Flo. How came he to be engaged to her at Poor gentleman! very hard, by my conscience! all? Indeed, madam, this was carrying the jest a little too far. Hyp. Why, I engaged him, Fio. To another! Hop. Το my ved him. Hyp. Ah, by many a long mile, Flora; but whole sex, rather than own I lo: what would you have a woman do, when her hand's in? Flo. Ah, done like a woman of courage! Hyp. I could not bear the thought of parting with my power; besides, he took me at such an advantage, and pressed me so home to a surrender, I could have torn him piece-meal. Flo. Ay, I warrant you, an insolent-agreeable puppy. Well, but to leave impertinence, madam, pray how came you to squabble with him? Hyp. I'll tell thee, Flora: you know Don Philip wants no charms that can recommend a lover; in birth and quality, I confess him my superior; and it is the thought of that has been a constant thorn upon my wishes. I never saw him in the humblest posture, but still I fancied he secretly presumed his rank and fortune might deserve me. This always stung my pride, and made me overact it: nay, sometimes, when his sufferings have almost drawn tears into my eyes, I have turned the subject with some trivial talk, or hummed a spiteful tune, though I believe his heart was breaking. Flo. Nay, the truth of it is, we never know the difference between enough and a surfeit; but, love be praised, your proud stomach's come down for it. Hyp. Indeed, it is not altogether so high as it was. In a word, his last letter set me at my wit's end; and when I came to myself, you may remember you thought me bewitched; for I immediately called for my boots and breeches, a straddle we got, and so rode after him. Flo. Why, truly, madam, as to your wits, I have not much altered my opinion for them, for I cannot see what you propose by it. Hyp. My whole design, Flora, lies in this port manteau, and these breeches. Flo. A notable design, no doubt! but, pray, let's hear it. Hyp. Why, I do propose to be twice married between them. Flo. How! twice? Hyp. By the help of the portmanteau, I intend to marry myself to Don Philip's new mistress; and then I'll put off my breeches, and marry him. Flo. Now, I begin to take ye: but, pray, what's in the portmanteau, and how came you by it? Flo. A very tender principle, truly! Hyp. Well, I don't know, it was in my nature. But to proceed this, and worse usage, continued a long time; at last, despairing of my heart, he then resolved to do a violence on his own, by consenting to his father's commands of marrying a lady of considerable fortune here in Madrid. Hyp. I hired one to steal it from his servant The match is concluded, articles are sealed, and at the last inn we lay at in Toledo. In it are the day is fixed for his journey. Now, the night jewels of value, presents to my bride, gold good before he set out, he came to take his leave of store, settlements, and credential letters, to cerme, in hopes, I suppose, I would have staid him.tify, that the bearer (which I intend to be myI need not tell you my confusion at the news; self) is Don Philip, only son and heir of Don and though I could have given my soul to have Fernando de las Torres, now residing at Seville, deferred it, yet, finding him, unless I bade him whence we came. stay, resolved upon the marriage, I (from the pure spirit of contradiction) swore to myself I would not bid him do it; so called for my veil, and told him I wa in haste, begged his pardon, 'your servant, and so whipped to prayers. Flo. A very smart undertaking, by my troth! And, pray, madam, what part am I to act? Hyp. My woman still; when I cannot lie for myself, you are to do it for me, in the person of a cousin-german, Flo. And my name is to be Hyp. Don Guzman, Diego, Mendez, or what you please be your own goodfather. Flo. 'Egad, I begin to like it mightily! this may prove a very pleasant adventure, if we can but come off without fighting, which, by the way, I don't easily perceive we shall; for, to be sure, Don Philip will make the devil to do with us when he finds himself here before he com e ther. sir? [Knocks. Hyp. Ha! you eat here sometimes, I presume, Trap. Umph! Aye, sir, that's as it happensI seldom eat at home, indeed-things are genenerally, you know, so out of order there, thatDid you hear any fresh news up ›n the road, sir? Hyp. Only, sir, that the king of France lost a Hyp. Oh, let me alone to give him satisfac-great horse-match upon the Alps t'other day. tion. Flo. I'm afraid it must be alone, if you do give him satisfaction; for my part, I can push no more than I can swim.. Hyp. But can you bully upon occasion? be scolding in petticoats. Trap. Ha! a very odd place for a horse-race but the king of France may do any thing-did you come that way, gentlemen? or-Hey! Enter HOST. Host. Did you call, gentlemen? [Knocks. Trap. Yes, and bawl, too, sir. Here, the gen near them. What have you in the house, now, that will be ready presently? Flo. Say ye so? Why, then, Don, look to your-tlemen are almost famished, and nobody comes self; if I don't give you as good as you bring, I'll be content to wear breeches as long as I live, though I lose the end of my sex by it. Well, madam, now you have opened the plot, pray, when is the play to begin? Hyp. I hope to have it all over in less than four hours: we'll just refresh ourselves with what the house affords, comb out our wigs, and wait upon my father-in-law-How now! what would this fellow have? Enter TRAPPANTI. Trap. Servant, gentlemen; I have taken nice care of your nags; good cattle they are, by my troth! right and sound, I warrant them; they deserve care, and they have had it, and shall have it, if they stay in this house. I always stand by, sir; see them rubbed down with my own eyes-Catch me trusting an ostler-I'll give you leave to fill for me, and drink for me, too. Flo. I have seen this fellow somewhere. Trap. Hey-day! what, no cloth laid? was ever such attendance! Hey, house! tapster! landlord! hey! [Knocks.] What was it you bespoke, gentlemen? Hyp. Really, sir, I ask your pardon; I have almost forgot you. Trap. Pshaw! dear sir, never talk of it; I live here hard by—I have a lodging- -I cannot call it a lodging, neither-that is, I have aSometimes I am here, and sometimes I am there; and so, here and there, one makes shift, you know. Hey! will these people never come? [Knocks. Hyp. You give a very good account of yourself, sir. Trap. Oh, nothing at all, sir. Lord, sir-was it fish or flesh, sir? Flo. Really, sir, we have bespoke nothing yet. Trap. Nothing! for shame! it's a sign you are young travellers. You don't know this house, Host. You may have what you please, sir. Hyp. Can you give us a partridge? Host. Sir, we have no partridges; but we'll get you what you please in a moment. We have a very good neck of mutton, sir; if you please, it shall be clapped down in a moment. Hyp. Have you no pigeons or chickens? Host. Truly, sir, we have no fowl in the house at present; if you please, you may have any thing else in a moment. Hyp. Then, prithee, get us some young rabbits." Host. Upon my word, sir, rabbits are so scarce, they are not to be had for money. Flo. Have you any fish? Host. Fish, sir! I drest yesterday the finest dish that ever came upon a table; I am sorry we have none left, sir; but if you please, you may have any thing else in a moment. Trap. Pox on thee! hast thou nothing but any thing else in the house? Host. Very good mutton, sir. Host. Breast! don't you love the neck, sir? Hyp. Have ye nothing in the house but the neck? Host. Really, sir, we don't use to be so unprovided; but at present we have nothing else left. Trap. Faith, sir, I don't know but a nothing else may be very good meat, when any thing else is not to be had. Hyp. Then, prithee, friend, let's have thy neck of mutton before that is gone, too. Trap. Sir, he shall lay it down this minute; I'll see it done, gentlemen; I'll wait upon ye presently; for a minute I must beg your pardon, and leave to lay the cloth myself. Hyp. By no means, sit. it. Trap. No ceremony, dear sir! Indeed I'll do [Exeunt HOST and TRAPPANTI, Hyp. What can this familiar puppy be? Flo. With much ado, I have recollected his face. Don't you remember, madam, about two or three years ago, Don Philip had a trusty servant, called Trappanti, that used now and then to slip a note into your hand as you came from church? Hyp. Is this he, that Philip turned away for saying I was as proud as a beauty, and homely enough to be good humoured? Flo. The very same I assure ye; only, as you see, starving has altered his air a little. Hyp. Poor fellow! I am concerned for him. What makes him so far from Seville? Flo. I am afraid all places are alike to him. Hyp. I have a great mind to take him into my service; his assurance may be useful, as my case stands. Flo. You would not tell him who you are? Hyp. There's no occasion for it—I'll talk with him. Enter TRAPPANTI. Trap. Your dinner's upon the spit, gentlemen, and the cloth is laid in the best room-Are you not for a whet, sir? What wine? what wine? hey! Flo. We give you trouble, sir. Enter HOST. Come, fill out-hold-let me taste it first-Ye blockhead, would ye have the gentleman drink before he knows whether it be good or not? [Drinks.] Yes, 'twill do-Give me the bottle, I'll fill myself. Now, sir, is not that a glass of right wine? Hyp. Extremely good, indeed-But, sir, as to my question. Trap. I'm afraid, sir, that mutton won't be enough for us all. Hyp. Oh, pray sir, bespeak what you please. Trap. Sir, your most humble servant-Here, master! prithee, get us a-ha! ay, get us a dozen of poached eggs-a dozen, dy'e hear-just to-pop down a little. [Going. Host. Yes, sir. Trap. Friend-let there be a little slice of bacon to every one of them. Hyp. But, sir Trap. 'Odso! I had like to have forgothere a-Sancho, Sancho! Ay, is not your name Sancho? Host. Diego, sir. Trap. Oh, ay, Diego; that's true, indeed, Diego. Umph! Hyp. I must e'en let him alone; there's no putting in a word till his mouth's full. Trap. Come, here's to thee, Diego-[Drinks Trap. Not in the least, sir-Hey! [Knocks. and fills again.] That I should forget thy name, though. Host. No great harm, sir. Trap. Diego, ha! a very pretty name, faith -I think you are married, are you not, Diego? Host. Ay, ay, sir. Trap. Ha! how many children? Host. Nine girls and a boy, sir. Trap. Ha! nine girls-Come, here's to thee again, Diego-Nine girls! a stirring woman, I dare say; a good housewife, ha, Diego? Host. Pretty well, sir. Trap. Makes all her pickles herself, I warrant ye- -Does she do olives well? Host. Will you be pleased to taste them, sir? Trap. Taste them! hum! prithee, let's have a plate, Diego. Host. Yes, sir. Trap. If a good post fall in my way. Hyp. I believe I could help you-Pray, sir, when you served last, did you take pay or wages? Trap. Pay, sir!—Yes, sir, I was paid, cleared, subsistence and arrears, to a farthing. Hyp. And your late commander's name wasTrap. Don Philip de las Torres. Hyp. Of Seville? Trap. Of Seville. Hyp. Sir, your most humble servant. You need not be curious, for I am sure you don't know me, though I do you, and your condition, which, I dare promise you, I'll mend upon our better acquaintance: and your first step to deserve it, is to answer me honestly to a few questions. Keep your assurance still; it may do me service; I shall like you better for it. Come, here's to encourage you. [Gives him money. Trap. Sir, my humble service to you. Hyp. Well said. Flo. Nay, I'll pass my word he sha'n't dwindle into modesty. Trap. I never heard a gentleman talk better in my life. I have seen such sort of a face before; but where I don't know, nor I don't care. It's your glass, sir. Hyp. Grammercy! here, cousin. [Drinks to Flora.] Come now, what made Don Philip turn you out of his service? why did you leave him? Trap. 'Twas time, I think; his wits had left him-the man was mad. Hyp. Mad! Trap. Ay, stark mad-in love. Trap. Very deep-up to the ears-over head -drowned by this time-he would in-I would have had him stopped when he was up to the middle. Hyp. What was she he was in love with? Hyp. So, now for a very ugly likeness of my own face. [Aside.] What sort of a devil? Trap. The damning sort Hyp. Had she no name? -a woman. Trap. Her Christian name was Donna Hypolita, but her proper name was Shittlecock. Flo. How dy'e like that? [Aside to HYP. Hyp. Pretty well. [Aside to FLO.] Was she handsome? Trap. Umph -So, so. Flo. How dy'e like that? [To HYP. Hyp. Umph-so, so. [To FLO.] Had she wit? [Exit TRAP. [They retire. Flo. You seem concerned; who is it? Hyp. My brother Octavio, as I live!-Come this way. Enter OCTAVIO and a Servant. Oct. Jasper, run immediately to Rosara's woman; tell her I am just come to town; slip that note into her hand, and stay for an answer, Flo. 'Tis he! Re-enter HOST, conducting Dox PHILIP. Host. Here, sir, please to walk this way. Flo. And Don Philip, by Jupiter! D. Phi. When my servant comes, send him to me immediately. Host. Yes, sir. Oct. What lucky point of the compass could blow us to one another so? D. Phi. Faith a wind very contrary to my inclination; but the worst, I see, blows some good. I am overjoyed to see you. But what makes you so far from the army? Oct. Who thought to have found you so far from Seville? D. Phi. What do you do at Madrid? Oct. Oh, friend, such an unfortunate occasion, and yet such a lucky discovery! such a mixture of joy and torment, no poor dog upon earth was ever plagued with. D. Phi. Unriddle, pray. Oct. Don't you remember, about six months ago, I wrote you word of a dear, delicious, sprightly creature, that I had bombarded for a whole summer to no purpose? D. Phi. I remember. Oct. That same silly, stubborn, charming angel, now capitulates. D. Phi. Then she's taken. Oct. I can't tell that; for, you must know, her perfidious father, contrary to his treaty with me, and her inclination, is going to D. Phi. Marry her to another Oct. Of a better estate than mine, it seems. She tells me here, he is within a day's march of her; begs me to come upon the spur to her relief; and, if I don't arrive too late, confesses she loves me well enough to open the gates, and let me enter the town before him. There's her express, read it know the lady, and what the neighbours say of her. Hyp. This was a lucky discovery-but hush, D. Phi. What will you do in this case? Oct. That I don't yet know: I am half distracted; I have just sent my servant to tell her I am come to town, and beg an opportunity to speak with her; I long to see her; I warrant the poor fool will be so soft and so humble, now she's in a fright. D. Phi. What will you purpose at your meeting her? Oct. I don't know; may be another meeting; at least it will come to a kind look, a kiss, good bye, and a sigh—Ah, if I can but persuade her to run away with me! D. Phi. Consider Oct. Ah, so I do! What pleasure 'twould be, to have her steal out of her bed in a sweet moonshiny night; to hear her come pat, pat, pat, along in her slippers, with nothing but a thin silk night-gown loose about her, and in this tempting dress, to have her jump into my arms, breathless with fear; her panting bosom close to inine; then to stifle her with kisses, and curl myself about her smooth warm limbs, that breathe an healing odour from their pores, enough to make the senses ache, or fancy mad! D. Phi. Octavio, I envy thee; thou art the happiest man in thy temper Oct. And thou art the most altered I ever knew. Pr'ythee, what makes thee so much upon the humdrum? Well, are my sister and you come to a right understanding yet? When do you marry? Hyp. So, now I shall have my picture by another hand. D. Phi. My condition, Octavio, is very much HYPOLITA, FLORA, and TRAPPANTI appear in like your mistress's; she is going to marry the the Balcony. Hyp. Hark! they are talking of a mistresslet us observe. Flo. Trappanti, there's your old master. Trap. Ay, I know him again; but I may chance to tell him, he did not know a good servant when he had him. D. Phi. [Reads.] My father has concluded a match for me with one I never saw, and intends, in two days, to perfect it: the gentleman ' is expected every hour. In the mean time, if you know any friend that has a better title to me, advise him forthwith to put in his claim. I am almost out of my senses, which you will I easily believe when I tell you, if such a one 'should make haste, I sha'nt have time to refuse him any thing.' Hyp. How is this? D. Phi. No name? Oct. She never would trust it in a letter. man she never saw, and I the woman. Oct. 'Sdeath, you make me tremble! I hope 'tis not my mistress. D. Phi. Thy mistress! that were an idle fear; Madrid's a wide place-or if it were, (she loving you) my friendship and my honour would oblige me to desist. Oct. That's generous, indeed! but still you amaze me! Are you quite broke off with my sister? I hope she has given you no reason to forget her. Hyp. Now, I tremble. D. Phi. The most severe that ever beauty printed in the heart of man; a coldness unaccountable to sense. Oct. Psha, dissembled. Hyp. Ha! D. Phi. I cann't think it; lovers are soon flattered into hope; but she appeared to me indifferent to so nice a point, that she has ruined me without the trouble of resolving it. Flo. Well, men are fools. Oct. And by this time she's in fits for 'your |