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light, they're ah so; they're cozening mad; I have done it more effectually. Take her into they're brawling mad; they're proud mad; I your charge; and have a care she don't relapse ; just now came from a whole world of mad wo- it she should, employ me not again, for I am no men, that had almost-What, is she dead? more infallible than others of the faculty; I do Mir. Dead! Heavens forbid !
cure sometimes, Dur. Heavens further it! for 'till they be as Ori. Your remedy, most barbarous man! will cold as a key, there's no trusting them; you're prove the greatest poison to my health; for never sure that a woman's in earnest, till she is though my former frenzy was but counterfeit, I laid in her coffin. Shall I talk to her? Are you now shall run into a real madness. mad, mistress?
[Erit ; OLD MIR. after. Bis. What's that to you, sir?
Duy. This was a turn beyond my knowledge; Dur. Oons, madam, are you there? [Runs off: I'm so confused, I know not how to resent it.
Mir. Away, thou wild buffoon ! how poor and mean this humour now appears! His follies and Mir. What a dangerous precipice have I my own, I here disclain; this lady's frenzy has 'scaped! Was not I just now upon the brink of restored my senses; and was she perfect now, as destruction ? once she was, (before you all I speak it) she
Enter DURETETE. should be mine; and, as she is, my tears and prayers shall wed her.
Oh, my friend, let me run into thy bosom! no Dug. How happy had this declaration been lark, escaped from the devouring pounces of a some hours ago!
hawk, quakes with more dismal apprehension. Bis, Sir, she beckons to you, and waves us to Dur. The matter, man! go off'; come, come, let's have them.
Mir. Marriage! hanging! I was just at the [ Exeunt omnes, but Mir. and Orr. gallows-foot, the running noose about my neck, Ori. Oh, sir !
and the cart wheeling from me-Oh-I shan't Mir. Speak, my charming angel ! if your dear be myself this month again. senses have regained their order; speak, fair, Dur. Did not I tell you so? They are all alike, and bless me with the news.
saints or devils: their counterfeiting can't be reOri. First, let me bless the cunning of my sex, puted a deceit, for 'tis the nature of the sex, not that happy counterfeited frenzy, that has resto- their contrivance. red to my poor labouring breast the dearest, best Mir. Ay, ay; there's no living here with se beloved of men.
curity; this house is so full of stratagem and de Mir. Tune, all ye spheres, your instruments of sign, that I must abroad again. joy, and carry round your spacious orbs, the Dur. With all my heart; I'll bear thee comhappy sound of Oriana's health! her soul, whose pany, my lad; I'll meet you at the play; and harmony was next to your's, is now in tune again; we'll set out for Italy to-morrow morning. the counterfeiting fair has played the fool- Mir. A match; I'll go pay my compliment of She was so mad to counterfeit for me ;
leave to my father presently. I was so mad to pawn my liberty:
Dur. I'm afraid he'll stop you. But now we both are well, and both are free.
Mir. What, pretend a command over me,
after his settlement of a thousand pounds a-year Ori. How, sir, free!
upon me ! No, no, he has passed away his authoMir. As air, my dear Bedlamite ! what, marry a lunatic! Look ye, my dear, you have counther is chiefly obeyed for the sake of the dying
rity with the conveyance; the will of a living faterfeited madness so very well this bout, that you'll be apt to play the fool all your life lony Here, gentlemen.
What makes the world attend and crowd the Ori. Monster! you won't disgrace me? Mir. O my faith, but I will; here, come in, Hopes, interest, and dependence, make their
great ? gentlemen-A miracle! a miracle ! the woman's dispossessed; the devil's vanished.
Behold the anti-chamber filled with beaux,
A horse's levee filled with courtly crows. Enter Old MIRABELL and DUGARD.
Though grumbling subjects make the crown their Old Mir. Bless us, was she possessed?
sport, Mir. With the worst of demons, sir, a mar- Hopes of a place will bring the sparks to court. riage-devil, a horrid devil! Mr Dugard, don't be Dependence even a father's sway secures, surprized; I promised my endeavours to eure For though the son rehels, the heir is yours, your sister; no mad doctor in Christendom could
SCENE 1.—The street before the Playhouse. abroad by following strangers; you forget your Enter Mirabell and DURETETE as coming to save your fine ring there.
leap out of the courtezan's window at Bologna, from the play.
Mir. My ring's a trifle; there's nothing we posDur. How d'ye like this play?
sess comparable to what we desire- -be shy of Mir. I liked the company; the lady, the rich a lady bare-faced in the front-box, with a thoubeauty in the front-box, had my attention: These sand pounds in jewels about her neck! For iinpudent poets bring the ladies together to sup- shame! no more. port them, and to kill every body else.
Enter Oriana, in boy's clothes, with a letter. For deaths upon the stage the ladies cry, Ori. Is your name Mirabell, sir? But ne'er mind us, that in the audience die : Mir. Yes, sir. The poet's hero should not move their pain, Ori. A letter from your uncle in Picardy. But they should weep for those their eyes hace
(Gives the letter. slain.
Mir. [Reads.] · The bearer is the son of a
protestant gentleman, who, flying for his reliDur. Hoyty, toyty! did Phillis inspire you gion, left me the charge of this youth (a pretty with all this?
boy.). He's food of some handsome service, that Mir. Ten times more; the playhouse is the may afford him opportunity of improvement; element of poetry, because the region of beauty : your care of him will oblige
Yours.' the ladies, methinks, have a more inspiring tri- Has't a mind to travel, child ? umphant air in the boxes, than any where else; Ori. 'Tis my desire, sir; I should be pleased to they sit cominanding on their thrones with all serve a traveller in any capacity. their subject-slaves about thein: Their best Mir. A hopeful inclination; you shall along clothes, best looks, shining jewels, sparkling eyes. with me into Italy, as my page. the treasure of the world in a ring. Then there's Dur. I don't think it safe; the rogue's [Noise such a hurry of pleasure to transport us; the without.) too handsome- -The play's done, and bustle, noise, gallantry, equipage, garters, fea- some of the ladies come this way. thers, wigs, bows, smiles, ogles, love, music, and applause : I could wish that my whole life long
Enter LAMORCE, with her train borne up by a were the first night of a new play.
page. Dur. The fellow has quite forgot this journey; have you bespoke post-horses?
Mir. Duretete, the very dear, identical she ! Mir. Grant ine but three days, dear captain, Dur. And what then? one to discover the lady, one to untold myself, Mir. Why, 'tis she. and one to make me happy; and then I'ın your's Dur. And what then, sir? to the world's end.
Mlir. Then! Why- -Look'e, sirrah, the first Dur. Hast thou the impudence to promise piece of service I put upon you, is, to follow that thyself a lady of her figure and quality in so short lady's coach, and bring me word where she lives. a time?
[To Oriana. Mir. Yes, sir-I have a confident address, no Ori. I don't know the town, sir, and am afraid disagreeable person, and five hundred Louis of losing myself. d'Ors in my pocket.
Mir. Pshaw! Dur. Five hundred Louis d'Ors! You a'n't Lam. Page, what's become of all my people? mad?
Page. I can't tell, madam; I can see no sign of Mir. I tell you, she's worth five thousand; your ladyship's coach. one of her black brilliant eyes is worth a dia- Lum. That fellow is got into his old pranks, mond as big as her head. I compared her neck- and fallen drunk somewhere; none of the footlace with her looks, and the living jewels out
men there? sparkled the dead ones by a million.
Page. Not one, madam. Dur. But you have owned to me, that, abating Lum. These servants are the plague of our Oriana's pretensions to marriage, you loved her lives; what shall I do? passionately; then, how can you wander at this Mir. By all my hopes, fortune pimps for me; rate?
now, Duretete, for a piece of gallantry. Mir. I longed for a partridge t'other day off Dur. Why, you won't, sure? the king's plate; but d'ye think, because I could Ofir. Won't, brute ! Lct not your servants' not have it, I must eat nothing ?
neglect, madam, put your ladyship to any inconDur. Prithee, Mirabell, be quiet; you may re- venience, for you can't be disappointed of an member what narrow escapes you have had | equipage, whilst mine waits below; and would
you honour the master so far, he would be prond boy—Here, page, order my coach and servants to pay his attendance.
home, and do you stay—'tis a foolish country boy, Dur. Ay, to be sure.
[Aside. that knows nothing but innocence. La.. Sir, I won't presume to be troublesome, Lam. Innocence, sir! I should be sorry, if you for iny habitation is a great way off
made any sinister constructions of my freedom. Dur. Very true, madam, and he's a little en- Mir. O madain, I must not pretend to remark gaged; besides, madam, a hackney-coach will do upon any body's freedom, having so entirely foras well, madam.
feited my own. Mir. Rude beast, be quiet! (To DURETETE.) Lam. Well, sir, 'twere convenient towards our The farther from home, inadam, the more occa- easy correspondence, that we entered into a free sion you have for a guard-pray, madam- confidence of each other, by a mutual declaraLam. Lard, sir
tion of what we are, and what we think of one [He seems to press, she to decline it, in another. Now, sir, what are you? dumb shew.]
Mir. In three words, madam-I am a gentleDur. Ah! The devil's in his impudence! now man; I have five hundred pounds in my pocket, he wheedles, she smiles; he flatters, she simpers; and a clean shirt on. be swears, she believes; he's a rogue, and she's a Lum. And your name isin a moment.
Mir. Mustapha. Now, madam, the inventory Mir. Without there! my coach; Duretete, of your fortunes, wish me jov.
(Hands the lady out, Lam. My name is Lamorce; my birth noble; Dur. Wish you a surgeon! Here, you little I was married young, to a proud, rude, sullen, imPicard, go follow your master, and he'll lead petuous fellow; the husband spoiled the gentleyou
man; crying ruined my face, till, at last, I took Ori. Whither, sir?
heart, leaped out of a window, got away to my Dur. To the academy, child : 'tis the fashion, friends, sued my tyrant, and recovered my forwith men of quality, to teach their pages their tune- I lived, from fifteen to twenty, to please cxercises-go.
a husband; from twenty to forty, I'm resolved to Ori. Won't you go with him, too, sir; that wo- please myself; and, from thence upwards, I'll human may do him some harm ; I don't like her. mour the world.
Dur. Why, how now, Mr Page, do you start Mir. The charming wild notes of a bird broke up to give laws of a sudden? do you pretend to out of its cage! rise at court, and disapprove the pleasure of your Lam. I marked you at the play, and something betters? Look'e, sirrah, if ever you would rise by I saw of a well-furnished, careless, agreeable a great man, be sure to be with him in all his tour about you, Methought your eyes made their little actions, and, as a step to your advance mannerly demands with such an arch-modesty, ment, follow your masteş immediately, and make that I don't know how—but I am eloped. Han it your hope that he goes to a bawdy-house. ha, ha! I'm eloped. Ori. Heavens forbid !
[Erit. Mir. Ha, ha, ha! I rejoice in your good forDur. Now would I sooner take a cart in com- tune with all my heart. pany of the hangman, than a coach with that wo- Lam. O, now I think on't, Mr Mustapha, you inan: What a strange antipathy have I taken have got the finest ring there, I could scarcely against these creatures! woman, to me, is aver- believe it right; pray, let me see it. sion upon aversion; a cheese, a cat, a breast of Mir, Hum! Yes, madamn, 'tis, 'tis right-but, mutton, the squalling of children, the grinding of but, but, but, but, it was given me by my inother; knives, and the snuff of a candle. [Erit. an old family ring, madam, an old-fashioned fa
mily ring. SCENE II.--A handsome apartment. Lam. Ay, sir-If you can entertain yourself
with a song for a moment, I'll wait on you imme: Enter MIRABEL and LAMORCE.
diately; come in there. Lam. To convince me, sir, that your service was something more than good breeding, please
Enter Singers. to lay out an hour of your company upon my de-Call what you please, sir. şire, as you have already upon my necessity.
Mir. The new song
-“ Prithee, Phillis." Mir. Your desire, madam, has only prevented iny request : My hours! make them yours, ma
SONG. dam; eleven, twelve, one, two, three, and all that belong to those happy minutes.
Certainly the stars have been in a strange in Lam. But I must trouble you, sir, to dismiss triguing humour, when I was born-Ay, this night your retinue; because an equipage at my door, should I have had a bride in my arms, and that I at this time of night, will not be consistent with should like well enough: But what should I have my reputation.
to-morrow night? The same. And what next Alir. By all means, madam; all but one little night? The same. And what next night? The
very same: Soup for breakfast, soup for dinner, Mir. No, gentlemen—but I'll bestow it with soup for supper, and soup for breakfast again— all my heart.
[Offering it. But here's variety.
1 Bra. O, sir, we shall rob you.
Mir. That you do, I'll be sworn. [Aside.] I I love the fair who freely gives her heart, have another at home; pray, sir-Gentlemen, That's mine by ties of nature, not of art ; you're too modest; have I any thing else that you Who boldly owns whate'er her thoughts indite, fancy :-Sir, will you do me a favour? [To the And is too modest for a hypocrite.
1st Bravo.] I am extremely in love with that wig
which you wear; will you do me the favour to LAMORCE appears at the door. As he runs towards change with me? her,,four Bruvoes step in before her. He starts
1 Bra. Look'e, sir, this is a family wig, and I back.
would not part with it, but if you like it
Mir. Sir, your most humble servant. She comes, she comes mes-hum, hum-bitch-mur
[They change wigs. dered, murdered to be sure! The cursed strum- 1 Bra. Madam, your most humble slave. pet! To make me send away my servants—No- [Goes up foppishly to the lady, salutes her. body near me! These cut-throats always make 2 Bra. The fellow's very liberal; shall we mursure work.
What shall I do? I have but one der him? way. Are these gentlemen your relations, ma- 1 Bra. What! Let him escape to hang us all ! dam?
And I to lose my wig! no, no; I want but a Lam. Yes, sir.
handsome pretence to quarrel with him, for you Mır. Gentlemen, your most humble servant; know we must act like gentlemen. Here, some sir, your most faithful; yours, sir, with all my wine-[Wine here.] Sir, your good health. heart; your most obedient-come, gentlemen,
(Pulls MIRABELL by the nose. [Salutes all round.] please to sit—no ceremony; Mir. Oh! Sir, your most humble servant; a next the lady, pray sir.
pleasant frolic enough, to drink a man's health, Lam. Well, sir, and how d’ye like my friends and pull him by the nose: ha, ha, ha! the plea
[They all sit. santest pretty-humoured gentleman ! Mir. O, madam, the most finished gentlemen! Lam. Help the gentleman to a glass. I was never more happy in good company in my
(MIRABELL drinks. life; I suppose, sir, you have travelled?
1 Bra. How d’ye like the wine, sir? 1 Bra. Yes, sir.
Mir. Very good o' the kind, sir : But I tell ye Mir. Which way, may I presume?
what; I find we're all inclined to be frolicsome, 1 Bra. In a western barge, sir.
and, e'gad, for my own part, I was never more Mir. Ha, ha, ha! very pretty; facetious pretty disposed to be merry; let's make a night on't, ha! gentleman !
This wine is pretty, but I have such Burgundy at Lam. Ha, ha, ha! sir, you have got the prettiest home! Look'e, gentlemen, let me send for half ring upon your finger there
a dozen flasks of my Burgundy; I defy France to Mir . Ah! madam, 'tis at your service with all match it; 'twill make us all life, all air; pray, gen
[Offering the ring. tlemen. Lam. By no means, sir, a family-ring !
2 Bra. Eh! Shall we have his Burgundy?
[Takes it. 1 Bra. Yes, faith, we'll have all we can; here, Mir. No matter, madam. Seven hundred call up the gentleman's servant-What think you, pound, by this light.
(Aside. Lamorce? 2 Bra. Pray, sir, what's o'clock?
Lam. Yes, yes
-your servant is a foolish Mir. Hum! sir, I have left my watch at country boy, sir; he understands nothing but inhome.
nocence. 2 Bra. I thought I saw the string of it just Mir. Ay, ay, madam. Here, page! Mir. Ods my life, sir, I beg your pardon, here
Enter ORIANA. it is, but it don't go.
(Putting it up. take this key, and go to my butler, order him to Lam. O dear sir, an English watch! Tom- send half a dozen flasks of the red Burgundy, pion's, I presume?
marked a thousand; and be sure you make haste ! Mir. D'ye like it, madam-no ceremony
I long to entertain my friends here, my very good 'tis at your service with all my heart and soul friends. Tompion's! Hang ye.
(Aside. Omnes. Ah, dear sir ! 1 Bra. But, sir, above all things, I admire the 1. Bra. Here, child, take a glass of winefashion and make of your sword-hilt.
Your master and I have changed wigs, honey, in Mir. I'm mighty glad you like it, sir. a frolic. Where had you this pretty boy, honest 1 Bra. Will you part with it, sir?
Mustapha ? Mir. Sir, I won't sell it.
Ori, Mustapha ! 1 Bra. Not sell it, sir?
Mir. Out of Picardy—this is the first errand
he has made for me, and if he does it right, I'll / you're never out of the way, 'cause there's no encourage him.
such thing as a high road. Ori. The red Burgundy, sir.
Bis. Rather always in a high road, 'cause you Mir. The red, marked a thousand; and be travel all upon hills; but, be it as it will, 11 jog sure you make haste !
along with you. Ori. I shall, sir.
[Erit. Dur. But we intend to sail to the East Indies. 1 Bra. Sir, you were pleased to like my wig, Bis. East or west, 'tis all one to me; I'n have you any fancy for my coat?—Look'e, sir, it tight and light, and the fitter for sailing. has served a great many honest gentlemen very Dur. But suppose we take through Germany, faithfully.
and drink hard ! Mir. Not so faithfully, for I'm afraid it has Bis. Suppose I take through Germany, and got a scurvy trick of leaving all its masters in ne- drink harder than you? cessity. The insolence of these dogs is beyond Dur. Suppose I go to a bawdy-bouse? their cruelty.
(Aside. Bis. Suppose I shew you the way? Lam. You're melancholy, sir.
Dur. 'Sdeath, woman, will you go to the guard Mir. Only concerned, madam, that I should with me, and smoke a pipe? have no servant here but this little boy-he'll Bis. Allons donc ! make some confounded blunder, I'll lay my life Dur. The devil's in the wom
oman! suppose I on't; I would not be disappointed of my wine for hang myself? the universe.
Bis. There I'll leave you. Lam. He'll do well enough, sir; but supper's Dur. And a happy riddance; the gallows is ready, will you please to eat a bit, sir?
welcome. Mir. 0, madam, I never had a better stomach Bis. Hold, hold, sir.-[Catches him by the ars in my life.
going.}-one word before we part. Lam. Come, then--we have nothing but a plate Dur. Let me go, madam, or I shall think that
you're a man, and perhaps may examine you. Mir. Ah! The marriage-soup I could dispense Bis. Stir, if you dare; I have still spirits to atwith now. (Aside.] (Exit, handing the lady. tend me; and can raise such a muster of fairies,
2 Bra. That wig won't fall to your share. as shall punish you to death-come, sir, stand
1 Bra. No, no, we'll settle that after supper; there, now, and ogle me :-(He frowns upon ker.] in the mean time, the gentleman shall wear it. -Now a languishing sigh-He groans.)--Now 2 Bra. hall we dispatch him?
run and take up my fan,-faster.—He runs and 3 Bra. To be sure." I think he knows me. takes it up.-Now play with it handsomely. 1 Bra. Ay, ay, dead men tell no tales; I won
Dur. Aye, aye. der at the impudence of the English rogues, that
[He tears it all in pieces. will hazard the meeting a man at the bar, whom Bis. Hold, hold, dear humourous coxcomb; they have encountered upon the road! I han't the captain, spare my fan, and I'll why, you confidence to look a man in the face, after I have rude, inhuman monster, don't you expect to pay done him an injury; therefore, we'll murder him. for this?
[Exeunt. Dur. Yes, madam, there's twelve-pence; for
that is the price on't. SCENE III.-Changes to OLD MIRABELL'S Bis. Sir, it cost a guinea. house.
Dur. Well, madam, you shall have the sticks
again. Enter DURETETE.
[Throws them to her, and exit. Dur. My friend has forsaken me, I have a- Bis. Ha, ha, ha! ridiculous below my conbandoned my mistress, my time lies heavy upon cern. I must follow him, however, to know if my hands, and my money burns in my pocket- he can give me any news of Oriana. But, now I think on't, iny myrmidons are upon
[Erit. duty to-night; I'll fairly stroll down to the guard, and nod away the night with my honest lieutenant SCENE IV.- Changes to LAMORCE's lodgings over a flask of wine, a rake-helly story, and a pipe of tobacco.
Enter MIRABELL, solus.
Mir. Bloody hell-hounds! I overheard you: Going off, BISSARRE meets him.
was not I two hours ago the happy, gay, rejoicing Bis. Who comes there? stand!
Mirabell? How did I plume my hopes in a fairDur. Hey day! now she's turned dragoon. coming prospect of a long scene of years! Life
Bis. Look'e, sir, I'm told you intend to travel courted me with all the charms of vigour, youth, again. I design to wait on you as far as Italy. and fortune; and to be torn away from all my Dur. Then, I'll travel into Wales.
promised joys is more than death; the manner, Bis. Wales! what country's that?
too-by villains ! Oh, my Oriana, this very moDur. The land of mountains, child, where ment might have blessed me in thy arms, and my