cards-now, sir, in Madame's adjacent lodgings, there happened to be the self-same number of ladies, after the fatigue of a ballet, diverting themselves with ratifia and the spleen; so dull, they were not able to talk, though it were scandalously, even of their best friends. So, sir, after a profound silence, at last, one of them gaped -Oh, gad! says she, would that pleasant dog, Clody, were here, to badiner a little! hey! says a second, and stretched—Ah, mon dieu ! says a third, and waked-Could not one find him? says a fourth, and leered—Oh, burn him, says a fifth, I saw him go out with the nasty rakes of the blood again-in a pet-did you so? says a sixth. | Pardie! we'll spoil that gang presently-in a passion. Whereupon, sir, in two minutes, I received a billet in four words- Chien, nous vous demandons; subscribed, Grandmont, Bongrace, Bellegrade, L'Esprit, Bombard, and Hautenbas. Cha. Why, these are the very names of the princes you supped with.

Clo. Every soul of them the individual wife or sister of every man in the company, split me! ha, ha, ba!

Cha. & Ant. Ha, ha!

San. Did ever two old gudgeons swallow so greedily? [Aside. Ant. Well, and didst thou make a night on't, boy?

Clo. Yes, e'rad, and morning too, sir; for about eight o'clock the next day, slap they all soused upon their knees, kissed round, burned their commodes, drank my health, broke their glasses, and so parted.

Ant. Gad-a-mercy, Clody! Nay, 'twas always a wild young rogue!

Cha. I like him the better for't--he's a pleasant one, I'm sure.

Ant. Well, the rogue gives him a rare account of his travels.

Clo. E'gad, sir, I have a cure for the spleen. Ab, ha! I know how to wriggle myself into a lady's favour-give me leave when you please, sir. Cha. Sir, you shall have it this momentfaith, like him-you remember the conditions, sir; three parts of your estate to him and his heirs.

Ant. Sir, he deserves it all; 'tis not a trifle shall part them. You see Charles has given over the world: I'll undertake to buy his birth-right for a shelf of new books.

Cha. Aye, aye; get you the writings ready, with your other son's hand to them; for, unless he signs, the conveyance is of no validity.

Ant. I know it, sir-they shall be ready with his hand in two hours.

Cha. Why, then, come along, my lad; and now I'll shew thee to my daughter.

Clo. I dare be shown, sir-Allons! Hey, suivons l'amour. [Exeunt all but SANCHO. Sun. How! my poor master to be disinherited, for monsieur Sa-sa, there, and I a looker on

Enter DON LEWIS.

D. Lew. Sancho, where's my boy Charles? What, is he at it Is he at it? Deep- deep-I warrant him-Sancho-a little peep now-one peep at him, through the key-hole-I must have

a peep.

San. Have a care, sir, he's upon a magical point.

D. Lew. What, has he lost any thing? San. Yes, sir, he has lost, with a vengeance. D. Lew. But what, what, what, what, sirrah! what is't?

Sun. Why, his birth-right, sir; he is di-didis-disinherited. [Sobbing. D. Lew. Ha! how! when! what!" where! who! what dost thou mean?

San. His brother, sir, is to marry Angelina, the great heiress, to enjoy three parts of his father's estate; and my master is to have a whole acre of new books, for setting his hand to the conveyance.

D. Lew. This must be a lie, sirrah; I will have it a lie.

San. With all my heart, sir; but here comes my old master, and the pickpocket the lawyer they'll tell you more.

Enter ANTONIO, and a Lawyer.

Ant. Here, sir, this paper has your full instructions: pray, be speedy, sir; I don't know but we may couple them to-morrow; be sure you make it firm.

Law. Do you secure his hand, sir, I defy the law to give him his title again.

D. Lew. Very angry.

Ant. Hi, hi, hi! At what, brother?

[Mimicking him. D. Lew. Why, at a very wise settlement I have made lately.

Ant. What settlement, good brother? I find he has heard of it. [Aside.

D. Lew. What do you think I have done? I have this deep head of mine has-disinherited my elder son, because his understanding is an honour to my family; and given it all to my younger, because he's a puppy-a puppy.

Ant. Come, I guess at your meaning, brother. D. Lew. Do you so, sir? Why, then, I must tell you, flat and plain, my boy Charles must, and shall inherit it.

Ant. I say no, unless Charles had a soul to value his fortune. What! he should manage eight thousand crowns a year out of the metaphysics? astronomy should look to my vineyards; Horace should buy off my wines; tragedy should kill my mutton; history should cut down my hay; Homer should get in my corn; Tityre tu patula look to my sheep; and geometry bring my harvest home! Hark you, brother, do you know what learning is?

D. Lew. What if I don't, sir? I believe it's a fine thing, and that's enough-though I can speak no Greek, I love and honour the sound of it, and Charles speaks it loftily; E'gad, he thunders it out, sir: and let me tell you, sir, if you had ever the grace to have heard but six lines of Hesiod, or Homer, or Iliad, or any of the Greek poets, od's-heart! would have made your hair stand on end; sir, he has read such things in my hearing

Ant. But did you understand them, brother? D. Lew. I tell you, no. What does that signify! The very sound's sufficient comfort to an honest man.

Ant. Fie, fie! I wonder you talk so, you that are old, and should understand.

D. Lew. Should, sir! Yes, and do, sir. Sir, I'd have you to know, I have studied, I have run over history, poetry, philosophy.

Ant. Yes, like a cat over a harpsichord, rare music You have read catalogues, I believe. Come, come, brother, my younger boy is a fine gentleman.

D. Lew. A sad dog-I'll buy a prettier fellow in a pennyworth of ginger-bread.

Ant. What I propose, I'll do, sir, say you your pleasure-here comes one I must talk with-well, brother, what news?

Enter CHARINO.

Cha. Oh, to our wishes, sir! Clody's a right bait for a girl, sir; a budding, sprightly fellow : she's a little shy at first; but I gave him his cue,

and the rogue does so whisk, and frisk, and sing, and dance her about! Odsbud, he plays like a greyhound. Noble Don Lewis, I am your humble servant. Come, what say you? Shall I prevail with you to settle some part of your estate upon young Clody.

D. Lew. Clody!

Cha. Aye, your nephew, Clody.
D. Lew. Settle upon him!
Cha. Aye.

D. Lew. Why, look you, I ha'nt much land to spare; but I have an admirable horse-pondI'll settle that upon him, if you will.

Ant. Come, let him have his way, sir; he's old and hasty; my estate's sufficient. How does your daughter, sir?

Cha. Ripe, and ready, sir, like a blushing rose; she only waits for the pulling.

Ant. Why, then, let to-morrow be the day. Cha. With all my heart; get you the writings ready, my girl shall be here in the morning.

D. Lew. Hark you, sir, do you suppose my Charles shall

Cha. Sir, I suppose nothing; what I'll do, I'll justify; what your brother does, let him answer. Ant. That I have already, sir, and so good morrow to your patience, brother.

D. Lew. Sancho! San. Sir?

[Exit ANTONIO.

D. Lew. Some gun-powder, I say-a barrel— quickly-and, d'ye hear, three pennyworth of ratsbane; hey! aye, I'll blow up one, and poison the other.

San. Come, sir, I see what you would be at; and if you dare take my advice, (I don't want wit at a pinch, sir) e'en let me try, if I can fire my master enough with the praises of the young lady, to make him rival his brother; that would blow them up, indeed, sir.

D. Lew. Psha! impossible; he never spoke six words to any woman in his life, but his bed-maker.

San. So much the better, sir; therefore, if he speaks at all, its the more likely to be out of the road. Hark, he rings !-I must wait upon him.

[Exit SANCHO.

D. Lew. These damned old rogues! I can't look my poor boy in the face: but come, Charles; let them go on; thou shalt not want money to buy thee books, yet-that old fool, thy father, and his young puppy, shall not share a groat of mine be tween them; nay, to plague them, I could find in my heart to fall sick in a pét, give thee my estate in a passion, and leave the world in a fury.

[Exit.

SCENE I.

Enter ANTONIO and SANCHO. Ant. SIR, he shall have what's fit for him. San. No inheritance, sir!

Ant. Enough to give him books, and a moderate maintenance: that's as much as he cares for; you talk like a fool, a coxcomb; trouble him with land

San. Must master Clodio have all, sir?

Ant. All, all; he knows how to use it; he's a man bred in this world; t'other in the skies, his business is altogether above stairs; [bell rings.] go, see what he wants.

Well, sir, in the first place, can you procure me a plentiful dinner for about fifty, within two hours? Your young master is to be married this morning; will that spur you, sir?

Cook. Young master, sir! I wish your honour had given me a little more warning.

Ant. Sir, you have as much as I had: I was not sure of it half an hour ago.

Cook. Sir, I will try what I can do-hey, Pedro! Gusman! Come, stir, ho!

[Exit Cook. Ant. Butler, open the cellar to all good fellows; if any man offers to sneak away sober, knock him down! [Exeunt. CARLOS alone in his study. [A noise of chopping within.]

Car. What a perpetual noise these people make! my head is broken with several noises, and in every corner. I have forgot to eat and sleep, with reading; all my faculties turn into study. What a misfortune 'tis in human nature, that the body will not live on that, which feeds the mind! How unprofitable a pleasure is eating!-Sancho!

Enter SANCHO.

[Chopping again.

San. Did you call, sir? Car. Prithee, what noise is this? San. The cooks are hard at work, sir, chopping herbs, and mincing meat, and breaking marrow-bones.

Car. And is it thus at every dinner? San. No, sir; but we have high doings todav.

Car. Well, set this folio in its place again; then make me a little fire, and get a manchet; I'll dine alone-Does my younger brother speak any Greek yet, Sancho?

San. No, sir, but he spits French like a magpie, and that's more in fashion.

Car. He steps before me there; I think I read it well enough to understand it; but, when I am to give it utterance, it quarrels with my tongue. Again that noise! Prithee tell me, Sancho, are there any princes to dine here?

San. Some there are as happy as princes, sir; your brother's married to-day.

Car. What of that? might not six dishes serve them? I never have but one, and eat of that but sparingly.

San. Sir, all the country round is invited; not a dog that knows the house, but comes, too: all open, sir.

Car. Prithee, who is it my brother marries? San. Old Charino's daughter, sir, the great heiress; a delicate creature; young, soft, smooth, fair, plump, and ripe as a cherry-and, they say, modest too.

Car. That's strange; prithee, how do these modest women look? I never yet conversed with any but my own mother; to me, they ever were but shadows, seen and unregarded.

San. Ah, would you saw this lady, sir! she would draw you farther than your Archimedes; she has a better secret than any's in Aristotle, if you studied for it. E'gad you'd find her the prettiest natural philosopher to play with!

Car. Is she so fine a creature?

San. Such eyes! such looks! such a pair of pretty plump, pouting lips! such softness in her voice! such music, too! and, when she smiles, such roguish dimples in her cheeks! such a clear skin! white neck, and, a little lower, such a pair of round, hard, heaving, what d'ye call-ums-ah! Car. Why, thou art in love, Sancho.

San. Ay, so would you be, if you saw her, sir. Cur. I don't think so. What settlement does my father make them?

San. Only all his dirty land, sir, and makes your brother his sole heir.

Car. Must I have nothing?

San. Books in abundance; leave to study your eyes out, sir,

Car. I'm the elder born, and have a title, though.

San. No matter for that, sir, he'll have possession-of the lady, too!

Car, I wish him happy-he'll not inherit my little understanding, too!

San. Oh, sir, he's more a gentleman than to do that Ods me, sir! sir, here comes the very lady, the bride, your sister that must be, and her father,

Enter CHARINO and ANGELINA. Stand close; you'll both see and hear, sir."

Car. I ne'er saw any yet so fair; such sweet

ness in her look! such modesty! If we may think the eye the window to the heart, she has a thousand treasured virtues there. San. So the book is gone.

[Aside. Cha. Come, prithee, put on a brisker look; ods-heart, dost thou think in conscience, that's fit for thy wedding-day?

Ang. Sir, I wish it were not quite so sudden; a little time for farther thought, perhaps, had made it easier to me: to change for ever, is no trifle, sir.

Car. A wonder!

Cha. Look you, his fortune I have taken care of, and his person you have no exceptions to.What, in the name of Venus, would the girl have?

Ang. I never said, of all the world I made him, sir, my choice: nay, though he be yours, I cannot say I am highly pleased with him, nor yet am averse; but I had rather welcome your commands and him, than disobedience,

Cha. Oh, if that be all, madam, to make you easy, my commands are at your service.

Ang. I have done with my objections, sir. Car. Such understanding in so soft a form! Happy happy brother! may he be happy, while I sit down in patience and alone! I have gazed too much-Reach me an Ovid.

[Exeunt CARLOS and SANCHO. Cha. I say put on your best looks, hussy-for here he comes, faith.

Enter CLODIO.

Ah, my dear Clody!

Clo. My dear, [Kisses him.] dear dad. Ha! Ma princesse! estes vous là donc? Ah, ha! Non, non. Je ne m'y connois guères, &c. [Sings.] Look, look-look, o'slyboots; what, she knows nothing of the matter! But you will, childE'gad, I shall count the clock extremely to-night. Let me see what time shall I rise to-morrow? Not till after nine, ten, eleven, for a pistole.— Ah-C'est à dire, votre cœur insensible est enfin vaincu. Non, non, &c. [Sings a second verse.

Enter ANTONIO, DON LEWIS, and Lawyer.

and hasty but he'll dine and be good company for all this.

D. Lew. A strange lie, that.

Clo. Ha, ha, ha! poor Testy, ha, ha !

D. Lew. Don't laugh, my dear rogue, prithee, don't laugh now; faith, I shall break thy head, if thou dost.

Clo. Gad so! why, then, I find you are angry at me, dear uncle!

D. Lew. Angry at thee, hey puppy! Why, what?what dost thou see in that lovely hatchet face of thine, that is worth my being out of humour at? Blood and fire, ye dog! get out of iny sight, or

Ant. Nay, brother, this is too far—

D. Lew. Angry at him! a son of a-son's son of a whore !

Cha. Ha, ha! poor peevish

D. Lew. I'd fain have some body poison him. [To himself.] Ah, that sweet creature! Must this fair flower be cropped to stick up in a piece of rascally earthen ware? I must speak to her▬▬▬ Puppy, stand out of my way.

Clo. Ha, ha! ay, now for it.

D. Lew. [To ANGELINA.] Ah! ah! ah! Madam-I pity you; you're a lovely young creature, and ought to have a handsome man yoked to you, one of understanding, too;-I am sorry to say it, but this fellow's skull's extremely thick-he can never get any thing but muffs and snuff-boxes; or, say, he should have a thing shaped like a child, you can make nothing of it but a tailor.

Clo. Odds me! why, you are testy, my dear uncle.

D. Lew. Will nobody take that troublesome dog out of my sight-I cannot stay where he is -I'll go see my poor boy Charles-I've disturbed you, madam; your humble servant.

Ant. You'll come again, and drink the bride's health, brother?

D. Lew. That lady's health I may; and, if she'll give me leave, perhaps sit by her at table,

too.

Clo. Ha, ha! bye, nuncle.
D. Lew. Puppy, good bye-

[Exit D. LEWIS. Ang. An odd-humoured gentleman. Ant. Very odd indeed, child; I suppose, in pure spight, he'll make my son Charles his heir.

ther! nay, you must have your welcome, too, or we shall inake but a flat feast on it.

D. Lew. Sir, I am not welcome, nor I won't be welcome, nor no-body's welcome, and you are all a parcel of

Cha. What, sir?

D. Lew. -Miserable wretches-sad dogs. Ant. Come, pray, sir, bear with him, he's old

speaks him not so mere a log.

Ant. Come, shall we go and seal, brother? The priest stays for us. When Carlos has signed the conveyance, as he shall presently, we'll then to the wedding, and so to dinner. Cha. With all my heart, sir. Clo. Allons, ma chere princesse !

[Exeunt: