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smiling years of circling joys for you; but not one hour for me!

[Weeps. Dor. Come, my dear, we'll talk on something else.

Mrs Sul. O Dorinda! I own myself a woman, full of my sex, a gentle, generous soul-easy and yielding to soft desires; a spacious heart, where love, and all his train, might lodge: And must the fair apartment of my breast be made a stable for a brute to lie in?

Dor. Meaning your husband, I suppose?

Mrs Sul. Husband! No-Even husband is too soft a name for him—But come, I expect my brother here to-night, or to-morrow: He was abroad when my father married me; perhaps he'll find a way to make me easy.

Dor. Will you promise not to make yourself easy, in the mean time, with my lord's friend?

Mrs Sul. You mistake me, sister: it happens with us, as among the men, the greatest talkers are the greatest cowards: and there's a reason for it; those spirits evaporate in prattle, which might do more mischief if they took another Course- -Though, to confess the truth, I do love that fellow; and if I met him drest as he should be, and I undrest as I should beLook'e, sister, I have no supernatural gifts ;I can't swear I could resist the temptationthough I can safely promise to avoid it; and that's as much as the best of us can do.

[Exeunt.

Enter AIMWELL and ARCHER, laughing. Arch. And the aukward kindness of the good motherly old gentlewoman

Aim. And the coming easiness of the young onc. 'Sdeath! 'tis a pity to deceive her.

Arch. Nay, if you adhere to those principles, stop where you are.

Aim. I can't stop, for I love her to distraction.

Arch. 'Sdeath, if you love her a hair's breadth beyond discretion, you must go no farther.

Enter FOIGARD.

Foig. Save you, noble friend.

Aim. O sir, your servant. Pray, doctor, may I crave your name?

Foig. Fat naam is upon me? My naami Foigard, joy.

Aim. Foigard! a very good name for a clergyman. Pray, doctor Foigard, were you ever in Ireland?

Foig. Ireland! no, joy. Fat sort of place is dat saam Ireland? Dey say, de people are catched dere when dey are young.

Aim. And some of them here, when they are old-as for example-[Takes FOIGARD by the shoulder.]-Sir, I arrest you as a traitor against the government; you're a subject of England, and this morning shewed me a commission, by which you served as chaplain in the French army. This is death by our law, and your reverence must hang for it.

Foig. Upon my shoul, noble friend, dis is strange news you tell me; fader Foigard a subject of England! the son of a burgomaster of Brussels a subject of England! Ubooboo.

Aim. The son of a bog-trotter in Ireland! sir, your tongue will condemn you before any bench in the kingdom.

Foig. And is my tongue all your evidensh,

joy?

Aim. That's enough.

Foig. No, no, joy; for I will never speak English no more.

Aim. Sir, I have other evidence. Here, Martin, you know this fellow ?

Enter ARCHER.

Arch. [In a brogue.]-Saave you, my dear cussen, how does your health?

Foig. Ah! upon my shoul dere is my countryman, and his brogue will hang mine.—[Aside.]— Mynhere, Ick wet neat watt hey zacht, Ick Universton ewe neat, sacramant.

Aim. Altering your language won't do, sir; this fellow knows your person, and will swear to your face.

Aim. Well, well, any thing to deliver us from sauntering away our idle evenings at White's, Tom's, or Will's, and be stinted to bare looking at our old acquaintance, the cards, because our impotent pockets can't afford us a guinea for the mercenary drabs; and ten thousand such rascal-faash, too? ly tricks-had we outlived our fortunes among our acquaintance--But now

Arch. Aye, now is the time to prevent all this. Strike while the iron is hot. This priest is the luckiest part of our adventure; he shall marry you, and pimp for me.

Aim. But I should not like a woman that can be so fond of a Frenchman.

Arch. Alas, sir, necessity has no law; the lady may be in distress. But, if the plot lies as I suspect- -I must put on the gentleman. But here comes the doctor. I shall be ready.

VOL. II.

[Exit ARCHER.

Foig. Faash! Fey, is dere brogue upon my

Arch. Upon my soulvation dere ish, joy— But, cussen Mackshane, vill you not put a remembrance upon me?

Foig. Mackshane! By St Paatrick, dat is my naame shure enough! [Aside. Aim. I fancy, Archer, you have it. Foig. The devil hang you, joy--By fat acquaintance are you my cussen?

Arch. O, de devil hang yourshelf, joy; you know we were little boys togeder upon de school, and your foster-moder's son was married upon my nurse's shister, joy; and so we are Irish cus sens.

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Foig. De devil take de relation! Vel, joy, and | break in, and tells us the plate stands in the fat school was it? wainscot cupboard in the parlour.

Arch. I think it was

perary.

-Aay-Twas Tip

Foig. Now, upon my shoul, joy, 'twas Kilkenny.

Aim. That's enough for us

-Self-confession -Come, sir, we must deliver you into the hands of the next magistrate.

Bon. Ay, ay, Mr Bagshot, as the saying is, knives and forks, cups and cans, tumblers and tankards-There's one tankard, as the saying is, that's near upon as big as me; it was a present to the squire from his god-mother, and smells of nutmeg and toast like an East India ship.

Houns. Then you say we must divide at the

Arch. He sends you to goal, you're tried next assizes, and away you go swing into purga-stair head. tory.

Foig. And is it so wid you, cussen

?

Arch. It vil be so vid you, cussen, if you don't immediately confess the secret between you and Mrs Gipsey Look'e, sir, the gallows or the secret, take your choice.

Foig. The gallows! Upon my shoul, I hate that shame gallows, for it is a diseashe dat is fatal to our family-Vel, den, dere is noting, shentlemens, but Mrs Sullen would speak wid de count in her chamber at midnight, and dere is no harm, joy, for I am to conduct the count to the plaash myself.

-Have you communica

Arch. As I guessedted the matter to the count? Foig. I have not sheen him since. Arch. Right again; why then, doctor,-you shall conduct me to the lady, instead of the

count.

Foig. Fat, my cussen to the lady! Upon my shoul, gra, dat's too much upon the brogue.

Arch. Come, come, doctor; consider we have got a rope about your neck, and if you offer to squeak, we'll stop your wind-pipe, most certainly; we shall have another job for you in a day or two, I hope.

Aim. Here's company coming this way; let's into my chamber, and there concert our affairs farther.

Arch. Come, my dear cussen, come along.
Foig. Arra, the devil taake our relashion.

[Exeunt.

Enter BONIFACE, HOUNSLOW, and BAGSHOT, at one door, GIBBET at the opposite.

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Bon. Yes, Mr Hounslow, as the saying is At one end of the gallery lies my lady Bountiful and her daughter; and, at the other, Mrs Sullen-As for the squire

Gib. He's safe enough; I have fairly entered him, and he's more than half seas over already -But such a parcel of scoundrels are got about him there, that, e'gad, I was ashamed to be seen in their company.

Bon. 'Tis now twelve, as the saying is-Gentlemen, you must set out at one.

Gib. Hounslow, do you and Bagshot see our arms fixed, and I'll come to you presently. Houns. & Bug. We will.

[Exeunt.

Gib. Well, my dear Bonny, you assure me that Scrub is a coward?

Bon. A chicken, as the saying is—— You'll have no creature to deal with but the ladies.

Gib. And I can assure you, friend, there's a great deal of address and good-manners in robbing a lady; I am the most a gentleman that way that ever travelled the road-But, my dear Bonny, this prize will be a galleon, a Vigo business-- -I warrant you we shall bring off three or four thousand pound.

Bon. In plate, jewels, and money, as the saying is, you may.

Gib. Why then, Tyburn, I defy thee! I'll get up to town, sell off my horse and arms, buy myself some pretty employment in the law, and be as snug and as honest as e'er a long gown of 'em

all.

Bon. And what think you, then, of my daughter Cherry for a wife?

Gib. Look'e, my dear Bonny-Cherry is the goddess I adore, as the song goes; but it is a Gib. Well, gentlemen, 'tis a fine night for our maxim, that man and wife should never have enterprize. it in their power to hang one another; for, if they should, the Lord have mercy upon them both!

Houns. Dark as hell.

Bag. And blows like the devil; our landlord here has shew'd us the window where we must

[Exeunt.

ACT V.

SCENE L-Continues. Knocking without.

Enter BONIFACE.

Bon. Coming, coming!-A coach, and six foaming horses at this time o'night! Some great man, as the saying is, for he scorns to travel with other people.

Enter SIR CHARLES FREEMAN.

Sir Cha. What, fellow! a public house, and a-bed when other people sleep!

Bon. Sir, I an't a-bed, as the saying is. Sir Cha. I see that, as the saying is! Is Mr Sullen's family a-bed, think'e?

Bon. All but the 'squire himself, sir, as the saying is; he's in the house.

Sir Cha. What company has he?

Bon. Why, sir, there's the constable, Mr Gage, the exciseman, the hunch-back'd barber, and two or three other gentlemen.

Sir Cha. I find my sister's letters gave me the true picture of her spouse.

Enter SULLEN, drunk.

Bon. Sir, here's the 'squire.

Sul. The puppies left me asleep————sir.
Sir Cha. Well, sir.

Sul. Sir, I am an unfortunate man-I have three thousand pounds a-year, and can't get a man to drink a cup of ale with me.

Sir Cha. That's very hard.

Sul. Ay, sir-And unless you have pity upon me, and smoke a pipe with me, I must e'en go home to my wife, and I had rather go to the devil by half.

-you

Sir Cha. But I presume, sir, you won't see your wife to-night, she'll be gone to beddon't use to lie with your wife in that pickle? Sul. What! not lie with my wife! why, sir, do you take me for an atheist, or a rake?

Sir Cha. If you hate her, sir, I think you had better lie from her.

Sul. I think so, too, friend—But I am a justice of peace, and must do nothing against the law.

Sir Cha. Law! As I take it, Mr Justice, nobody observes law for law's sake, only for the good of those for whom it was made.

Sul. But if the law orders me to send you to gaol, you must lie there, my friend.

Sir Cha. Not unless I commit a crime to deserve it.

Sul. A crime? Oons, an't I married?

Sir Cha. Nay, sir, if you call marriage a crime, you must disown it for a law.

Sul. Eh!-I must be acquainted with you, sir-But, sir, I should be very glad to know the truth of this matter.

Sir Cha. Truth, sir, is a profound sea; and few

there be that dare wade deep enough to find the bottom on't. Besides, sir, I'm afraid the line of your understanding mayn't be long enough.

Sul. Look'e, sir, I have nothing to say to your sea of truth; but if a good parcel of land can entitle a man to a little truth, I have as much as any he in the county.

Bon. I never heard your worship, as the saying is, talk so much before.

Sul. Because I never met with a man that I liked before.

Bon. Pray, sir, as the saying is, let me ask you one question: Are not man and wife one flesh?"

e

Sir Cha. You and your wife, Mr Guts, may b one flesh, because you are nothing else-But ra tional creatures have minds that must be united" Sul. Minds!

Sir Cha. Ay, minds, sir. Don't you think that the mind takes place of the body?

Sul. In some people.

Sir Cha. Then, the interest of the master must be consulted before that of the servant.

Sul. Sir, you shall dine with me to-morrow.Oons, I always thought we were naturally one.

Sir Cha. Sir, I know that my two hands are naturally one, because they love one another, kiss one another, help one another in all the actions of life; but I could not say so much if they were always at cuffs.

Sul. Then 'tis plain that we are two.
Sir Cha. Why don't you part with her, sir?
Sul. Will you take her, sir?

Sir Cha. With all my heart.

Sul. You shall have her to-morrow morning, and a venison pasty into the bargain.

Sir Cha. You'll let me have her fortune, too? Sul. Fortune! why, sir, I have no quarrel to her fortune-I hate only the woman, sir; and none but the woman shall go.

Sir Cha. But her fortune, sir-
Sul. Can you play at whist, sir?
Sir Cha. No, truly, sir.

Sul. Not at all-fours?
Sir Cha. Neither.

Sul. Oons! where was this man bred? [Aside.] Burn me, sir, I can't go home; 'tis but two o' clock.

Sir Cha. For half an hour, sir, if you pleaseBut you must consider 'tis late.

Sul. Late! that's the reason I can't go to bed -Come, sir[Exeunt.

Enter CHERRY, runs across the stage, and knocks at AIMWELL'S chamber-door. Enter AIMWELL, in his night-cap and gown.

Aim. What's the matter? You tremble, child; you're frighted.

Cher. No wonder, sir; but, in short, sir, this

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Cher. I dogged them to the very door, and left them breaking in.

Aim. Have you alarmed any body else with the news.

Cher. No, no, sir; I wanted to have discovered the whole plot, and twenty other things, to your man Martin; but I have searched the whole house, and can't find him; where is he? Aim. No matter, child; will you guide me immediately to the house?

Cher. With all my heart, sir; my lady Bountiful is my god-mother, and I love Mrs Dorinda so well

Aim. Dorinda! the name inspires me; the glory and the danger shall be all my own. Come, my life, let me but get my sword. [Exeunt.

SCENE II.-Changes to the bed-chamber in LADY BOUNTIFUL'S house.

Enter MRS SULLEN and DORINDA, undressed; a table and lights.

Dor. 'Tis very late, sister; no news of your spouse, yet?

Mrs Sul. No, I'm condemned to be alone till towards four, and then, perhaps, I may be executed with his company.

Dor. Well, my dear, I'll leave you to your rest; you'll go directly to bed, I suppose?

Mrs Sul. I don't know what to do; hey-ho! Dor. That's a desiring sigh, sister. Mrs Sul. This is a languishing hour, sister. Dor. And might prove a critical minute, if the pretty fellow were here.

Mrs Sul. Here! what, in my bed-chamber, at two o'clock in the morning, I undressed, the family asleep, my hated husband abroad, and my lovely fellow at my feet?- -O gad, sister!

Dor. Thoughts are free, sister, and them I allow you. So, my dear, good-night. [Exit.

Mrs Sul. A good rest to my dear Dorinda-Thoughts are free! they are so? Why, then, suppose him here, dressed like a youthful, gay, and burning bridegroom, [Here ARCHER steals out of the closet.] with tongue enchanting, eyes bewitching, knees imploring. [Turns a little on one side, and sees ARCHER in the posture she describes.] Ah! [Shrieks, and runs to the other side of the stage.] Have my thoughts raised a spirit? What are you, sir, a man or a devil?

Arch. A man, a man, madam! [Rising. Mrs Sul. How shall I be sure of it? Arch. Madam, I'll give you demonstration this minute. [Takes her hand. Mrs Sul. What, sir, do you intend to be rude? Arch. Yes, madam, if you please.

Mrs Sul. In the name of wonder, whence came ye?

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Arch. From the skies, madamter in love, and you shall be my Alcmena. Mrs Sul. How came you in?

Arch. I flew in at the window, madam; your cousin Cupid lent me his wings, and your sister Venus opened the casement.

Mrs Sul. I'm struck dumb with admiration.

Arch. And I with wonder. [Looks passionately at her.] How beautiful she looks! the teeming jolly spring smiles in her blooming face; and when she was conceived, her mother smelt to roses, looked on lillies

Lillies unfold their white, their fragrant charms, When the warm sun thus darts into their arms. [Runs to her. Mrs Sul. Ah! [Shrieks. Arch. Oons, madam, what do you mean?You'll raise the house.

Mrs Sul, Sir, I'll wake the dead before I'll bear this. What! approach me with the freedom of a keeper? I am glad on't. Your impudence has cured me.

Arch. If this be impudence, [Kneels.] I leave to your partial self; no panting pilgrim, after a tedious, painful voyage, e'er bowed before his saint with more devotion.

Mrs Sul. Now, now, I'm ruined if he kneels. [Aside.] Rise, thou prostrate engineer; not all thy undermining skill shall reach my heart.Rise, and know I am a woman without my sex; I can love to the tenderness of wishes, sighs, and tears. -But go no farther-Still to convince you that I'm more than woman, I can speak my frailty, confess my weakness, even for you-But

Arch. For me! [Going to lay hold on her. Mrs Sul. Hold, sir; build not upon that-for my most mortal hatred follows, if you disobey what I command you now-leave me this minute-if he denies, I'm lost.

Arch. Then you'll promise
Mrs Sul Any thing another time.
Arch. When shall I come?
Mrs Sul. To-morrow; when you will.
Arch. Your lips must seal the promise.
Mrs Sul. Pshaw!

[Aside.

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Enter SCRUB in his breeches, and one shoe on. Scrub. Thieves! thieves! murder! popery! Arch. Ha! the very timorous stag will kill in Tutting time.

[Draws, and Offers to stab SCRUB. Scrub. [Kneeling] O pray, sir, spare all I have, and take my life.

Mrs Sul. [Holding ARCHER's hand.] What does the fellow mean?

Scrub. O, madam, down upon your knees, your marrow-bones-he's one of them.

Mrs Sul. Of whom?

Scrub. One of the rogues-I beg your pardon, one of the honest gentlemen that just now are

broke into the house.

Arch. How!

Mrs Sul. I hope you did not come to rob me? Arch. Indeed I did, madam; but I would have taken nothing but what you might very well have spared; but your crying thieves has waked this dreaming fool, and so he takes them for granted.

Scrub. Granted! 'tis granted, sir; take all we have.

Mrs Sul. The fellow looks as if he were broke out of Bedlam.

Scrub. Oons, madam, they are broke into the house with fire and sword; I saw them; heard them; they'll be here this minute.

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Mrs Sul. Will you leave me?

Arch. Leave you! Lord, madam, did you not command me to be gone just now, upon pain of your immortal hatred?

Mrs Sul. Nay, but pray, sir— [Takes hold of him. Arch. Ha, ha, ha! now comes my turn to be ravished-You see, madam, you must use men one way or another: but take this by the way, good madam, that none but a fool will give you the benefit of his courage, unless you'll take his love along with it-How are they armed, friend? Scrub. With sword and pistol, sir.

Arch. Hush-I see a dark lanthorn coming through the gallery-Madam, be assured I will protect you, or lose my life.

Mrs Sul. Your life! No, sir, they can rob me of nothing that I value half so much; therefore, now, sir, let me intreat you to be gone.

Arch. No, madam, I'll consult my own safety for the sake of yours; I'll work by stratagem. Have you courage enough to stand the appearance of them?

Mrs Sul. Yes, yes, since I have escaped your hands, I can face any thing.

Arch. Come hither, brother Scrub; don't know me?

you

Scrub. Eh? my dear brother, let me kiss thee! [Kisses ARCH.

Arch. This way-Here

[ARCH. and SCRUB hide behind the bed. Enter GIBBET, with a dark lanthorn in one hand, and a pistol in the other.

Gib. Ay, ay, this is the chamber, and the lady alone.

Mrs Sul. Who are you, sir! What would you have? D'ye come to rob me?

Gib. Rob you! Alack-a-day, madam, I'm only a younger brother, madam; and so, madam, if you make a noise, I'll shoot you through the head. But don't be afraid, madan. [Laying his lanthorn and pistol upon the table.] These rings, madam; don't be concerned, madam; I have a profound respect for you, madam; your keys, madam; don't be frighted, madam; I'm the most of a gentleman-[Searching her pockets.] This necklace, madam; I never was rude to any lady! I have a veneration-for this necklace[Here ARCHER, having come round, and seized the pistol, takes GIBBET by the collar, trips up his heels, and claps the pistol to his breast.]

Arch. Hold, profane villain, and take the reward of thy sacrilege!

pre

Gib. Oh! pray, sir, don't kill me; I an't pared. Arch. How many are there of them, Scrub? Scrub. Five and forty, sir.

Arch. Then I must kill the villain, to have him out of the way.

Gib. Hold! hold, sir! we are but three, upon my honour.

Arch. Scrub, will you undertake to secure

him?

Scrub. Not I, sir! kill him, kill him! Arch. Run to Gipsey's chamber, there you'll find the doctor; bring him hither presently.

[Exit SCRUB, running. Come, rogue, if you have a short prayer, say it. Gib. Sir, I have no prayer at all; the government has provided a chaplain to say prayers for us on these occasions.

Mrs Sul. Pray, sir, don't kill him—you fright me as much as him.

Arch. The dog shall die, madam, for being the occasion of my disappointment-Sirrah, this moment is your last.

Gib. Sir, I'll give you two hundred pounds to spare my life.

Arch. Have you no more, rascal?

Gib. Yes, sir, I can command four hundred ; but I must reserve two of them to save my life at the sessions.

Enter SCRUB and FOIGARD. Arch. Here, doctor; I suppose Scrub and you, between you, may manage him. Lay hold of [FOIG. lays hold of GIB. Gib. What! turned over to the priest already!

him.

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