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Wit. No offence, I hope, brother.

Sir Wil. 'Sheart, sir, but there is, and much offence-A plague! is this your inns o'court breeding, not to know your friends and your relations, your elders, and your betters?

Wit. Why, brother Wilfull of Salop, you may be as short as a Shrewsbury cake, if you please; but I tell you, 'tis not modish to know relations in town. You think you're in the country, where great lubberly brothers slabber and kiss one another, when they meet, like a call of serjeants 'Tis not the fashion here; 'tis not, indeed, dear brother.

Sir Wil. The fashion's a fool and you're a fop, dear brother. 'Sheart, I have suspected this-By'r lady, I conjectured you were a fop, since you began to change the style of your letters, and write in a scrap of paper gilt round the edges, no bigger than a subpoena. I might expect this, when you left off honoured brother; and hoping you are in good health-To begin with a Rat me, knight, I'm so sick of a lust night's debauch-Ods heart, and then tell a familiar tale of a cock and a bull, and a wench and a bottle, and so conclude-You could write. news before you were out of your time, when you lived with honest Pimple-Nose, the attorney of Furnival's inn-You could intreat to be remembered then to your friends round the wrekin. We could have gazettes, then, and Dawk's letter, and the Weekly Bill, till of late days.

Pet. 'Slife, Witwould, were you ever an attorney's clerk? of the family of the Furnival's-Ha, ba, ha!

Wit. Aye, aye, but that was but for a while. Not long, not long; pshaw, I was not in my own power, then. An orphan, and this fellow was my guardian; aye, aye, I was glad to consent to that, man, to come to London. He had the disposal of me, then. If I had not agreed to that, I might have been bound 'prentice to a felt-maker in Shrewsbury; this fellow would have bound me to a maker of felts.

Sir Wil. 'Sheart, and better than be bound to a maker of fops, where, I suppose, you have served your time; and now you may set up for yourself.

Mrs Mar. You intend to travel, sir, as I'm informed.

Sir Wil. Belike I may, madam. I may chance to sail upon the salt seas, if my mind hold.

Pet. And the wind serve.

Sir Wil. Serve or not serve, I sha'nt ask licence of you, sir; nor the weather-cock your companion. I direct my discourse to the lady, sir; 'tis like my aunt may have told you, madam-Yes, I have settled my concerns, I may say now, and am minded to see foreign parts. If an how that the peace hold, whereby, that is, taxes abate.

Mrs Mar. I thought you had designed for France at all adventures.

Sir Wil. I can't tell that; 'tis like I may, and 'tis like I may not. I am somewhat dainty in making a resolution; because, when I make it, I keep it. I don't stand shill I, shall I, then; if I say't, I'll do't: but I have thoughts to tarry a small matter in town, to learn somewhat of your lingo first, before I cross the seas. I'd gladly have a spice of your French, as they say, whereby to hold discourse in foreign countries.

Mrs Mar, Here's an academy in town for that and dancing, and curious acomplishments, calculated purely for the use of grown gentlemen. Sir Wil. Is there? 'tis like there may.

Mrs Mar. No doubt, you will return very much improved.

Wit. Yes, refined like a Dutch skipper from the whale-fishing.

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Enter LADY WISHFORT and FAINALL.

Lady Wish. Nephew, you are welcome. Sir Wil. Aunt, your servant. Fain. Sir Wilfull, your most faithful servant. Sir Wil. Cousin Fainall, give me your hand. Lady Wish. Cousin Witwould, your servant; Mr Petulant, your servant- -Nephew, you are welcome again. Will you drink any thing after your journey, nephew, before you eat? dinner's almost ready.

Sir Wil. I'm very well, I thank you, auntHowever, I thank you for your courteous offer. 'Sheart, I was afraid you would have been in the fashion, too, and have remembered to have forgot your relations, Here's your cousin Tony; belike Į may'nt call him brother for fear of offence.

Lady Wish. O he's a rallier, nephew-My cousin's a wit and your great wits always rally their best friends to chuse. When you have been abroad, nephew, you'll understand raillery better.

[FAINALL and Mrs MARWOOD talk apart. Sir Wil. Why, then, let him hold his tongue in the mean time; and rail, when that day comes.

Enter MINCING.

Min. Mem, I am come to acquaint your la'ship that dinner is impatient.

Sir Wil. Impatient! why, then, belike it won't stay, till I pull off my boots. Sweet-heart, can you help me to a pair of slippers? My man is with his horses, I warrant.

Lady Wish. Fy, fy, nephew! you would not pull off your boots here-Go down into the hall. Dinner shall stay for you

[Exeunt MINCING and SIR WILfull. My nephew's a little unbred; you'll pardon him, madam. Gentlemen, will you walk? Marwood? Mrs Mar. I follow you, madam, before sir Wilfull is ready.

[Exeunt LADY WISHFORT, PETULANT, and WITWOULD.

Fain. Why, then, Foible's a procuress; an arrant, rank, match-making procuress. And I, it

seems, am a husband, a rank husband; and my Jealous of her I cannot be, for I am certain; so wife a very arrant, rank wife-all in the way of there's an end of jealousy. Weary of her, I am, the world. 'Sdeath! to be a cuckold by antici- and shall be-No, there's no end of that; no, pation, a cuckold in embryo! Sure I was born no, that were too much to hope. Thus far conwith budding antlers like a young satyr, or a ci-cerning my repose. Now, for my reputation. As tizen's child. 'Sdeath! to be outwitted, out-jilt-to my own, I married not for it; so that's out ed, out-matrimonied! If I had kept my speed like a stag, 'twere somewhat! but to crawl after, with my horns like a snail, and be out-stripped by my wife-tis scurvy wedlock.

Mrs Mar. Then shake it off; you have often wished for an opportunity to part; and now you have it. But first prevent their plot; the half

of Millamant's fortune is too considerable to be parted with to a foe, to Mirabell.

of the question. And as to my part in my wife's why, she had parted with hers before; so, bringing none to me, she can take none from me; 'tis against all rule of play, that I should lose to one, who has not wherewithal to stake. Mrs Mar. Besides you forget, marriage is honourable.

Fain, Hum! faith, and that's well thought on; marriage is honourable, as you say; and, if so, Fain. Aye, that had been mine, had you not wherefore should cuckoldom be a discredit, bemade that fond discovery; that had been forfei-ing derived from so honourable a root? ted, had they been married. My wife had added lustre to my dishonour by that increase of fortune. I could have worn them tipt with gold, though my forehead had been furnished like a deputy-lieutenant's hall.

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Mrs Mar. Nay, I know not; if the root be honourable, why not the branches?

Fain. So, so, why this point is clear-Well, how do we proceed?

Mrs Mar. I will contrive a letter, which shall be delivered to my lady at the time, when that rascal, who is to act sir Rowland, is with her. It shall come as from an unknown handfor the less I appear to know of the truth, the better I can play the incendiary. Besides, I

Mrs Mar. They may prove a cap of maintenance to you still, if you can away with your wife. And she's no worse than when you had her. You married her to keep you; and if you can contrive to have her keep you better than you expected, why should you not keep her long-would not have Foible provoked, if I could help er than you intended? it, because you know she knows some passages : Nay, I expect all will come out; but let the mine be sprung first; and then I care not, if I am discovered.

Fain. The means, the means.

Mrs Mar. Discover to my lady your wife's conduct; threaten to part with her; my lady loves her, and will come to any composition to save her reputation. Take the opportunity of breaking it, just upon the discovery of this imposture. My lady will be enraged beyond bounds, and sacrifice niece, and fortune, and all at that conjuncture. And let me alone to keep her warm; if she should flag in her part, I will not fail to prompt her.

Fain. This has an appearance.

Mrs Mar I'm sorry I hinted to my lady to endeavour a match between Millamant and sir Wilfull; that may be an obstacle.

Fain. O, for that matter, leave me to manage him; I'll disable him for that; he will drink like a Dane after dinner, I'll set his hand in.

Mrs Mar. Well, how do you stand affected towards your lady?

Fain. Why, faith, I am thinking of it. Let me see-I am married already; so that's over. My wife has played the jade with me-Well, that's over too-I never loved her, or if I had, why that would have been over, too, by this time

Fain. If the worst come to the worst, I'll turn my wife to grass-I have already a deed of settlement to the best part of her estate, which I wheedled out of her; and that you shall partake at least.

Mrs Mar. I hope you are convinced, that I hate Mirabell now? you'll be no more jealous?

Fain. Jealous! no-by this kiss-let husbands be jealous; but let the lover still believe: or, if he doubt, let it be only to endear his pleasure, and prepare the joy that follows, when he proves his mistress true. But let husbands' doubts convert to endless jealousy; or, if they have belief, let it corrupt to superstition, and blind'credulity. I am single, and will herd no more with them. True, I wear the badge, but I'll disown the order. And, since I take my leave of them, I care not if I leave them a common motto to their common crest.

All husbands must or pain or shame endure; The wise too jealous are, fools too secure.

[Exeunt.

SCENE I.-Continues.

Enter LADY WISHFORT and FOIBLE.

ACT IV.

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Mrs Fain. You are very fond of sir John Suckling to-day, Millamant, and the poets. Mil. He? aye, and filthy verses-So I am. Foi. Sir Wilfull is coming, madam. Shall I send Mr Mirabell away?

Mil. Aye, if you please, Foible, send him away-or send him hither-just as you will, dear Foible. I think I'll see him-shall I? aye, let the wretch come.

Thyrsis, a youth of the inspired train.

[Repeating

Lady Wish. And-well-and how do I look, Dear Fainall, entertain sir Wilfull-thou hast Foible? philosophy to undergo a fool; thou art married, and hast patience- -I would confer with my own thoughts.

Foi. Most killing well, madam,

Lady Wish. Well, and how shall I receive him? in what figure shall I give his heart the first impression? there is a great deal in the first impression. Shall I sit? No, I won't sit-I'll walk-aye, I'll walk from the door upon his entrance; and then turn full upon him-no, that will be too sudden. I'll lie-aye, I'll lie down— I'll receive him in my little dressing room.There's a couch-Yes, yes, I'll give the first impression on a couch-I won't lie neither, but loll and lean upon one elbow, with one foot a little dangling off, jogging in a thoughtful way-yesand then, as soon as he appears, start, aye, start and be surprised, and rise to meet him in a pretty disorder. -yes-oh! nothing is more alluring than a levee from a couch in some confusionit shews the foot to advantage, and furnishes with blushes, and recomposing airs beyond comparison. Hark! there's a coach.

Foi. 'Tis he, madam.

Lady Wish. O dear! has my nephew made his addresses to Millamant? I ordered him. Foi. Sir Wilfull is set in to drinking, madam, in the parlour.

Lady Wish. Odds my life, I'll send him to her. Call her down, Foible; bring her hither. I'll send him as I go-when they are together, then come to me, Foible, that I may not be too long alone with sir Rowland.

Mrs Fain. I am obliged to you, that you would make me your proxy in this affair; but I have business of my own.

Enter SIR WILFULL.

Oh! sir Wilful, you are come at the critical instant. There's your mistress up to the ears in love and contemplation; pursue your point; now or never.

Sir Wil. Yes; my aunt will have it so-I would gladly have been encouraged with a bottle or two, because I'm somewhat wary at first, before I am acquainted; but I hope, after a time, I shall break my mind-that is, upon further acquaintance-This while MILLAMANT walks about, repeating to herself.]—So, for the present, cousin, I'll take my leave-if so be, you'll be so kind to make my excuse: I'll return to my company

Mrs Fain. O fy, sir Wilfull! what, you must not be daunted.

Sir Wil. Daunted! no, that's not it; it is not so much for that-for, if so be that I set on't, I'll do't. But only for the present, 'tis sufficient till further acquaintance, that's all-your servant.

Mrs Fain. Nay, I'll swear you shall never lose so favourable an opportunity, if I can help it.-I'll leave you together, and lock the door.

[Exit LADY WISHFORT. [Exeunt MRS FAINALL and FOIBLE. Enter MILLAMANT and MRS FAINALL. Sir Wil. Nay, nay, cousin-I have forgot my Foi. Madam, I staid here, to tell your lady-gloves. What d'ye do? 'Sheart, a' has locked the ship that Mr Mirabell has waited this half hour for an opportunity to talk with you, though my lady's orders were to leave you and sir Wilfull together. Shall I tell Mr Mirabell that you are at leisure?

Mil. No-what would the dear man have? I

door, indeed. I think-nay, cousin Fainall, open the door-'Pshaw, what a vixen trick is this!nay, now, a' has seen me, too-cousin, I made bold to pass through, as it were-I think this door's enchanted

Mil. [Repeating.]

I prithee, spare me, gentle boy,
Press me no more for that slight toy.
Sir Wil. Anan ! cousin, your servant. .
Mil. That foolish trifle of a heart-

-Sir Wilfull!

Mil. Aye, aye; ha, ha, ha!

Like Phabus sung the no less am'rous boy.

Enter MIRABELL.

Mira. Like Daphne she, as lovely and as coy.

Sir Wil. Yes-your servant. No offence, I | Do you lock yourself up from me, to make my hope, cousin.

Mill. [Repeating.]

I swear it will not do its part,

search more curious? Or is this pretty artifice contrived, to signify that here the chase must end, and my pursuit be crowned, for you can fly

Though thou dost thine, employ'st thy power no further ? and art.

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Mill. Vanity! No---I'll fly, and be followed to the last moment; though I am upon the very verge of matrimony, I expect you should solicit me as much, as if I were wavering at the grate of a monastery, with one foot over the threshold. I'll be solicited to the very last, nay, and afterwards

Mira. What, after the last?

Mill. Oh! I should think I was poor, and had

Sir Wil. Well, well, I shall understand your lingo one of these days, cousin; in the mean while, I must answer in plain English. Mill. Have you any business with me, sir Wil-nothing to bestow, if I were reduced to an inglofull? rious ease, and freed from the agreeable fatigues of solicitation.

Sir Wil. Not at present, cousin Yes, I made bold to see, to come and know if that how you were disposed to fetch a walk this evening; if so be, that I might not be troublesome, I would have sought a walk with you.

Mill. A walk? what then?

Sir Wil. Nay, nothing-only for the walk's sake, that's all

Mill. I nauseate walking; 'tis a country diversion; I loath the country, and every thing that relates to it.

Sir Wil. Indeed ! ha ! look ye, look ye, you do? nay' tis like you may--here are choice of pastimes here, in town, as plays, and the like; that must be confessed, indeed.

Mill. Ah l'étourdie! I hate the town, too. Sir Wil. Dear heart, that's much-ha! that you should hate them both! ha! 'tis like you may; there are some can't relish the town, and others can't away with the country-'tis like you may be one of those, cousin.

Mill. Ha, ha, ha! Yes, 'tis like I may. You have nothing further to say to me?

Sir Wil. Not at present, cousin. 'Tis like, when I have an opportunity to be more private, I may break my mind in some measure-I conjecture you partly guess however, that's as time shall try-but spare to speak, and spare to speed, as they say.

Mill. If it is of no great importance, sir Wilfull, you will oblige me by leaving me. I have, just now, a little business

Sir Wil. Enough, enough, cousin; yes, yes, all a case---when you're disposed. Now's as well as another time; and another time as well as now. All's one for that---yes, yes, if your concerns call you, there's no haste; it will keep cold, as they say--cousin, your servant. I think this door's

locked.

Mill. You may go this way, sir.

Sir Wil. Your servant, then; with your leave I'll return to my company. [Exit SIR WILFULL.

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Mira. But do you not know, when favours are conferred upon instant and tedious solicitation, that they diminish in their value, and that both the giver loses the grace, and the receiver lessens his pleasure.

Mill. It may be in things of common application; but never, sure, in love. Oh! I hate a lover, that can dare to think he draws a moment's air, independent on the bounty of his mistress. There is not so impudent a thing in nature, as the saucy look of an assured man, confident of success. The pedantic arrogance of a very husband has not so pragmatical an air. Ah! I'll never marry, unless I am first made sure of my will and pleasure.

Mira. "Would you have them both before mar riage? Or will you be acquainted with only the first, now?

Mill. Ah! don't be impertinent--my dear liberty, shall I leave thee ? my faithful solitude, my darling contemplation, must I bid you, then, adieu ? aye, adieu-my morning thoughts, agreeable wakings, indoient slumbers, ye douceurs, ye sommeils du matin, adieu--I can't do it; 'tis more than impossible-positively, Mirabell, I'll lie a-bed in a morning, as long as I please.

Mira. Then I'll get up in a morning as early as I please.

Mill. Ah! idle creature, get up when you will --and, dye hear, I won't be called names, after I am married; positively, I won't be called

names.

Mira. Names!

Mill. Aye, as wife, spouse, my dear, joy, jewel, love, sweetheart, and the rest of that nauseous cant, in which men and their wives are so fulsomely familiar-----I shall never bear that----good Mirabell, don't let us be familiar or fond, nor kiss before folks, like my lady Fadler and sir Francis : nor go in public, together, the first Sunday, in a new chariot, to provoke eyes and whis

pers; and then never be seen there together | again; as if we were proud of one another the first week, and ashamed of one another ever after. Let us never visit together, nor go to a play together, but let us be very strange and well-bred let us be as strange as if we had been married a great while; and as well-bred, as if we were not married at all.

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Mira. Have you any more conditions to offer? hitherto, your demands are very reasonable.

Mill. Trifles-as liberty to pay and receive visits to and from whom I please; to write and receive letters, without interrogatories or wry faces on your part; to wear what I please; and choose conversation with regard only to my own taste; to have no obligation upon me to converse with wits, that I don't like, because they are your acquaintance; or to be intimate with fools, because they may be your relations: come to dinner, when I please; dine in my dressing-room, when I'm out of humour, without giving a reason: to have my closet inviolate; to be sole empress of my tea-table, which you must never presume to approach without first asking leave: and, lastly, wherever I am, you shall always knock at the door, before you come in. These articles subscribed, if I continue to endure you a little longer, I may, by degrees, dwindle into a wife.

Mira. Your bill of fare is something advanced in this latter account. Well, bave I liberty to offer conditions-that when you are dwindled into a wife, I may not be beyond measure enlarged into a husband?

Mill. You have free leave; propose your utmost; speak, and spare not.

squeezing for a shape, till you mould my boy's head like a sugar-loaf! and, instead of a manchild, make me father to a crooked-billet. Lastly, to the dominion of the tea-table I submit-But with proviso, that you exceed not in your province, but restrain yourself to native and simple tea-table drinks-as tea, chocolate, and coffee. As likewise to genuine and authorised tea-table talk-such as mending of fashions, spoiling reputations, railing at absent friends, and so forthBut that, on no account, you encroach upon the men's prerogative, and presume to drink healths, or toast fellows; for prevention of which, I banish all foreign forces, all auxiliaries to the teatable-as orange-brandy, alt anniseed, cinnamon, citron, and Barbadoes-waters, together with ratafia, and the most noble spirit of Clary-But for cowslip-wine, poppy-water, and all dormitives, those I allow.These provisos admitted, in other things I may prove a tractable and complying husband.

Mill. O horrid provisos! filthy strong waters! I toast fellows! odious men! I hate your odious provisos.

Mira. Then we're agreed. Shall I kiss your hand upon the contract? And here comes one to be a witness to the sealing of the deed.

Enter MRS FAINALL.

Mill. Fainall, what shall I do? Shall I have him? I think I must have him.

Mrs Fain. Ay, ay, take him, take him! what should you do?

Mill. Well, then-I'll take my death, I'm in a horrid fright.-Fainall, I shall never say it—well I think-I'll endure you.

Mrs Fain. Fy, fy! have him, have him, and tell him so in plain terms; for I am sure you have a mind to him.

Mira. I thank you. Imprimis, then, I cove nant, that your acquaintance be general; that you admit no sworn confidante, or intimate of your own sex: no she friend to skreen her affairs under your countenance, and tempt you to make trial of a mutual secresy : no decoy-duck to Mill. Are you? I think I have-and the horwheedle you a fop-scrambling to the play in arid man looks as if he thought so, too. Well, you mask- then bring you home in a pretended ridiculous thing you, I'll have you-I won't be fright, when you think you shall be found out- kissed, nor I won't be thanked-Here, kiss my and rail at me for missing the play, and disap- hand though-so hold your tongue now; don't say pointing the frolic, which you had to pick me up, a word. and prove my constancy.

Mill. Detestable imprimis! I go to the play in a mask!

Mira. Item, I article, that you continue to like your own face, as long as I shall: and, while it passes current with me, that you endeavour not to new-coin it. To which end, together with all vizards for the day, I prohibit all masks for the night made of oiled-skins, and I know not what. In short, I forbid all commerce with the gentlewoman in What-d'ye-call-it court. Item, I shut my doors against all procuresses with baskets, and pennyworths of muslin, china, fans, &c.Item, when you shall be breeding

Mrs Fain. Mirabell, there's a necessity for your obedience; you have neither time to talk, nor stay. My mother is coming; and, in my conscience, if she should see you, would fall into fits, and, may be, not recover time enough to return to sir Rowland, who, as Foible tells me, is in a fair way to succeed. Therefore, spare your ecstacies for another occasion, and slip down the backstairs, where Foible waits to consult you.

Mill. Ay, go, go! In the mean time, I'll suppose you have said something to please me. Mira. I am all obedience. [Exit MIRA. Mrs Fain. Yonder's sir Wilfull drunk; and so noisy, that my mother has been forced to leave sir Rowland to appease him; but he answers her Mira. I denounce against all strait-lacing, only with singing and drinking-What they may

Mill. Ah! name it not !

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