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Con. O ho! here's instructions for us. [Reads. | ury itself could clothe me with, I still should

'The accident, that has happened, has touched our invention to the quick. We would fain 'come off without your help; but find that's im'possible. In a word, the whole business must 'be thrown upon a matrimonial intrigue between your friend and mine. But if the parties are 'not fond enough to go quite through with the matter, 'tis sufficient for our turn, they own the design. We'll find pretences enough to break

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'the match.

Adieu.'

-Well, women for invention! How long would my block head have been producing this! Hey, Heartfree. What, musing, man? Prithee be cheerful: What say'st thou, friend, to this matrimonial remedy?

Heart. Why, I say, it's worse than the dis

ease.

Con. Here's a fellow for you! There's beauty and money on her side: and love up to the ears on his: And yet

Heart. And yet, I think, I may reasonably be allowed to boggle at marrying the niece in the very moment that you are debauching the

aunt.

Con. Why, truly, there may be something in that. But have not you a good opinion enough of your own parts, to believe you could keep a wife to yourself?

Heart. I should have, if I had a good opinion enough of hers, to believe she could do as much by me. For, to do them right, after all, the wife seldom rambles, till the husband shews her the way.

Con. 'Tis true, a man of real worth scarce ever is a cuckold, but by his own fault. Women are not naturally lewd; there must be something to urge them to it. They'll cuckold a churl, out of revenge; a fool, because they despise him; a beast, because they loath him. But, when they make bold with a man they once had a well-grounded value for, 'tis, because they first see themselves neglected by him.

Heart. Well then, shall I marry, or die a

maid?

Con. Why faith, Heartfree, matrimony is like an army going to engage. Love's the forlorn hope, which is soon cut off; the marriage knot is the main body, which may stand buff a long long time; and repentance is the rearguard, which rarely gives ground, as long as the main body has a being.

Heart. Conclusion, then; you advise me to whore on as you do.

envy you.

loving one, doubtless, is better than to possess a Heart. And justly, too; for to be capable of thousand. But how far that capacity's in me,

alas, I know not.

Con. But you would know.

Heart. I would so.

Can. Matrimony will inform you. Come, one flight of resolution carries you to the land of experience; where, in a very moderate time, you'll know the capacity of your soul and your body both, or I'm mistaken. [Exeunt. SCENE V. SIR JOHN BRUTE's house. Enter LADY BRUTE and BELINDA. Bel. Well, madam, what answer have you from them?

Lady Brute. That they'll be here this moment. I fancy 'twill end in a wedding: I'm sure he's a fool, if it don't. Ten thousand pounds, and such a lass as you are, is no contemptible offer to a younger brother. But are you not under strange agitations? Prithee, how does your pulse beat? Bel. High and low; I have much ado to be valiant: Is it not very strange to go to bed with a man?

Lady Brute. Um—it is a little odd at first, but it will soon grow easy to you.

Enter CONSTANT and HEARTFREE. Good-inorrow, gentlemen! How have you slept after your adventure?

Heart. Some careful thoughts, ladies, on your accounts, have kept us waking.

Bel. And some careful thoughts on your own, I believe, have hindered you from sleeping. Pray, how does this matrimonial project relish with you?

Heart. Why, faith, even as storming towns does with soldiers, where the hopes of delicious plunder banishes the fear of being knocked on the head.

Bel. Is it then possible, after all, that you dare think of downright lawful wedlock?

Heart. Madam, you have made me so foolhardy, I dare do any thing.

Bel. Then, sir, I challenge you; and matrimony's the spot, where I expect you.

Heart. Tis enough; I'll not fail [Aside.] So, now, I am in for Hobbe's voyage; a great leap in the dark.

Lady Brute. Well, gentlemen, this matter being concluded, then, have you got your lessons ready; for sir John is grown such an atheist of late, he'll believe nothing upon easy ternis?

Con. We'll find ways to extend his faith, madam. But, pray, how do you find him this morning?

Con. That's not concluded yet. For though marriage be a lottery, in which there are a wondous many blanks; yet there is one inestimable lot, in which the only heaven on earth is written. Would your kind fate but guide your hand Lady Brute. Most lamentably morose, chewto that, though I were wrapt in all, that lux-ing the cud after last night's discovery; of which,

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however, he has but a confused notion even now. | But I'm afraid the valet de chambre has told him all; for they are very busy together at this moment. When I told him of Belinda's marriage, I had no other answer but a grunt: From which you may draw what conclusions you think fit.-But to your notes, gentlemen, he's here.

Enter SIR JOHN and RAZOR, Con. Good-morrow, sir,

Heart. Good-morrow, sir John; I'm very sorry my indiscretion should cause so much disorder in your family.

Sir John. Disorders generally come from indiscretion, sir; 'tis no strange thing at all.

Lady Brute. I hope, my dear, you are satisfied there was no wrong intended you,

Sir John. None, my dove.

Bel. If not, I hope my consent to marry Mr Heartfree will convince you. For as little as I know of amours, sir, I can assure you, one intrigue is enough to bring four people together, without further mischief.

Sir John. And I know, too, that intrigues tend to procreation of more kinds than one. One intrigue will beget another, as soon as beget a son or a daughter,

Con. I am very sorry, sir, to see you still seem unsatisfied with a lady, whose more than common virtue, I am sure, were she my wife, should meet a better usage.

Sir John. Sir, if her conduct has put a trick upon her virtue, her virtue's the bubble, but her husband's the loser.

but that's past, and I have her. And now, what shall I do with her?-If I put my horns into my pocket, she'll grow insolent—if I don't, that goat there, that stallion, is ready to whip me through the guts-The debate, then, is reduced to this; shall I die a hero, or live a rascal?-Why, wiser men than I have long since concluded, that a living dog is better than a dead lion.[TO CON. and HEART.] Gentlemen, now my wine and my passion are governable; I must own, I never observed any thing in my wife's course of life, to back me in my jealousy of her: But jealousy's a mark of love; so she need not trouble her head about it, as long as I make no more words on't.

LADY FANCYFUL enters disguised, and addresses

BELINDA aside.

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Heart. And that I may be sure you are friends with me, too, pray give me your consent to wed your niece.

Sir John. Sir, you have it with all my heart: Damn me if you han't.-[Aside.] 'Tis time to get rid of her. A young pert pimp: she'll make an incomparable bawd in a little time.

Enter a servant, who gives HEARTFREE a letter. Bel. Heartfree your husband, say you? 'Tis impossible!

Lady Fan. Would to kind Heaven it were! Con. Sir, you have received a sufficient answer But 'tis too true; and in the world there lives already, to justify both her conduct and mine. not such a wretch. I'm young; and, either I have You'll pardon me for meddling in your family-been flattered by my friends, as well as glass, or affairs; but I perceive I am the man you are jealous of, and therefore it concerns me.

Sir John. Would it did not concern me! and then I should not care who it concerned.

Con. Well, sir, if truth and reason won't content you, I know but one way more, which, if you think fit, you may take.

Sir John. Lord, sir, you are very hasty: If I had been found at prayers in your wife's closet, I should have allowed you twice as much time to come to yourself in.

Con. Nay, sir, if time be all you want, we have no quarrel.

Heart. I told you how the sword would work upon him. [SIR JOHN muses. Con. Let him muse: however, I'll lay fifty pounds our foreman brings us in, not guilty.

Sir John [Aside.] 'Tis well-'tis very well-In spite of that young jade's matrimonial intrigue, I am a downright stinking cuckold-Here they are -Boo-[Putting his hand to his forehead.] Me-' thinks I could butt with a bull. What the plague did I marry her for? I knew she did not like me; if she had, she would have lain with me; for I would have done so, because I liked her;

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nature has been kind and generous to me. I had a fortune, too, was greater far than he could ever hope for; but with my heart I am robbed of all the rest. I am slighted and I'm beggared both at once I have scarce a bare subsistence from the villain, yet dare complain to none; for he has sworn, if ever 'tis known I am his wife, he'll murder me. [Weeping.

Bel. The traitor!

Lady Fan. I accidentally was told he courted you: Charity soon prevailed upon me to prevent your misery: And, as you see, I'm still so generous, even to him, as not to suffer he should do any thing, for which the law might take away his life. [Weeping. Bel. Poor creature! How I pity her! [They continue talking aside. Heart. [Aside.] Death and damnation!Let me read it again. [Reads.] Though I have a particular reason not to let you know who I am till I see you; yet you'll easily believe 'tis a faithful friend, that gives you this advice. I have lain with Belinda.' (Good!) I have a child by her,' (Better and better!) which is now at nurse;' (Heaven be praised!) and I think the

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foundation laid for another;' (Ha!-Old true-
penny!) No rack could have tortured this sto-
ry from me;
but friendship has done it. I heard

of your design to marry her, and could not see
you abused. Make use of my advice, but keep
my secret till I ask you for it again. Adieu.'

Con. to Bel. Come, madam, shall we send for the parson? I doubt here's no business for the lawyer: Younger brothers have nothing to settle but their hearts; and that, I believe, my friend here has already done very faithfully.

Raz. A villain-but a repenting villain.
All. Razor!

Lady Brute. What means this?

Raz. Nothing without my pardon.

Lady Brute. What pardon do you want? Raz. Imprimis, Your ladyship's, for a dam[Exit LADY FANCYFUL.nable lie upon your spotless virtue, and set to the tune of Spring Garden.-[TO SIR JOHN.] Next, at my generous master's feet I bend, for interrupting his more noble thoughts with phantoms of disgraceful cuckoldom,—[To CoN.] Thirdly, I to this gentleman apply, for making him the hero of my romance. [TO HEART. Fourthly, your pardon, noble sir, I ask, for clandestinely marrying you, without either bidding of banns, bishop's licence, friends, consent-or your own knowledge !-[To BEL.] And, lastly, to my good young lady's clemency I come, for pretending corn was sowed in the ground, before ever the plough had been in the field.

Bel. [Scornfully.] Are you sure, sir, there are no old mortgages upon it?

Heart. [Coldly.] If you think there are, madam, it mayn't be amiss to defer the marriage, till you are sure they are paid off.

Bel. We'll defer it as long as you please, sir. Heart. The more time we take to consider on't, madam, the less apt we shall be to cominit oversights; therefore, if you please, we will put it off for just nine months.

Bel. Guilty consciences make men cowards-
I don't wonder you want time to resolve.
Heart. And they make women desperate-I
don't wonder you were so quickly determined.
Bel. What does the fellow mean?
Heart, What does the lady mean?
Sir John. Zoons, what do you both mean?

[HEART. and BEL, walk chafing about.
Raz. [Aside.] Here is so much sport going to
be spoiled, it makes me ready to weep again, A
pox o' this impertinent lady Fancyful, and her
plots, and her Frenchwoman, too; she's a whim-
sical, ill-natured bitch; and, when I have got my
bones broke in her service, 'tis ten to one but my
recompense is a slap: I hear them tittering with-
out still. Ecod! I'll e'en go lug them both in by
the ears, and discover the plot, to secure my par-
don.
[Exit RAZOR.

Con. Prithee, explain, Heartfree, Heart. A fair deliverance; thank my stars and my friend.

Bel. 'Tis well it went no farther; a base fellow!

Lady Brute. What can be the meaning of all this?

Bel. What's his meaning, I don't know; but mine is, that if I had married him-I had had no husband.

Heart. And what's her meaning, I don't know; but mine is, that if I had married her-I had had wife enough.

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Madem. Me ask ten thousand pardon of all de good company.

Sir John. Why, this mystery thickens, instead of clearing up.-[To Raz.] You son of a whore you, put us out of our pain!

Raz. One moment brings sunshine. [Shewing MADEM,] 'Tis true, this is the woman that tempted me; but this is the serpent that tempted the woman: and, if my prayers might be heard, her punishment, for so doing, should be like the serpent's of old-[Pulls off LADY FANCYFUL's mask.] She should lie upon her face all the days of her life,

All. Lady Fancyful!
Bel. Impertinent!
Lady Brute. Ridiculous!
All. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Bel. I hope your ladyship will give me leave to wish you joy, since you have owned your marSir John. Your people of wit have got such riage yourself? [To HEART.] I vow 'twas strangecramp ways of expressing themselves, they sel-ly wicked in you to think of another wife, when dom comprehend one another. Pox take you you had one already so charming as her ladyship. both! will you speak that you may be understood? All. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Enter RAZOR in sackcloth, pulling in LADY FAN-it
CYFUL and MADEMOISELLE.

Raz. If they won't, here comes an interpreter.
Lady Brute. Heavens! What have we here?

seizes me!
Lady Fun. [Aside.] Confusion seize them, as

Madem. Que le diable étouffe ce maraut de
Razor!

Bel. Your ladyship seems disordered: A breed

ing qualm, perhaps, Mr Heartfree! Your bottle of Hungary water to your lady! Why, madam, he stands as unconcerned, as if he were your husband in earnest.

Sir John. [Aside.] Why now, this woman will be married to somebody, too.

Bel. Poor creature! what a passion she's in! But I forgive her,

Heart. Since you have so much goodness for

Bel. There will be no great difficulty in that, since I am guilty of an equal fault.

Heart. So, madam; now, had the parson but done his business

Lady Fan. Your mirth's as nauseous as yourself. Belinda, you think you triumph over a ri-her, I hope you'll pardon my offence, too, madam. val, now; Helas, ma pauvre fille! Where'er I'm rival, there's no cause for mirth. No, my poor wretch, 'tis from another principle I have acted. I knew that thing there would make so perverse a husband, and you so impertinent a wife, that, lest your mutual plagues should make you both run mad, I charitably would have broke the match. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

[Exit laughing affectedly, MADEMOISELLE
following her.

Madem. He, he, he, he, he!
All. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Bel. You'd be half weary of your bargain. Heart. No, sure, I might dispense with one night's lodging.

Bel. I'm ready to try, sir.

Heart. Then let's to church:
And if it be our chance to disagree-
Bel. Take heed-the surly husband's fate you
[Exeunt omnes.

see.

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Ant. WITHOUT compliment, my old friend, I shall think myself much honoured in your alliance; our families are both ancient; our children young, and able to support them; and, I think, the sooner we set them to work the better. Cha. Sir, you offer fair and nobly, and shall find I dare meet you in the same line of honour: and, I hope, since I have but one girl in the world, you won't think me a troublesome old fool, if I endeavour to bestow her to her worth; therefore, if you please, before we shake hands, a word or two by the by; for I have some considerable questions to ask you.

Ant. Ask them.

Cha. Well, in the first place, you say you have two sons?

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