ACT V. Bon. Coming, coming!- -A coach, and six foaming horses at this time o'night! Some great man, as the saying is, for he scorns to travel with other people. Enter SIR CHARLES FREEMAN. Sir Cha. What, fellow! a public house, and a-bed when other people sleep! Bon. Sir, I an't a-bed, as the saying is. Sir Cha. I see that, as the saying is! Is Mr Sullen's family a-bed, think'e? Bon. All but the 'squire himself, sir, as the saying is; he's in the house. Sir Cha. What company has he? Bon. Why, sir, there's the constable, Mr Gage, the exciseman, the hunch-back'd barber, and two or three other gentlemen. Sir Cha. I find my sister's letters gave me the true picture of her spouse. Enter SULLEN, drunk. Bon. Sir, here's the 'squire. Sul. The puppies left me asleep-sir. Sul. Sir, I am an unfortunate man-I have three thousand pounds a-year, and can't get a man to drink a cup of ale with me. Sir Cha. That's very hard. Sul. Ay, sir-And unless you have pity upon me, and smoke a pipe with me, I must e'en go home to my wife, and I had rather go to the devil by half. Sir Cha. But I presume, sir, you won't see your wife to-night, she'll be gone to bed-you don't use to lie with your wife in that pickle? Sul. What! not lie with my wife! why, sir, do you take me for an atheist, or a rake? Sir Cha. If you hate her, sir, I think better lic from her. you had Sul. I think so, too, friend- -But I am a justice of peace, and must do nothing against the law. Sir Cha. Law! As I take it, Mr Justice, nobody observes law for law's sake, only for the good of those for whom it was made. Sul. But if the law orders me to send you to gaol, you must lie there, my friend. Sir Cha. Not unless I commit a crime to deserve it. Sul. A crime? Oons, an't I married? Sir Chu. Nay, sir, if you call marriage a crime, you must disown it for a law. Sul. Eh!-I must be acquainted with you, sir-But, sir, I should be very glad to know the truth of this matter. Sir Cha. Truth, sir, is a profound sca; and few there be that dare wade deep enough to find the bottom on't. Besides, sir, I'm afraid the line of your understanding mayn't be long enough. Sul. Look'e, sir, I have nothing to say to your sea of truth; but if a good parcel of land can entitle a man to a little truth, I have as much as any he in the county. Bon. I never heard your worship, as the saying is, talk so much before. Sul. Because I never met with a man that I liked before. Bon. Pray, sir, as the saying is, let me ask you one question: Are not man and wife one flesh? e Sir Cha. You and your wife, Mr Guts, may b one flesh, because you are nothing else-But ra tional creatures have minds that must be united" Sul. Minds! Sir Cha. Ay, minds, sir. Don't you think that the mind takes place of the body? Sul. In some people. Sir Cha. Then, the interest of the master must be consulted before that of the servant. Sul. Sir, you shall dine with me to-morrow.Oons, I always thought we were naturally one. Sir Cha. Sir, I know that my two hands are naturally one, because they love one another, kiss one another, help one another in all the actions of life; but I could not say so much if they were always at cuffs. Sul. Then 'tis plain that we are two. Sir Cha. With all my heart. Sul. You shall have her to-morrow morning, and a venison pasty into the bargain. Sir Cha. You'll let me have her fortune, too? Sul. Fortune! why, sir, I have no quarrel to her fortune-I hate only the woman, sir; and none but the woman shall go. Sir Cha. But her fortune, sir- Sul. Not at all-fours? Sul. Oons! where was this man bred? [Aside.] Burn me, sir, I can't go home; 'tis but two-o'clock. Sir Cha. For half an hour, sir, if you pleaseBut you must consider 'tis late. Sul. Late! that's the reason I can't go to bed -Come, sir[Exeunt. Enter CHERRY, runs across the stage, and knocks at AIMWELL'S chamber-door. Enter AIMWELL, in his night-cap and gown. Aim. What's the matter? You tremble, child; you're frighted. Cher. No wonder, sir; but, in short, sir, this Cher. I dogged them to the very door, and left them breaking in. Aim. Have you alarmed any body else with the news. Cher. No, no, sir; I wanted to have discovered the whole plot, and twenty other things, to your man Martin; but I have searched the whole house, and can't find him; where is he? Aim. No matter, child; will you guide me immediately to the house? Cher. With all my heart, sir; my lady Bountiful is my god-mother, and I love Mrs Dorinda Enter MRS SULLEN and DORINDA, undressed; a table and lights. Dor. 'Tis very late, sister; no news of your spouse, yet? Arch. From the skies, madam-——I'm a Jupiter in love, and you shall be my Alcmena. Mrs Sul. How came you in? Arch. I flew in at the window, madam; your' cousin Cupid lent me his wings, and your sister Venus opened the casement. Mrs Sul. I'm struck dumb with admiration. Arch. And I with wonder. [Looks passionately at her.] How beautiful she looks! the teeming jolly spring smiles in her blooming face; and when she was conceived, her mother smelt to roses, looked on lillies— Lillies unfold their white, their fragrant charms, When the warm sun thus darts into their arms. [Runs to her. Mrs Sul. Ah! [Shrieks. Arch. Oons, madam, what do you mean?You'll raise the house. Mrs Sul. Sir, I'll wake the dead before I'll bear this. What! approach me with the freedom of a keeper? I am glad on't. Your impudence has cured me. Arch. If this be impudence, [Kneels.] I leave to your partial self; no panting pilgrim, after a tedious, painful voyage, e'er bowed before his saint with more devotion. Mrs Sul. Now, now, I'm ruined if he kneels. Mrs Sul. No, I'm condemned to be alone till [Aside.] Rise, thou prostrate engineer; not all towards four, and then, perhaps, I may be execu-thy undermining skill shall reach my heart.ted with his company. Dor. Well, my dear, I'll leave you to your rest; you'll go directly to bed, I suppose? Mrs Sul. I don't know what to do; hey-ho! Dor. That's a desiring sigh, sister. Mrs Sul. This is a languishing hour, sister. Dor. And might prove a critical minute, if the pretty fellow were here. Mrs Sul. Here! what, in my bed-chamber, at two o'clock in the morning, I undressed, the family asleep, my hated husband abroad, and my lovely fellow at my feet?O gad, sister! Dor. Thoughts are free, sister, and them I allow you. So, my dear, good-night. [Exit. Mrs Sul. A good rest to my dear DorindaThoughts are free! they are so? Why, then, suppose him here, dressed like a youthful, gay, and burning bridegroom, [Here ARCHER steals out of the closet.] with tongue enchanting, eyes bewitching, knees imploring. [Turns a little on one side, and sees ARCHER in the posture she describes.] Ah! [Shrieks, and runs to the other side of the stage.] Have my thoughts raised a spirit? What are you, sir, a man or a devil? Arch. A man, a man, madam! Mrs Sul. How shall I be sure of it? Arch. Madam, I'll give you demonstration this minute. [Takes her hand. Mrs Sul. What, sir, do you intend to be rude? Arch. Yes, madam, if you please. [Rising. Mrs Sul. In the name of wonder, whence came ye? Rise, and know I am a woman without my sex; I can love to the tenderness of wishes, sighs, and tears-But go no farther-Still to convince you that I'm more than woman, I can speak my frailty, confess my weakness, even for you-But Arch. For me! [Going to lay hold on her, Mrs Sul. Hold, sir; build not upon thatfor my inost mortal batred follows, if you disobey what I command you now-leave me this minute-if he denies, I'm lost. Arch. Then you'll promise Mrs Sul Any thing another time. [Aside. Arch. They must, they must. [Kisses her.]~ Raptures, and paradise! And why not now, my angel? The time, the place, silence and secrecy, all conspire-And, now, the conscious stars have pre-ordained this moment for my happiness. [Takes her in his arms, Mrs Sul. You will not, cannot, sure. Arch. If the sun rides fast, and disappoints not mortals of to-morrow's dawn, this night shall crown my joys. Mrs Sul. You shall kill me first. [Carrying her off. Mrs Sul. Thieves! thieves! murder Enter SCRUB in his breeches, and one shoe on. Scrub. Thieves! thieves! murder! popery! Arch. Ha! the very timorous stag will kill in rutting time. [Draws, and Offers to stab SCRUB. Scrub. [Kneeling] O pray, sir, spare all I have, and take my life. Mrs Sul. [Holding ARCHER's hand.] What does the fellow mean? Scrub. O, madam, down upon your knees, your marrow-bones-he's one of them. Mrs Sul. Of whom? Scrub. One of the rogues-I beg your pardon, one of the honest gentlemen that just now are broke into the house. Arch. How! Mrs Sul. I hope you did not come to rob me? Arch. Indeed I did, madam; but I would have taken nothing but what you might very well have spared; but your crying thieves has waked this dreaming fool, and so he takes them for granted. Scrub. Granted! 'tis granted, sir; take all we have. Mrs Sul. The fellow looks as if he were broke out of Bedlam. Scrub. Oons, madam, they are broke into the house with fire and sword; I saw them; heard them; they'll be here this minute. Arch. What? thieves? Scrub. Under favour, sir, I think so. Mrs Sul. What shall we do, sir? Arch. Madam, I wish your ladyship a good night. Mrs Sul. Will you leave me? Arch. Leave you! Lord, madam, did you not command me to be gone just now, upon pain of your immortal hatred? Mrs Sul. Nay, but pray, sir[Takes hold of him. Arch. Ha, ha, ha! now comes my turn to be ravished-You see, madam, you must use men one way or another: but take this by the way, good madam, that none but a fool will give you the benefit of his courage, unless you'll take his love along with it-How are they armed, friend? Scrub. With sword and pistol, sir. Scrub. Eh? my dear brother, let me kiss thee! [Kisses ARCH. Arch. This way-Here [ARCH. and SCRUB hide behind the bed. Enter GIBBET, with a dark lanthorn in one hand, and a pistol in the other. Gib. Ay, ay, this is the chamber, and the lady alone. Mrs Sul. Who are you, sir! What would you have? D'ye come to rob me? Gib. Rob you! Alack-a-day, madam, I'm only a younger brother, madam; and so, madam, if you make a noise, I'll shoot you through the head. But don't be afraid, madam. [Laying his lanthorn and pistol upon the table.] These rings, madam; don't be concerned, madam; I have a profound respect for you, madam; your keys, madam; don't be frighted, madam; I'm the most of a gentleman- [Searching her pockets.] This necklace, madam; I never was rude to any lady! I have a veneration-for this necklace[Here ARCHER, having come round, and seized the pistol, takes GIBBET by the collar, trips up his heels, and claps the pistol to his breast.] Arch. Hold, profane villain, and take the reward of thy sacrilege! Gib. Oh! pray, sir, don't kill me; I an't prepared. Arch. How many are there of them, Scrub? Arch. Then I must kill the villain, to have him out of the way. Gib. Hold! hold, sir! we are but three, upon my honour. Arch. Scrub, will you undertake to secure him? Scrub. Not I, sir! kill him, kill him! Arch. Run to Gipsey's chamber, there you'll find the doctor; bring him hither presently. [Exit SCRUB, running. Come, rogue, if you have a short prayer, say it. Gib. Sir, I have no prayer at all; the government has provided a chaplain to say prayers for us on these occasions. Mrs Sul. Pray, sir, don't kill him—you fright me as much as him. Arch. The dog shall die, madam, for being the occasion of my disappointment-Sirrah, this mo Arch. Hush!-I see a dark lanthorn coming through the gallery-Madam, be assured I willment is your last. protect you, or lose my life. Mrs Sul. Your life! No, sir, they can rob me of nothing that I value half so much; therefore, now, sir, let me intreat you to be gone. Arch. No, madam, I'll consult my own safety for the sake of yours; I'll work by stratagem. Have you courage enough to stand the appearance of them? Mrs Sul. Yes, yes, since I have escaped your hands, I can face any thing. Arch. Come hither, brother Scrub; don't know me? you Gib. Šir, I'll give you two hundred pounds to spare my life. Arch. Have you no more, rascal? Gib. Yes, sir, I can command four hundred; but I must reserve two of them to save my life at the sessions. Enter SCRUB and FOIGARD. Arch. Here, doctor; I suppose Scrub and you, between you, may manage him. Lay hold of [FOIG. lays hold of Gri. Gib. What! turned over to the priest already! him. Gib. Then you and your absolution the devil. may go to Arch. Convey him into the cellar: there bind him take the pistol, and, if he offers to resist, shoot him through the head-and come back to us with all the speed you can. Scrub. Ay, ay; come, doctor, do you hold him fast, and I'll guard him. [Exeunt. Mrs Sul. But how came the doctor? Arch. In short, madam-[Shrieking without.] Sdeath! the rogues are at work with the other Fadies; I'm vexed I parted with the pistol; but I must fly to their assistance-Will you stay here, madam, or venture yourself with me? Mrs Sul. Oh, dear sir, with you. [Takes him by the arm, and exeunt. SCENE III.—Changes to another apartment in the house. Enter ARCHER and MRS SULLEN. Arch. Hold, hold, my lord! every man his bird, pray. [They engage man to man; the rogues are thrown down, and disarmed.] Shall we kill the rogues? ter. Aim. No, no, we'll bind them. Arch. Ay, ay; here, madam, lend me your gar[To MRS SULLEN, who stands by him. Mrs Sul. The devil's in this fellow; he fights, loves, and banters, all in a breath. Here's a cord, that the rogues brought with them, I suppose. Arch. Right, right; the rogue's destiny; a rope to hang himself-Come, come, my lord, this is but a scandalous sort of an office. [Binding the rogues together.] If our adventures should end in this sort of hangman work-but I hope there is something in prospect that— Enter SCRUB. Well, Scrub, have you secured your Tartar? Scrub. Yes, sir, I left the priest and him disputing about religion. Aim. And pray, carry these gentlemen to reap the benefit of the controversy. [Delivers the prisoners to SCRUB, who leads them out. Mrs Sul. Pray, sister, how came my lord here? Dor. And, pray, how came that gentleman here? Mrs Sul. I'll tell you the greatest piece of villainy. [They talk apart. Aim. I fancy, Archer, you have been more successful in your adventures than the housebreakers. Arch. No matter for my adventure, yours is the principal-Press her this minute to marry you-now while she's hurried between the palpitation of her fear, and the joy of her deliverance; now while the tide of her spirits is at high floodthrow yourself at her feet, speak some romantic nonsense or other confound her senses, bear down her reason, and away with her- The priest is now in the cellar, and dares not refuse to do the work. Aim. But how shall I get off without being observed? Arch. You a lover, and not find a way to get off! Let me see. Aim. You bleed, Archer. Arch. 'Sdeath, I'm glad on't; this wound will do the business. I'll amuse the old lady and Mrs Sullen, about dressing my wound, while you carry off Dorinda. Enter LADY BOUNTIFUL. Lady Boun. Gentlemen, could we understand how you would be gratified for the services Arch. Come, come, my lady, this is no time for compliments; I'm wounded, madam. Lady Boun. and Mrs Sul. How, wounded! [Makes love in dumb shew. Lady Boun. Let me see your arm, sir-I must have some powder-sugar to stop the bloodO me!—an ugly gash; upon my word, sir, yo must go to bed. Arch. Ay, my lady, a bed would do very well -Madam [To MRS SULLEN] will you do me the favour to conduct me to a chamber. Lady Boun. Do, do, daughter, while I get the lint, and the probe, and the plaster ready. [Runs out one way, AIM. carries off DUR. another.] Arch. Come, madam, why don't you obey your mother's commands? Mrs Sul. How can you, after what is past, have the confidence to ask me? Arch. And, if you go to that, how can you, after what is past, have the confidence to deny me?-Was not this blood shed in your defence, and my life exposed for your protection? Look'e, madam, I'm none of your romantic fools that fight giants and monsters for nothing; my valour is downright Swiss; I am a soldier of fortune, and must be paid. Mrs Sul. 'Tis ungenerous in you, sir, to upbraid me with your services. Arch. 'Tis ungenerous in you, madam, not to reward them. Mrs Sul. How! at the expence of my honour? Arch. Honour! Can honour consist with ingratitude? If you would deal like a woman of honour, do like a man of honour. D'ye think I would deny you in such a case? Enter GIPSEY. Gip. Madam, my lady ordered me to tell you, that your brother is below at the gate. Mrs Sul. My brother! Heavens be praised! -Sir, he shall thank you for your services; he has it in his power. Arch. Who is your brother, madam? Mrs Sul. Sir Charles Freeman. You'll excuse me, sir; I must go and receive him. [Exit MRS SUL. Arch. Sir Charles Freeman! 'Sdeath and hell! my old acquaintance. Now, unless Aimwell has made good use of his time, all our fair machine goes souse into the sea like the Edistone. [Exit. SCENE IV.-Changes to the gallery in the same house. Enter AIMWELL and DORINDA. Dor. Well, well, my lord, you have conquered. Your late generous action will, I hope, plead for my easy yielding; though, I must own, your lordship had a friend in the fort before. Aim. The sweets of Hybla dwell upon her tongue-Here, doctor Dor. Forbid it, Heaven! A counterfeit ! Aim. I am no lord, but a poor needy man, come with a mean and scandalous design, to prey upon your fortune--but the beauties of your mind and person have so won me from myself, that, like a trusty servant, I prefer the interest of my mistress to my own. Dor. Sure I have had the dream of some poor mariner: a sleeping image of a welcome port, and wake involved in storms-Pray, sir, who are you? Aim. Brother to the man whose title I usurped, but stranger to his honour or fortune. Dor. Matchless honesty!-Once I was proud, sir, of your weaith and title; but now, am prouder that you want it. Now I can shew my love was justly levelled, and had no aim but love. Doctor, come in. Enter FOIGARD at one door, GIPSEY at another, Your pardon, sir; we sha'nt want you now, sir. Aim. I have discovered myself. Arch. Discovered! and without my consent! What! have I embarked my small remains in the same bottom with yours, and you dispose of Aim. O, Archer, I own my Enter FOIGARD, with a book. Foig. Are you prepared, bote? Dor. I'm ready: but first, my lord, one word—all without my partnership? I have a frightful example of a hasty marriage in my own family; when I reflect upon't, it shocks me. Pray, my lord, consider a littleAim. Consider! Do you doubt my honour, or my love? Dor. Neither. I do believe you equally just as brave-And were your whole sex drawn out for me to choose, I should not cast a look upon the multitude, if you were absent-But, my lord, I'm a woman: colours, concealments, may hide a thousand faults in me-Therefore, know me better first; I hardly dare affirm I know myself in any thing except iny love. Aim. Such goodness who could injure? I find myself unequal to the task of villain. She has gained my soul, and made it honest like her own I cannot hurt her. [Aside.] Doctor, retire. [Exit FOIGARD.] Madam, behold your lover and your proselyte, and judge of my passion by my conversion-I'm all a lic, nor dare I give a fiction to your arms; I'm all a counterfeit, except my passion. fault. Arch. After conviction-Tis then too late for pardon--You may remember, Mr Aimwell, that you proposed this folly-As you begun, so end it-Henceforth, I'll hunt my fortune single. So farewell. Aim. Stay, my dear Archer, but a minute! Arch. Stay! What, to be despised, exposed, and laughed at! No, I would sooner change conditions with the worst of the rogues we just now bound, than bear one scornful smile from the proud knight that once I treated as my equal. Aim. What knight? Arch. Sir Charles Freeman, brother to the lady that I had almost-But no matter for that; 'tis a cursed night's work, and so I leave you to make the best on't. Aim. Freeman! -One word, Archer. Still I have hopes; methought, she received my confession with pleasure. Arch. 'Sdeath! who doubts it? |