The British Drama: Comedies. 2 v

I can spare from myself, to help your wants.
Well. How's this?

Allw. Nay, be not angry. There's eight pieces, To put you in better fashion.

Well. Money from thee?

From a boy, a stipendary? one that lives
At the devotion of a step-mother,

And the uncertain favour of a lord?
I'll eat my arms first. Howsoe'er blind fortune
Hath spent the utmost of her malice on me;
Though I am vomited out of an alehouse,
And thus accoutred; know not where to eat,
Or drink, or sleep, but underneath this canopy;
Although I thank thee, I despise thy offer.
And as I, in my madness, broke my state
Without the assistance of another's brain,
In my right wits I'll piece it; at the worst,
Die thus, and be forgotten.

Ally. A strange humour! [Exeunt severally.

SCENE II-A Chamber in Lady ALLWORTH'S House.

Enter ORDER, AMBLE, FURNACE.

Order. Set all things right, or, as my name is Order,

Whoever misses in his function,

Allw. Howe'er you have discovered my in- For one whole week makes forfeiture of his

tents,

You know my aims are lawful; and if ever The queen of flowers, the glory of the spring, The sweetest comfort to our smell, the rose, Sprang from an envious briar, I may infer, There's such disparity in their conditions Between the goddess of my soul, the daughter, And the base churl, her father.

Well. Grant this true,

As I believe it; canst thou ever hope

To enjoy a quiet bed with her, whose father Ruined thy state?

Allw. And yours too.

Well. I confess it, Allworth.

I must tell you as a friend, and freely,
That, where impossibilities are apparent,
'Tis indiscretion to nourish hopes.
Canst thou imagine (let not self-love blind thee)
That sir Giles Överreach (that to make her great
In swelling titles, without touch of conscience,
Will cut his neighbour's throat, and I hope his
own too)

Will e'er consent to make her thine? Give o'er,
And think of some course suitable to thy rank,
And prosper in it.

Allw. You have well advised me; But, in the mean time, you, that are so studious Of my affairs, wholly neglect your own. Remember yourself, and in what plight you are. Well. No matter, no matter.

Allw. Yes, 'tis much material:

You know my fortune, and my means; yet something

breakfast,

And privilege in the wine cellar.
Amble. You are merry.

Good master steward.

Furn. Let him; I'll be angry.

Amble. Why, fellow Furnace, 'tis not twelve o'clock yet,

Nor dinner taking up; then 'tis allowed
Cooks, by their places, may be choleric.

Furn. You think you have spoke wisely, good

man Amble,

My lady's go-before.

Order. Nay, nay, no wrangling.

Furn. Twit me with the authority of the

kitchen?

At all hours, and at all places, I'll be angry; And, thus provoked, when I am at my prayers I will be angry.

Amble. There was no hurt meant.

Furn. I am friends with thee, and yet I will be angry. Order. With whom?

Furn. No matter whom: yet, now I think on't, I am angry with my lady.

Amble. Heaven forbid, man!

Order. What cause has she given thee?

Furn. Cause enough, master steward:

I was entertained by her to please her palate, And, till she forswore eating, I performed it. Now, since our master, noble Allworth, died, Though I crack my brains to find out tempting

And the fourth part par-boiled, to prepare her | Like virgin parchment, capable of any

viands,

She keeps her chamber, dines with a panada,
Or water-gruel; my skill never thought on.
Order. But your art is seen in the dining room.
Furn. By whom?

By such as pretend to love her; but come
To feed upon her. Yet, of all the harpies
That do devour her, I am out of charity
With none so much, as the thin-gutted squire,
That's stolen into commission.

Order. Justice Greedy?

Inscription, vicious or honourable.

I will not force your will, but leave you
To your own election.

Allw. Any form you please

free

I will put on: but, might I make my choice,
With humble emulation, I would follow
The path my lord marks to me.

Lady. 'Tis well answered,

And I commend your spirit: you had a father, (Blessed be his memory) that some few hours Before the will of Heaven took him from me,

Furn. The same, the same. Meat is cast away Did commend you, by the dearest ties
upon him:

It never thrives. He holds his paradox,
Who eats not well, can ne'er do justice well.
His stomach's as insatiate as the grave.
Amble. One knocks.

Of perfect love between us, to my charge:
And, therefore, what I speak, you are bound to
hear

With such respect, as if he lived in me.
Allw. I have found you,

[ALLWORTH knocks, and enters. Most honoured madam, the best mother tome;

Order. Our late young master.
Amble. Welcome, sir,

Furn. Your hand:

If you have a stomach, a cold bake-meat's ready.
Order. His father's picture in little.
Furn. We are all your servants.
Alla. At once, my thanks to all;

This is yet some comfort. Is my lady stirring?
Enter the Lady ALLWORTH.

Order. Her presence answers for us.
Lady. Sort those silks well.
I'll take the air alone.

And, as I gave directions, if this morning
I am visited by any, entertain them
As heretofore: but say, in my excuse,

I am indisposed.

Order. I shall, madam.

Lady. Do, and leave me.

And with my utmost strength of care and service,
Will labour that you never may repent

Your bounties showered upon me.

Lady. I much hope it.

These were your father's words: If e'er my son
Follow the war, tell him it is a school
Where all the principles, tending to honour,
Are taught, if truly followed: But for such
As repair thither, as a place in which

They do presume they may, with license, prac

tise

Their lusts and riots, they shall never merit
The noble name of soldiers. To dare boldly
In a fair cause, and, for the country's safety,
To run upon the cannon's mouth undaunted;
To obey their leaders, and shun mutinies;
To bear, with patience, the winter's cold,
And summer's scorching heat,

Are the essential parts make up a soldier:

[Exeunt ORDER, AMBLE, and FURNACE. Not swearing, dice, or drinking.

Nay, stay you, Allworth.

Alla. I shall gladly grow here,

To wait on your commands.

Lady. So soon turned courtier!

Allw. There's no syllable

You speak, but it is to me an oracle;
Which but to doubt were impious.

Lady. To conclude;

Alla. Stile not that courtship, madam, which Beware ill-company; for often men

is duty,

Purchased on your part.

Lady. Well, you shall o'ercome;

I'll not contend in words. How is it with
Your noble master?

Allw. Ever like himself;

No scruple lessened in the full weight of ho-
nour!

He did command me (pardon my presumption),
As his unworthy deputy, to kiss

Your ladyship's fair hands.

Lady. I am honoured in

His favour to me. Does he hold his
For the Low Countries?

Allw. Constantly, good madam:

purpose

But he will, in person, first present his service. Lady. And how approve you of his course? you are yet,

Are like to those with whom they do converse:
And from one man I warn you, and that's Well-

born:

But that he's in his manners so debauched,
And hath to vicious courses sold himself.
'Tis true, your father loved him, while he was
Worthy the loving; but, if he had lived
To have seen him as he is, he had cast him off,
As you must do.

Allw. I shall obey in all things.

Lady. Follow me to my chamber; you shall
have gold

To furnish you like my son, and still supplied
As I hear from you.

Allw. I am still your creature.

[Exeunt.

SCENE II.-A hall in Lady ALLWORTH'S

House.

Enter OVERREACH, GREEDY, ORDER, AMBLE, FURNACE, and MARRALL.

Greedy. Not to be seen?

Over. Still cloistered up? her reason,

I hope, assures her, though she makes herself Close prisoner ever for her husband's loss Twill not recover him.

Order. Sir, it is her will;

Which we, that are her servants, ought to serve, And not dispute. However, you are nobly wel

come :

And, if you please to stay, that you may think so,
There came, not six days since, from Hull, a pipe
Of rich canary; which shall spend itself
For my lady's honour.

Greedy. Is it of the right race?
Order. Yes, Mr Greedy.

Amble. How his mouth runs over!

Furn. I'll make it run and run. Save your good worship!

Greedy. Honest Mr Cook, thy hand; again! How I love thee!

Are the good dishes still in being? speak, hoy. Furn. If you have a mind to feed, there is a chine

Of beef well seasoned.

Greedy. Good.

Furn. A pheasant, larded.

Greedy. That I might now give thanks for it! Furn. Other kick-shaws.

Besides, there came last night, from the forest of Sherwood,

The fattest stag I ever cooked.

Greedy. A stag, man?

Furn. A stag, sir; part of it is prepared for dinner,

And baked in puff-paste.

Greedy. Puff-paste, too, Sir Giles!

A ponderous chine of beef! a pheasant larded! And red deer, too, Sir Giles, and baked in puffpaste!

All business set aside, let us give thanks here.
Over. You know we cannot.

Mar. Your worships are to sit on a commission,

And if you fail to come, you lose the cause. Greedy. Cause me no causes; I'll prove it, for such a dinner,

We may put off a commission; you shall find it Henrici decimo quarto.

Over. Fie, Mr Greedy!

And I, in thankfulness, will, by your boy,
Send you a brace of three-pences.
Furn. Will you be so prodigal?
Over. Remember me to your lady.

Enter WELLBorn.

Who have we here?

Well. Don't you know me?

Over. I did once, but now I will not;

Thou art no blood of mine. Avaunt, thou beggar!

If ever thou presume to own me more,
I'll have thee caged and whipped.
Greedy. I'll grant the warrant.

I do love thee, Furnace,

E'en as I do malmsey in a morning.
Think of pye-corner, Furnace!

[Exeunt OVERREACH, GREEDY, and MARRAL. Amble. Will you out, sir?

I wonder how you durst creep
Order. This is rudeness
And saucy impudence.

Amble. Cannot you stay

in.

To be served among your fellows from the basket,

But you must press into the hall?

Furn. Prithee, vanish

Only to consume meat and drink, and batten Upon reversions; Who advances? who Shews me the way?

Order. Here comes my lady.

Enter LADY.

Lady. What noise is this?

Well. Madam, my designs bear me to you.
Lady. To me?

Well. And though I have met with

But ragged entertainment from your grooms here, I hope from you to receive that noble usage,

As may become the true friend of 'your hus- / So winning a behaviour, not to be

band;

Though sworn, that it can ever find belief;
That I, who to the best men of this country
Denied my presence since my husband's death,
Can fall so low as to change words with thee?
Well. Scorn me not, good lady;
But as, in form, you are angelical,
Imitate the heavenly natures, and vouchsafe
At least a while to hear me. You will grant,
The blood, that runs in this arm, is as noble
As that which fills your veins. Your swelling
titles,

Equipage, and fortune; your mens' observance,
And women's flattery, are in you no virtues;
Nor these rags, with my poverty, in me vices.
You have a fair fame, and, I know, deserve it;
Yet, lady, I must say, in nothing more,
Than in the pious sorrow you have shewn
For your late noble husband.

Order. How she starts!

Well. That husband, madam, was once, in his fortune,

Almost as low as I. Want, debts, and quarrels,
Lay heavy on him: let it not be thought
A boast in me, though I say, I relieved him.
'Twas I, that gave him fashion; mine, the sword
That did, on all occasions, second his;

I brought him on and off, with honour, lady: And, when in all men's judgments, he was sunk,

And in his own hopes not to be buoved up,
I stepped unto him, took him by the hand,
And brought him to the shore.

Furn. Are not we base rogues,
That could forget this?

Well. I confess, you made him Master of your estate; nor could your friends, Though he brought no wealth with him, blame you for it:

For he had a shape, and to that shape a mind, Made up of all parts, either great or noble,

SCENE I.-A landscape.

Enter OVERREACH and MARRALL.

Resisted, madam.

Lady. 'Tis most true, he had.

Well. For his sake, then, in that I was his friend,

To throw away a little respect upon me.
Lady. What you demand is yours.
Well. I thank you, lady.

[Exit LADY. Now, what can be wrought out of such a suit, Is yet in supposition-[Servants bow.]-Nay, all's

forgotten,

Who can, at once, so kindly meet my purposes,
And brave the flouts of censure, to redeem
Her husband's friend! When by this honest plot
The world believes she means to heal my wants
With her extensive wealth, each noisy creditor
Will be struck mute, and I be left, at large,
To practise on my uncle Overreach ;
Whose foul, rapacious spirit, (on the hearing
Of my encouragement from this rich lady)
Again will court me to his house of patronage.
Here, I may work the measure to redeem
My mortgaged fortune, which he stripped me of,
When youth and dissipation quelled my reason.
The fancy pleases-if the plot succeed,
Tis a new way to pay old debts, indeed.

ACT II.

Over. He's gone, I warrant thee; this commission crushed him.

Mar. Your worship has the way on't, and

ne'er miss

To squeeze these unthrifts into air; and yet The chap-fallen justice did his part, returning For your advantage the certificate,

Against his conscience and his knowledge, too; (With your good favour) to the utter ruin

VOL. II.

Of the poor farmer.

Over. 'Twas for these good ends

[Exit.

I made him a justice. He, that bribes his belly, Is certain to command his soul.

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I might, or out of wilfulness or error,
Run myself finely into a premunire,
And so become a prey to the informer.
No, I'll have none of it; 'tis enough I keep
Greedy at my devotion: so he serve

My purposes, let him hang, or damn, I care not;

Friendship is but a word.

Mar. You are all wisdom.

Over. I would be worldly wise; for the other
wisdom,

That does prescribe us a well governed life,
And to do right to others as ourselves,

I value not an atom.

Mar. What course take you,

(With your good patience) to hedge in the ma

years,

Though he sue forma pauperis, in spite

Of all his thrift and care, he'll grow behindhand.

Mar. The best I ever heard; I could adore you.

Over. Then, with the favour of my man of law,

I will pretend some title; want will force him
Το put it to arbitrement; then, if he sell
For half the value, he shall have ready money,
And I possess the land.

Mar. 'Tis above wonder.

Wellborn was apt to sell, and needed not
These fine arts, sir, to hook him in.

Over, Well thought on.

This varlet, Wellborn, lives too long to upbraid

Persuade him, that 'tis better steal than beg:
Then, if I prove he has but robbed a hen-roost,
Not all the world shall save him from the gal-
lows.

Do any thing to work him to despair,
And 'tis thy master-piece.

Mar. I will do my best, sir.

Over. I am now on my main work, with the lord Lovell;

The gallant-minded, popular lord Lovell,
The minion of the people's love. I hear
He's come into the country; and my aims are,
To insinuate myself into his knowledge,
And then invite him to my house.
Mar. I have you.

This points at my young mistress.

Over. She must part with

That humble title, and write honourable; Right honourable, Marrall; my right honourable daughter;

If all I have, or e'er shall get, will do it.

I will have her well attended; there are ladies
Of errant knights decayed, and brought so low,
That, for cast clothes, and meat, will gladly serve
her;

And 'tis my glory, though I came from the city,
To have their issue, whom I have undone,
To kneel to mine, as bond slaves.

Enter WELLBORN.

Mur. See, who's here, sir!
Over. Hence, monster, prodigy!

Well. Call me what you will; I am your nephew, sir.

Over. Avoid my sight, thy breath's infectious, rogue!

I shun thee as a leprosy, or the plague.
Come hither, Marrall; this is the time to work

him.

[Exit OVERREACH,

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