SCENE I.-A room in KITELY's house. ACT IV. Enter DOWNRIGHT and Dame KITELY. Down. WELL, sister, I tell you true; and you will find it so, in the end. Dame. Alas, brother, what would you have me to do? I cannot help it. You see my brother brings them in here; they are his friends, Down. His friends! his friends! 'Slud they do nothing but haunt him up and down, like a sort of unlucky spirit, and tempt him to all manner of villany, that can be thought of. Well, by this light, a little thing would make me play the devil, with some of them. An' 'twere not more for your husband's sake, than any thing else, I'd make the house too hot for the best of them. They should say, and swear, hell were broken loose, ere they went hence. But, by God's will, . 'tis nobody's fault but yours; for an' you had done as you might have done, they should have been parboiled, and baked too, every mother's son, ere they should ha' come in e'er a one of them. Dame. God's my life! did you ever hear the like? What a strange man is this! Could I keep out all them, think you? I should put myself against half a dozen men, should I? Good faith, you'd mad the patient'st body in the world to hear you talk so without any sense or reason! Enter Mrs BRIDGET, Master MATTHEW, WELLBRED, STEPHEN, EDWARD KNO'WELL, BOBADIL, and CASH. Bridget. Servant, in troth, you are too prodi- Of Mat. You say well, mistress; and I mean as well. Dow. Hey-day, here is stuff! Well. O, now stand close. Pray Heaven she can get him to read; he should do it of his own natural impudence. Bridg. Servant, what is this same, I pray you? Mat. Marry, an elegy! an elegy! an odd toy -I'll read it, if you please. Bridg. Pray you do, servant. Dow. O, here's no foppery! Death! I can endure the stocks better. E. Kno. What ails thy brother? Can he not bear the reading of a ballad? Well. O, no; a rhime to him is worse than cheese, or a bag-pipe. But, mark, you lose the protestation. Bob. Master Matthew, you abuse the expectation of your dear mistress, and her fair sister. Fie, while you live, avoid this prolixity. Mat. I shall, sir. Rare creature, let me speak without offence, Would Heaven my rude words had the influence VOL. II. To rule thy thoughts, as thy fair looks do mine, Then shouldst thou be his prisoner, who is thine. [Master STEPHEN answers with shaking his head.] E. Kno. 'Slight, he shakes his head like a bottle, to feel an' there be any brain in it! Well. Sister, what ha' you here? Verses?Pray you, let us see. Who made these verses? They are excellent good. Mat. O, Master Well-bred, 'tis your disposition to say so, sir. They were good in the morning; I made them extempore this morning. Well. How, extempore! Mat. I would I might be hanged else; ask Captain Bobadil. He saw me write them at the -(pox on it) the Star yonder. Step. Cousin, how do you like this gentleman's verses? E. Kno. O, admirable! the best that ever I heard, coz! Step. Body of Cæsar! they are admirable! The best, that ever I heard, as I am a soldier. Dow. I am vext! I can hold ne'er a bone of me still! Heart, I think they mean to build and breed here. Well. Sister Kitely, I marvel you get you not a servant, that can rhime, and do tricks too. Dow. Oh, monster! Impudence itself, tricks! Come, you might practise your ruffian tricks Somewhere else, and not here, I wuss. This is no tavern, nor drinking-school, to vent your exploits in. Well. How now! whose cow has calved? Dow. Marry, that has mine, sir. Nay, boy, never look askance at me for the matter; I will tell you of it; aye, sir, you and your companions; mend yourselves when I ha' done. Well. My companions! Dow. Yes, sir, your companions, so I say: I am not afraid of you nor them neither, your hangbys here. You must have your poets, and your potlings, your soldados and foolados, to follow you up and down the city, and here they must come to domineer and swagger. Sirrah, you ballad-singer; and Slops, your fellow there, get you out; get you home; or, by this steel, I'll cut off your ears, and that presently. Well. 'Slight, stay, let us see what he dare do. Cut off his ears! cut a whetstone. You are an ass, do you see; touch any man here, and by this hand, I'll run my rapier to the hilts in you. Dow. Yea, that would I fain see, boy. [They all draw, and they of the house make out to part them.] Dame. O, Jesu! murder! Thomas, Gasper! Bridg. Help, help, Thomas. E. Kno. Gentlemen, forbear, I pray you. Bob. Well, sirrah! you Holofernes! by my hand, I will pink your flesh full of holes with my C rapier, for this; I will, by this good Heaven.Nay, let him come, gentlemen, by the body of St George, I'll not kill him. [They offer to fight again, and are parted. Cash. Hold, hold, good gentlemen. Dow. You whoreson, bragging coistril ! Enter KITELY. Kite. Why, how now, what's the matter?- Put up your weapons, and put off this rage. Cash. Here, sir. Well. Come, let us go; this is one of my brother's ancient humours, this. [Erit. Step. I am glad nobody was hurt by his ancient humour. [Exit. Kite. Why, how now, brother, who enforced this brawl? Dow. A sort of lewd rake-hells, that care neither for God nor the devil. And they must come here to read ballads, and roguery, and trash! I'll mar the knot of them ere I sleep, perhaps; especially Bob there: he that is all manner of shapes; and songs and sonnets, his fellow. But I'll follow them. [Exit. Bridg. Brother, indeed you are too violent, Kite. O, that was some love of yours, sister. Bridg. A love of mine! I would it were no worse, brother! You'd pay my portion sooner than you think for. [Exit. Dame. Indeed, he seemed to be a gentleman of exceeding fair disposition, and of very excellent good parts. What a coil and stir is here! [Erit. Kite. Her love, by Heaven! my wife's minion! Death, these phrases are intolerable ! Well, well, well, well, well, well! It is too plain, too clear. Thomas, come hither. What, are they gone? Cash Ay, sir, they went in. My mistress, and your sister Kite. Are any of the gallants within? Cash. No, sir, they are all gone. Cash. I can assure you, sir. Kite. What gentleman was it that they praised so, Thomas? Cash. One, they call him Master Kno'well, a handsome young gentleman, sir. Kite. Aye, I thought so. My mind gave me as much. I'll die but they have hid him in the house Somewhere; I will go and search. Go with me, Thomas, Be true to me, and thou shalt find me a master. [Exeunt. SCENE II-Moorfields. Enter E. KNO'WELL, WELL-BRED, and BRAIN WORM. E. Kno. Well, Brain-worm, perform this business happily, and thou makest a purchase of my love for ever. Well. In faith, now let thy spirits use their best faculties; but at my hand, remember the message to my brother; for there is no other means to start him out of his house. Brain. I warrant you, sir, fear nothing. I have a nimble soul has waked all forces of my phantasy by this time, and put them in true motion. What you have possessed me withal, I'll discharge it amply, sir. Make it no question. [Erit. Well. Forth, and prosper, Brain-worm. Faith, Ned, how dost thou approve of my abilities in this device? E. Kno. Troth, well, howsoever but it will come excellent, if it take. Well. Take, man! Why, it cannot choose but take, if the circumstances miscarry not. But tell me ingenuously, dost thou affect my sister Bridget as thou pretendest? E. Kno. Friend, am I worth belief? Well. Come, do not protest. In faith, she is a maid of good ornament, and much modesty; and except I conceived very worthily of her, thou should'st not have her. E. Kno. Nay, that, I am afraid, will be a question yet, whether I shall have her or no. Well. 'Slid thou shalt have her; by this light, thou shalt. E. Kno. Nay, do not swear. Well. By this hand, thou shalt have her. I will go fetch her presently. Point but where to meet, and, as I am an honest man, I will bring her. E. Kno. Hold, hold, be temperate. Well. Why, by - what shall I swear by? thou shalt have her, as I am E. Kno. Pray thee, be at peace; I am satisfied; and do believe thou wilt omit no offered occasion to make my desires complete. Well. Thou shalt see, and know I will not. Enter FORMAL and KNO'WELL. Form. Was your man a soldier, sir? [Exeunt. Kno. Aye, a knave; I took him begging o' the way, This morning, as I came over Moorfields. Enter BRAIN-WORM. Oh, here he is! you have made fair speed, believe me. Where, in the name of sloth, could you be thus Brain. Marry, peace be my comfort, where I thought I should have had little comfort of your worship's service. Kno. How so? Brain. Oh, sir! your coming to the city, your entertainment of me, and your sending me to watch—indeed, all the circumstances either of your charge, or my employment, are as open to your son, as to yourself. Kno. How should that be! unless that villain, Have told him of the letter, and discovered Brain. Nay, sir, I cannot tell; unless it be by the black art! Is not your son a scholar, sir? Form. But to hear the manner of your serv ccs, and your devices, in the wars; they say they be very strange, and not like those a man reads in the Roman histories, or sees at MileEnd. Brain. No, I assure you, sir; why, at any time, when it please you, I shall be ready to discourse with you all I know; and more too, some what. Form. No better time than now, sir. We will go to the Windmill, there we shall have a cup of neat grist, as we call it. I pray you, sir, let me request you to the Windmill. Brain. I will follow you, sir, and make grist of Enter MATTHEW, EDWARD KNO'Well, Boba- Mat. Sir, did your eyes ever taste the like bred's half brother? I think the whole earth cannot shew his parallel, by this day-light. Kno. Yes, but I hope his soul is not allied Unto such hellish practice; if it were, I had just cause to weep my part in him, And curse the time of his creation. But where didst thou find them, Fitz-Sword? Brain. You should rather ask, where they found me, sir; for I will be sworn I was going along in the street, thinking nothing, when (of a sudden) a voice calls, Mr Kno'well's man;' another cries, soldier;' and thus, half a dozen of them, till they had called me within a house, where I no sooner came, but out flew all their rapiers at my bosom, with some three or four-clown of him, where we were to-day, Mr Wellscore oaths to accompany them, and all to tell me, I was a dead man, if I did not confess where you were, and how I was employed, and about what; which, when they could not get out of me, (as I protest they must have dissected me, and made an anatomy of me first, and so I told them), they locked me up into a room i' the top of a Bob. Aye, but I think I taught you prevention high house, whence, by great miracle, having a this morning for that—You shall kill him beyond light heart, I slid down by a bottom of pack-question, if you be so generously minded. thread into the street, and so escaped. But, sir, thus much I can assure you; for I heard it while I was locked up; there were a great many rich merchants, and brave citizens' wives with them, at a feast, and your son, Mr Edward, withdrew with one of them, and has appointed to meet her anon, at one Cob's house, a water-bearer, that dwells by the wall. Now, there your worship shall be sure to take him; for there he preys, and fail he will not. Kno. Nor will I fail to break his match, I Go thou along with justice Clement's man, Brain. Aye, sir, there you shall have him. [Exit Knowell.] Yes! invisible! much wench, or much son! Slight, when he has staid there three or four hours, travailling with the expectation of wonders, and at length be delivered of air! O, the sport that I should then take to look on him, if I durst! But now I mean to appear no more before him in this shape. I have another trick to act yet. [TO FORMAL.] Sir, I make you stay somewhat long. E. Kno. We are now speaking of him. Captain Bobadil tells me he is fallen foul of you too. Mat. O aye, sir! he threatened me with the bastinado. Mat. Indeed, It is a most excellent trick! Bob. O, you do not give spirit enough to your motion; you are too tardy, too heavy! O, it must be done like lightning; hey! [He practises at a post. Mat. Rare captain! Bob. Tut, 'tis nothing, an't be not done in a— punto! E. Kno. Captain, did you ever prove yourself upon any of our masters of defence here? Mat. O, good sir! yes, I hope he has. Bob. I will tell you, sir. They have assaulted me some three, four, five, six of them together, as I have walked alone in divers skirts of the town, where I have driven them before me the whole length of a street, in the open view of all our gallants, pitying to hurt them, believe me. Yet all this lenity will not overcome their spleen; they will be doing with the pismire, raising a hill, a man may spurn abroad with his foot at pleasure. By myself, I could have slain them all; but I delight not in murder. I am loth to bear any other than this bastinado for them; yet I hold it good policy not to go disarmed; for, though I be skilful, I may be oppressed with multitudes. E. Kno. Aye, believe me, may you, sir; and, in my conceit, our whole nation should sustain the loss by it, if it were so. Bob. Alas, no! What's a peculiar man to a nation? Not seen. E. Kno. O, but your skill, sir! Bob. Indeed, that might be some loss; but who respects it? I will tell you, sir, by the way of private, and under seal, I am a gentleman, and live here obscure, and to myself: but were I known to his majesty, and the lords, observe me, I would undertake, upon this poor head and life, for the public benefit of the state, not only to spare the entire lives of his subjects in general, but to save the one half, nay, three parts of his yearly charge in holding war, and against what enemy soever. And how would I do it, think you? Dow. What peevish luck have I, I cannot meet with these bragging rascals! Bob. It's not he, is it? E. Kno. Yes, faith, it is he! Mat. I'll be hanged then, if that were he. Step. Upon my reputation, it was he. E. Kno. That I think, sir. again! Dow. O, Pharaoh's foot! have I found you? Come, draw; to your tools. Draw, gipsey, or I'll thresh you. Bob. Gentleman of valour, I do believe in thee; hear me Dow. Draw your weapon, then. Bob. Tall man, I never thought on't till now; body of me! I had a warrant of the peace served on me even now, as I came along, by a waterbearer; this gentleman saw it, Master Matthew. [He beats him, and disarms him. MATTHEW Dow. 'Sdeath, you will not draw, then? Dow. Prate again, as you like this, you whore- E. Kno. Twenty, and kill them; twenty more, kill them too. Ha, ha! E. Kno. Nay, I know not, nor can I conceive. Bob. Why thus, sir. I would select nineteen more to myself, throughout the land; gentlemen they should be, of good spirit, strong and able constitution; I would chuse them by an instinct, a character that I have; and I would teach these nineteen the special rules, as, your Punto, your Reverso, your Stoccata, your Imbroccata, your Passada, your Montanto; till they could all play very near, or altogether, as well as myself. This done, say the enemy were forty thousand strong; we twenty would come into the field the tenth of March, or thereabouts; and we would challenge twenty of the enemy; they could not, in their honour, refuse us! Well, we would kill them; challenge twenty more, kill them; twenty more, kill them; twenty more, kill them too; and thus would we kill every man his twenty a day, that's twenty score; twenty score, that's two hundred; two hundred a day, five days a thousand; forty thousand; forty times five, five times forty, Bob. I cannot tell, sir. I desire good constructwo hundred days, kill them all up by computation, in fair sort. I never sustained the like distion. And this I will venture my poor gentle- grace, by Heaven. Sure I was struck with a plaman-like carcase to perform, provided there be net thence, for I had no power to touch my weano treason practised upon us, by fair and discreet pon. manhood, that is, civilly, by the sword. E. Kno. Why are you so sure of your hand, captain, at all times? Bob. Tut, never miss thrust, upon my reputation with you. E. Kno. I would not stand in Downright's state, then, an' you meet him, for the wealth of any one street in London. Bob. Why, sir, you mistake! If he were here now, by this welkin, I would not draw my weapon on him! Let this gentleman do his mind: but I will bastinado him, by the bright sun, wherever I meet him. Mat. Faith, and I'll have a fling at him, at my distance. Enter DOWNRIGHT, walking over the stage. E. Kno. God's so! look ye where he is; yonder he goes. Bob. Well, gentlemen, béar witness, I was bound to the peace, by this good day. E. Kno. No, faith, it's an ill day, captain; never reckon it other: but say you were bound to the peace; the law allows you to defend yourself; that will prove but a poor excuse. E. Kno. Aye, like enough, I have heard of many that have been beaten under a planet. Go, get you to a surgeon. 'Slid, an' these be your tricks, your passados, and your montantos, I'll none of them. Bob. I was planet-struck, certainly. [Exit. E. Kno. O, manners! that this age should bring forth such creatures! that nature should be at leisure to make them! Come, coz. Step. Mass, I'll have this cloak. E. Kno. God's will, 'tis Downright's. Step. Nay, it is mine now; another might have taken it up as well as I. I'll wear it, so I will. E. Kno. How, an' he see it? He'll challenge it, assure yourself. Step. Aye, but he shall not have it; I'll say I bought it. E. Kno. Take heed you buy it not too dear, [Exeunt. SCENE III-A chamber in KITELY'S House. Enter KITELY and CASH. Kite. Art thou sure, Thomas, we have pryed into all and every part throughout the house? Is there no by-place, or dark corner, has escaped our searches? Cash. Indeed, sir, none; there's not a hole or nook unsearched by us, from the upper loft unto the cellar. Kite. They have conveyed him, then, away, or hid him in some privacy of their own- -Whilst we were searching of the dark closet by my sister's chamber, didst thou not think thou heard'st a rustling on the other side, and a soft tread of feet? Cash. Upon my truth, I did not, sir; or if you did, it might be only the vermin in the wainscot; the house is old, and over-run with them. Kite. It is, indeed, Thomas-we should bane these rats-Dost thou understand me—we will they shall not harbour here; I'll cleanse my house from them, if fire or poison can effect itI will not be tormented thus-They gnaw my brain, and burrow in my heart-I cannot bear it. Cash. I do not understand you, sir! Good now, what is it disturbs you thus? Pray, be conposed; these starts of passion have some cause, I fear, that touches you more nearly. Kite. Sorely, sorely, Thomas-it cleaves too close to me— Oh, me-[Sighs.] Lend me thy arm-so, good Cash. Cash. You tremble, and look pale! Let me call assistance. Kite. Why, nothing, nothing-I am not sick, yet more than dead; I have a burning fever in my mind, and long for that, which, having, would destroy me, | Kite. Against his will! Ha! it may be soHe's young, and may be bribed for them-they've various means to draw the unwary in; if it be so, I'm lost, deceived, betrayed, and my bosom, my full-fraught bosom is unlocked and opened to mockery and laughter! Heaven forbid! He cannot be that viper; sting the hand, that raised and cherished him! Was this stroke added, I should be cursed-But it cannot be-no, it cannot be. Enter CASH. Cash. You are musing, sir. Kite. I ask your pardon, Cash-ask me not why-I have wronged you, and am sorry-'tis Brain. An appendix to Justice Clement, vulgarly called his clerk. Kite. What are your wants with me? Kite. Do you not want to speak with me? Kite. What are the justice's commands? Brain. He doth not command, but entreats Master Kitely to be with him directly, having matters of some moment to communicate unto him. Kite. What can it be? Say, I'll be with him instantly, and if your legs, friend, go no faster than your tongue, I shall be there before you. Brain. I will. Vale! [Exit. Kite. 'Tis a precious fool, indeed!-I must go forth-But first, come hither, Thomas-I have admitted thee into the close recesses of my heart, and shewed thee all my frailties, passions, every thing. Cash. Believe me, 'tis your fancy's imposition; shut up your generous mind from such intruders -I'll hazard all my growing favour with you; I'll stake my present, my future welfare, that some base whispering knave-nay, pardon me, sir-hath, in the best and richest soil, sown seeds, of rank and evil nature! O, my master, should they take root[Laughing within. Kite. Hark! hark! dost thou not hear! what think'st thou now? Are they not laughing at me? They are, they are. They have deceived the wittol, and thus they triumph in their infamy-But be assured you're heaping care and trouble This aggravation is not to be borne. [Laughing Upon a sandy base; ill-placed suspicion again.] Hark, again !—Cash, do thou, unseen, Recoils upon yourself She's chaste as comely! steal in upon them, and listen to their wanton Believe it, she is-Let your not note your conference. Cash. I shall obey you, though against my will. [Exit. Be careful of thy promise, keep good watch. mour; Disperse the gloom upon your brow, and be hu |