Trap. He, sir, he. D. Man. I'm glad of it, faith-now I shall have a little diversion to moderate my joy-I'll wait on the gentleman myself-Don't you be out of the way, son; I'll be with ye presently-Oh my jaws this fit will carry me off. Ye dear toad! good-bye. [Exit. Hyp. Ha, ha, ha! the old gentleman's as merry as a fiddle; how he'll start when a string snaps in the middle of his tune! Ros. At least, we shall make him change it, I believe. Hyp. That we shall; and here comes one that's to play upon him. Enter FLORA, hastily. Flo. Don Philip, where are you I must needs speak with ye. Begging your ladyship's pardon, madam. [Whispers HYPOLITA.] Stand to your arms; the enemy's at the gate, faith:but I've just thought of a sure card to win the lady into our party. Ros. Who can this youth be she is so familiar with? he must certainly know her business here, and she is reduced to trust him. What odd things we women are! never to know our own SCENE I.-Continues. minds. How very humble now has her pride made her! Hyp. [To FLORA.] I like your advice so well, that, to tell you the truth, I have made bold to take it before you gave it me. Flo. Is it possible? Hyp. Come, I'll introduce ye. Hyp. Madam, if your ladyship pleases. [To ROSARA Ros. Is this gentleman your friend, sir? Hyp. This friend, madam, is my gentlewoman, at your service. Ros. Gentlewoman! What, are we all going into breeches, then? Flo. That used to be my post, madam, when I wore a needle; but, now I have got a sword by my side, I shall be proud to be your ladyship's humble servant. Ros. Troth, I think it's a pity you should either of you ever part with your swords: I never saw a prettier couple of adroit cavaliers in my life. Flo. Egad, I don't know how it is, madam; but, methinks, these breeches give me such a nettled air, I cannot help fancying but that I left my sex at home in my petticoats. Hyp. Why, faith, for aught I know, hadst thou been born to breeches instead of a fille de chambre, fortune might have made thee a beau garçon at the head of a regiment-But hush! there's Don Philip and the old gentleman: we must not be seen yet. If you please to retire, madam, I'll tell you how we intend to deal with them. Ros. With all my heart-Come, ladiesGentlemen--I beg your pardon. [Exeunt. ACT IV. Enter DoN MANUEL and DON PHILIP. D. Man. WELL, sir; and so you were robbed of your portmanteau, you say, at Toledo, in which are all your letters and writings relating to your marriage with my daughter, and that's the reason you are come without them. D. Phi. I thought, sir, you might reasonably take it ill I should have lain a week or two in town, without paying you my duty. I was not robbed of the regard I owe my father's friend; that, sir, I have brought with me, and 'twould have been ill manners not to have paid it at my first arrival. D. Man. Ah, how smooth the spark is![Aside.] Well, sir, I am pretty considerably glad to see you; but, I hope, you'll excuse me if, in a matter of this consequence, I seem a little cautious. D. Phi. Sir, I sha'nt propose any immediate progress in my affair, till you receive fresh advice from my father; in the mean time, I shall think myself obliged by the bare freedom of your house, and such entertainment as you'd, at least, afford a common stranger. D. Man. Impudent rogue! the freedom of my house! yes, that he may be always at hand to secure the main chance for my friend Octavio-But now I'll have a touch of the bamboozle with him. [Aside.] Look ye, sir, while I see nothing to contradict what you say you are, d'ye see, you shall find me a gentleman. D. Phi. So my father told me, sir. D. Mun. But, then, on the other hand, d'ye see, a man's honesty is not always written in his face; and (begging your pardon) if you should prove a damned rogue now, d'ye see?" D. Phi. Sir, I cannot, in reason, take any thing ill, that proceeds only from your caution. D. Man. Civil rascal! [Aside.] No, no, as you say, I hope you won't take it ill neither; for how do I know, you know, but what you tell me (begging your pardon again, sir,) may be all a lie! D. Phi. Another man, indeed, might say the same to you; but I shall take it kindly, sir, if you suppose me a villain no oftener than you have occasion to suspect me. D. Man. Sir, you speak like a man of honour, it is confessed; but (begging your pardon again, sir,) so may a rascal too, sometimes. D. Phi. But a man of honour, sir, can never speak like a rascal. D. Man. Why, then, with your honour's leave, sir, is there nobody here in Madrid that knows you? Enter TRAPPANTI. Come hither, friend; dost thou know this gentleman? Trap. Bless me, sir! is it you? Sir, this is my old master I lived with at Seville. D. Phi. I remember thee; thy name's Trappanti; thou wert my servant when I first went to travel. Trap. Ay, sir, and about twenty months after you came home, too. D. Phi. You see, sir, this fellow knows me. D. Man. Oh, I never questioned it in the least, sir! Prithee, what's this worthy gentleman's name, friend? Trup. Sir, your honour has heard me talk of D. Phi. Sir, I never saw Madrid till within him a thousand times; his name, sir—his name these two hours, though there is a gentleman in is Guzman: his father, sir, old Don Guzman, is town that knew me intimately at Seville. I met the most eminent lawyer in Seville, was the very him by accident at the inn where I alighted; he's person that drew up the settlement and articles known here; if it will give you any present satis-of my master's marriage with your honour's faction, I believe I could easily produce him to vouch for me. D. Man. At the inn, say ye, did you meet this gentleman? What's his name, pray? D. Phi. Octavio Cruzado. daughter this gentleman knows all the particulars as well as if he had drawn them up himself: but, sir, I hope there's no mistake in them that may defer the marriage. D. Phi. Confusion ! D. Man. Now, sir, what sort of answer d'ye D. Man. Ha, my bully confessor! this agrees word for word with honest Trappanti's intelli-think fit to make me? gence [Aside-Well, sir, and pray what does he give you for this job? D. Phi. Job, sir! D. Man. Ay, that is, do you undertake it out of good fellowship, or are you to have a sort of fellow-feeling in the matter? D. Phi. Sir, if you believe me to be the son of Don Fernando, I must tell ye, your manner of receiving me is what you ought not to suppose can please him, or I can thank you for; if you think me an impostor, I'll ease you of the trouble of suspecting me, and leave your house, till I can bring better proofs who I D. Phi. Now, sir? that I'm obliged, in honour, not to leave your house till I at least have seen the villain that calls himself Don Philip, that has robbed me of my portmanteau, and would you, sir, of your honour and your daughter-As for this rascal Trap. Sir, I demand protection. [Runs behind DON MANUEL. D. Man. Hold, sir; since you are so brisk, and in my own house, too-call your master, friend: you'll find we have swords within can match you. Trap. Ay, sir, I may chance to send you one will take down your courage. [Exit TRAPPANTI. D. Phi. I ask your pardon, sir; I must confess the villany I saw designed against my father's friend had transported me beyond good manners; but be assured, sir, use ine henceforward as you please, I will detect it though I lose my life. Nothing shall affront me, now, till I have proved myself your friend indeed, and Don Fernando's son. D. Man. Nay, look yc, sir, I will be very civil, too-I won't say a word-you shall e'en squabble it out by yourselves; not but, at the same time, thou art to me the merriest fellow that ever I saw in my life. Enter IYPOLITA, FLORA, and TRAPPANTI. Hyp. Who's this that dares usurp my name, and calls himself Don Philip de las Torres? D. Phi. Ha! this is a young competitor indeed! Aside. Flo. Is this the gentleman, sir? D. Man. Yes, yes; that's he: ha, ha! D. Phi. Yes, sir, I'm the man who, but this morning, lost that name upon the road. I'm informed an impudent young rascal has picked it out of some writings in the portmanteau he robbed me of, and has brought it hither before me. D'ye know any such, sir? Flo. The fellow really does it very well, sir. D. Man. Oh, to a miracle! [Aside. Hyp. Prithee, friend, how long dost thou expect thy impudence will keep thee out of gaol? Could not the coxcomb, that put thee upon this, inform thee, too, that this gentleman was a magistrate? D. Man. Well said, my little champion. D. Phi. Now, in my opinion, child, that might as well put thee in mind of thy own condition; for, suppose thy wit and impudence should so far succeed, as to let thee ruin this gentleman's family, by really marrying his daughter, thou cans't not but know 'tis impossible thou shouldst enjoy her long; a very few days must unavoidably discover thee in the mean time, if thou wilt spare me the trouble of exposing thee, and generously confess thy roguery, thus far I'll forgive thee; but, if thou still proceedest upon his credulity to a marriage with the lady, don't flatter thyself that all her fortune shall buy off my evidence; for I'm bound in honour, as well as law, to hang thee for the robbery. Hyp. Sir, you are extremely kind. Hyp. But may not I presume, my dear friend, this wheedle was offered as a trial of this gentleman's credulity? Ha, ha, ha! D. Man. Indeed, my friend, 'tis a very shallow one. Canst thou think I'm such a sot as to believe, that, if he knew 'twere in thy power to hang him, he would not have run away at the first sight of thee? D. Phi. Very well, sir; I may have better when I see you next. Hyp. Look ye, sir, since your undertaking (though you designed it otherwise) has promoted my happiness, thus far I pass it by; though I question if a man, that stoops to do such base injuries, dares defend them with his sword: however, now at least you're warned; but be assured, your next attempt D. Phi. Will startle you, my spark. I am afraid you'll be a little humbler when you are hand-cuffed. Though you won't take my word against him, sir, perhaps another magistrate may my oath, which, because I see his marriage is in haste, I am obliged to make immediately. If he can outface the law, too, I shall be content to be the coxcomb then you think me. [Exit DON PHILIP. D. Man. Ah, poor fellow! he's resolved to carry it off with a good face, however. Ha, ha, ha!' Trap. Aye, sir, that's all he has for't, indeed. Hyp. Trappanti, follow him, and do as I directed. Trap. I warrant ye, sir. [Aside to TRAPPAnti. [Exit TRAPPANTI. D. Man. Ha! my little champion, let me kiss thee; thou hast carried the day like a hero.— Man, nor woman, nothing can stand before thee. I'll make thee monarch of my daughter immediately. Hyp. That's the Indies, sir. D. Man. Well said, my lad-Ah, my heart's going to dance again! Prithee, let's in before it gets the better of me, and give the bride an account of thy victory. Hyp. Sir, if you please to prepare the way, I'll march after you in form, and lay my laurels at her feet like a conqueror. D. Man. Say'st thou so, my little soldier? Trap. Aye, sir, he must be a dull rogue in- Why, then, I'll send for the priest, and thou shalt deed, that would not run away from a halter-be married in triumph. Ha, ha, ha! [All laugh. D. Phi. Sir, I ask your pardon; I begin now to be a little sensible of my folly-I perceive this gentleman has done his business with you effectually however, sir, the duty I owe my father obliges me not to leave your cause, though I'll leave your house immediately. When you see me next, you'll know Don Philip from a rascal. : D. Man. Ah, 'twill be the same if I know a rascal from Don Philip! But, if you please, sir, never give yourself any further trouble in this business; for what you have done, d'ye see, is so far from interrupting my daughter's marriage, that, with this gentleman's leave, l'in resolved to finish it this very hour; so that, when you see your friend the politician, you must tell him you had cursed luck; that's all. Ha, ha, ha! Hyp. Now, Flora. [Exit DON MANUEL. Flo. Aye, now, madam, who says we are not politicians? I'd fain see any turn of state managed with half this dexterity. But pray, what is Trappanti detached for? Hyp. Only to interrupt the motions of the enemy, girl, till we are safe in our trenches; for, should Don Philip chance to rally upon us with an Alguazil and a warrant, before I am fast tied to the lady, we may be routed, for all this. Flo. Trappanti knows his business, I hope. Hyp. You'll see presently-but hush! here comes my brother: poor gentleman! he's upon thorns, too; I have made Rosara write him a most provoking letter. Flo. Nay, you have an admirable genius to mischief. But what has poor Octavio done to you, that he must be plagued, too? Hyp. Well, dear Flora, don't chide; indeed this shall be the last day of my reign. Come, now, let's in, keep up the old Don's humour, and laugh at him. Flo. Aye, there, with all my heart! Vil. Now, sir, you deserve a friend. [Exit VILETTA. Oct. Sure this letter must be but artifice, a humour to try how far my love can bear-and yet, methinks, she cannot but know the impu[Exeunt.dence of my young rival, and her father's impor Enter OCTAVIO with a letter, and VILETTA. Vil. Ah, dear sir, if you had but seen how the young gentleman laid about him, you'd ha' wondered how she held out so long. Oct. Death! 'tis impossible! Vil. Common, sir, common. I have known a prouder lady as nimble as she. What will you lay, that, before the moon changes, she is not false to your rival? Oct. Don't torture me, Viletta. tunity, are too pressing to allow her any time to fool away: and, if she were really false, she could not take a pride in confessing it. Death! I know not what to think: the sex is all a riddie, and we are the fools that crack our brains to expound them. Vil. Sir, she says, in short, she cannot possibly speak with you now, for she is just going to be Vil. Come, sir, take heart; my life on't, you'll married. be the happy man at last. Oct. Thou art mad. Does she not tell me here, in her letter, she has herself consented to marry another? nay, does not she, too, insult me with a- -yet loves me better than the person she's to marry? Vil. Insult! is that the best you can make on't? Ah, you men have such heads! Oct. What dost thou mean? Vil. Sir, to be free with you, my mistress is grown wise at last; my advice, I perceive, begins to work with her, and your business is done. Oct. What was thy advice? Vil. Why, to give the post of husband to your rival, and put you in for a deputy. You know the business of the place, sir, if you mind it: by the help of a few good stars, and a little moonshine, there's many a fair perquisite may fall in your way. Oct. Thou ravest, Viletta! 'tis impossible she can fall so low. Vil. Ah, sir, you cannot think how love will humble a body! Oct. I'll believe nothing ill of her, till her own mouth confess it: she can never own this letter: she cannot but know I should stab her with reproaches: therefore, dear Viletta, ease me of my torments; go this moment, and tell her I'm upon the rack till I speak with her. Vil. Sir, I dare not for the world! the old gentleman's with her; he'll knock my brains Oct. Death! daggers! blood! confusion! and ten thousand furies! Vil. Hey-day! what's all this for? Vil. Aye, by my troth, so one would think, if one could but believe you had any at all: if you have three grains, I'm sure you cannot but know her compliance with this match must give her a little liberty; and can you suppose she'd desire to see you an hour hence, if she did not design to make use of it? Oct. Use of it! Death! When the wedding's over? Vil. Dear sir, but the bedding won't be over, and, I presume, that's the ceremony you have a mind to be master of. Oct. Don't flatter me, Viletta. Vil. Faith, sir, I'll be very plain: you are, to me, the dullest person I ever saw in my life; but, if you have a mind, I'll tell her you won't come. Oct. No, don't say so, Viletta. Vil. Then pray, sir, do as she bids you don't stay here to spoil your own sport; you'll have the old gentleman come thundering down upon ye by-and-by, and then we shall have ye at your ten thousand furies again. Hist! Here's company; good-bye to ye. [Erit VILETTA. Oct. How now, what's the meaning of this? D. Phi. Come, sir, there's no retreating now; this you must justify. Trap. Sir, I will, and a great deal more; but, prav, sir, give me leave to recover my courage-I protest, the keen looks of that instrument have quite frighted it away. Pray, put it up, sir. CIBBER.] D. Phi. Nay, to let thee see I had rather be thy friend than enemy, I'll bribe thee to be honest. Discharge thy conscience like a man, and I'll engage to make these five ten pieces. Enter a Servant. Oct. Be generous, and tell me, have I ever yet D. Phi. I hope my actions have confessed it. Oct. Forgive my fears, and, since 'tis impossible you can feel the pain of loving her you are engaged to marry, not having (as you own) yet ever seen her, let me conjure you, by all the ties Trap. Sir, your business will be done effec- of honour, friendship, and pity, never to attempt tually. D. Phi. Here, friend, will ye I desire to speak with him? Oct. Don Philip! tell your master D. Phi. Octavio! this is fortunate indeed! the only place in the world I would have wished to have found ye in. Oct. What's the matter? D. Phi. You'll see presently. But, prithee, how stands your affair with your mistress? her more. D. Phi. You amaze me! Oct. 'Tis the same dear creature I so passionately dote on. Ď. Phi. Is it possible? Nay, then, be easy in thy thoughts, Octavio; and now I dare confess the folly of my own: I'm not sorry thou art my rival here. In spite of all my weak philosophy, I must own, the secret wishes of my soul are still Hypolita's. I know not why; but yet, methinks, -Ithe unaccountable repulses I have met with here, look like an omen of some new, though far distant, hope of her. I can't help thinking, that my fortune still resolves, spite of her cruelty, to make me one day happy. Oct. The devil take me if I can tell ye!don't know what to make of her; about an hour ago, she was for scaling walls to come at me; and this minute-whip, she's going to marry the stranger I told you of; nay, confesses, too, 'tis with her own consent; and yet begs, by all means, to see me as soon as her wedding's over. Is it not very pretty? Re-enter a Servant. D. Phi. Something gay, indeed. D. Phi. No, I can't get admittance to her. Oct. Quit but Rosara, I'll engage she shall be yours. D. Phi. Not only that, but will assist you, with my life, to gain her: I shall easily excuse myself to my father for not marrying the mistress of my dearest friend. Oct. Dear Philip, let me embrace you! But how shall we manage the rascal of an impostor? Suppose you run immediately, and swear the robbery against him? Ď. Phi. I was just going about it; but, accidentally meeting with this fellow, has luckily prevented me, who, you must know, has been chief D. Phi. When I came to pay my duty here to engineer in the contrivance against me; but, bethe old gentleman Oct. Here! D. Phi. Ay, I found an impudent young rascal here before me, that had taken my name up on him, robbed me of my portmanteau, and, by virtue of some papers there, knew all my concerns to a tittle: he has told a plausible tale to her father, faced him down that I'm an impostor, and, if I don't this minute prevent him, is going to marry the lady. Oct. Death and hell! [Aside.] What sort of fellow was this rascal? D. Phi. A little pert coxcomb: by his impudence and dress, I guess him to be some French page. Oct. A white wig, red coat D. Phi. Right; the very picture of the little Englishman we knew at Paris. Oct. Confusion! friend at last my rival, my too- -Yet hold-my rival is my friend; he owns [Aside. he has not seen her yet D. Phi. You seem concerned. Oct. Undone for ever, unless dear Philip's still my friend. D. Phi. What's the matter? tween threats, bribes, and promises, has confessed the whole roguery, and is now ready to swear it against him: so, because I understand the spark is very near his marriage, I thought this would be the best and soonest way to detect him. Oct. That's right; the least delay might have lost all: besides, I am here to strengthen his evidence; for I can swear that you are the true Don Philip. D. Phi. Right. Trap. Sir, with humble submission, that will be quite wrong. Oct. Why so? Trap. Because, sir, the old gentleman is sub- D. Phi. Ha! There's reason in that. All your |