Wor. But I shall; Melinda and I are agreed; she's gone to visit Sylvia; we are to mount and follow; and, could we carry a parson with us, who knows what might be done for us both? Plume. Don't trouble your head; Melinda has secured a parson already.

Wor. Already! do you know more than I? Plume. Yes, I saw it under her hand-Brazen and she are to meet half a mile hence at the water-side, there to take boat, I suppose, to be ferrved over to the Elysian Fields, if there be any such thing, in matrimony.

Wor. I parted with Melinda just now; she assured me she hated Brazen, and that she resolved to discard Lucy for daring to write letters to him in her name.

Plume. Nay, nay, there's nothing of Lucy in this-I tell ye I saw Melinda's hand as surely as this is mine.

Wor. But I tell you she's gone this minute to Justice Balance's country-house.

Plume. But I tell you she's gone this minute to the water-side.

Enter a Servant.

Ser. Madam Melinda has sent word that you

need not trouble yourself to follow her, because her journey to justice Balance's is put off, and she's gone to take the air another way.

[TO WORTHY. Wor. How! her journey put off? Plume. That is, her journey was a put-off to you.

Wor. 'Tis plain, plain-But how, where, when is she to meet Brazen?

Plume Just now, I tell you; half a mile hence, at the water-side.

Wor. Up or down the water?

Plume. That I don't know.

Wor. I'm glad my horses are ready-Jack, get them out.

Plume. Shall I go with you?

Wor. Not an inch-I shall return presently. [Erit.

Plume. You'll find me at the hall: the justices are sitting by this time, and I must attend

them.

SCENE IV.-A court of justice.

BALANCE, SCALE, and SCRUPLE, upon the bench; Constable, KITE, mob.—KITE and Con、 stable advance.

Kite. Pray, who are those honourable gentlemen upon the bench?

Const. He, in the middle, is justice Balance; he, on the right, is justice Scale; and he, on the left, is justice Scruple; and I am Mr Constable; four very honest gentlemen.

Kite. O dear, sir! I am your most obedient servant. [Saluting the constable.] I fancy, sir, that your employment and mine are much the same; for my business is to keep people in order, and, if they disobey, to knock them down; and then, we are both staff-officers.

Const. Nay, I'm a serjeant myself-of the militia-Come, brother, you shall see me exercise. Suppose this a musket; now, I'm shouldered. [Puts his staff on his right shoulder. Kite. Ay, you are shouldered pretty well for a constable's staff; but, for a musket, you must put it on the other shoulder, my dear!

Const. Adso! that's true-Come, now give the word of command.

Kite. Silence.

Const. Ay, ay; so we will-we will be silent. Kite. Silence, you dog, silence!

[Strikes him over the head with his halberd. Const. That's the way to silence a man, with a witness! What do you mean, friend?

Kite. Only to exercise you, sir.

Const. Your exercise differs so much from ours, that we shall ne'er agree about it; if my own captain had given me such a rap, I had taken the law of him.

Enter PLUME.

Bal. Captain, you're welcome. Plume. Gentlemen, I thank you.

Scrup. Come, honest captain, sit by me. [PLUME ascends, and sits upon the bench.] Now, produce your prisoners-Here, that fellow there, set him up. Mr Constable, what have you to say against this man?

Const. I have nothing to say against him, an please you.

Bal. No? what made you bring him hither? Const. I don't know, an please your worship. Scale. Did not the contents of your warrant direct you what sort of men to take up?

Const. I can't tell, an please ye; I can't read. Scrup. A very pretty constable, truly! I find we have no business here.

Kite. May it please the worshipful bench, I desire to be heard in this case, as being the counsel for the king.

Bal. Come, serjeant, you shall be heard, since nobody else will speak; we won't come here for nothing.

Kite. This man is but one man, the country may spare him, and the army wants him; besides, he's cut out by nature for a grenadier; he's five feet ten inches high; he shall box, wrestle, or dance the Cheshire round with any man in the country; he get's drunk every Sabbath-day, and

he beats his wife.

Scrup. But his wife and children, Mr Balance.

Wife. Ay, ay, that's the reason you would send him away; you know I have a child every year, and you are afraid that they should come upon the parish at last.

Plume. Look'e there, gentlemen, the honest woman has spoke it at once; the parish had better maintain five children this year, than six or seven the next. That fellow, upon this high feeding, may get you two or three beggars at a birth.

Wife. Look'e, Mr Captain, the parish shall get nothing by sending him away; for I won't lose my teeming-time, if there be a man left in the parish.

Bal. Send that woman to the house of correction--and the man

Plume. Pray, gentlemen, let me have one honest man in my company, for the novelty's sake. Bal. What are you, friend?

Mob. A collier; I work in the coal-pits.

Scrup. Look'e, gentlemen, this fellow has a trade; and the act of parliament here expresses that we are to impress no man that has any visible means of a livelihood.

Kite. May it please your worship, this man has no visible means of a livelihood, for he works under ground.

Plume. Well said, Kite; besides, the army wan's miners.

Bal. Right, and had we an order of government for it, we could raise you, in this and the neighbouring county of Stafford, five hundred colliers, that would run you under ground, like moles, and do more service in a siege than all the miners in the army.

Scrup. Well, friend, what have you to say for yourself?

Mob. I'm married.

Kite. Lack-a-day! so am I.

Mob. Here's my wife, poor woman.
Bal. Are you married, good woman?
Wom. I'm married in conscience.

Kite. May it please your worship, she's with child in conscience.

Scale. Who married you, mistress?

Wom. My husband: we agreed that I should call him husband, to avoid passing for a whore, and that he should call me wife, to shun going for a soldier.

Scrup. A very pretty couple! Pray, captain, will you take them both?

Plume. What say you, Mr Kite? will care of the woman?

you

take

Kite. Yes, sir; she shall go with us to the seaside, and there, if she has a mind to drown herself, we'll take care nobody shall hinder her.

Bal. Here, constable, bring in my man. [Exit Const.] Now, captain, I'll fit you with a man such as you never listed in your life.

Enter Constable and SYLVIA. Oh, my friend Pinch! I'm very glad to see you. Syl. Well, sir, and what then?

Scale. What then! is that your respect to the bench?

Syl. Sir, I don't care a farthing for you nor your bench neither.

Scrup. Look'e, gentlemen, that's enough; he's a very impudent fellow, and fit for a soldier.

Scale. A notorious rogue, I say, and very fit for a soldier.

rogue.

Syl. Is it your wife or daughter, booby? I ravished them both yesterday.

Bal. Pray, captain, read the articles of war; we'll see him listed immediately.

Plume. [Reads.] Articles of war against mutiny and desertion, &c.

Syl. Hold, sir-- Once more, gentlemen, have a care what you do, for you shall severely smart for any violence you offer to me; and you, Mr Balance, I speak to you particularly, you shall heartily repent it.

Plume. Look'e, young spark, say but one word more, and I'll build a horse for you as high as the cieling, and make you ride the most tiresome journey that ever you made in your life.

Syl. You have made a fine speech, good captain Huff-cap! but you had better be quiet; I shall find a way to cool your courage.

Plume. Pray, gentlemen, don't mind him, he's distracted.

Syl. 'Tis false; I am descended of as good a family as any in your county; my father is as good a man as any upon your bench; and I am heir to twelve hundred pounds a-year.

Bul. He's certainly mad. Pray, captain, read the articles of war.

Syl. Hold, once more. Pray, Mr Balance, to you I speak; suppose I were your child, would you use me at this rate?

Bal. No, faith! were you mine, I would send you to Bedlam first, and into the army afterwards.

Syl. But, consider my father, sir; he's as good, as generous, as brave, as just a man, as ever served his country. I'm his only child; perhaps, the loss of me may break his heart.

Bal. He's a very great fool, if it does. Captain, if you don't list him this minute, I'll leave

Bal. No more! there were five two hours ago. Syl. 'Tis true, sir, but this rogue of a constalings a man, because he said the act allowed him but ten; so the odd shilling was clear gains. All Just. How?

Syl. Gentlemen, he offered to let me go away for two guineas, but I had not so much about me: this is truth, and I'm ready to swear it.

Kite. And I'll swear it: give me the book; 'tis for the good of the service.

Mob. May it please your worship, I gave him half a crown to say that I was an honest man; but, now, since that your worships have made me a rogue, I hope I shall have my money again.

Bal. 'Tis my opinion, that this constable be put into the captain's hands; and if his friends don't bring four good men for his ransom by tomorrow night, captain, you shall carry him to Flanders.

Scale. Scrup. Agreed, agreed.

Plume. Mr Kite, take the constable into cus tody.

Kite. Ay, ay, sir. [To the constable.] Will you please to have your office taken from you, or will you handsomely lay down your staff, as your betters have done before you?

[Constable drops his staff. Bal. Come, gentlemen, there needs no great ceremony in adjourning this court. Captain, you shall dine with me.

Kite. Come, Mr Militia Serjeant, I shall silence you now, I believe, without your taking the law of me? [Exeunt.

SCENE V.-A room in BALANCE's house.

Enter BALANCE and Steward.

Stew. We did not miss her till the evening, sir; and then, searching for her in the chamber that was my young master's, we found her clothes there; but the suit that your son left in the press, when he went to London, was gone.

Bal. The white, trimmed with silver?
Stew. The same.

Bal. You han't told that circumstance to any body?

Stew. To none but your worship.

Bal. And be sure you don't. Go into the dining-room, and tell captain Plume that I beg to speak with him. Stew. I shall.

[Erit.

Bal. Was ever man so imposed upon! I had her promise, indeed, that she would never dispose of herself without my consent-I have consented with a witness! given her away as my act and deed-and this, I warrant, the captain thinks will pass. No, I shall never pardon him the villany, first of robbing me of my daughter, and then the mean opinion he must have of me to think that I could be so wretchedly imposed upon her extravagant passion might encourage

Enter PLUME.

Pray, captain, what have you done with our young gentleman soldier?

Plume. He's at my quarters, I suppose, with the rest of my men.

Bal. Does he keep company with the common soldiers?

Plume. No; he's generally with me. Bul. He lies with you, I presume. Plume. No, faith! I offered him part of my bed--but the young rogue fell in love with Rose, and has lain with her, I think, since she came to

town.

Bal. So that, between you both, Rose has been finely managed.

Plume. Upon my honour, sir, she had no harm from me.

Bal. All's safe, I find-Now, captain, you must know, that the young fellow's impudence in court was well-grounded; he said I should heartily repent his being listed, and so I do from my soul.

Plume. Ay! for what reason?

Bal. Because he is no less than what he said he was; born of as good a family as any in this county, and he is heir to twelve hundred pounds

a-year.

Plume. I'm very glad to hear it-for I wanted but a man of that quality to make my company a perfect representative of the whole commons of England.

Bal. Won't you discharge him?

Plume. Not under a hundred pounds sterling. Bal. You shall have it, for his father is my intimate friend.

Plume. Then you shall have him for nothing. Bal. Nay, sir, you shall have your price. Plume. Not a penny, sir; I value an obligation to you much above an hundred pounds.

Bal. Perhaps, sir, you shan't repent your generosity-Will you please to write his discharge in my pocket-book ?—[Gives his book.]— In the mean time, we'll send for the gentleman. Who waits there?

Enter a Servant.

Go to the captain's lodging, and inquire for Mr Wilful; tell him his captain wants him here immediately.

Ser. Sir, the gentleman's below at the door, inquiring for the captain.

Plume. Bid him come up. Here's the discharge, sir.

Bal. Sir, I thank you-Tis plain he had no hand in't. [Aside.

Enter SYLVIA.

Syl. I think, captain, you might have used me better, than to leave me yonder among your

Bal. Yes, sir; and you must once more go home to your father.

Syl. My father! then I am discovered-Oh, sir![Kneeling.]-1 expect no pardon.

Bul. Pardon! no, no, child; your crime shall be your punishment: here, captain, I deliver her over to the conjugal power for her chastisement. Since you will be a wife, be you a husband, a very husband-When she tells you of her love, upbraid her with her folly; be modishly ungrateful, because she has been unfashionably kind; and use her worse than you would any body else, because you cannot use her so well as she deserves.

Plume. And are you Sylvia, in good earnest ? Syl. Earnest! I have gone too far to make it a jest, sir.

Plume. And do you give her to me in good earnest ?

Bal. If you please to take her, sir.

Plume. Why, then, I have saved my legs andarms, and lost my liberty; secure from wounds, I am prepared for the gout: farewell subsistence, and welcome taxes-Sir, my liberty, and the hope of being a general, are much dearer to me than your twelve hundred pounds a-year-But to your love, madam, I resign my freedom, and to your beauty my ambition greater in obeying at your feet, than commanding at the head of an army.

Syl. Do you think it strange, cousin, that a woman should change? but I hope you'll excuse a change that has proceeded from constancy. I altered my outside, because I was the same within; and only laid by the woman to make sure of my man: that's my history.

Mel. Your history is a little romantic, cousin; but, since success has crowned your adventures, you will have the world on your side, and I shall be willing to go with the tide, provided

you'll pardon an injury I offered you, in the letter to your father.

Plume. That injury, madam, was done to me, and the reparation I expect, shall be made to my friend: Make Mr Worthy happy, and I shall be satisfied.

Mel. A good example, sir, will go a great way- -When my cousin is pleased to surrender, 'tis probable I shan't hold out much longer. Enter BRAZEN.

Braz. Gentlemen, I am yours

am not yours.

Mel. I'm glad on't, sir.

Braz. So am I--You have got a pretty house, here, Mr Laconic.

Bal. Tis time to right all mistakes-My name, sir, is Balance.

Braz. Balance! Sir, I am your most obedient --I know your whole generation--Had not you an uncle that was governor of the Leeward Islands some years ago?

Bal. Did you know him?

Braz. Intimately, sir-He played at billiards to a miracle-You had a brother, too, that was a captain of a fire-ship-poor Dick!-he had the most engaging way with him of making punch and then his cabin was so neat-but his poor boy Jack was the most comical bastard-Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! a pickled dog, I shall never forget him. Plume. Have you got your recruits, my dear? Braz. Not a stick, my dear!

Plume. Probably I shall furnish you.

Enter ROSE and BULLOCK.

Rose. Captain, captain, I have got loose once

Plume. I have promised, madam, to provide for this girl: now, will you be pleased to let her wait upon you, or shall I take care of her?

Syl. She shall be my charge, sir; you may find it business enough to take care of me.

Bul. Aye, and of me, captain; for wauns! if ever you lift your hands against me, I'll desert

Plume. Captain Brazen shall take care of that. My dear! instead of the twenty thousand pounds you talked of, you shall have the twenty brave recruits that I have raised, at the rate they cost me- -My commission I lay down, to be taken up by some braver fellow, that has more merit, and less good fortune whilst I endeavour, by the example of this worthy gentleman, to serve my king and country at home.

With some regret I quit the active field, Where glory full reward for life does yield; But the recruiting trade, with all its train Of endless plague, fatigue, and endless pain, I gladly quit, with my fair spouse to stay, And raise recruits the matrimonial way.

[Exeunt omnes