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stroke of Heaven I cau bear; but injuries from men, Mr Worthy, are not so easily supported.
SCENE III.—The street. Wor. I hope, sir, you're under no apprehensions of wrong from any body?
Enter Kite, with Costar PEARMAIN in one Bal. You know I ought to be.
hand, and THOMAS APPLETREE in the other,
drunk. Wor. You wrong my honour in believing I could know any thing to your prejudice, without resenting it as much as you should.
Kite sings. Bal. This letter, sir, which I tear in pieces to conceal the person that sent it, informs me that Our 'prentice Tom may now refuse Plume has a design upou Sylvia, and that you are To wipe his scoundrel master's shoes, privy to it.
For now he's free to sing and play Wor. Nay, then, sir, I must do myself justice Over the hills and far away. Over, &c. and endeavour to find out the author.- [ Takes
[The mob sing the chorus. up a bit.}-Sir, I know the hand, and, if you refuse to discover the contents, Melinda shall tell We shall lead more happy lives,
By getting rid of brats and wives,
[Going. That scold and brawl both night and day, Bal. Hold, sir! the contents I have told you Over the hills and far away.--Over, &c. already; only with this circumstance, that her intimacy with Mr Worthy had drawn the secret Kite. Hey, boys! thus we soldiers live! drink, from him.
sing, dance, play-we live, us one should say Wor. Her intimacy with me! Dear sir! Let we live-'tis impossible to tell how we live-we me pick up the pieces of this letter, 'twill give are all princes-why-why, you are a king-you me such a power over her pride, to have her own are an emperor, and I'ın à prince--now-an't an intimacy under her hand - This was the we? luckiest accident !-(Gathering up the letter.}
Tho. No, serjeant; I'll be no emperor. The aspersion, sir, was nothing but malice, the Kite. No! effect of a little quarrel between her and Mrs Tho. I'll be a justice of
Kite. A justice of peace, man! Bal. Are you sure of that, sir ?
Tho. Aye, wauns, will I; for, since this presWor. Her maid gave ine the history of part of sing act, they are greater than any emperor unthe battle, just now, as she overheard it : But I der the sun. hope, sir, your daughter has suffered nothing up- Kite. Done; you are a 'justice of peace, and on the account?
you are a king; and I am a duke, and a rum Bal. No, no, poor girl ; she's so afflicted with duke, an't I? the news of her brother's death, that, to avoid Cos. Aye, but I'll be no king. company, she begged leave to go into the coun- Kite. What, then ? try.
Cos. I'll be a queen. Wor. And is she gone?
Kite. A queen! Bal. I could not refuse her, she was so pres
Cos. Aye, of England, that's greater than any sing: the coach went from the door the minute king of them all. before you came.
Kite. Bravely said, faith! Huzza for the Wor. So pressing to be gone, sir! I find her queen !-(Huzza.}-But, hark'e, you, Mr Jusfortune will give her the same airs with Melinda, tice, and you, Mr Queen, did you ever see the and then Plume and I may laugh at one another. king's picture?
Bal. Like enough; women are as subject to Both. No, no, no ! pride as men are ; and why mayn't great women, Kite. I wonder at that; I have two of them as well as great men, forget their old acquaint- set in gold, and as like his majesty, God bless the ance? But come, where's this young fellow? I mark ! see here, they are set in gold. love him so well, it would break the heart of me [Takes two broad pieces out of his pocket ; to think him a rascal- -I am glad my daughter's
presents one to each. gone fairly off, though—[Aside.]—Where does Tho. The wonderful works of nature ! the captain quarter?
(Looking at it. Wor. At Horton's; I am to meet him there Cos. What's this written about ? Here's a two hours hence, and we should be glad of your posy, I believe. Ca-ro-lus? What's that, sercompany.
jeant Bal. Your pardon, dear Worthy! I must al; Kite. O! Carolus! Why, Carolus is Latin for low a day or two to the death of my son ; after king George; that's all. wards, I'm yours over a bottle, or how you will. Cos. 'Tis a fine thing to be a scollard !-Ser: Wor, Sir, I'm your humble servant. jeant, will you part with this? I'll buy it of you,
[Ereunt apart. if it come within the compass of a crown.
Kile. A crown! never talk of buying; 'tis the it, neither; that we dare not do, for fear of besame thing among friends, you know, I'll pre- ing shot; but we humbly conceive, in a civil sent them to ye both : you shall give me as good way, and begging your worship’s pardon, that we a thing. Put them up, and remember your old may go home. friend when I am over the hills and far away. Plume. That's easily known. Have either of [They sing, and put up the money. you received any of the king's money?
Cos. Not a brass farthing, sir,
Kite. They have each of them received one
and-twenty shillings, and 'tis now in their pockOver the hills and over the main, To Flanders, Portugal, or Spain;
Cos. Wounds! if I have a penny in my pockThe king commands, and we'll obey,
et but a bent sixpence, I'll be content to be listOver the hills and far away.
ed, and shot into the bargain.
Tho. And I: look ye, here, sir. Come on, my men of mirth; away with it; I'll Cos. Nothing but the king's picture that the make one among ye. Who are these hearty serjeant gave me, just now. lads?
Kite. See there, a guinea, one-and-twenty shilKite. Off with your hats; 'ounds! off with lings; t'other has the fellow on't. your hats; this is the captain, the captain! Plume. The case is plain, gentlemen; the
Tho. We have seen captains afore now, mun. goods are found upon you : those pieces of gold
Cos. Aye, and lieutenant-captains, too. 'Sflesh! are worth one-and-twenty sluillings, cach. I'll keep on my nab.
Cos. So it seems that Carolus is one-and-twenTho. And I'se scarcely d'off mine for any cap- ty shillings in Latin. tain in England. My vether's a freeholder. Tho. 'Tis the same thing in Greck; for we are
Plume. Who are those jolly lads, serjeant? listed.
Kite. A couple of honest, brave fellows, that Cos. Flesh! But we an't, Tummas; I desire are willing to serve the king : I have entertained to be carried before the mayor, captain. them, just now, as volunteers under your ho- [Captain and serjeant whisper the while. nour's con mand.
Plume. 'Twill never do, Kite-your damned Plume. And good entertainment they shall tricks will ruin me at last- I won't lose the felhave: volunteers are the men I want; those are lows, though, if I can help it-Well, gentlemen, the men fit to make soldiers, captains, generals. there must be some trick in this; my serjeant of
Cos. Wounds, Tummas, what's this? Are you fers to take his oath, that you are fairly listed. listed?
Tho. Why, captain, we know that you soldiers Tho. Flesh! not I: are you, Costar? have more liberty of conscience than other folks; Cos. Wounds! not I.
but, for me, or neighbour Costar here, to take Kite. What ! Not listed ? Ha, ha, ha! a very such an oath, 'twould be downright perjuration. good jest, i'faith?
Plyme. Look'e, rascal, you villain! if I find, Cos. Come, Tummas, we'll
that you have imposed upon these two honest Tho. Aye, aye, come.
fellows, I'll trample you to death, you dogKite. Home! for shame, gentlemen; behave Come, how was't? yourselves better before your captain. Dear Tho. Nay, then, we'll speak. Your serjeant, Tummas, honest Costar!
as you say, is a rogue, an't like your worship, Tho. No, no, we'll be gone.
begging your worship’s pardon-andKite. Nay, then, I command you to stay; I Cost. Nay, Tuminas, let me speak; you know place you both centinels in this place for two I can read. And so, sir, he gave us those two hours, to watch the motion of St Mary's clock, pieces of money for pictures of the king, by way yon--and you the inotion of St Chad's; and he of a present. that dares stir from his post, till he be relieved, Plume. How! by way of a present ? the son shall bave my sword in his guts the next minute. of a whore! I'll teach him to abuse honest fel
Plume. What's the matter, serjeant? I'm lows like you! scoundrel! rogue! viilain! afraid you are too rough with these gentlemen.
[Beats off the serjeant, and follows. Kite. I'mn too mild, sir; they disobey com- Both. O brave, noble captain ! huzza! A brave inand, sir; and one of them should be shot for captain, faith! an exainple to the other.
Cos. Now, Tummas, Carolus is Latin for a Cos. Shot! Tuinmas?
beating. This is the bravest captain I ever saw Plume. Come, gentlemen, what's the matter? -Wounds! I have a month's mind to go with
Tho. We don't know; the noble serjeant is him. pleased to be in a passion, sir-butKite. They disobey command; they deny their
Enter Plume. being listed.
Plume. A dog, to abuse two such honest felTho. Nay, serjeant, we don't downright deny lows as you-Look'e, gentlemen, I love a pretty
fellow; I come among you as an officer, to list Plume. Give me thy hand, and now you and soldiers, not as a kidnapper, to steal slaves. I will travel the world o'er, and command it Cost. Mind that, Tummas.
wherever we tread- Bring your friend with you, Plume. I desire no man to go with me but as if you can.
[Aside. I went myself; I went a volunteer, as you, or Cost. Well, Tummas, must we part? you may do; for a little time carried a musket, Tho No, Costar, I cannot leave thee-Come, and now I command a company.
captain, I'll e'en go along, too; and if you have Tho. Mind that, Costar. A sweet gentleman! two honester, simpler lads in your company, than
Plume. 'Tis true, gentlemen, I might take an we two have been, I'll say no more. advantage of you; the king's money was in your Plume. Here, my lad. (Gives him money.] pockets; my serjeant was ready to take his oath Now, your name? you were listed; but I scorn to do a base thing; Tho. Tummas Appletree. you are both of you at your liberty.
Plume. And yours? Cost. Thank you, noble captain ! -'icod! Cost. Costar Pearmain. I can't find in my heart to leave him, he talks so Plume. Well said, Costar! Born where? finely.
Tho. Both in Herefordshire. Tho. Aye, Costar, would he always hold in Plume. Very well. Courage, my ladsthis mind!
Now we'll – Sings.] Plume. Come, my lads, one thing more I'll tell you : you're both young tight fellows, and
Over the kills and far away. the army is the place to make you men for ever: Courage, boys, it is one to ten every man has his lot, and you have yours : But we return all gentlemen : what think you of a purse of French gold out of While conquering colours we display, a monsieur's pocket, after you have dashed out
Over the hills and far away. his brains with the butt-end of your fire-lock? eh?
Kite, take care of them.
[Erit. Cost. Wauns! I'll have it. Captain-give me a shilling; I'll follow you to the end of the
Enter Kite. world.
Tho. Nay, dear Costar! do'na : be advised. Kite. An't you a couple of pretty fellows,
Plume. Ilere, my hero; here are two guineas now! Here you have complained to the captain, for thee, as earnest of what I'll do farther for I ain to be turned out, and one of you will thee.
be serjeant. Which of you is to have my halTho. Do'na take it; do'na, dear Costar! berd?
(Cries, and pulls buck his arm. Both Rec. I. Cost. I wull-İ wull-Waunds! my mind Kite. So
shall-in your guts-March, you gives me that I shall be a captain myself- sons of whores ! I take your money, sir, and now I am a gentle
[Beats them off. man.
SCENE I.— The Market-place.
Plume. No; I think myself above administerEnter Plume and Wortly.
ing to the pride of any wiman, were she worth Wor. I cannot forbear admiring the equality twelve thousand a-year, and I han’t the vanity to of our two fortunes: we love two ladies; they believe I shall gain a lady worth twelve hundred. meet us half way, and just as we were upon the The generous, good-natured Sylvia, in her smock, point of leaping into their arms, fortune drops in I admire; but the haughty and scorntul Sylvia, their laps, pride possesses their hearts, a maggot with her fortune, I despise--What! sneak out of fills their heads, madness takes them by the tails; town, and not so much as a word, a line, a comthey snort, kick up their heels, and away they pliment ! 'Sdeath! how far off does she live? I'll
go and break her windows. Plume. And leave us here to mourn upon the Wor. Ha, ha, ha! aye, and the window-bars, shore--a couple of poor melancholy monsters-- too, to come at her. Come, come, friend; nu What shall we do?
more of your rough military airs. Wor. I have a trick for mine; the letter, you know, and the fortune-teller.
Enter Kite. Plume. And I have a trick for mine.
Kite. Captain, captain ! Sir, look vonder, she's Wor. What is't?
a-coming this way. Tis the prettiest, cleanest, Plume. I'll never think of her again.
Plume. Now, Worthy, to shew you how much I one of these hussars eat up a ravelin for his I'm in love-here she comes. But, Kite, what is breakfast, and afterwards pick his teeth with a that great country-fellow with her?
palisado. Kite. I can't tell, sir.
Bul. Ay, you soldiers see very strange things; Enter Rose, followed by her brother BULLOCK,
but pray, sir, what is a rabelin?
Kite. Why, 'tis like a modern minced pie, but with chickens on her arm, in a basket.
the crust is confounded hard, and the plumbs Rose. Buy chickens, young and tender chick- are somewhat hard of digestion. ens, young and tender chickens.
Bul. Then your palisado- pray
he Plume. Here, you chickens !
be? Come, Ruose, pray ha' done. Rose. Who calls?
Kite. Your palisado is a pretty sort of bort Plumé. Come bither, pretty maid !
kin, about the thickness of iny leg. Rose. Will you please to buy, sir?
Bul. That's a fib, I believe. (Aside.) Eh! Wor. Yes, child, we'll both buy.
where's Ruose? Ruose, Ruose! S'flesh! where's Plume. Nay, Worthy, that's not fair; market Ruose gone? for yourself-Come, child, I'll buy all you Kite. She's gone with the captain. have.
Bul. The captain! wouns! there's no preso Rose. Then all I have is at
service. sing of women, sure.
[Curtesies. Kite. But there is, sure. Wor. Then must I shift for myself, I find. Bul. If the captain should press Ruose, I
[Erit Wor. should be ruined -Which way went she? Plume. Let me see; young and tender you Oh! the devil take your rabelins and palisadoes! [Chucks her under the chin.
(Erit Bul. Rose. As ever you tasted in your life, sir. Kite. You shall be better acquainted with
Plume. Come, 1 must examine your basket to them, honest Bullock, or I shall miss of my aim. the bottom, my dear! Rose. Nay, for that matter, put in your hand;
Enter WORTHY. feel, sir ; I warrant my ware is as good as any in Wor. Why thou art the most useful fellow in the market.
nature to your captain ; admirable in your way, I Plume. And I'll buy it all, child, were it ten find. times more.
Kite. Yes, sir, I understand my business, I Rose. I can furnish you.
it. Puume. Come, then, we won't quarrel about Wor. How came you so qualified ? the price; they're fine birds—Pray, what's your Kite. You must know, sir, I was born a gipsy, name, pretty creature ?
and bred among that crew, ull I was ten years Rose. Rose, sir. My father is a farmer within old; there, I learned canting and lying: I was three short miles o' the town : we keep this mar- bought froin my mother Cleopatra by a certain ket; I sell chickens, eggs, and butter, and my nobleman for three pistoles; there, I learned imbrother Bullock, there, sells corn.
pudence and pimping : I was turned off for Bul. Come, sister, haste; we shall be late wearing my lord's linen, and drinking my lady's home.
[Whistles about the stage. ratafia, and turned bailiff's follower ; there, Plume. Kite! [Tips him the wink, he returns I learned bullying and swearing : I at last got it.] Pretty Mrs Rose—you have; let me see; into the army; and there, I learned whoring and how many ?
drinking—so that if your worship pleases to Rose. A dozen, sir, and they are richly worth cast up the whole sum, viz. canting, lying, im
pudence, pimping, bullying, swearing, whoring, Bul. Come, Ruose; I sold fifty strake of bar- drinking, and a halberd, you will find the sun ley to-day in half this time; but you will biggle total amount to a recruiting serjeant. and higgle for a penny more than the commodity Wor. And pray, what induced you to turn is worth.
soldier? Rose. What's that to you, oaf? I can make Kite. Hunger and ambition. The fears of as much out of a groat as you can out of four starving, and hopes of a truncheon, led me along pence, I'm sure-The gentleman bids fair, and to a gentleman with a fair tongue, and fair periwhen I meet with a chapman I know how to wig, who loaded me with promises; but, 'gad, make the best of him—And so, sir, I say, for a it was the lightest load that ever I felt in my crown-piece, the bargain's yours.
life- He promised to advance me, and inPlume. Ilere's a guinea, my dear!
deed be did so—to a garret in the Savoy. I Rose. I can't change your money, sir. asked hiin why he put me in prison? he called
Plume. Indeed, indeed, but you can--myne lying dog, and said I was in garrison ; and lodging is hard by, chicken ! and we'll make indeed 'tis a garrison that may hold out till doomchange there. [Goes off, she follows him. sday before I should desire to take it again.
Kite. So, sir, as I was telling you, I have seen But here comes Justice Balance,
Enter BALANCE and BULLOCK.
Wor. But I engage he knows you, and every
body, at first sight; his impudence were a proBal. Here you, serjeant, where's your captain? digy, were not his ignorance proportionable. He here's a poor foolish fellow comes clamouring to has the most universal acquaintance of any man me with a complaint, that your captain has pres- living, for he won't be alone, and nobody will sed his sister. Do you know any thing of this keep him company twice: then he's a Cæsar matter, Worthy?
among the wonien- -deni, vidi, vici, that's all. If Wor. Ha, ha, ha! I know his sister is gone he has but talked with the maid, he swears he with Plume to his lodging to sell him some has lain with the mistress : but the most surchickens.
prising part of his character is his memory, which Bal. Is that all? the fellow's a fool.
is the most prodigious, and the most trifling, in Bul. I know that, an't like your worship; but the world. if
your worship pleases to grant me a warrant to Bal. I have known another acquire so much bring her before your worship for fear of the by travel, as to tell you the names of most places worst.
in Europe, with their distances of miles, leagues, Bal. Thou'rt mad, fellow; thy sister's safe or hours, as punctually as a post-boy; but, for enough.
any thing else, as ignorant as the horse that carKite. I hope so, too.
[Aside. ries the mail. Wor. Hast thou no more sense, fellow, than Wor. This is your man, sir ; add but the trato believe, that the captain can list women? veller's privilege of lying, and even that he
Bul. I know not whether they list them, or abuses : this is the picture; behold the life. what they do with them; but I'm sure they carry
Enter BRAZEN. as many women as men with them out of the country.
Braz. Mr Worthy, I'm your servant, and so Bal. But how came you not to go along with forth—Hark'e, my dear!
Wor. Whispering, sir, before company,
is Bul. Lord, sir, I thought no more of her manners; and, when nobody's by, 'tis foolish, going, than I do of the day I shall die : but Braz. Company! mort de ma vie ! I beg the this gentleman here, not suspecting any hurt gentleman's pardon—who is he? neither, I believe-you thought no harm, friend, Wor. Ask him. did you?
Braz. So I will. My dear! I am your serKite. Lack-a-day, sir, not I—-only that I be- vant, and so forth-Your name, my dear! lieve I shall marry her to-morrow.
Bal. Very laconic, sir. Bal. I begin to smell powder. Well, friend, Braz. Laconic ! a very good name, truly! I but what did that gentleman with you?
have known several of the Laconics abroadBul. Why, sir, he entertained me with a Poor Jack Laconic ! he was killed at the battle fine story of a great sea-fight between the of Landen. I remember, that he had a blue Hungarians, I think it was, and the wild Irish. ribband in his hat that very day, and after he
Kite. And so, sir, while we were in the heat fell, we found a piece of neat's tongue in his of battle- -the captain carried off the baggage. pocket.
Bal. Serjeant, go along with this fellow to Bal. Pray, sir, did the French attack us, or your captain, give him my humble service, and we them, at Landen? desire him to discharge the wench, though he has Braz. The French attack us! Oons, sir, are listed her.
you a jacobite? Bul, Ay, and if she ben't free for that, he Bal. Why that question? shall have another man in her place.
Braz. Because none but a jacobite could Kite. Come, honest friend. You shall go to think that the French durst attack us-No, sir, my quarters, instead of the captain's. [Aside. we attacked them on the-I have reason to re
[Ereunt Kite and BULLOCK. member the time, for I had two-and-twenty Bal. We must get this mad captain his com- horses killed under me that day. plement of men, and send him packing, else he'll Tor. Then, sir, you must have rid mighty over-run the country.
hard. Wor. You see, sir, how little he values your Bal. Or, perhaps, sir, like my countrymen, daughter's disdain.
you rid upon half a dozen horses at once. Bal. I like him the better : I was just such Braz. What do ye mean, gentlemen? I tell another fellow at his age :--But how goes your you they were killed, all torn to pieces by canaffair with Melinda ?
non-shot, except six I staked to death upon the Wor. Very slowly. My mistress has got a enemy's chevaur de frise. captain, too, but such a captain!-as I live, yon- Bul. Noble captain! may I crave your name? der he comes !
Braz. Brazen, at your service. Bal. Who, that bluff fellow in the sash? I Bal. Oh, Brazen ! a very good name. I have don't know him,
known several of the Brazens abroad.