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Kite. I will then, Cash-thou comfortest me-
I'll drive these

Fiend-like fancies from me, and be myself again.
Think'st thou, she has perceived my folly? 'Twere
Happy, if she had not-She has not-
They, who know no evil, will suspect none.

Cash. True, sir, nor has your mind a blemish

now.

A wife may moderately use these pleasures,
Which numbers and the time give sanction to,
Without the smallest blemish on her name.

Kite. And so she may-And I'll go with thee,
child;

I will indeed-I'll lead thee there myself,
And be the foremost reveller. I'll silence
The sneers of envy, stop the tongue of slander;

This change has gladdened me-Here's my mis-Nor will I more be pointed at, as one

tress,

And the rest; settle your reason to accost them. Kite. I will, Cash, I will

Enter WELL-BRED, Dame KITELY, and BRIDGET. Well. What are you plotting, brother Kitely, That thus of late you muse alone, and bear Such weighty care upon your pensive brow?

[Laughs. Kite. My care is all for you, good sneering brother;

And well I wish, you'd take some wholesome counsel,

And curb your headstrong humours; trust me, brother,

You were to blame to raise commotions here,
And hurt the peace and order of my house.

Well. No harm done, brother, I warrant you.
Since there is no harm done, anger costs
A man nothing, and a brave man is never
His own man, till he be angry-To keep
His valour in obscurity, is to keep himself,
As it were, in a cloak-bag. What's a brave
Musician unless he play?

What's a brave man unless he fight?

Dame. Aye, but what harm might have come of it, brother?

Well. What, schooled on both sides! Pr'ythee, Bridget, save me from the rod and lecture. [BRIDG. and WELL. retire. Kite. With what a decent modesty she rates him!

My heart's at ease, and she shall see it isHow art thou, wife? Thou look'st both gay and comely.

In troth thou dost-I'm sent for out, my dear, But I shall soon return-Indeed, my life, Business, that forces me abroad, grows irksome. I could content me with less gain and 'vantage, To have thee more at home; indeed I could. Dame. Your doubts, as well as love, may breed these thoughts.

[Aside.

Kite. That jar untunes me. What dost thou say? Doubt thee! I should as soon suspect myself—No, no, My confidence is rooted in thy merit, So fixed and settled, that, wert thou inclined To masks, to sports, and balls, where lusty youth Leads up the wanton dance, and the raised pulse Beats quicker measures, yet I could with joy, With heart's ease and security-not but I had rather thou should'st prefer thy home, And me, to toys and such like vanities. Dame. But sure, my dear,

Disturbed with jealousy

Dame. Why, were you ever so?

Kite. What!-Ha! never-ha, ha, ha! She stabs me home. [Aside.] Jealous of thee! No, do not believe it-Speak low, my love, Thy brother will overhear us-No, no, my dear. It could not be, it could not be-for-forWhat is the time now?—I shall be too lateNo, no, thou may'st be satisfied There's not the smallest spark remainingRemaining! What do I say? There never was, Nor can, nor ever shall be-so be satisfiedIs Cob within there? Give me a kiss, My dear; there, there, now we are reconciled— I'll be back immediately-Good-bye, good-byeHa ha! jealous, I shall burst my sides with laughing,

Ha, ha! Cob, where are you, Cob? Ha, ha!— [Exit. [WELL-BRED and BRIDGET come forward. Well. What have you done to make your husband part so merry from you? He has of late been little given to laughter.

Dume. He laughed indeed, but seemingly without mirth. His behaviour is new and strange. He is much agitated, and has some whimsy in his head, that puzzles mine to read it.

Well. 'Tis jealousy, good sister, and writ so largely, that the blind may read it; have you not perceived it yet?

Dame. If I have, 'tis not always prudent, that my tongue should betray my eyes; so far my wisdom tends, good brother, and little more I boast-But what makes him ever calling for Cob so? I wonder how he can employ him.

Well. Indeed, sister, to ask how he employs Cob, is a necessary question for you, that are his wife, and a thing not very easy for you to be satisfied in-But this I'll assure you, Cob's wife is an excellent bawd, sister, and oftentimes your husband haunts her house; marry, to what end I cannot altogether accuse him. Imagine you, what you think convenient. But I have known fair hides have foul hearts ere now, sister.

Dame. Never said you truer than that, brother; so much I can tell you for your learning. O, ho! is this the fruit of his jealousy? I thought some game was in the wind, he acted so much tenderness but now; but I'll be quit with him.— Thomas!

Enter CASH.

Fetch your hat, and go with me: I'll get my hood, and out the backward-way. I would to

fortune I could take him there! I'd return him his own, I warrant him! I'd fit him for his jealousy! [Exeunt. Well. Ha, ha! so e'en let them go; this may make sport anon-What, Brain-worm?

Enter BRAIN-WORM.

Brain. I saw the merchant turn the corner, and came back to tell you, all goes well; wind and tide, my master.

Well. But how got'st thou this apparel of the justice's man?

Brain. Marry, sir, my proper fine penman would needs bestow the grist o' me at the Windmill, to hear some martial discourse, where I so marshalled him, that I made him drunk with admiration; and because too much heat was the cause of his distemper, I stript him stark naked, as he lay along asleep, and borrowed his suit to deliver this counterfeit message in, leaving a rusty armour, and an old brown bill, to watch him 'till my return; which shall be, when i have pawned his apparel and spent the better part of the money, perhaps.

Well. Well, thou art a successful merry knave, Brain-worm; his absence will be subject for more mirth. I pray thee return to thy young master, and will him to meet me and my sister Bridget at the Tower instantly; for here, tell him, the house is so stored with jealousy, there is no room for love to stand upright in. We must get our fortunes committed to some large prison, say and then the Tower, I know no better air, nor where the liberty of the house do us more present service. Away. [Exit BRAIN. Bridg. What, is this the engine, that you told me of? What farther meaning have you in the plot?

may

Well. That you may know, fair sister-in-law, how happy a thing it is to be fair and beautiful.

Bridg. That touches not me, brother.

Well. That's true; that's even the fault of it; for, indeed, beauty stands a woman in no stead, unless it procure her touching-Well, there's a dear and well-respected friend of mine, sister, stands very strongly and worthily affected towards you, and hath vowed to inflame whole bonfires of zeal at his heart, in honour of your perfections. I have already engaged my promise to bring you, where you shall hear him confirm much more. Ned Kno'well is the man, sister.-There's no exception against the party; you are ripe for a husband, and a minute's loss to such an occasion is a great trespass in a wise

beauty. What say you, sister? On my soul, he loves you; will you give him the meeting?

Bridg. Faith, I had very little confidence in my own constancy, brother, if I durst not meet a man but this motion of yours savours of an old knight adventurer's servant a little too much, methinks.

Well. What's that, sister!

Bridg. Marry, of the go-between.

Well. No matter if it did; I would be such a one for my friend. But see, who is returned to hinder us.

Enter KITELY.

Kite. What villany is this? Called out on a false message! This was some plot; I was not sent for. Bridget, where's your sister?

Bridg. I think she be gone forth, sir.

Kite. How! is my wife gone forth? Whither, for Heaven's sake?

Bridg. She's gone abroad with Thomas.
Kite. Abroad with Thomas! Oh, that villain
cheats me!

He hath discovered all unto my wife;
Beast that I was to trust him! Whither, I pray
You, went she?

Bridg. I know not, sir.

Well. I'll tell you, brother, whither I suspect she's gone.

Kite. Whither, good brother?

Well. To Cob's house, I believe; but keep my counsel.

Kite. I will, I will. To Cob's house! Does she haunt there?

She's
gone on purpose now to cuckold me,
With that lewd rascal, who, to win her favour,
Hath told her all-Why would you let her go?

Well. Because she's not my wife: if she were, I'd keep her to her tether.

Kite. So, so; now 'tis plain. I shall go mad With my misfortunes; now they pour in tor

rents.

I'm bruted by my wife, betrayed by my servant, Mocked at by my relations, pointed at by my neighbours,

Despised by myself.-There is nothing left, now, But to revenge myself first, next hang myself; And then-all my cares will be over. [Exit. Bridg. He storms most loudly; sure you have gone too far in this.

Well. Twill all end right, depend upon it.But let us lose no time; the coast is clear; away, away; the affair is worth it, and cries haste. Bridg. I trust me to your guidance, brother, and so fortune for us.

[Exeunt.

SCENE I-Stocks-Market.

Enter MATTHEW and BOBADIL.

ACT V.

Mat. I WONDER, captain, what they will say of my going away? ha!

Bob. Why, what should they say? but as of a discreet gentleman; quick, wary, respectful of nature's fair lineaments, and that is all.

Mat. Why so! but what can they say of your beating?

Bob. A rude part, a touch with soft wood, a kind of gross battery used, lain on strongly, borne most patiently, and that is all. But wherefore do I wake their remembrance? I was fascinated, by Jupiter! fascinated; but I will be unwitched, and revenged by law.

Mat. Do you hear? Is it not best to get a warrant, and have him arrested, and brought before justice Clement?

Bob. It were not amiss; would we had it! Mat. Why, here comes his man; let us speak to him.

Bob. Agreed. Do you speak.

Enter BRAIN-WORM as FORMAL.

Mat. Save you, sir.

Brain. With all my heart, sir!

Mat. Sir, there is one Downright hath abused this gentleman and myself, and we determine to make ourselves amends by law; now, if you would do us the favour to procure a warrant to bring him before your master, you shall be well considered of, I assure you, sir.

Brain. Sir, you know my service is my living; such favours as these, gotten of my master, is his only preferment, and therefore you must consider me, as I may make benefit of my place.

Mat. How is that, sir?

Brain. Faith, sir, the thing is extraordinary, and the gentleman may be of great account. Yet, be what he will, if you will lay me down a brace of angels in my hand, you shall have it; otherwise not.

Mat. How shall we do, captain? He asks a brace of angels; you have no money?

Bob. Not a cross, by fortune.

Mat. Nor I, as I am a gentleman, but twopence left of my two shillings in the morning for wine and raddish. Let us find him some pawn.

Bob. Pawn! we have none to the value of his demand.

Mat. O, yes, I can pawn my ring here. Bob. And harkee, he shall have my trusty Toledo too. I believe I shall have no service for it

to-day.

Mat. Do you hear, sir? We have no store of money at this time, but you shall have good pawns; look you, sir, I will pledge this ring, and

that gentleman his Toledo, because we would have it dispatched.

Brain. I am content, sir; I will get you the warrant presently. What is his name, say you? Downright?

Mat. Ay, ay, George Downright.

Brain. Well, gentlemen, I will procure you the warrant presently; but who will you have to serve it?

Mat. That is true, captain, that must be considered.

Bob. Body of me, I know not! 'Tis service of danger!

Brain. Why, you were best get one of the varlets of the city, a serjeant; I'll appoint you one, if you please.

ter.

Mat. Will you, sir? Why we can wish no bet

Bob, We'll leave it to you, sir.

[Exeunt BOB. and MAT. Brain. This is rare! Now will I go pawn this cloak of the justice's man's, at the broker's, for a varlet's suit, and be the varlet myself, and so get money on all sides. [Exit.

SCENE II.-The street before COB's house.

Enter KNO'-WELL.

Kno. O here it is; I have found it now-Hoa, who is within here? [TIB appears at the window. Tib. I am within, sir, what is your pleasure? Kno. To know who is within besides yourself. Tib. Why, sir, you are no constable, I hope? Kno. O, fear you the constable? Then I doubt not you have some guests within deserve that fear-I'll fetch him straight.

Tib. For Heaven's sake, sir

Kno. Go to, come tell me, is not young Kno'well here ?

Tib. Young Kno'well! I know none such, sir, on my honesty.

Kno. Your honesty, dame! It flies too lightly from you. There is no way but fetch the constable.

Tib. The constable; the man is mad, I think.

Enter CASH and Dame KITELY. Cash. Hoa! who keeps house here? Kno. O, this is the female copesmate of my son. Now shall I meet him straight. [Aside. Dame. Knock, Thomas, hard. Cash. Hoa! good wife.

Tib. Why, what is the matter with you? Dame. Why, woman, grieves it you to ope the door? Belike you get something to keep it shut. Tib. What mean these questions, pray you? Dame. So strange you make it! Is not my hus band here!

Kno. Her husband!

[Aside.

Kite. Tut, tut, never speak; I see through every Dame. My tried and faithful husband, Master | Veil you cast upon your treachery: but I have Kitely. Done with you, and root you from my heart for

Tib. I hope he needs not be tried here. Dame. Come hither, Cash-I see my turtle coming to his haunts; let us retire. [They retire. Kno. This must be some device to mock me

withal.

Soft-who is this!-Oh! 'tis my son disguised. I'll watch him and surprise him.

Enter KITELY, muffled in a cloak.

Kite. 'Tis truth, I see; there she skulks. But I will fetch her from her hold-I willI tremble so, I scarce have power to do the justice

Her infamy demands.

[As KITELY goes forward, Dame KITELY and KNO'WELL lay hold of him.] Kno. Have I trapped you, youth? You cannot 'scape me now.

Dame. O, sir! have I forestalled your honest market!

Found your close walks! You stand amazed
Now, do you? Ah, hide, hide your face, for shame!
I'faith, I am glad I have found you out at last.
What is your jewel, trow? In, come let's see her;
fetch

Forth the wanton dame-If she be fairer,
In any honest judgment, than myself,
I'll be content with it: but she is change;
She feeds you fat, she soothes your appetite,
And you are well. Your wife, an honest woman,
Is meat twice sod to you, sir. O, you treacher!
Kno. What mean you, woman? Let go your
hold.

ever.

For you, sir, thus I demand my honour's due; Resolved to cool your lust, or end my shame. [Draws.

Kno. What lunacy is this! Put up your sword, and undeceive yourself-No arm, that e'er poised weapon, can affright me. But I pity folly, nor cope with madness.

Kite. I will have proofs-I will-so you, good wife-bawd, Cob's wife; and you, that make your husband such a monster; and you, young pander, and old cuckold maker, I'll have you every one before the justice-Nay, you shall answer it; I charge you go. Come forth, thou bawd.

[Goes into the house and brings out TIB. Kno. Marry, with all my heart, sir; I go willingly.

Though I do taste this as a trick upon me,
To punish my impertinent search; and justly;
And half forgive my son for the device.
Kite. Come, will you go?

Dame. Go! to thy shame, believe it.

Kite. Though shame and sorrow both my heart

betide,

Come on-I must, and will be satisfied. [Exeunt.

SCENE II.-Stocks Market.

Enter BRAINWORM.

Brain. Well, of all my disguises yet, now am I most like myself; being in this serjeant's gown. A man of my present profession never counterfeits, till he lays hold upon a debtor, and says, he arrests him; for then he brings him to all manner of unrest. A kind of little kings we are, cuck-bearing the diminutive of a mace, made like a young artichoke, that always carries pepper and

I see the counterfeit-I am his father, and claim him as my own.

Kite. [Discovering himself.] I am your old, and claim my vengeance.

Dame. What, do you wrong me, and insult me salt in itself. Well, I know not what danger I too?

Thou faithless man!

Kite. Out on thy more than strumpet's impudence!

Steal'st thou thus to thy haunts? And have I

taken

Thy bawd and thee, and thy companion, This hoary-headed letcher, this old goat,

undergo by this exploit; pray Heaven I come well off!

Enter BOBADIL and Master MATTHEW. Mat. See, I think, yonder is the varlet, by his gown. Save you, friend; are not you here by appointment of justice Clement's man?

Brain. Yes, an't please you, sir, he told me

Close at your villany, and would'st thou 'scuse it two gentlemen had willed him to procure a war

With this stale harlot's jest, accusing me?
O, old incontinent, dost thou not shame
To have a mind so hot; and to entice,
And feed the enticement of a lustful woman?
Dame. Out, I defy thee, thou dissembling
wretch!

Kite. Defy me, strumpet! Ask thy pander here;

Can he deny it, or that wicked elder?

Kno. Why, hear you, sir

Cash. Master, 'tis in vain to reason, while these passions blind you-I'm grieved to see you thus. VOL. II.

rant from his master, which I have about me, to be served on one Downright.

Mat. It is honestly done of you both; and see where the party comes you must arrest. Serve it upon him quickly, before he be awareEnter Master STEPHEN, in Downright's cloak.

Bob. Bear back, master Matthew.

Brain. Master Downright, I arrest you i' the queen's name, and must carry you before a justice, by virtue of this warrant.

Step. Me, friend, I am no Downwright, I. I am

D

Master Stephen; you do not well to arrest me, I tell you truly. I am in nobody's bonds or books, I would you should know it. A plague on you heartily, for making me thus afraid before my time.

Brain. Why now are you deceived, gentlemen?

Bob. He wears such a cloak, and that deceived us. But see, here he comes, indeed! this is he, officer.

Enter DOWNRIGHT.

Down. Why, how now, Signor Gull! are you turned filcher of late? Come, deliver up my cloak.

Step. Your cloak, sir! I bought it even now in open market.

Brain. Master Downright, I have a warrant I must serve upon you, procured by these two gentlemen.

Down. These gentlemen! these rascals! Brain. Keep the peace, I charge you, in her majesty's name.

Down. I obey thee. What must I do, officer? Brain. Go before Mr Justice Clement, to answer what they can object against you, sir. will use you kindly, sir.

I

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Down. Officer, there is thy fee, arrest him. Brain. Master Stephen, I must arrest you. Step. Arrest me! I scorn it; there, take your cloak, I'll none on it.

Down. Nay, that shall not serve your turn, now, sir. Officer, I'll go with thee to the justice's. Bring him along.

Step. Why, is not here your cloak? what would you have?

Down. I'll ha' you answer it, sir.

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it.

Clem. And what time came my man with the false message to you, master Kitely? Kite. After two, sir.

Clem. Very good: but, Mrs Kitely, how chance it that you were at Cob's? Ha!

Dame. An' please you, sir, I'll tell you. My brother Well-bred told me, that Cob's house was a suspected place—

Clem. So it appears, methinks: but on. Dame. And that my husband used thither daily.

Clem. No matter, so he used himself well, mistress.

Dame. True, sir; but you know what grows by such haunts, oftentimes.

Clem. I see rank fruits of a jealous brain, mistress Kitely. But, did you find your husband there, in that case, as you suspected ?

Kite. I found her there, sir.

Clem. Did you so? That alters the case.Who gave you knowledge of your wife's being there?

Kite. Marry, that did my brother Well-bred. Clem. How! Well-bred first tell her, than tell you after? Where is Well-bred?

Kite. Gone with my sister, sir, I know not whither.

Clem. Why, this is a mere trick, a device; you are gulled in this most grossly, all! Alas, Brain. Sir, I'll take your sword, and this gen-poor wench, wert thou suspected for this? tleman's too, for his appearance.

Down. I'll ha' no words taken. Bring him along.

Brain. So, so, I have made a fair mash on't. Step. Must I go?

Brain. I know no remedy, master Stephen. Down. Come along before me here. I do not love your hanging look behind.

Step. Why, sir, I hope you cannot hang me for it. Can he, fellow?

Brain. I think not sir. It is but a whipping matter, sure!

Step. Why, then, let him do his worst, I am resolute. [Exeunt.

Tib. Yes, an' it please you.

Clem. I smell mischief here, plot and contrivance, master Kitely. However, if you will step into the next room with your wife, and think coolly of matters, you'll find some trick has been played you-I fear there have been jealousies on both parts, and the wags have been merry with you.

Kite. I begin to feel it-I'll take your counsel-Will you go in, dame? Dame. I will have justice, Mr Kitely. [Exit KITELY and Dame. Clem. You will be a woman, Mrs Kitely, that

I sce

-How now, what's the matter?

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