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Clem. Well, let this breathe a-while. You Enter Servant.
that have cause to complain there, stand forth. Sero. Sir, there's a gentleman i' the court with Had you my warrant for this gentleman's appreout, desires to speak with your worship.
hension? Clem. A gentleman!. What is he?
Bob. Aye, an't please your worship. Sero. A soldier, sir, he says.
Clem. Nay, do not speak in passion so. Where Clem. A soldier! My sword, quickly. A sol- had you
it? dier speak with me! Stand by, I will end your Bob. Of your clerk, sir. matters, anon-Let the soldier enter. Now, sir, Clem. That's well, an' my clerk can make warwhat ha' you to say to me?
rants, and my hand not at them! Where is the
warrant? officer, have you it? Enter BOBADIL and Matthew.
Brain. No, sir, your worship’s man, master Bob. By your worship's favour
Formal, bid me do it for these gentlemen, and Clem. Nay, keep out, sir, I know not your pre- he would be my discharge. tence; you send me word, sir, you are a soldier. Clem. Why, Mr Downright, are you such a noWhy, sir, you shall be answered here; here be vice to be served, and never see the warrant ! them have been among soldiers. Sir, your plea- Dow. Sir, he did not serve it on me. sure ?
Clem. No, how then? Bob. Faith, sir, so it is, this gentleman and Dow. Marry, sir, he came to me, and said he myself have been most uncivilly wronged and must serve it, and he would use me kindly, and beaten by one Downright, a coarse fellow about the town here; and, for my own part, I Clem. O, God's pity, was it so, sir? He must protest, being a man in no sort given to this fil- serve it? Give me a warrant, I must serve one thy humour of quarrelling, he hath assaulted me too-you krave, you slave, you rogue, do you say in the way of my peace; despoiled me of mine ho- you must, sirrah? Away with him to the goal! nour; disarmed me of my weapons; and rudely I will teach you a trick for your must, sir. laid me along in the open streets; when I not so Brain. Good sir, I beseech you be good to me. much as once offered to resist him.
Clem, Tell him, he shall go to the goal; away Clem. O, god's precious! Is this the soldiers with him, I say. Lie there, my sword, 'twill make him swoon, I Brain. Aye, sir, if you will commit me, it shall fear; he is not fit to look on't, that will put up a be for committing more than this. I will not blow.
lose by my travel any grain
of my fame certain. Mat. An't please your worship, he was bound
[Throws off his disguise. to the peace.
Clem. How is this! Clem. Why, an' he were, sir, his hands were Kno. My man, Brain-worm! not bound, were they?
Step. O, yes, uncle, Brain-worm has been with Serv. There's one of the varlets of the city, my cousin Edward and I, all this day, sir, has brought two gentlemen here, one upon Clem. I told you all there was some device. your worship’s warrant.
Brain. Nay, excellent Justice, since I have Clem. My warrant!
laid myself thus open to you, now stand strong Sero. Yes, sir, the officer says, procured by for me, both with your sword and your balance. these two.
Clem. Body o' me, a merry knave! Give me a Clem. Bid him come in. Set by this picture. bowl of sack. If he belongs to you, Master What, Mr Downright! are you brought at Mr Kno'well, I bespeak your patience. Freshwater's suit here?
Brain, That is it I have most need of. Sir, if
you will pardon me only, I will glory in all the Enter Downright, Stephen, and Brain
rest of my exploits.
Kno. Sir, you know I love not to have my faDow. I'faith, sir. And here's another, brought vours come hard from me. You have your parat my suit.
don; though I suspect you shrewdly for being of Clem. What are you, sir?
counsel with my son against me. Step. A gentleman, sir. O, uncle !
Brain. Yes, faith, I have, sir; though you reClem. Uncle! Who, Mr Kno'well ?
tained me doubly this morning for yourself; first, Kno. Aye, sir, this is a wise kinsman of mine, as Brain-worm, after, as Fitz-Sword. I was your
Step. God's my witness, uncle, I am wronged reformed soldier. 'Twas I sent you to Cob's uphere monstrously; be charges me with stealing on the errand without end. of his cloak, and would I might never stir, if I Kno. Is it possible? Or that thou should'st disdid not find it in the street by chance.
guise thyself so as I should not know thee? Dow. O, did you find it, now? You said you Brain. 0, sir! this has been the day of my bought it ere-while.
metamorphoses; it is not that shape alone, that Step. And you said I stole it. Nay, now my I have run through to-day. I brought Master uncle is here, I will do well enough with you. Kitely a message too, in the form of Master Jus
tice's man here, to draw him out of the way, as Clem. Oh! I had lost a sheep, an' he had not well as your worship; while Master Well-bred bleated. Why, sir, you shall give Mr Downright might make a conveyance of Mrs Bridget to my his cloak; and I will entreat bim to take it. A young master.
trencher and a napkin you shall have in the butKno. My son is not married, I hope? tery, and keep Cob and his wife company here :
Brain. Faith, sir, they are both as sure as whom I will entreat first to be reconciled; and love, a priest, and three thousand pounds, which you to endeavour with your wit to keep them so. is her portion, can make them; and by this time Step. I will do my best. are ready to bespeak their wedding supper at the Clem. Call Master Kitely, and his wife, there. Windmill, except some friend here prevents them, and invite them home.
Enter KITELY and DAME KITELY. Clem. Marry, that will I; I thank thee for Did I not tell you there was a plot against you? putting me in mind on't. Sirrah, go you and Did I not smell it out, as a wise magistrate fetch them bither upon my warrant. Neither's ought? Have not you traced, have you not found friends have cause to be sorry, if I know the it, eh, Master Kitely? young couple aright. But I pray thee, what hast Kite. I have—I 'confess my folly, and own I thou done with my man Formal?
have deserved what I have suffered for it. The Brain. Faith, sir, after some ceremony past, trial has been severe, but it is past. All I have as making him drunk, first with story, and then to ask now, is, that, as my folly is cured, and my with wine, but all in kindness, and stripping him persecutors forgiven, my shame may be forgotto his shirt; I left him in that cool vein, depart-ten. ed, sold your worship’s warrant to these two, Clem. That will depend upon yourself, Master pawned his livery for that varlet's gown to serve Kitely; do not you yourself create the food for it in; and thus have brought myself, by my acti- mischief, and the mischievous will not prey upon vity, to your worship’s consideration.
you. But come, let a general reconciliation go Clem. And I will consider thee in a cup of round, and let all discontents be laid aside. You, sack. Here's to thee; which having drank off, Master Downright, put off your anger. You, Masthis is my sentence, pledge me. Thou hast done, ter Kno'well, your cares. And do you, Master or assisted to nothing, in my judgment, but de- Kitely, and your wife, put off your jealousies. serves to be pardoned for the wit of the offence. Kite. Sir, thus they go from me: kiss me, my Go into the next room; let Master Kitely into wife. this whimsical business, and, if he does not for See, what a drove of horns fly in the air, give thec, he has less mirth in him than an ho- Winged with my cleansed, and my credulous nest man ought to have. How now, who are breath; these?
Watch them, suspicious eyes, watch where they
fall! Enter Edward Kno'well, Well-BRED, and
See, see, on heads, that think they have none at BRIDGET.
all. O, the young company. Welcome, welcome. O, what a plenteous world of this will come! Give you joy. Nay, Mrs Bridget, blush not! you When air rains horns, all may be sure of some. are not so fresh a bride, but the news of it has Clem, 'Tis well, 'tis well. This night we will come hither before you. Master Bridegroom, I dedicate to friendship, love, and laughter. Mashave made your peace, give me your hand. So ter Bridegroom, take your bride, and lead every will I for the rest, ere you forsake my roof. one a fellow. Here is my mistress, Brain-worm! All. We are the more bound to your humani- to whom all my addresses of courtship shall have
their reference: whose adventures this day, when Clem. Only these two have so little of man in our grand-children shall hear to be made a fable, them, they are no part of my care,
I doubt not but it shall find both spectators and Step. And what shall I do?
Sub. Yes faith, yes faith.
Face. Why, who Enter Face, SUBTLE, and Dol Common.
Am I, my mungrel? Who am I? Face. BELIEVE it, I will.
Sub. I'll tell you, Sub. Do thy worst. I dare thee.
Since you know not yourselfFace. Sirrah, I'll strip you out of all your Face. Speak lower, rogue. sleights.
Sub. Yes, you were once (time not long passed) Dol. Nay, look ye, sovereign, general, are you the good, madmen?
Honest, plain, livery-man, that kept Sub. O, let the wild sheep loose. I'll gum your Your master's worship’s house here in the Friars, silk
For the vacations. With good strong water, an' you come.
Face. Will you be so loud ? Dol. Will you have
Sub. Since, by my means, translated suburbThe neighbours hear you? Will you betray all? captain Face. Sirrah!
Face. By your means, doctor Dog?
Sub. Within man's memory,
Been countenanced by you, or you by me?
Do but collect, sir, where I met you first.
Sub. I do not hear well.
A book, but barely reckoning thy impostures, Face. Not of this, I think it :
Shall prove a true philosopher's stone to printers.
Dol. Will you be
Face. Bawd! Sub. I wish you could advance your voice a Sub. Cow-herd! little.
Face. Conjurer! Face. When you went pinned up in the seve- Sub. Cut-purse!!
Dol. We are ruined ! lost! Have you no more You had raked and picked from dunghills before regard day;
To your reputations? Where's your judgment? Your feet in mouldy slippers, for your kibes;
'Slight, A felt of rug, and a thin threaden cloak, Have yet some care of me, of your republicThat scarce would cover your no-buttocks
Face. Away, this brach. I'll bring the rogue Sub. So, sir !
within Face. When all your alchymy, and your alge- The statute of sorcery, tricesimo tertio bra,
Of Harry the eighth; ay, and, perhaps, thy neck Your minerals, vegetables, and animals,
Within a noose for laundering gold, and barbing Your conjuring, cozening, and your dozen of it. trades,
Dol. You'll bring your head within a cocksCould not relieve your corpse with so much linen comb, will you? Would make you tinder but to see a fire;
[She catches out Face's sword, and breaks I gave you count'nance, credit for your coals,
SUBTLE's glass.] Your stills, your glasses, your materials, And you, sir, with your menstrue, gather it up. Built you a furnace, drew you customers,
you abominable pair of stinkards, Advanced all your black arts, lent you, beside, Leave off your barking, and grow one again, A house to practice in
Or, by the light that shines, I'll cut your throats. Sub. Your master's house?
I'll not be made a prey unto the marshal, Face. Where you have studied the more thri- For ne'er a snarling dog-bolt o' you both. ving skill
Have you together cozened all this while, Of bawdry since.
And all the world? and shall it now be said, Sub. Yes, in your master's house.
You've made most courteous shift to cozen yourYou and the rats here kept possession,
selves? Make it not strange.
You will accuse him! You will bring him in Face. You might talk softlier, rascal.
Within the statute! Who shall take your word? Sub. No, you Scarabe;
A whoreson, upstart, apocryphal captain, I'll thunder you in pieces : I will teach you Whom not a puritan in Black-Friars will trust How to beware to tempt a fury again,
So much as for a feather! And you too That carries tempest in his hand and voice. Will give the cause, forsooth! You will insult,
Dol. Nay, general, I thought you were civil. And claim a primacy in the divisions ! Face. I shall turn desperate, if you grow thus You must be chief ! As if you only had loud.
The powder to project with, and the work Sub. And hang thyself, I care not.
Were not begun out of equality? Face. Hang thee, collier,
The venture tripartite? All things in common; And all thy pots and pans, in picture, I will,
Without priority. Since thou hast moved me
Face. It is his fault; Dol. Oh, this will o'erthrow all.
He ever murmurs, and objects his pains;
Sub. Why, so it does.
Sub. Yes, but they are not equal.
Dol. Why, if your part exceed to-day, I hope Told in red letters, and a face cut for thee, Ours may to-morrow match it. Worse than Gamaliel Ratsey's.
Sub. Ay, they may. Dol. Are you sound?
Dol. May, murmuring mastiff! Ay, and do. Have you your senses, masters ?
Death on me! Face. I will have
Help me to throttle him.
Sub. Dorothy, mistress Dorothy !
Your robes on: I will meet him, as going out. 'Ods precious, I'll do any thing. What do you Dol. And what shall I do? mean?
Face. Not be seen. Away. Dol. Because of your fermentation and ciba- Seem you very reserved. tion
Sub. Enough. Sub. Not I, by Heaven
Face. God be with you, sir. Dol. Your Sol and Luna-help me. I pray you let him know, that I was here, Sub. Would I were hanged then. I'll conform His name is Dapper. I would gladly have staid, myself.
butDol. Will you, sir? Do so, then, and quickly:
Enter DAPPER. swear. Sub. What shall I swear?
Dap. Captain, I am here. Dol. To leave your faction, sir,
Sub. Who's that? And labour kindly in the common work.
Face. He's come, I think, doctor. Sub. Let me not breathe, if I meant ought be- Good faith, sir, I was going away. side.
Dap. In truth, I only used those speeches as a spur
I am very sorry, captain.
Face. But I thought,
I had a scurvy writ or two to make,
That dines to-day at the sheriff's, and so was robShall grow the stronger for this breach, with me. bed Dol. Why so, my good baboons! Shall we go Of my past-time. Is this the cunning man? make
Face. This is his worship. A sort of sober, scurvy, precise, neighbours, Dap. Is he a doctor? (That scarce have smiled twice since the king Face. Yes. came in)
Dap. And ha' you broke with him, captain ? A feast of laughter at our follies? No, agree.
Face. Faith, he does make the matter, sir, so (My noble sovereign, and worthy general)
* dainty, Ere we contribute a new crewel garter
I know not what to say. To his most worsted worship.
Dap. Not so, good captain. Sub. Royal Dol!
Face. Would I were fairly rid on't, believe Spoken like Claridiana and thyself. Face. For which, at supper, thou shalt sit in Dap. Nay, now you grieve me, sir. Why triumph,
should you wish so? And not be stiled Dol Common, but Dol Proper, I dare assure you I'll be not ungrateful. Dol Singular
[One knocks. Face. I'll tell the doctor so. Sub. Who's that? (Knocks.] To the window. Dap. Do, good sweet captain. Pray Heaven
Face. Come, noble doctor, pray thee, let's preThe master do not trouble us this quarter! Face. Oh, fear not him. While there dies one This is the gentleman, and he is no Chiause.
Sub. Captain, I have returned you all my anO the plague, he's safe from thinking toward London.
would do much, sir, for your love--but this Beside, he's busy at his hop-yards now:
I neither may, nor can. I had a letter from him. If he do,
Face. Tut, but do not say so. He'll send such word, for airing o'the house, You deal now with a noble fellow, doctor. As you shall have sufficient time to quit it: One that will thank you richly, and he's no Though we break up a fortnight, 'tis no matter. Chiayse. Sub. Who is it, Dol?
Let that, sir, move you. Dol. A fine young quodling.
Sub. Pray you, forbear.
Face. He has
Face. Doctor, wherein ? To tempt you with To rifle with at horses, and win cups.
these spirits ? Dol. Oh, let him in.
Sub. To tempt my art and love, sir, to my Face. Get you