. Does it not tire your ladyship? Are not you weary with looking up? Lady Froth. Oh, no! I love it violently— My dear, you are melancholy. Lord Froth. No, my dear, I am but awake. Lady Froth. Snuff some of my spirit of hartshorn. Lord Froth. I have some of my own, thank you, my dear. Lady Froth. Well, I swear, Mr Brisk, you understand astronomy like an old Egyptian! Brisk. Not comparably to your ladyship; you are the very Cynthia of the skies, and queen of stars. Lady Froth. That's because I have no light, but what's by reflection from you, who are the sun. Brisk. Madam, you have eclipsed me quite, let me perish- -I cannot answer that. Lady Froth. No matter-Harkee, shall you and I make an almanack together? Brisk. With all my soul- -Your ladyship has made me the man in it already, I am so full of the wounds which you have given. Lady Froth. O, finely taken! I swear now you are even with me; O Parnassus, you have an infinite deal of wit! Sir Paul. So he has, Gads-bud; and so has your ladyship. Enter LADY PLYANT, CARELESS, and CYNTHIA. Lady Ply. You tell me most surprising things; bless me, who would ever trust a man? O, my heart aches for fear they should all be deceitful alike. help me! Lord Touch. Now, what evasion, strumpet? Lord Touch. Go, and thy own infamy pursue thee!- -You stare as you were all amazed-I do not wonder at it-But too soon you'll know mine, and that woman's shame. Enter MELLEFONT, disguised in a parson's habit, and pulling in MASKWELL. Mel. Nay, by Heaven! you shall be seenCareless, your hand--Do you hold down your head? Yes, I am your chaplain; look in the face of your injured friend, thou wonder of all falsehood. Lord Touch. Are you silent, monster? Mel. Good Heavens! How I believed and loved this man! Take him hence, for he is a disease to my sight. Lord Touch. Secure that manifold villain. Care: Miracle of ingratitude! Lord Touch. We'll think of punishment at leisure; but let me hasten to do justice, in rewarding virtue and wronged innocence.- -Nephew, I hope I have your pardon, and Cynthia's? Let secret villainy from hence be warned, [Exeunt omnes WHAT cloying meat is love, when matrimony's the sauce to it! Two years marriage has debauched my five senses! Every thing I see, every thing I hear, every thing I feel, every thing I smell, and every thing I taste-methinks has wife in it! No boy was ever so weary of his tutor, or girl of her bib, no nun of doing penance, or old maid of being chaste-as I am of being married. Sure there is a secret curse entailed upon the very name of wife! My lady is a young lady, a fine lady, a witty lady, a virtuous lady—and yet I hate her. There is but one thing on earth I loath beyond her-that's fighting. Would my courage come up to a fourth part of my ill-nature, I would stand buff to her relations, and thrust her out of doors. But marriage has sunk me down to such an ebb of resolution, I dare not draw my sword, though even to get rid of my wife! But here she comes. Enter LADY BRUTE. Lady Brute. Do you dine at home to-day, sir John? Sir John. Why, do you expect I should tell you what I don't know myself? Lady Brute. I thought there was no harm in asking you. Sir John. If thinking wrong were an excuse for impertinence, women might be justified in most things they say or do. Lady Brute. I am sorry I have said any thing to displease you. Sir John. Sorrow for things past is of as little importance to me, as my dining at home or abroad ought to be to you. Lady Brute. My enquiry was only that I might have provided what you liked. Sir John. Why, then, there would be more asking about it than the thing is worth. Lady Brute. I wish I did but know how I might please you. Sir John. Aye, but that sort of knowledge is not a wife's talent. Lady Brute. Whatever my talent is, I am sure my will has ever been to make you easy. Sir John. If women were to have their wills, the world would be finely governed. Lady Brute. What reason have I given you to use me as you do of late? It once was otherwise: You married me for love. Sir John. And you me for money; So you have your reward, and I have mine. Lady Brute. What is it, that disturbs you? Lady Brute. Why, what has he done to you? Sir John. He has married me. [ Erit SIR JOHN. Lady Brute. The devil's in the fellow, I think. I was told, before I married him, that thus 'twould be But I thought I had charms enough to govern him; and that, where there was an estate, a woman must needs be happy: So my vanity has deceived me, and my ambition has made me uneasy. But there's some comfort still; if one would be revenged of him, these are good times; a woman may have a gallant, and a separate maintenance too-+The surly puppy-yet he's a fool for't: For hitherto he has been no monster: But who knows how far he may provoke me? I never loved him, yet I have been ever true to him; and that, in spite of all the attacks of art and nature upon a poor weak woman's heart, in favour of a tempting lover. Methinks so noble a defence, as I have made, should be rewarded with a better usage Or who can tell-Perhaps a good part of what I suffer from my husband, may be a judgment upon me for my cruelty to my lover-Lord, with what pleasure could I indulge that thought, were there but a possibility of finding arguments to make it good! And how do I know but there may-Let me see-What opposes! My matrimonial vow-Why, what did I vow? I think I promised to be true to my husband. Well; and he promised to be kind to me: But he han't kept his word-Why, then I'm absolved from mine. O, but that condition was not expressed-No matter, it was understood. Well, by all I see, if I argue the matter a little longer with myself, I shall not find so many bugbears in the way, as I thought I should. Lord, what fine notions of virtue do we women take up upon the credit of old foolish philosophers! Virtue its own reward, virtue's this, virtue's thatVirtue's an ass, and a gallant's worth forty on't. Enter BELINDA. Good-morrow, dear cousin. Bel. Good-morrow, madam; you look pleased this morning. Lady Brute. I am so. Lady Brute. With my husband. Bel. Drown husbands! for yours is a provoking fellow: As he went out just now, I prayed him to tell me what time of day it was; and he asked me if I took him for the church-clock, that was obliged to tell all the parish. Lady Brute. He has been saying some good obliging things to me too. In short, Belinda, he has used me so barbarously of late, that I could almost resolve to play the downright wife-and cuckold him. Bel. That would be downright indeed. Lady Brute. Why, after all, there is more to be said for it than you would imagine, child. He is the first aggressor, not I. Bel. Ah, but you know, we must return good for evil. Lady Brute. That may be a mistake in the translation- Prithee be of my opinion, Belinda; for I'm positive I'm in the right; and if you'll keep up the prerogative of a woman, you'll likewise be positive you are in the right, whenever you do any thing you have a mind to. But I shall play the fool and jest on, till I make you begin to think I'm in earnest. Bel. I shall not take the liberty, madam, to think of any thing, that you desire to keep from me. Lady Brute. Alas, my dear, I have no secrets. My heart could never yet confine my tongue. Bel. Your eyes, you mean; for I'm sure I have seen them gadding, when your tongue has been locked up safe enough. Lady Brute. My eyes gadding! Prithee after whom, child? Bel. Why, after one, that thinks you hate him, as much as I know you love him. Lady Brute. Constant, you mean? Lady Brute. Lord, what should put such a thing into your head? Bel. That, which puts things into most people's heads; observation. Lady Brute. Why, what have you observed, in the name of wonder? Bel. I have observed you blush, when you met him; force yourself away from him; and then be out of humour with every thing about you: In a word, never was a poor creature so spurred on by desire, or so reined in with fear! Lady Brute. How strong is fancy! Lady Brute. Prithee, niece, have a better opi nion of your aunt's inclination; |