stroke of Heaven I can bear; but injuries from men, Mr Worthy, are not so easily supported. Wor. I hope, sir, you're under no apprehensions of wrong from any body? Bal. You know I ought to be. Wor. You wrong my honour in believing I could know any thing to your prejudice, without resenting it as much as you should. Bal. This letter, sir, which I tear in pieces to conceal the person that sent it, informs me that Plume has a design upon Sylvia, and that you are privy to it. Wor. Nay, then, sir, I must do myself justice and endeavour to find out the author.-Takes up a bit.]-Sir, I know the hand, and, if you refuse to discover the contents, Melinda shall tell me. [Going. Bal. Hold, sir! the contents I have told you already; only with this circumstance, that her intimacy with Mr Worthy had drawn the secret from him. Wor. Her intimacy with me! Dear sir! Let me pick up the pieces of this letter, 'twill give me such a power over her pride, to have her own an intimacy under her hand-This was the luckiest accident!--[Gathering up the letter.]— The aspersion, sir, was nothing but malice, the effect of a little quarrel between her and Mrs Sylvia. Bal. Are you sure of that, sir? Wor. Her maid gave me the history of part of the battle, just now, as she overheard it: But I hope, sir, your daughter has suffered nothing upon the account? Bal. No, no, poor girl; she's so afflicted with the news of her brother's death, that, to avoid company, she begged leave to go into the country. Wor. And is she gone? Bal. I could not refuse her, she was so pressing the coach went from the door the minute before you came. : Wor. So pressing to be gone, sir! I find her fortune will give her the same airs with Melinda, and then Plume and I may laugh at one another. Bal. Like enough; women are as subject to pride as men are; and why mayn't great women, as well as great men, forget their old acquaintance? But come, where's this young fellow? I love him so well, it would break the heart of me to think him a rascal- -I am glad my daughter's gone fairly off, though-[Aside.]-Where does the captain quarter? Wor. At Horton's; I am to meet him there two hours hence, and we should be glad of your company. SCENE III.-The street, Enter KITE, with COSTAR PEARMAIN in one hand, and THOMAS APPLETREE in the other, drunk. KITE sings. Our 'prentice Tom may now refuse To wipe his scoundrel master's shoes, For now he's free to sing and play Over the hills and far away. -Over, &c. [The mob sing the chorus, We shall lead more happy lives, Kite. Hey, boys! thus we soldiers live! drink, sing, dance, play-we live, us one should saywe live-'tis impossible to tell how we live-we are all princes-why-why, you are a king-you are an emperor, and I'm a prince--now-an't we? Tho. No, serjeant; I'll be no emperor. Kite. No! Tho. I'll be a justice of peace. Kite. A justice of peace, man! Tho. Aye, wauns, will I; for, since this pressing act, they are greater than any emperor under the sun. Kite. Done; you are a justice of peace, and you are a king; and I am a duke, and a rum duke, an't I? Cos. Aye, but I'll be no king. Cos. I'll be a queen. Cos. Aye, of England, that's greater than any king of them all. Kite. Bravely said, faith! Huzza for the queen!-[Huzza.]-But, hark'e, you, Mr Justice, and you, Mr Queen, did you ever see the king's picture? Both. No, no, no! Kite. I wonder at that; I have two of them set in gold, and as like his majesty, God bless the mark! see here, they are set in gold. [Takes two broad pieces out of his pocket; presents one to each. Tho. The wonderful works of nature! [Looking at it. Cos. What's this written about? Here's a posy, I believe. Ca-ro-lus? What's that, serjeant? Bal. Your pardon, dear Worthy! I must al- Kite. O! Carolus! Why, Carolus is Latin for low a day or two to the death of my son; after-king George; that's all. wards, I'm yours over a bottle, or how you will. Wor. Sir, I'm your humble servant. [Exeunt apart. Cos. Tis a fine thing to be a scollard !-Serjeant, will you part with this? I'll buy it of you, if it come within the compass of a crown. Kite. A crown! never talk of buying; 'tis the same thing among friends, you know; I'll present them to ye both: you shall give me as good a thing. Put them up, and remember your old friend when I am over the hills and far away. [They sing, and put up the money. Enter PLUME, singing. Over the hills and over the main, Come on, my men of mirth; away with it; I'll make one among ye. Who are these hearty lads? Kite. Off with your hats; 'ounds! off with your hats; this is the captain, the captain! Tho. We have seen captains afore now, mun. Cos. Aye, and lieutenant-captains, too. 'Sflesh! I'll keep on my nab. Tho. And I'se scarcely d'off mine for any captain in England. My vether's a freeholder. Plume. Who are those jolly lads, serjeant? Kite. A couple of honest, brave fellows, that are willing to serve the king: I have entertained them, just now, as volunteers under your honour's command. Plume. And good entertainment they shall have volunteers are the men I want; those are the men fit to make soldiers, captains, generals. Cos. Wounds, Tuminas, what's this? Are you listed? Tho. Flesh! not I: are you, Costar? it, neither; that we dare not do, for fear of being shot; but we humbly conceive, in a civil way, and begging your worship's pardon, that we may go home. Plume. That's easily known. Have either of you received any of the king's money? Cos. Not a brass farthing, sir. Kite. They have each of them received oneand-twenty shillings, and 'tis now in their pock ets. Cos. Wounds! if I have a penny in my pocket but a bent sixpence, I'll be content to be listed, and shot into the bargain. Tho. And I look ye, here, sir. Cos. Nothing but the king's picture that the serjeant gave me, just now. Kite. See there, a guinea, one-and-twenty shillings; t'other has the fellow on't. Plume. The case is plain, gentlemen; the goods are found upon you: those pieces of gold are worth one-and-twenty shillings, each. Cos. So it seems that Carolus is one-and-twenty shillings in Latin. Tho. 'Tis the same thing in Greek; for we are listed. Cos. Flesh! But we an't, Tummas; I desire to be carried before the mayor, captain. [Captain and serjeant whisper the while. Plume. Twill never do, Kite-your damned tricks will ruin me at last-I won't lose the fellows, though, if I can help it-Well, gentlemen, there must be some trick in this; my serjeant offers to take his oath, that you are fairly listed. Tho. Why, captain, we know that you soldiers have more liberty of conscience than other folks; but, for me, or neighbour Costar here, to take Kite. What! Not listed? Ha, ha, ha! a very such an oath, 'twould be downright perjuration. good jest, i'faith! Cos. Come, Tummas, we'll go home. Tho. Aye, aye, come. Kite. Home! for shame, gentlemen; behave yourselves better before your captain. Tummas, honest Costar! Tho. No, no, we'll be gone. Dear Kite. Nay, then, I command you to stay; I place you both centinels in this place for two hours, to watch the motion of St Mary's clock, you-and you the motion of St Chad's; and he that dares stir from his post, till he be relieved, shall have my sword in his guts the next minute. Plume. What's the matter, serjeant? I'm afraid you are too rough with these gentlemen. Kite. I'm too mild, sir; they disobey command, sir; and one of them should be shot for an example to the other. Cos. Shot! Tummas? Plume. Come, gentlemen, what's the matter? Tho. We don't know; the noble serjeant is pleased to be in a passion, sir-but Kite. They disobey command; they deny their being listed. Tho. Nay, serjeant, we don't downright deny Plyme. Look'e, rascal, you villain! If I find, that you have imposed upon these two honest fellows, I'll trample you to death, you dogCome, how was't? Tho. Nay, then, we'll speak. Your serjeant, as you say, is a rogue, an't like your worship, begging your worship's pardon-and Cost. Nay, Tummas, let me speak; you know I can read. And so, sir, he gave us those two pieces of money for pictures of the king, by way of a present. Plume. How! by way of a present? the son of a whore! I'll teach him to abuse honest fellows like you! scoundrel! rogue! villain! [Beats off the serjeant, and follows. Both. O brave, noble captain! huzza! A brave captain, faith! Cos. Now, Tummas, Carolus is Latin for a beating. This is the bravest captain I ever saw -Wounds! I have a month's mind to go with him. Enter PLUME. Plume. A dog, to abuse two such honest fellows as you-Look'e, gentlemen, I love a pretty fellow; I come among you as an officer, to list soldiers, not as a kidnapper, to steal slaves. Cost. Mind that, Tummas. Plume. I desire no man to go with me but as I went myself; I went a volunteer, as you, or you may do; for a little time carried a musket, and now I command a company. Tho. Mind that, Costar. A sweet gentleman! Plume. 'Tis true, gentlemen, I might take an advantage of you; the king's money was in your pockets; my serjeant was ready to take his oath you were listed; but I scorn to do a base thing; you are both of you at your liberty. Cost. Thank you, noble captain! -'icod! I can't find in my heart to leave him, he talks so finely. Tho. Aye, Costar, would he always hold in this mind! : Plume. Come, my lads, one thing more I'll tell you you're both young tight fellows, and the army is the place to make you men for ever: every man has his lot, and you have yours: what think you of a purse of French gold out of a monsieur's pocket, after you have dashed out his brains with the butt-end of your fire-lock? eh? Cost. Wauns! I'll have it. Captain—give me a shilling; I'll follow you to the end of the world. Tho. Nay, dear Costar! do'na: be advised. Plume. Here, my hero; here are two guineas for thee, as earnest of what I'll do farther for thee. Tho. Do'na take it; do'na, dear Costar! [Cries, and pulls back his arm. Cost. I wull-I wull-Waunds! my mind gives me that I shall be a captain myselfI take your money, sir, and now I am a gentle man. Plume. Give me thy hand, and now you and I will travel the world o'er, and command it wherever we tread-Bring your friend with you, if you can. [Aside. Cost. Well, Tummas, must we part? Tho No, Costar, I cannot leave thee-Come, captain, I'll e'en go along, too; and if you have two honester, simpler lads in your company, than we two have been, I'll say no more. Plume. Here, my lad. [Gives him money.]- Tho. Tummas Appletree. Cost. Costar Pearmain. Plume. Well said, Costar! Born where? Over the hills and far away. SCENE I-The Market-place. ACT III. Enter PLUME and WORTHY. Wor. I CANNOT forbear admiring the equality of our two fortunes: we love two ladies; they meet us half way, and just as we were upon the point of leaping into their arms, fortune drops in their laps, pride possesses their hearts, a maggot fills their heads, madness takes them by the tails; they snort, kick up their heels, and away they run. Plume. And leave us here to mourn upon the shore-a couple of poor melancholy monstersWhat shall we do? Wor. I have a trick for mine; the letter, you know, and the fortune-teller. - Plume. And I have a trick for mine. 'Wor. What is't? Plume. I'll never think of her again. Wor. No! Plume. No; I think myself above administering to the pride of any woman, were she worth twelve thousand a-year, and I han't the vanity to believe I shall gain a lady worth twelve hundred. The generous, good-natured Sylvia, in her smock, I admire; but the haughty and scornful Sylvia, with her fortune, I despise-What! sneak out of town, and not so much as a word, a line, a compliment! 'Sdeath! how far off does she live? I'll go and break her windows. Wor. Ha, ha, ha! aye, and the window-bars, too, to come at her. Come, come, friend; no more of your rough military airs. Enter KITE. Kite. Captain, captain! Sir, look yonder, she's a-coming this way. 'Tis the prettiest, cleanest, little tit! Plume. Now, Worthy, to shew you how much Enter Rose, followed by her brother BULLOCK, one of these hussars eat up a ravelin for his breakfast, and afterwards pick his teeth with a palisado. Bul. Ay, you soldiers see very strange things; but pray, sir, what is a rabelin? Kite. Why, 'tis like a modern minced pie, but the crust is confounded hard, and the plumbs Rose. Buy chickens, young and tender chick-are somewhat hard of digestion. ens, young and tender chickens. Plume. Here, you chickens! Plume. Come hither, pretty maid! Plume. Nay, Worthy, that's not fair; market for yourselfCome, child, I'll buy all you have. Rose. Then all I have is at your service. [Curtesies. Wor. Then must I shift for myself, I find. [Exit WoR. Plume. Let me see; young and tender you say? [Chucks her under the chin. Rose. As ever you tasted in your life, sir. Plume. Come, 1 must examine your basket to the bottom, my dear! Rose. Nay, for that matter, put in your hand; feel, sir; I wa rant my ware is as good as any in the market. Plume. And I'll buy it all, child, were it ten times more. Rose. I can furnish you. Plume. Come, then, we won't quarrel about the price; they're fine birds-Pray, what's your name, pretty creature? Rose. Rose, sir. My father is a farmer within three short miles o' the town: we keep this market; I sell chickens, eggs, and butter, and my brother Bullock, there, sells corn. Bul. Come, sister, haste; we shall be late home. [Whistles about the stage. Plume. Kite! [Tips him the wink, he returns it.] Pretty Mrs Rose-you have; let me see; how many? Bul. Then your palisado-pray be? Come, Ruose, pray ha' done. what may he Kite. Your palisado is a pretty sort of bodkin, about the thickness of my leg. Bul. That's a fib, I believe. [Aside.] Eh! where's Ruose? Ruose, Ruose! S'flesh! where's Ruose gone? Kite. She's gone with the captain. Bul. The captain! wouns! there's no pressing of women, sure. Kite. But there is, sure. Bul. If the captain shoul'd press Ruose, I should be ruined- -Which way went she? Oh! the devil take your rabelins and palisadoes! [Erit BUL. Kite. You shall be better acquainted with them, honest Bullock, or I shall miss of my aim. Enter WORTHY. Wor. Why thou art the most useful fellow in nature to your captain; admirable in your way, I find. Kite. Yes, sir, I understand my business, I will say it. Wor. How came you so qualified? Kite. You must know, sir, I was born a gipsy, and bred among that crew, till I was ten years old; there, I learned canting and lying: I was bought from my mother Cleopatra by a certain nobleman for three pistoles; there, I learned impudence and pimping: I was turned off for wearing my lord's linen, and drinking my lady's ratafia, and turned bailiff's follower; there, I learned bullying and swearing: I at last got into the army; and there, I learned whoring and drinking-so that if your worship pleases to cast up the whole sum, viz. canting, lying, impudence, pimping, bullying, swearing, whoring, Bul. Come, Ruose; I sold fifty strake of bar-drinking, and a halberd, you will find the sum ley to-day in half this time; but you will higgle total amount to a recruiting serjeant. and higgle for a penny more than the commodity Wor. And pray, what induced you to turn is worth. soldier? Rose. A dozen, sir, and they are richly worth a crown. Kite. Hunger and ambition. The fears of Rose. What's that to you, oaf? I can make as much out of a groat as you can out of four-starving, and hopes of a truncheon, led me along pence, I'm sure-The gentleman bids fair, and to a gentleman with a fair tongue, and fair periwhen I meet with a chapman I know how to wig, who loaded me with promises; but, gad, make the best of him-And so, sir, I say, for a it was the lightest load that ever I felt in my crown-piece, the bargain's yours. life- -He promised to advance me, and inPlume. Here's a guinea, my dear! deed he did so-to a garret in the Savoy. I Rose. I can't change your money, sir. asked him why he put me in prison? he called Plume. Indeed, indeed, but you can-my me lying dog, and said I was in garrison; and lodging is hard by, chicken! and we'll make indeed 'tis a garrison that may hold out till doomchange there. [Goes off, she follows him.sday before I should desire to take it again. Kite. So, sir, as I was telling you, I have seen But here comes Justice Balance, Bal. Thou'rt mad, fellow; thy sister's safe enough. Kite. I hope so, too. [Aside. Wor. Hast thou no more sense, fellow, than to believe, that the captain can list women? Bul. I know not whether they list them, or what they do with them; but I'm sure they carry as many women as men with them out of the country. Bal. But how came you not to go along with your sister? Bul. Lord, sir, I thought no more of her going, than I do of the day I shall die but this gentleman here, not suspecting any hurt neither, I believe-you thought no harm, friend, did you? Kite. Lack-a-day, sir, not I-only that I believe I shall marry her to-morrow. Bal. I begin to smell powder. Well, friend, but what did that gentleman with you? Bul. Why, sir, he entertained me with a fine story of a great sea-fight between the Hungarians, I think it was, and the wild Irish. Kite. And so, sir, while we were in the heat of battle the captain carried off the baggage. Bal. Serjeant, go along with this fellow to your captain, give him my humble service, and desire him to discharge the wench, though he has listed her. Bul. Ay, and if she ben't free for that, he shall have another man in her place. Kite. Come, honest friend. You shall go to my quarters, instead of the captain's. [Aside. [Exeunt KITE and BULLOCK. Bal. We must get this mad captain his complement of men, and send him packing, else he'll over-run the country. Wor. You see, sir, how little he values your daughter's disdain. Bal. I like him the better: I was just such another fellow at his age-But how goes your affair with Melinda? Wor. Very slowly. My mistress has got a captain, too; but such a captain!-as I live, yonder he comes! Bal. Who, that bluff fellow in the sash? I don't know him. Wor. But I engage he knows you, and every body, at first sight; his impudence were a prodigy, were not his ignorance proportionable. He has the most universal acquaintance of any man living, for he won't be alone, and nobody will keep him company twice: then he's a Čæsar among the women- ―veni, vidi, vici, that's all. If he has but talked with the maid, he swears he has lain with the mistress: but the most surprising part of his character is his memory, which is the most prodigious, and the most trifling, in the world. Bal. I have known another acquire so much by travel, as to tell you the names of most places in Europe, with their distances of miles, leagues, or hours, as punctually as a post-boy; but, for any thing else, as ignorant as the horse that carries the mail. Wor. This is your man, sir; add but the traveller's privilege of lying, and even that he abuses: this is the picture; behold the life. Enter BRAZEN. Braz. Mr Worthy, I'm your servant, and so forth-Hark'e, my dear! Wor. Whispering, sir, before company, is not manners; and, when nobody's by, 'tis foolish. Braz. Company! mort de ma vie ! I beg the gentleman's pardon-who is he? Wor. Ask him. Braz. So I will. My dear! I am your servant, and so forth-Your name, my dear! Bal. Very laconic, sir. Braz. Laconic! a very good name, truly! I have known several of the Laconics abroadPoor Jack Laconic! he was killed at the battle of Landen. I remember, that he had a blue ribband in his hat that very day, and after he fell, we found a piece of neat's tongue in his pocket. Bal. Pray, sir, did the French attack us, or we them, at Landen? Braz. The French attack us! Oons, sir, are you a jacobite ? Bal. Why that question? Braz. Because none but a jacobite could think that the French durst attack us-No, sir, we attacked them on the-I have reason to remember the time, for I had two-and-twenty horses killed under me that day. Wor. Then, sir, you must have rid mighty hard. Bal. Or, perhaps, sir, like my countrymen, you rid upon half a dozen horses at once. Braz. What do ye mean, gentlemen? I tell you they were killed, all torn to pieces by cannon-shot, except six I staked to death upon the enemy's chevaux de frise. Bal. Noble captain! may I crave your name? Bal. Oh, Brazen! a very good name. I have known several of the Brazens abroad. |