Heart. I doubt I shall be but a very useless | one to you; for I'm so disheartened by this wound Belinda has given me, I don't think I shall have courage enough to draw my sword. Con. O, if that be all, come along; I'll warrant you find sword enough for such enemies as we have to deal withal, [Exeunt.

SCENE III-A street.

civil: It was in defence of my honour, and I demand satisfaction.

2d Watch. I hope your worship will satisfy her honour in Bridewell; that fist of hers will make an admirable hemp-beater.

Sir John. Sir, I hope you will protect me against that libidinous rascal: I am a woman of quality, and virtue too, for all I am in an undress this morning.

Just. Madam, if you expect I should be favou

JOHN.

Const. Come, forsooth, come along, if you please! I once, in compassion, thought to have seen you safe home this morning; but you have been so rampant and abusive all night, I shall see what the justice of peace will say to you. Sir John. And you shall see what I'll say to the justice of peace, sirrah!

[WATCHMAN knocks at the door.

Enter SERVANT.

Const. Is Mr Justice at home?
Ser. Yes.

Const. Pray acquaint his worship we have got an unruly woman here, and desire to know what he'll please to have done with her,

[Exit SERV.

Ser. I'll acquaint my master. Sir John. Hark you, constable, what cuckoldy justice is this?

Const. One that knows how to deal with such romps as you are, I'll warrant you.

Enter JUSTICE.

Just. Well, Mr constable, what is the matter there?

Const. An't please your worship, this here comical sort of a gentlewoman has committed great outrages to-night. She has been frolicking with my lord Rake and his gang; they attacked the watch, and I hear there has been a man killed: I believe 'tis they have done it.

Sir John. Sir, there may have been murder for aught I know; and 'tis a great mercy there has not been a rape, too--that fellow would have ravished me.

2d Watch. Ravish! ravish! O lud! O lud! O lud! Ravish her! Why, please your worship, I heard Mr Constable sav he believed she was little better than a maphrodite.

Just. Why, truly, she does seem a little masculine about the mouth.

2d Watch. Yes, and about the hands too, an't please your worship. I did but offer in mere civility, to help her up the steps into our apartment, and with her gripen fist thus

[SIR JOHN knocks him down. Sir John. Just so, sir, I felled him to the ground like an ox.

Just. Out upon this boisterous woman! Out upon her!

Sir John. Mr Justice, he would have been un

Sir John. Sir, I am any body at your service.
Just. Lady, I desire to know your name?
Sir John. Sir, my name's Mary.

Just. Ay, but your surname, madam? Sir John. Sir, my surname's the very same with my husband's.

Just. A strange woman this! Who is your husband, pray?

Sir John. Sir John.
Just. Sir John who?

Sir John. Sir John Brute.

Just. Is it possible, madam, you can be my lady Brute?

a

Sir John. That happy woman, sir, am I; only little in my merriment to night.

Just. I am concerned for sir John.

Sir John. Truly, so am I.

Just. I have heard he's an honest gentleman. Sir John. As ever drank.

Just. Good lack! Indeed, lady, I'm sorry he has such a wife.

Sir John. I am sorry he has any wife at all. Just. And so perhaps may he--I doubt you have not given him a very good taste of matri

mony.

Sir John. Taste, sir sir, I have scorned to stint him to a taste; I have given him a full meal of it.

Just. Indeed, I believe so. But pray, fair lady, may he have given you any occasion for this extraordinary conduct? does he not use you well? Sir John. A little upon the rough, sometimes. Just. Ay, any man may be out of humour now and then.

Sir John. Sir, I love peace and quiet, and when a woman don't find that at home, she's apt sometimes to comfort herself with a few innocent diversions abroad.

Just. I doubt he uses you but too well. Pray, how does he as to that weighty thing, money? Does he allow you what is proper of that?

Sir John. Sir, I have generally enough to pay the reckoning, if this son of a whore of a drawer would but bring his bill.

Just. A strange woman this!-Does he spend a reasonable portion of his time at home, to the comfort of his wife and children?

Sir John. He never gave his wife cause to repine at his being abroad in his life.

Just. Pray, madam, how may he be in the grand matrimonial point-Is he true to your bed?

Sir John. Chaste! Oons! This fellow asks so many impertinent questions! Igad I believe it is the justice's wife, in the justice's clothes.

Just. Pray, madam, (and then I've done) what may be your ladyship's common method of life, if I may presume so far?

Sir John. Why, sir, much that of a woman of quality.

Just. Pray, how may you generally pass your time, madam? your morning, for example?

-I

Sir John. Sir, like a woman of qualitywake about two o'clock in the afternoon-I stretch-and make a sign for my chocolateWhen I have drank three cups—I slide down again upon my back, with my arms over my head, while my two maids put on my stockings. Then, hanging upon their shoulders, I am trailed to my great chair, where I sit-and yawn-for my breakfast—If it don't come presently, I lie down upon my couch to say my prayers, while my maid reads me the play-bills.

Just. Very well, madam.

Sir John. When the tea is brought in, I drink twelve regular dishes, with eight slices of bread and butter-And half an hour after, I send to the cook to know if the dinner is almost ready.

Just. So! madam!

Sir John. By that time my head is half drest, I hear my husband swearing himself into a state of perdition, that the meat's all cold upon the table; to amend which, I come down in an hour more, and have it sent back to the kitchen, to be all dressed over again.

Just. Poor man!

Sir John. When I have dined, and my idle servants are presumptuously set down at their ease, to do so too, I call for my coach, to go visit dear friends, of whom I hope I never shall find one at home, while I shall live.

Just. So! There's the morning and afternoon pretty well disposed of-Pray, madam, how do you pass your evenings?

Sir John. Like a woman of spirit, sir, a great spirit. Give me a box and dice-Seven's the main, Oons! Sir, I set you a hundred pounds! Why, do you think women are married now adays, to sit at home and mend napkins? Sir, we have nobler ways of passing time.

Just. Mercy upon us, Mr Constable, what will this age come to?

Const. What will it come to, indeed, if such women as these are not set in the stocks?

Sir John. Sir, I have a little urgent business calls upon me; and therefore, I desire the favour of you to bring matters to a conclusion.

Just. Madam, if I were sure that business were not to commit more disorders, I would release you.

Sir John. None--By my virtue. Just. Then, Mr Constable, you may discharge her.

Just. I thank you kindly, madam; but I never drink in a morning. Good-by-t'ye, madam, goodby-t'ye.

Sir John. Good-by-t'ye, good sir. [Exit Justice. So-now, Mr Constable, shall you and I go pick up a whore together?

Const. No, thank you, madam; my wife's enough to satisfy any reasonable man.

Sir John. [Aside. He, he, he, he, he! the fool is married then. Well, you won't go? Const. Not I, truly.

Sir John. Then I'll go by myself; and you and your wife may go to the devil.

[Erit SIR JOHN. [Constable gazing after her.] Why, god-a-mercy, lady! [Exeunt.

SCENE IV.-Spring-Garden.

CONSTANT and HEARTFREE cross the Stage. As they go off, enter LADY FANCIFUL and MADEMOISELLE masked, and dogging them. Con. So; I think we are about the time appointed; Let us walk up this way. [Exeunt.

Lady Fan. Good: Thus far I have dogged them without being discovered. 'Tis infallibly some intrigue that brings them to Spring-Garden. How my poor heart is torn and wrackt with fear and jealousy! Yet let it be any thing but that flirt Belinda, and I'll try to bear it. But if it proves her, all that's woman in me shall be employed to destroy her.

[Exeunt after CONSTANT and HEARTFREE. Re-enter CONSTANT and HEARTFREE. LADY FANCYFUL and MADEMOISELLE still following at a distance.

Con. I see no females yet, that have any thing to say to us. I'm afraid we are bantered. Heart. I wish we were; for I'm in no humour to make either them or myself merry.

Con. Nay, I'm sure you'll make them merry enough, if I tell them why you are dull. But, prithee, why so heavy and sad before you begin to be ill used?

Heart. For the same reason, perhaps, that you are so brisk and well pleased; because both pains and pleasures are generally more considerable in prospect, than when they come to pass. Enter LADY BRUTE and BELINDA, masked, and poorly dressed.

Con. How now! who are these? Not our game, I hope.

Heart. If they are, we are e'en well enough served, to come a hunting here, when we had so much better game in chase elsewhere.

Lady Fan. [to Mademoiselle.] So, those are their ladies without doubt. But I'm afraid that doily stuff is not worn for want of better

clothes. They are the very shape and size of | Belinda and her aunt.

Madem. So dey be inteed, matam. Lady Fan. We'll slip into this close arbour, where we may hear all they say. [Exeunt LADY FANCYFUL and MADEMOISELLE. Lady Brute. What, are you afraid of us, gentlemen?

Heart, Why, truly, I think we may, if appearances don't lie.

Bel. Do you always find women what they appear to be, sir?

Heart. No, forsooth; but I seldom find them better than they appear to be.

Bel. Then the outside's best, you think?
Heart. Tis the honestest.

Con. Have a care, Heartfree; you are relapsing again.

Lady Brute. Why, does the gentleman use to rail at women?

Con. He has done formerly.

Bel. I suppose he had very good cause for it. They did not use you so well, as you thought you deserved, sir.

Lady Brute. They made themselves merry at your expence, sir.

Bel. Laughed, when you sighed.

Lady Brute. Slept, while you were waking.
Bel. Had your porter beat.

Lady Brute, And threw your billet-doux in the fire.

Heart, Hey-day! I shall do more than rail presently.

Bel. Why, you won't beat us, will you?
Heart. I don't know but I may.

Con. What the devil's coming here? Sir John in a gown-And drunk, i'faith.

Enter SIR JOHN.

Sir John. What a pox-here's Constant, Heartfree-and two whores 'egad-O, you covetous rogues! what, have you never a spare punk for your friend?-But I'll share with you.

[He seizes both the women. Heart. Why, what the plague have you been doing, knight?

Sir John. Why, I have been beating the watch, and scandalizing the clergy/

Heart. A very good account, truly. Sir John. And what do you think I'll do next? Con. Nay, that no man can guess. Sir John. Why, if you'll let nie sup I'll treat both your strumpets.

with you,

Lady Brute. [Aside.] O Lord, we're undone. Heart. No, we can't sup together, because we have some affairs elsewhere. But if you'll accept of these two ladies, we'll be so complaisant to you, to resign our right in thein.

Bel. [Aside.] Lord, what shall we do? Sir John. Let me see, their clothes are such damned clothes, they won't pawn for the reckoning.

Heart. Sir John, your servant. Raptures attend you.

Con. Adieu, ladies; make much of the gentleman.

Lady Brute. Why, sure you won't leave us in the bands of a drunken fellow to abuse us!

Sir John. Who do you call a drunken fellow, you slut you? I'm a man of quality; the king has made me a knight.

Heart. Ay, ay, you are in good hands; adieu, adieu. [HEARTFREE runs off. Lady Brute. The devil's hands: Let me go, or I'll-For Heaven's sake, protect us.

[She breaks from him, runs to CONSTANT, twitching off her mask, and clapping it on again.

Sir John. I'll devil you, you jade you. I'll demolish your ugly face.

Re-enter HEARTFREE. BELINDA runs to him, and shews her face.

Heart. Hold, thou mighty man! look ye, sir, we did but jest with you. These are ladies of our acquaintance, that we had a mind to frighten a little, but now you must leave us.

Sir John. Oons, I won't leave you, not I. Heart. Nay, but you must, though; and, therefore, make no words on't.

Sir John. Then, you are a couple of damned uncivil fellows. And I hope your punks will give you sauce to your mutton.

[Exit SIR JOHN. Lady Brute. Oh, I shall never come to myself again, I'm so frightened!

Con. 'Tis a narrow escape, indeed.

Bel. Women must have frolics, you see, whatever they cost them.

Heart. This might have proved a dear one, though.

Lady Brute. You are the more obliged to us for the risk we run upon your accounts.

Con. And I hope you'il acknowledge something due to our knight-errantry, ladies. This is the second time we have delivered you.

Lady Brute. 'Tis true; and since we see fate has designed you for our guardians, 'twill make us the more willing to trust ourselves in your hands. But you must not have the worse opinion of us for our innocent frolic.

Heart. Ladies, you may command our opinions in every thing, that is to your advantage. Bel. Then, sir, I command you to be of opinion, that women are sometimes better than they appear to be.

[LADY BRUTE and CONSTANT talk apart, Heart. Madam, you have made a convert of me in every thing. I'm grown a fool. I could be fond of a woman.

Bel. Now has my vanity a devilish itch to know in what my merit consists.

Heart. In your humility, madam, that keeps you ignorant it consists at all.

Bel. One other compliment, with that serious face, and I hate you for ever after.

Heart. Some women love to be abused: Is it that you would be at?

Bel. No, not that neither: But I'd have men talk plainly what's fit for women to hear; without putting them either to a real, or an affected blush.

Heart. Why, then, in as plain terms as I can find to express myself, I could love you even to matrimony itself a-most, egad.

Lady Brute. But, can a husband's faults release my duty?

Con. In equity, without doubt. And, where laws dispense with equity, equity should dispense with laws.

Lady Brute. Pray, let's leave this dispute; for you men have as much witchcraft in your arguments, as women have in their eyes.

Con. But, whilst you attack me with your charms, 'tis but reasonable I assault you with mine.

Lady Brute. The case is not the same. What mischief we do, we can't help, and therefore are to be forgiven.

Con. Beauty soon obtains pardon for the pain that it gives, when it applies the balm of compassion to the wound: but a fine face, and a hard heart, is almost as bad as an ugly face, and a soft one; both very troublesome to many a poor gentleman.

Heart. With a great many, I must confess it is, to our eternal scandal; but I-dear creature, do but try me!

Bel. That's the surest way, indeed, to know, but not the safest. [To LADY BRUTE.] Madam, are not you for taking a turn in the great walk? It is almost dark, nobody will know us.

Lady Brute. Really, I find myself something idle, Belinda: Besides, I doat upon this little odd private corner. But don't let my lazy fancy confine you.

Con. [Aside. So, she would be left alone with me, that's well.

Bel. Well, we'll take one turn, and come to you again. [To HEARTFREE.] Come, sir, shall we go pry into the secrets of the garden? Who knows what discoveries we may make?

Heart. Madam, I'm at your service.

Con. [To HEARTFREE, Aside.] Don't make too much haste back; for, d'ye hear-I may be busy. Heart. Enough.

[Exeunt BELINDA and HEARTFREE. Lady Brute. Sure you think me scandalously free, Mr Constant; I'm afraid I shall lose your good opinion of me.

Con. My good opinion, madam, is like your cruelty, ne'er to be removed.

Lady Brute. Indeed, I doubt you much: why, suppose you had a wife, and she should entertain a gallant?

Con. If I gave her just cause, how could I justly condemn her?

Lady Brute. Ah! but you differ widely about just causes.

Con. But blows can bear no dispute. Lady Brute. Nor ill manners much, truly. Con. Then no woman upon earth has so just a cause as you have.

Con. Your glass and conscience will inform you, madam. But, for Heaven's sake, (for now I must be serious) if pity, or if gratitude can move you; [Taking her hand.]-If constancy and truth have power to tempt you; if love, if adoration can affect you, give me at least some hopes, that time may do, what you, perhaps, mean never to perform; 'twill ease my sufferings, though not quench my flame.

Lady Brute. Your sufferings eased, your flame would soon abate: and that I would preserve, not quench it, sir.

Con. Would you preserve it, nourish it with favours: for that's the food it naturally requires. Lady Brute. Yet on that natural food 'twould surfeit soon, should I resolve to grant all you would ask.

Con. And in refusing all, you starve it. Forgive me, therefore, since my hunger rages, if I at last grow wild, and in my frenzy force at least this from you. [Kissing her hand.] Or, if you would have my flame soar higher still, then grant me this, and this, and thousands more; [Kissing first her hand, then her neck.] [Aside.] For now's the time she melts into compassion.wal

Lady Brute. O Heavens! let me go. Witive how it shang Con. Aye, go, aye: where shall we go, my charming angel-into this private arbour-nay, let's lose no time-moments are precious.

Lady Brute. And lovers wild. Pray, let us stop here; at least for this time.

Con. 'Tis impossible: he, that has power over you, can have none over himself.

[As he is forcing her into the arbour, LADY
FANCIFUL and MADEMOISELLE bolt out up-
on them, and run over the stage.
Lady Brute. Ah, I'm lost!
Lady Fan. Fe, fe, fe, fe, fe!
Madem. Fe, fe, fe, fe, fe!

Madem. C'est que le mari n'y est pas. Lady Fan. No, so I believe, truly. But he shall be there, and quickly, too, if I can find him out. Well, 'tis a prodigious thing, to see when men and women get together, how they fortify one another in their impudence. But if that drunken fool, her husband, be to be found in e'er a tavern in town, I'll send him amongst them; I'll spoil their sport.

Madem. En vérité, madame, ce seroit domage. Lady Fan. 'Tis in vain to oppose it, mademoiselle; therefore, never go about it. For I am the steadiest creature in the world, when I have determined to do mischief. So, come along.

[Exeunt.

SCENE II.-SIR JOHN BRUTE's house.

Enter CONSTANT, HEARTFREE, LADY BRUTE, BELINDA, and LOVEWELL.

Lady Brute. But are you sure you don't mistake, Lovewell?

Love. Madam, I saw them all go into the tavern together, and my master was so drunk he could scarce stand.

Lady Brute. Then, gentlemen, I believe we may venture to let you stay, and play at cards with us, an hour or two: for they'll scarce part, till morning.

Bel. I think, 'tis pity they should ever part. Con. The company that's here, madam? Lady Brute. Then, sir, the company, that's here, must remember to part itself in time.

Con. Madam, we don't intend to forfeit your future favours by an indiscreet usage of this.

The moment you give us the signal, we sha'ut fail to make our retreat.

Lady Brute. Upon those conditions, then, let us sit down to cards.

Enter LOVEWELL.

Love. O Lord, madam! here's my master just staggering in upon you; he has been quarrelsome, yonder, and they have kicked him out of the company.

Lady Brute. Into the closet, gentlemen, for Heaven's sake! I'll wheedle him to bed, if possible.

[CONSTANT and HEARTFREE run into the closet.

Enter SIR JOHN, all dirt and bloody. Lady Brute. Ah-ah-he's all over blood! Sir John. What the plague does the woman squall for? Did you never see a man in pickle before?

Lady Brute. Lord, where have you been?
Sir John. I have been at-cuffs.

Lady Brute. I fear that is not all. I hope you are not wounded?

Sir John. Sound as a roach, wife.

Lady Brute. I'm mighty glad to hear it.

Sir John. You know I think you lie.

Lady Brute. You do me wrong to think so. For, Heaven's my witness, I had rather see my own blood trickle down, than yours.

Sir John. Then will I be crucified. Lady Brute. 'Tis a hard fate 1 should not be believed.

Sir John. 'Tis a damned atheistical age, wife. Lady Brute. I am sure I have given you a thousand tender proofs, how great my care is of you. But, spite of all your cruel thoughts, I'll still persist, and, at this moment, if I can, persuade you to lie down and sleep a little.

Sir John. Why, do you think I am drunk, you slut, you?

Lady Brute. Heaven forbid I should: but I am afraid you are feverish. Pray, let me feel your pulse.

Sir John. Stand off, and be damned !

Lady Brute. Why, I see your distemper in