Hyp. What can this familiar puppy be? Flo. With much ado, I have recollected his face. Don't you remember, madam, about two or three years ago, Don Philip had a trusty servant, called Trappanti, that used now and then to slip a note into your hand as you came from church? Hyp. Is this he, that Philip turned away for saying I was as proud as a beauty, and homely enough to be good humoured? Flo. The very same I assure ye; only, as you see, starving has altered his air a little. Hyp. Poor fellow! I am concerned for him. What makes him so far from Seville? Flo. I am afraid all places are alike to him. Hyp. I have a great mind to take him into my service; his assurance may be useful, as my case stands. Flo. You would not tell him who you are? Hyp. There's no occasion for it-I'll talk with him. Enter TRAPPANTI. Trap. Your dinner's upon the spit, gentlemen, and the cloth is laid in the best room-Are you not for a whet, sir? What wine? what wine? hey! Flo. We give you trouble, sir. Enter HOST. Come, fill out-hold-let me taste it first-Ye blockhead, would ye have the gentleman drink before he knows whether it be good or not? [Drinks.] Yes, 'twill do-Give me the bottle, I'll fill myself. Now, sir, is not that a glass of right wine? Hyp. Extremely good, indeed-But, sir, as to my question. Trap. I'm afraid, sir, that mutton won't be enough for us all. Hyp. Oh, pray sir, bespeak what you please. Trap. Sir, your most humble servant- -Here, master! prithee, get us a-ha! ay, get us a dozen of poached eggs-a dozen, dy'e hear-just to-pop down a little. Host. Yes, sir. [Going. Trap. Friend--let there be a little slice of bacon to every one of them. Hyp. But, sir Trap. 'Odso! I had like to have forgot—— here a-Sancho, Sancho! Ay, is not your name Sancho? Host. Diego, sir. Trap. Oh, ay, Diego; that's true, indeed, Diego. Umph! Hyp. I must e'en let him alone; there's no putting in a word till his mouth's full. Trap. Come, here's to thee, Diego-[Drinks Trap. Not in the least, sir-Hey! [Knocks. and fills again.] That I should forget thy name, though. Host. No great harm, sir. Trap. Diego, ha! a very pretty name, faith -I think you are married, are you not, Diego? Host. Ay, ay, sir. Trap. Ha! how many children? Host. Nine girls and a boy, sir. Trup. Ha! nine girls-Come, here's to thee again, Diego-Nine girls! a stirring woman, I dare say; a good housewife, ha, Diego? Host. Pretty well, sir. Trap. Makes all her pickles herself, I warrant ye- -Does she do olives well? Host. Will you be pleased to taste them, sir? Trap. Taste them! hum! prithee, let's have a plate, Diego. Host. Yes, sir. Trap. If a good post fall in my way. Hyp. I believe I could help you-Pray, sir, when you served last, did you take pay or wages? Trap. Pay, sir!Yes, sir, I was paid, cleared, subsistence and arrears, to a farthing. Hyp. And your late commander's name was— Trap. Don Philip de las Torres. Hyp. Of Seville? Trap. Of Seville. Hyp. Sir, your most humble servant. You need not be curious, for I am sure you don't know me, though I do you, and your condition, which, I dare promise you, I'H mend upon our better acquaintance: and your first step to deserve it, is to answer me honestly to a few questions. Keep your assurance still; it may do me service; I shall like you better for it. Come, here's to [Gives him money. Trap. Sir, my humble service to you. Hyp. Well said. encourage you. Flo. Nay, I'll pass my word he sha'n't dwindle into modesty. Trap. I never heard a gentleman talk better in my life. I have seen such sort of a face before; but where--I don't know, nor I don't care. It's your glass, sir. Hyp. Grammercy! here, cousin. [Drinks to Flora.] Come now, what made Don Philip turn you out of his service? why did you leave him? Trap. 'Twas time, I think; his wits had left him-the man was mad. Hyp. Mad! Trap. Ay, stark mad——in love. Trap. Very deep-up to the ears-over head -drowned by this time he would in——I would have had him stopped when he was up to the middle. Hyp. What was she he was in love with? Hyp. So, now for a very ugly likeness of my Trap. Her Christian name was Donna Hypolita, but her proper name was Shittlecock. Flo. How dy'e like that? [Aside to HYP. Hyp. Pretty well. [Aside to FLO.] Was she handsome? Flo. You seem concerned; who is it? Hyp. My brother Octavio, as I live!-Come this way. [They retire. Enter OCTAVIO and a Servant. Oct. Jasper, run immediately to Rosara's woman; tell her I am just come to town; slip that note into her hand, and stay for an answer. Flo. 'Tis he! Re-enter HOST, conducting Don Philip. Host. Here, sir, please to walk this way. Flo. And Don Philip, by Jupiter! D. Phi. When my servant comes, send him to me immediately. Host. Yes, sir. Hyp. Nay, then, it is time for us to make ready | know the lady, and what the neighbours say of -Alons! [Exeunt HYP. and FLO. Oct. Don Philip! D. Phi. Dear Octavio! Oct. What lucky point of the compass could blow us to one another so? D. Phi. Faith a wind very contrary to my inclination; but the worst, I see, blows some good. I am overjoyed to see you. But what makes you so far from the army? Oct. Who thought to have found you so far from Seville? D. Phi. What do you do at Madrid? Oct. Oh, friend, such an unfortunate occasion, and yet such a lucky discovery! such a mixture of joy and torment, no poor dog upon earth was ever plagued with. D. Phi. Unriddle, pray. Oct. Don't you remember, about six months ago, I wrote you word of a dear, delicious, sprightly creature, that I had bombarded for a whole summer to no purpose? D. Phi. I remember. her. Hyp. This was a lucky discovery-but hush. D. Phi. What will you do in this case? Oct. That I don't yet know: I am half distracted; I have just sent my servant to tell her I am come to town, and beg an opportunity to speak with her; I long to see her; I warrant the poor fool will be so soft and so humble, now she's in a fright. D. Phi. What will you purpose at your meeting her? Oct. I don't know; may be another meeting; at least it will come to a kind look, a kiss, good bye, and a sigh—Ah, if I can but persuade her to run away with me! D. Phi. Consider Oct. Ah, so I do! What pleasure 'twould be, to have her steal out of her bed in a sweet moonshiny night; to hear her come pat, pat, pat, along in her slippers, with nothing but a thin silk night-gown loose about her, and in this tempting dress, to have her jump into my arms, Oct. That same silly, stubborn, charming an- breathless with fear; her panting bosom close gel, now capitulates. D. Phi. Then she's taken. Oct. I can't tell that; for, you must know, her perfidious father, contrary to his treaty with me, and her inclination, is going to D. Phi. Marry her to another Oct. Of a better estate than mine, it seems. She tells me here, he is within a day's march of her; begs me to come upon the spur to her relief; and, if I don't arrive too late, confesses she loves me well enough to open the gates, and let me enter the town before him. There's her express, read it to mine; then to stifle her with kisses, and curl myself about her smooth warm limbs, that breathe an healing odour from their pores, enough to make the senses ache, or fancy mad! D. Phi. Octavio, I envy thee; thou art the happiest man in thy temper Oct. And thou art the most altered I ever knew. Pr'ythee, what makes thee so much upon the humdrum? Well, are my sister and you come to a right understanding yet? When do you marry? Hyp. So, now I shall have my picture by another hand. D. Phi. My condition, Octavio, is very much HYPOLITA, FLORA, and TRAPPANTI appear in like your mistress's; she is going to marry the the Balcony. man she never saw, and I the woman. Oct. 'Sdeath, you make ine tremble! I hope Hyp. Hark! they are talking of a mistress-'tis not my mistress. let us observe. Flo. Trappanti, there's your old master. Trap. Ay, I know him again; but I may chance to tell him, he did not know a good servant when he had him. D. Phi. [Reads.] My father has concluded ' a match for me with one I never saw, and intends, in two days, to perfect it: the gentleman 'is expected every hour. In the mean time, if you know any friend that has a better title to me, advise him forthwith to put in his claim. I " am almost out of my senses, which you will easily believe when I tell you, if such a one 'should make haste, I sha'nt have time to refuse ' him any thing?' ་ Hyp. How is this? D. Phi. No name? Oct. She never would trust it in a letter. D. Phi. Thy mistress! that were an idle fear; Madrid's a wide place-or if it were, (she loving you) my friendship and my honour would oblige me to desist. Oct. That's generous, indeed! but still you amaze me! Are you quite broke off with my sister? I hope she has given you no reason to forget her. Hyp. Now, I tremble. D. Phi. The most severe that ever beauty printed in the heart of man; a coldness unaccountable to sense. Oct. Psha, dissembled. D. Phi. I cann't think it; lovers are soon flattered into hope; but she appeared to me indifferent to so nice a point, that she has ruined me without the trouble of resolving it. Flo. Well, men are fools. Oct. And by this time she's in fits for your leaving her; 'tis her nature; I know her from Oct. [To D. Phi.] My dear friend, I beg a thousand pardons; I must leave you this minute; the kind creature has sent for me. I am a soldier, you know, and orders must be obeyed; when I come off duty I'll immediatewait upon you. D. Phi. You'll find me here, or hear of me. Adieu. Here, house! [Exit OCTAVIO. Oct. Nothing could ever, in appearance, makely her pleased or angry; always too proud to be obliged, too high to be affronted, and thought nothing so low as to seem fond of revenge: she had a stomach that could digest every thing but humility. Hyp. Good lack, Mr Wit! Oct. Yet, with all this, I have sometimes seen her good-natured, generous, and tender. Hyp. There the rogue was civil again. D. Phi. I have thought so, too. [Sighing. Hyp. How can he speak of me with so much generosity? Oct. For all her usage of you, I'll be racked if she did not love you. D. Phi. I rather think she hated me: however, now 'tis past, and I must endeavour to think no more of her. Hyp. Now I begin to hate myself. Oct. Then you are determined to marry this other lady? D. Phi. That's my business to Madrid. Hyp. Come, we have seen enough of the enemy's motions, to know 'tis time for us to decamp. [Exeunt HYPOLITA, FLORA, and TRAPPANTI. Oct. With all my heart; let's go in, and drink your new mistress's health. When do you visit her? D. Phi. I intended it immediately, but an unlucky accident hindered me: one of my servants fell sick upon the road, so that I am forced to make shift with one, and he is the most negligent, sottish rogue in nature; he has leit my portmanteau, where all my writings and letters of concern are, behind him at the last town we lay at, so that I can't properly visit the lady, or her father, till I am able to assure them who I Enter HOST. Host. Just refreshing himself with a glass at the gate. D. Phi. Pray, tell the gentleman I'd speak with him.-[Erit HOST.] In all the necessaries of life, there is not a greater plague than servants. Hey, Soto! Enter SOTO, drunk. Soto. Did you please to-uch!-call, sir? D. Phi. What's the reason, blockhead, I must always wait upon you thus? Soto. Sir, I did not know any thing of it. I— I-came as soon as you se-se-se-sent for me. D. Phi. And why not without sending, sir? Did you think I expected no answer to the business I sent you about? Soto. Yes, sir-I did think you would be willing-that is-to have an account-so, I staid to take a glass at the door, because I would not be out of the way-huh! D. Phi. You are drunk, rascal !—Where's the portmanteau? Soto. Sir, I am here-if you please I'll give you the whole account how the matter is-huh! D. Phi. My mind misgives me- -speak, villain !— [Strikes him. Soto. I will, sir, as soon as I can put my words into an intelligible order: I ar'n't running away, sir. D. Phi. To the point, sirrah. Soto. Not of your sword, dear sir! D. Phi. Sirrah, be brief, or I'll murder you: where's the portmanteau ? Soto. Sir, as I hope to breathe, I made all the strictest search in the world, and drank at every house upon the road going and coming, and asked about it; and so, at last, as I was coming within a mile of the town here, I found, then D. Phi. What? Soto. That it must certainly be lost. Soto. Lord, sir, you won't hear reason Are you sure you ha'n't it about you?--If I know any thing of it I wish I may be burnt! D. Phi. Villain! your life can't make me Ser, Here's an answer, sir. [Gives a letter. satisfaction, Soto. No, sir, that's hard-a man's life can't -for my part-I-I D. Phi. Why do I vent my rage against a sot, a clod of earth? I should accuse myself for trusting him. Soto. Sir-I had rather-bought a portmanteau out of my own pocket, than have had such a life about it. D. Phi. Be dumb! Soto. Ahuh! Yes. D. Phi. If this rascal had stole it, sure he would not have ventured to come back again.I am confounded! Neither Don Manuel nor his daughter know me, nor any of his family. If I should not visit him till I can receive fresh letters from my father, he'll in the mean time think himself affronted by my neglect. What shall I do?-Suppose I go and tell him my misfortune, and beg his patience till we can hear again from Seville. I must think. Hey, sot! [Exeunt. Re-enter HYPOLITA, FLORA, and TRAPPANTI. Trap. Hold, sir; let me touch up your foretop a little. Hyp. So! my gloves. Well, Trappanti, you know your business, and if I marry the lady, you know my promise, too. Trap. Sir, I shall remember them both'Odso! I had like to have forgot-Here, house! a bason and wash-ball-I've a razor about me. Hey! [Knocks. SCENE 1.-DON MANUEL's house. Enter RoSARA and Viletta. Vil. HEAR reason. Ros. Talk of Octavio, then. Trap. Why, Diego! Hyp. Psha! prithee don't stand fooling, we're in haste. Flo. Ay, ay, shave another time. Trap. Nay, what you please, sir; your beard is not much, you may wear it to-day. [Taking her by the chin. Flo. Ay, and to-morrow, too: pray, sir, will you see the coach ready, and put in the things. Trap. Sir, I'll see the coach ready, and put in the things. [Erit TRAP. Flo. Come, madam, courage! Now, let's do something for the honour of our sex, give a proof of our parts, and tell mankind we can contrive, fatigue, bustle, and bring about as well as the best of them. Hyp. Well said, Flora! for the honour of our sex be it, then, and let the grave dons think themselves as wise as they please; but Nature knows there goes more wit to the management of some amours, than the hardest point in politics; ACT II. Vil. How do you know but the gentleman your father designs you for, may prove as pretty a fellow as he? If you should happen to like him as well, would not that do your business as well? Ros. Do you expect Octavio should thank you for this? Vil. The gentleman is no fool. Ros. He'll hate any one that is not a friend to his love. Vil. Hang them, say I but can't one quench one's thirst without jumping into the river? Is there no difference between cooling and drowning? Octavio's now in a very good post-keep him there I know the man; he understands the business he is in to a hair; but, faith, you'll spoil him; he's too pretty a fellow, and too poor a one for an husband. Ros. Poor! he has enough. Therefore, to men the affair of state's confined. Vil. That's the most he has. Vil. But when you have no portion (which I'm afraid you won't have with him) he'll soon have enough of you, and how will your business be done then, pray? Ros. Psha! you talk like a fool. Vil. Come, come, if Octavio must be the man, I say let Don Philip be the husband. Ros. I tell you, fool, I'll have no man but an husband, and no husband but Octavio: when you find I am weary of him, I'll give you leave to talk to me of somebody else. Vil. In vain, I see- -I have done, madam— one must have time to be wise: but, in the mean while, what do you resolve? positively not to marry Don Philip? Ros. I don't know what I shall do, till I see Vil. I am bribed to the contrary. Vil. Octavio; he just now sent me this lovely |