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your very eyes. You are all on fire. Pray, go fare cool, you will understand reason better. So, to bed ; let me intreat you.
then, I shall take the pains to inforın you. If Sir John. Come, kiss me, then.
not-I wear a sword, sir, and so good-bye-t'ye. Lady Brute. (Kissing him.]— There : now go. Come along, Heartfree. - Aside. He stinks like poison !
TEreunt CONSTANT and HEARTFREE. Sir John. I see it goes damnably against your Sir John. Wear a sword, sir!-and what of all stomach. And therefore--kiss me again. ? that, sir? he comes to my house; eats my meat;
Lady Brute. Nay, now you fool me. . lies with my wife; dishonours my family; gets a Sir John. Do it, I say.
bastard to inherit my estate--and when I ask a Lady Brute. Aside. Ah, Lord have. mercy civil account of all this--sir, says he, I wear a upon me! Well; there : now, will you go? sword-wear a sword, sir? Yes, sir, says he, I
Sir John. Now, wife, you shall see my grati- wear a sword. It may be a good answer to tude. You gave me two kisses-I'll give you cross purposes; but 'tis a damined une to a man two hundred.
in my whimsical circumstances-sir, says he, I [Kisses and tumbles her, wear a sword ! [TO LADY BRUTE.) And what Lady Brute. O Lord ! pray, sir John, be quiet. do you wear, now? ha! tell me.- Sitting down Heavens, what a pickle am I in!
in a great chair. What, you are modest, and Bel. [Aside.)-If I were in her pickle, I would can't—why, then, I'll tell you, you slut, you. You call my gallant out of the closet, and he should wear-an impudent lewd face-a damned, decudgel him soundly.
signing heart--and a tail—and a tail fall of Sir John. So, now, you being as dirty and as
[He falls fast asleep, snoring. nasty as myself, we may go pig together. But Lady Brute. So; thanks to kind Heaven, he's first, I must have a cup of your cold tea, wife. fast for some hours.
[Going to the closet. Bel. 'Tis well he is so, that we may have time Lady Brute. Oh, I am ruined! There's none to lay our story handsomely; for we must lie like there, my dear.
.! the devil to bring ourselves off. Sir John. I'll warrant you, I'll find soine, my Lady Brute. What shall we say, Belinda ? dear.
Bel. [Musing.) I'll tell you : it must all light Lady Brute. You can't open the door, the upon Heartfree and me. We'll say he has courtlock's spoiled; I have been turning and turning ed me some time, but, for reasons unknown to the key, this half hour, to no purpose. I'll send us, has ever been very earnest the thing might be for the smith to-morrow,
| kept from sir John. That, therefore, hearing Sir John. There's ne'er a smith in Europe can him upon the stairs, he run into the closet, open a door with more expedition than I can do though against our will, and Constant with him, -as for example—now.- (He bursts open the to prevent jealousy. And, to give this a good door with his foot. How now! what the devil impudent face of truth, (that I may deliver you have we got here? Constant!-Heartfree! from the trouble you are in) I'll even, if he and two whores again, l'gad !--this is the worst pleases, marry him. cold tea that ever I met with in my life
Lady Brute. I am beholden to you, cousin ;
but that would be carrying the jest a little too Enter CONSTANT and HEARTFREE.
far, for vour own sake : you know he's a younger Lady Brute. (Aside.]-0 Lord, what will be brother, and has nothing come of us?
Bel. 'Tis true : but I like him, and have forSir John. Gentlemen, I am your very humble tune enough to keep above extremity : I can't servant-I give you many thanks-I see you take say, I would live with him in a cell, upon love, care of my family-I shall do all I can to return and bread and butter : but I had rather have the the obligation.
man I love, and a middle state of life, than that Con. Sir, how oddly soever this business may / gentleman in the chair, there, and twice your laappear to you, you would have no cause to be dysbio's splendour. uneasy, if you knew the truth of all things; your Lady Brute. In truth, niece, you are in the lady is the most virtuous ivoman in the world, right on't : but 'tis late: let's end our discourse and nothing has past but an innocent frolic. for to-night, and, out of an excess of charity, take
Heart. Nothing else, upon my honour, sir. | a small care of that nasty drunken thing there
Sir John. You are both very civil gentlemen— do bat look at him, Belinda. and my wife, there, is a very civil gentlewoman; | Bel. Ah, 'tis å satoury dish! therefore, I don't doubt but many civil things Lady Brute. As savoury as 'tis, I am cloyed have past between you. Your very humble ser- with it. Prithec, call the batler to take awayvant.
Bel. Call the butler! call the scavenger! | To Lady Brute. (Aside to CONSTANT.] Pray be a servant within.] Who's there? Call Razor! gone : he's so drunk he can't burt us to-night, Let him take away his master, scour him clean and to-morrow morning you shall hear from us. with a little soap and sand, and so put him to
Con. I'll obey you, madam. Sir, when you bed. Vol. II.
Lady Brute. Come, Belinda, I'll e'en lie with CR
| [Razor peeps in ; and, seeing Lady Fanciful you to-night : and, in the morning, we'll send for
gone, runs to MadeMOISELLE, takes her about our gentlemen, to set this matter even.
the neck, and kisses her.] Bel. With all my heart. Lady Brute. Good night, my dear.
Madem. How now, confidence ! [Making a low courtesy to Sir John. Raz. How now, modesty ! Both. Ha, ha, ha!
Madem. Who make you so familiar, sirrah? | Ereunt LADY BRUTE and BELINDA. Raz. My impudence. hussy.
Madem. Stand off, rogue face!
Raz. Ah, mademoiselle! great news at our
house. Raz. My lady there's a wag my master Madem. Why, vat be de matter? there's a cuckold. Marriage is a slippery thing! Raz. The matter? why, uptails all's the mat-women have depraved appetites—my lady's a wag; I have heard all; I have seen all; I un Madem. Tu te mocque de moi. derstand all; and I'll tell all; for my little Raz. Now, do you long to know the particuFrenchwoman loves news dearly. This story | lars : the time when : the place where: the manwill gain her heart, or nothing will. To his mas- ner how. But I won't tell you a word more. ter. Come, sir, your head's too full of fumes at Madem. Nay, den dou kill me, Razor. present, to make room for your jealousy; but I Raz. Come, kiss me, then. reckon we shall have rare work with you, when
[Clapping his hands behind. your pate's empty. Come to your kennel, you Madem. Nay, pridee tell me. cuckoldy, drunken sot, you.
(Going. [Curries him out on his back. Madem. Hold, hold : I will kiss dee.
Raz. So, that's civil: why now, my pretty SCENE III.-Lady Fanciful's house. poll; my goldfinch; my little waterwagtail-you
must know, that-come, kiss me again. Enter LADY FANCIFUL and MADEMOISELLE.
Madem. I won't kiss de no more.
[Going. Lady Fan. But, why did you not tell me be Madem. Douceinent; dere; es tu content? fore, mademoiselle, that Razor and you were
[Kissing him. fond ?
Raz. So: now I'll tell thee all. Why, the Madem. De modesty hinder me, matam. news is, that cuckoldom, in folio, is newly print
Lady Fan. Why, truly, modesty does often ed; and matrimony, in quarto, is just going into hinder us from doing things, we have an extrava the press. Will you buy any books, mademoigant mind to. But does he love you well enough selle? yet, to do any thing you bid him? Do you think, Madem. Tu parle comme un libraire; de de to oblige you, he would speak scandal ?
vil no understand dee. Madem. Matam, to oblige your ladyship, he | Raz. Why, then, that I may make myself inshall speak blasphemy.
telligible to a waiting-woman, I'll speak like a Lady Fan. Why, then, mademoiselle, I'll tell valet de chambre. My lady bas cuckolded my you what you shall do. You shall engage him to master. teil his master all that past at Spring Garden : | Madem. Bon. I have a mind he should know what a wife and a Raz. Which we take very ill from her hands, niece he has got.
I can tell her that. We can't yet prove matter Miadem. Il le fera, madame.
of fact upon her.
Madem. N'importe. Enter a Footman, who speaks to MadEMOISELLE
Raz. But we can prove, that matter of fact
had like to have been upon her. apart.
Madem. Ouy-da. Foot. Mademoiselle, yonder's Mr Razor de Raz. For we have such terrible circumstances sires to speak with you.
Madem. Sans doute. Madem. Tell him, I come presently. [Erit Raz. That any man of parts may draw tickling Footman.7 Razor be dere, matam.
conclusions from them. Lady Fan. That's fortunate : well, I'll leave Madem. Fort bien. you together. And if you find him stubborn, Raz. We found a couple of tight, well-built mademoiselle-hark you-don't refuse him a few gentlemien, stuft into her ladyship's closet. little reasonable liberties, to put him into hu Madem. Le diable ! mour.
Raz. And I, in my particular person, have disMadem. Laissez moi faire.
covered a most damnable plot, how to persuade [E.rit LADY FANCIFUL. my poor master, that all this hide and seek, this
Will in the Wisp, has no other meaning than a | Madem. No, only tell dy master, all I have christian marriage for sweet Mrs Belinda. tell dee of dy laty. Madem. Une marriage? Ah les droless!
Raz. Why, you little malicious strumpet, you; Raz. Don't you interrupt me, hussy ; 'tis should you like to be served so? agreed, I say. And my innocent lady, to wriggle Madem. Dou dispute den ?-Adieu. herself out at the back-door of the business, Raz. Hold_ But why wilt thou make me be turns marriage-bawd to her niece, and resolves such a rogue, my dear? to deliver up her fair body, to be tumbled and Maden. Voilà un vrai Anglois ! il est mumbled by that young liquorish whipster, amoureux, et cependant, il veut raisonner. Va Heartfree. Now, are you satisfied ?
t'en au diable ! Madem. No.
Raz. Hold once more : In hopes thou'lt give Raz. Right woman; always gaping for more. | me up thy body, I'll make thee a present of my Madem. Dis be all den, dąt you know? honesty. Raz. All? Ay, and a great deal too, I think. Madem. Bon, écoute donc;-If dou fail meMadem. Dou be fool, doų know noting. I never see de more --if dou obey me- Je Ecoute, mon pauvre Razor. Dou sees des two m'abandonne a toy à toy. She takes him about eyes? --Des two eyes have see de devil.
the neck, and gives him a smacking kiss.] Raz. The woman's mad.
[Erit MADEMOISELLE. Madem. In Spring-Garden, dat rogue Con Raz. (Licking his lips.] Not be a rogue ?stant meet dy lady.
Amor vincit omnia.
[Erit Razor. Raz. Bon. Madem. I'll tell dee no more.
Enter LADY FANCIFUL and MADEMOISELLE, Raz. Nay, prithee, my swan.
Lady Fan. Marry, say ye? Will the two Mudem. Come, kiss me den.
things marry? [Clapping her hands behind her, as he did before.] Madem. On le ya faire, madame. Raz. I won't kiss you, not I.
Lady Fan. Look you, madeinoiselle, in short, Madem. Adieu !
[Going. I can't bear it-No; I find I can't-If once I Raz. Hold-Now proceed.
see them a-bed together I shall have ten thou(Gives her a hearty kiss. sand thoughts in my head will make me run disMadem. A çà-I hide myself in one cunning tracted. Therefore, run and call Razor back place, where I hear all, and see all. First, dy immediately; for something must be done to drunken master come mal à propos; but de sot stop this inpertinent wedding. If I can but defer no know his own dear wife, so he leave her it four and twenty hours, I'll make such work sport.—Den de game begin. De loyer say soft about town, with that little pert slut's reputation, ting: De lady look upon de ground. [As she he shall as soon marry a witch. speaks, Razor still acts the man, and she the Madem. (Aside.] La voilà bien intentionée. woman.) He take her by de hand : She turn her
(Exeunt. head on oder way. Den he squeeze very hard : Den she pull-very softly. Den he take her in SCENE IV.-Constant's lodgings. his arm : Den she give him leetel pat. Den he kiss her.' Den she say-pish, nay fee. Den he
Enter Constant and HEARTFREE. tremble : Den she sigh. Den he pull her into | Con, But what dost think will become of this de arbour: Den she pinch him.
business? Raz. Ay, but not so hard, you baggage you. | Heart. 'Tis easier to think what will not come
Madem. Den he grow bold : she grow weak, of it. he tro her down, il tombe dessu, le diable Con. What's that? assist, il emport tout; [Razor struggles with Heart. A challenge. I know the knight too her, as if he would throw her down.] stand off, well for that; his dear body will always prevail sirrah!
| upon his noble soul to be quiet. Raz. You have set me a-fire, you jade, you. Con. But though he dare not challenge me, Madem. Den go to de river, and quench dy- perhaps he may venture to challenge his wife.
Heart. Not if you whisper him in the ear, Raz. What an unnatural harlot this!
you won't have him do't; and there's no other Madem. Razor.
way left that I see. For as drunk as he was, Looking languishingly on him. he'll remember you and I were where we should Raz. Mademoiselle !
not be; and I don't think him quite blockhead Mudem. Dou no love me?
enough yet, to be persuaded we were got into Raz. Not love thee?- More than a French- his wife's closet only to peep into her prayerman does soup.
book. Madem. Den dou will refuse nothing dat I bid dee?
Enter a Serdant, with a letter. Raz. Don't bid me be damned then.
Sero. Sir, here's a letter; a porter brought it.
Con. O ho! here's instructions for us. [Reads. | ury itself could clothe me with, I still should
envy you. « The accident, that has happened, has touched Heart. And justly, too; for to be capable of ‘our invention to the quick. We would fain | loving one. doubtless, is better than to possess a • come off without your help; but find that's im- thousand. But how far that capacity's in me, possible. In a word, the whole business must lajat
alas, I know not. • be thrown upon a matrimonial intrigue between
Con. But you would know. 'your friend and mine. But if the parties are
Hea not fond enough to go quite through with the
Con. Matrimony will inform you. Come, one “matter, 'tis suficient for our turn, they own the fight of resolution carries you to the land of design. We'll find pretences enough to break
experience; where, in a very moderate time, the match.
Adieu. | you'll know the capacity of your soul and - Well, women for invention ! How long your body both, or I'm mistaken.” [Exeunt. would my block head have been producing this! Hey, Heartfree. What, musing, man? Prithee SCENE V.—Sir John BRUTE's house. be cheerful: What say'st thou, friend, to this matrimonial remedy?
Enter Lady BRUTE and Belinda. Heart. Why, I say, it's worse than the dis-Bel, Well, madam, what answer have you from ease.
them? Con. Here's a fellow for you! There's beauty Lady Brute. That they'll be here this moment. and money on her side: and love up to the ears I fancy 'twill end in a wedding : I'm sure he's a on his : And yet
fool, if it don't. Ten thousand pounds, and such Heart. And yet, I think, I may reasonably a lass as you are, is no contemptible offer to a be allowed to boggle at marrying the niece in younger brother. But are you not under strange the very moment that you are debauching the agitations? Prithee, how does your pulse beat? aunt.
Bel. High and low; I have much ado to be Con. Why, truly, there may be something in valiant : Is it not very strange to go to bed with that. But have not you a good opinion enough a man? of your own parts, to believe you could keep a Lady Brute. Um-it is a little odd at first, but wife to yourself?
it will soon grow easy to you. Heart. I should have, if I had a good opipion enough of bers, to believe she could do as
Enter CONSTANT and HEARTFREE. much by me. For, to do them right, after all, the Good-morrow, gentlemen ! How have you slept wife seldom rambles, till the husband shews her after your adventure ? the way.
Heart. Some careful thoughts, ladies, on your Con. 'Tis true, a man of real worth scarce accounts, have kept us waking. ever is a cuckold, but by his own fault. Women Bel. And some careful thoughts on your own, are not naturally lewd; there must be some- I believe, have hindered you from sleeping. Pray, thing to urge them to it. They'll cuckold a how does this matrimonial project relish with churl, out of revenge ; a fool, because they yon? despise him ; a beast, because they loath Heart. Why, faith, even as storming towns him. But, when they make bold with a man does with soldiers, where the hopes of delicious they once had a well-grounded value for, plunder banishes the fear of being knocked on ?tis, because they first see themselves negleeted the head. by him.
| Bel. Is it then possible, after all, that you dare Heart. Well then, shall I marry, or die a think of downright lawful wedlock? maid?
| Heart. Madam, you have made me so foolCon. Why faith, Heartfree, matrimony is like bardy, I dare do any thing. an army going to engage, Love's the forlorn Bel. Then, sir, I challenge you; and matrimohope, which is soon cut off; the marriage knotny's the spot, where I expect you. is the main body, which may stand buff a Heart.' 'Tis enough; i'll not fail [ Aside. So, long long time; and repentance is the rear now, I am in for Hobbe's voyage; a great leap guard, which rarely gives ground, as long as the in the dark. main body has a being.
| Lady Brute. Well, gentlemen, this matter beHeart. Conclusion, then; you advise me to ing concluded, then, have you got your lessons reawhore on as you do.
dy; for sir John is grown such an atheist of late, Con. That's not concluded yet. For though mar- he'll believe nothing upon easy termis? riage be a lottery, in which there are a wond- Con. We'll find ways to extend his faith, maous many blanks; yet there is one inestimable dam. But, pray, how do you find him this mornlot, in which the only heaven on earth is writ- / ing? ten. Would your kind fate but guide your hand Lady Brute. Most lamentably morose, chewto that, though I were wrapt in all, that lux- / ing the cud after last night's discovery; of which, however, he has but a confused notion even now, but that's past, and I have her. And now, what But I'm afraid the valet de chambre has told him shall I do with her ?-If I put my horns into my all; for they are very busy together at this mo pocket, she'll grow insolent-if I don't, that goat ment. When I told him of Belinda's marriage, there, that stallion, is ready to whip me through I had no other answer but a grunt: From which you the guts-The debate, then, is reduced to this may draw what conclusions you think fit.-But to shall I die a hero, or live a rascal ?—Why, wiser your notes, gentlemen, he's here..
men than I have long since concluded, that a li
ving dog is better than a dead lion. To Con. Enter Sir John and Razor.
and HEART.] Gentlemen, now my wine and my Con. Good-morrow, sir.
passion are governable; I must own, I never obHeart. Good-morrow, sir John; I'm very sor served any thing in my wife's course of life, to ry my indiscretion should cause so much disorder back me in my jealousy of her : But jealousy's a in your family.
mark of love; so she need not trouble her head Sir John. Disorders generally come from in about it, as long as I make no more words oa't. discretion, sir ; 'tis no strange thing at all. Lady Brute. I hope, my dear, you are satisfi
aristin | LADY FANCYFUL enters disguised, and addresses ed there was no wrong intended you.
BELINDA aside. Sir John. None, my dove.
Con. I'ın glad to see your reason rule at last. Bel. If not, I hope my consent to marry Mr Give me your hand : I hope you'll look upon me Heartfree will convince you. For as little as I as you are wont, know of amours, sir, I can assure you, one in- Sir John. Your humble servant.-Aside,] A trigue is enough to bring four people together, wheedling son of a whore! . without further mischief,
Heart. And that I may be sure you are friends Sir John. And I know, too, that intrigues tend with me, too, pray give me your consent to wed to procreation of more kinds than one. One in- your niece. trigue will beget another, as soon as beget a son Sir John. Sir, you have it with all my heart : or a daughter.
Damn me if you han't.-[Aside.] 'Tis time to get Con. I am very sorry, sir, to see you still seem rid of her. A young pert pimp: she'll make an unsatisfied with a lady, whose more than common incomparable bawd in a little time. virtue, I am sure, were she my wife, should meet a better usage.
Enter a servant, who gives HEARTFREE a letter, Sir John. Sir, if her conduct has put a trick 1. Bel. Heartfree your husband, say you? 'Tis upon her virtue, ber virtue's the bubble, but her impossible! husband's the loser.
Lady Fan. Would to kind Heaven it were ! Con. Sir, you have received a sufficient answer But 'tis too true; and in the world there lives already, to justify both her conduct and mine. not such a wretch. I'm young; and, either I have You'll pardon me for meddling in your family been flattered by my friends, as well as glass, or affairs; but I perceive I am the man you are jea nature has been kind and generous to me. I had lous of, and therefore it concerns me.
a fortune, too, was greater far than he could ever Sir John. Would it did not concern me! and hope for; but with my heart I am robbed of all then I should not care who it concerned.
the rest. I am slighted and I'm beggared both at Con. Well, sir, if truth and reason won't con- once : I have scarce a bare subsistence from the tent you, I know but one way more, which, if | villain, yet dare complain to none; for he has you think fit, you may take.
sworn, if ever 'tis known I am his wife, he'll murSir John. Lord, sir, you are very hasty: If I der me.
[Weeping had been found at prayers in your wife's closet, I should have allowed you twice as much time to Lady Fan. I accidentally was told he courted come to yourself in.
you : Charity soon prevailed upon me to prevent Con. Nay, sir, if time be all you want, we have your misery: And, as you see, I'm still so geneno quarrel.
rous, even to him, as not to suffer he should do Heurt. I told you how the sword would work any thing, for which the law might take away his upon him. Sir John muses. | life.
[Weeping. Con. Let him muse : however, I'll lay fifty Bel. Poor creature ! How I pity her! pounds our foreman brings us in, not guilty.
[They continue talking aside, Sir John (Aside.] 'Tis well—'tis very well-In Heart. Aside.] Death and damnation ! spite of that young jade's matrimonial intrigue, I Let me read it again. [Reads.] 'Though I have am a downright stinking cuckold-Here they are a particular reason not to let you know who I
Boo- Putting his hand to his forehead.) Me- am till I see you; yet you'll easily believe 'tis thinks I could butt with a bull. What the plague a faithful friend, that gives you this advice. I did I marry her for. I knew she did not like have lain with Belinda.'' (Good! I have a child me; if she had, she would have lain with me; by her,' (Better and better!) which is now at for I would have done so, because I liked her; 1 nurse;' (Heaven be praised !) and I think the