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Enter Servant.

You

Clem. Well, let this breathe a-while. that have cause to complain there, stand forth. Serv. Sir, there's a gentleman i' the court with- Had you my warrant for this gentleman's appreout, desires to speak with your worship. hension ? Clem. A gentleman! What is he? Serv. A soldier, sir, he says.

Clem. A soldier! My sword, quickly. A soldier speak with me! Stand by, I will end your matters, anon-Let the soldier enter. Now, sir, what ha' you to say to me?

Enter BOBADIL and MATTHEW. Bob. By your worship's favour-—~— Clem. Nay, keep out, sir, I know not your pretence; you send me word, sir, you are a soldier. Why, sir, you shall be answered here; here be them have been among soldiers. Sir, your pleasure?

Bob. Faith, sir, so it is, this gentleman and myself have been most uncivilly wronged and beaten by one Downright, a coarse fellow about the town here; and, for my own part, I protest, being a man in no sort given to this filthy humour of quarrelling, he hath assaulted me in the way of my peace; despoiled me of mine honour; disarmed me of my weapons; and rudely laid me along in the open streets; when I not so much as once offered to resist him.

Clem. O, god's precious! Is this the soldier? Lie there, my sword, 'twill make him swoon, I fear; he is not fit to look on't, that will put up a blow.

Mat. An't please your worship, he was bound to the peace.

Clem. Why, an' he were, sir, his hands were not bound, were they?

Serv. There's one of the varlets of the city, sir, has brought two gentlemen here, one upon your worship's warrant.

Clem. My warrant !

Serv. Yes, sir, the officer says, procured by these two.

Clem. Bid him come in. Set by this picture. What, Mr Downright! are you brought at Mr Freshwater's suit here?

Enter DOWNRIGHT, STEPHEN, and BRAIN

WORM.

Bob. Aye, an't please your worship.

Clem. Nay, do not speak in passion so. Where had you it?

Bob. Of your clerk, sir.

Clem. That's well, an' my clerk can make warrants, and my hand not at them! Where is the warrant officer, have you it?

Brain. No, sir, your worship's man, master Formal, bid me do it for these gentlemen, and he would be my discharge.

Clem. Why, Mr Downright, are you such a novice to be served, and never see the warrant! Dow. Sir, he did not serve it on me.

Clem. No, how then?

Dow. Marry, sir, he came to me, and said he must serve it, and he would use me kindly, and

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Clem. O, God's pity, was it so, sir? He must serve it? Give me a warrant, I must serve one too-you knave, you slave, you rogue, do you say you must, sirrah? Away with him to the goal! I will teach you a trick for your must, sir.

Brain. Good sir, I beseech you be good to me. Clem. Tell him, he shall go to the goal; away with him, I say.

Brain. Aye, sir, if you will commit me, it shall be for committing more than this. I will not lose by my travel any grain of my fame certain. [Throws off his disguise.

Clem. How is this!

Kno. My man, Brain-worm! Step. O, yes, uncle, Brain-worm has been with my cousin Edward and I, all this day.

Clem. I told you all there was some device. Brain. Nay, excellent Justice, since I have laid myself thus open to you, now stand strong for me, both with your sword and your balance.

Clem. Body o' me, a merry knave! Give me a bowl of sack. If he belongs to you, Master Kno'well, I bespeak your patience.

Brain. That is it I have most need of. Sir, if you will pardon me only, I will glory in all the my exploits.

rest of

Kno. Sir, you know I love not to have my fa

Dow. I'faith, sir. And here's another, brought vours come hard from me. You have your parat my suit.

Clem. What are you, sir?

Step. A gentleman, sir. O, uncle!
Clem. Uncle! Who, Mr Kno'well?

Kno. Aye, sir, this is a wise kinsman of mine. Step. God's my witness, uncle, I am wronged here monstrously; he charges me with stealing of his cloak, and would I might never stir, if Ï did not find it in the street by chance.

Dow. O, did you find it, now? You said you bought it ere-while.

Step. And you said I stole it. Nay, now my uncle is here, I will do well enough with you.

don; though I suspect you shrewdly for being of counsel with my son against me.

Brain. Yes, faith, I have, sir; though you retained me doubly this morning for yourself; first, as Brain-worm, after, as Fitz-Sword. I was your reformed soldier. 'Twas I sent you to Cob's upon the errand without end.

Kno. Is it possible? Or that thou should'st disguise thyself so as I should not know thee?

Brain. O, sir! this has been the day of my metamorphoses; it is not that shape alone, that I have run through to-day. I brought Master Kitely a message too, in the form of Master Jus

tice's man here, to draw him out of the way, as well as your worship; while Master Well-bred might make a conveyance of Mrs Bridget to my

young master.

Kno. My son is not married, I hope? Brain. Faith, sir, they are both as sure as Jove, a priest, and three thousand pounds, which is her portion, can make them; and by this time are ready to bespeak their wedding supper at the Windmill, except some friend here prevents them, and invite them home.

Clem. Marry, that will I; I thank thee for putting me in mind on't. Sirrah, go you and fetch them hither upon my warrant. Neither's friends have cause to be sorry, if I know the young couple aright. But I pray thee, what hast thou done with my man Formal?

Brain. Faith, sir, after some ceremony past, as making him drunk, first with story, and then with wine, but all in kindness, and stripping him to his shirt; I left him in that cool vein, departed, sold your worship's warrant to these two, pawned his livery for that varlet's gown to serve it in; and thus have brought myself, by my activity, to your worship's consideration.

Clem. And I will consider thee in a cup of sack. Here's to thee; which having drank off, this is my sentence, pledge me. Thou hast done, or assisted to nothing, in my judgment, but deserves to be pardoned for the wit of the offence. Go into the next room; let Master Kitely into this whimsical business, and, if he does not forgive thee, he has less mirth in him than an honest man ought to have. How now, who are these?

Enter EDWARD KNO'WELL, WELL-BRED, and BRIDGET.

O, the young company. Welcome, welcome. Give you joy. Nay, Mrs Bridget, blush not! you are not so fresh a bride, but the news of it has come hither before you. Master Bridegroom, I have made your peace, give me your hand. So will I for the rest, ere you forsake my roof. All. We are the more bound to your humanity, sir.

Clem. Only these two have so little of man in them, they are no part of my care, Step. And what shall I do?

Clem. Oh! I had lost a sheep, an' he had not bleated. Why, sir, you shall give Mr Downright his cloak; and I will entreat him to take it. A trencher and a napkin you shall have in the buttery, and keep Cob and his wife company here : whom I will entreat first to be reconciled; and you to endeavour with your wit to keep them so. Step. I will do my best.

Clem. Call Master Kitely, and his wife, there.

Enter KITELY and DAME KITELY.

Did I not tell you there was a plot against you? Did I not smell it out, as a wise magistrate ought? Have not you traced, have you not found it, eh, Master Kitely?

Kite. I have-I confess my folly, and own I have deserved what I have suffered for it. The trial has been severe, but it is past. All I have to ask now, is, that, as my folly is cured, and my persecutors forgiven, my shame may be forgotten.

Clem. That will depend upon yourself, Master Kitely; do not you yourself create the food for mischief, and the mischievous will not prey upon you. But come, let a general reconciliation go round, and let all discontents be laid aside. You, Master Downright, put off your anger. You, Master Kno'well, your cares. And do you, Master Kitely, and your wife, put off your jealousies.

Kite. Sir, thus they go from me: kiss me, my wife.

See, what a drove of horns fly in the air, Winged with my cleansed, and my credulous breath;

Watch them, suspicious eyes, watch where they fall!

See, see, on heads, that think they have none at all.

O, what a plenteous world of this will come! When air rains horns, all may be sure of some.

Clem, 'Tis well, 'tis well. This night we will dedicate to friendship, love, and laughter. Master Bridegroom, take your bride, and lead every one a fellow. Here is my mistress, Brain-worm! to whom all my addresses of courtship shall have their reference: whose adventures this day, when our grand-children shall hear to be made a fable, I doubt not but it shall find both spectators and applause. [Exeunt omnes.

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Sub. Yes faith, yes faith.

Face. Why, who

Am I, my mungrel? Who am I?
Sub. I'll tell you,

Since you know not yourself-
Face. Speak lower, rogue.

Sub. Yes, you were once (time not long passed) the good,

Honest, plain, livery-man, that kept

Your master's worship's house here in the Friars, For the vacations.

Face. Will you be so loud?

Sub. Since, by my means, translated suburbcaptain.

Face. By your means, doctor Dog?
Sub. Within man's memory,
All this I speak of.

Face. Why, I pray you, have I

Been countenanced by you, or you by me?
Do but collect, sir, where I met you first.

Sub. I do not hear well.
Face. Not of this, I think it:
But I shall put you in mind, sir; at Pye-corner,
Taking your meal of steam in, from cooks' stalls;
Where, like the father of hunger, you did walk
Piteously costive, with your pinched-horn nose,
And your complexion of the Roman wash,
Stuck full of black and melancholic worms,
Like powder corn shot at the Artillery-yard.
Sub. I wish you could advance your voice a
little.

Face. When you went pinned up in the seve-
ral rags

You had raked and picked from dunghills before

day;

Your feet in mouldy slippers, for your kibes;
A felt of rug, and a thin threaden cloak,
That scarce would cover your no-buttocks-
Sub. So, sir!

Face. When all your alchymy, and your alge-
bra,

Your minerals, vegetables, and animals,

Your conjuring, cozening, and your dozen of
trades,

Could not relieve your corpse with so much linen
Would make you tinder but to see a fire;
I gave you count'nance, credit for your coals,
Your stills, your glasses, your materials
Built you a furnace, drew you customers,
Advanced all your black arts, lent you, beside,
A house to practice in-

Sub. Your master's house?

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Dol. You'll bring your head within a cockscomb, will you?

[She catches out FACE's Sword, and breaks
SUBTLE'S glass.]

And you, sir, with your menstrue, gather it up.
'Sdeath! you abominable pair of stinkards,
Leave off your barking, and grow one again,
Or, by the light that shines, I'll cut your throats.
I'll not be made a prey unto the marshal,

Face. Where you have studied the more thri- For ne'er a snarling dog-bolt o' you both.

ving skill

Of bawdry since.

Sub. Yes, in your master's house.

You and the rats here kept possession,

Make it not strange.

Face. You might talk softlier, rascal.
Sub. No, you Scarabe;
I'll thunder you in pieces: I will teach
How to beware to tempt a fury again,
That carries tempest in his hand and voice.

you

Dol. Nay, general, I thought you were civil.
Face. I shall turn desperate, if you grow thus
loud.

Sub. And hang thyself, I care not.
Face. Hang thee, collier,

And all thy pots and pans, in picture, I will,
Since thou hast moved me-

Dol. Oh, this will o'erthrow all.

Face. Write thee up bawd in Paul's, have all
thy tricks

Of cozening with a hollow coal, dust, scrapings,
Scarching for things lost with a sieve and sheers,
Erecting figures in your rows of houses,
And taking in of shadows with a glass,
Told in red letters; and a face cut for thee,
Worse than Gamaliel Ratsey's.

Dol. Are you sound?
Have you your senses, masters?
Face. I will have

Have you together cozened all this while,
And all the world? and shall it now be said,
You've made most courteous shift to cozen your-

selves?

You will accuse him! You will bring him in
Within the statute! Who shall take your word?
A whoreson, upstart, apocryphal captain,
Whom not a puritan in Black-Friars will trust
So much as for a feather! And you too
Will give the cause, forsooth! You will insult,
And claim a primacy in the divisious!
You must be chief! As if you only had
The powder to project with, and the work
Were not begun out of equality?

The venture tripartite? All things in common;
Without priority.

Face. It is his fault;

He ever murmurs, and objects his pains;
And says, the weight of all lies upon him.
Sub. Why, so it does.

Dol. How does it? Do not we

Sustain our parts?

Sub. Yes, but they are not equal.

Dol. Why, if your part exceed to-day, I hope Ours may to-morrow match it.

Sub. Ay, they may.

Dol. May, murmuring mastiff! Ay, and do.
Death on me!

Help me to throttle him.

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Sub. What shall I swear?

Dol. To leave your faction, sir,

And labour kindly in the common work.

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Sub. Let me not breathe, if I meant ought be- Good faith, sir, I was going away.

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Spoken like Claridiana and thyself.

Face. For which, at supper, thou shalt sit in triumph,

And not be stiled Dol Common, but Dol Proper, Dol Singular[One knocks.

Sub. Who's that? [Knocks.] To the window. Pray Heaven

The master do not trouble us this quarter!

Face. Oh, fear not him. While there dies one a week

O' the plague, he's safe from thinking toward London.

Beside, he's busy at his hop-yards now:
I had a letter from him. If he do,

He'll send such word, for airing o' the house,
As you shall have sufficient time to quit it:
Though we break up a fortnight, 'tis no matter.
Sub. Who is it, Dol?

Dol. A fine young quodling.
Face. Oh!

My lawyer's clerk, I lighted on last night

In Holborn, at the Dagger. He would have

(I told you of him) a familiar,

To rifle with at horses, and win cups.

Dol. Oh, let him in.

Face. Get you

Dap. In truth,

I am very sorry, captain.
Face. But I thought,
Sure I should meet you.

Dap. Aye, I am very glad,

I had a scurvy writ or two to make,
And I had lent my watch last night to one,
That dines to-day at the sheriff's, and so was rob-
bed

Of my past-time. Is this the cunning man?
Face. This is his worship.

Dap. Is he a doctor?

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I would do much, sir, for your love—but this
I neither may, nor can.

Face. Tut, but do not say so.

You deal now with a noble fellow, doctor.
One that will thank you richly, and he's no
Chiause.

Let that, sir, move you.
Sub. Pray you, forbear.
Face. He has

Four angels here.

Sub. You do me wrong, good sir.

Face. Doctor, wherein? To tempt you with these spirits?

Sub. To tempt my art and love, sir, to my

peril.

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