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And take our leave of this o'erweening rascal, Dol. Pox upon you; rogue :
Would I had but time to beat thee! [Erit Dou. Dol. Content; I'm weary of him.
Face; Subtle, Sub. We'll tickle it at the pigeons,
Let's know where you set up next: I'll send you When we have all, and may unlock the trunks, A customer, now and then, for old 'acquaintAnd say, this is mine and thine, and thine and mine.
[They kiss. What new course have you?
Sub. Rogue, I'll hang myself,
That I may walk a greater devil than thou,
And haunt thee i' the flock-bed, and the buttery. Sub. Yes, a little exalted,
[Exit. In the good passage of our stock affairs. Face. Come, my venturers,
SCENE III.-A street before LOVEWIT's house. You ha' packed up all? Where be the trunks ?
Lovewit above. Enter Officers, Mammon, SURBring forth, Sub. Here.
LY, Face, Kastril, ANANIAS, and TRIBUFace. Let us see them. Where's the money? Sub. Here.
Love. What do you mean, my masters? Face. The brethren's money, this. Drugger's Mam. Open your door, and Dapper's in this,
Cheaters, bawds, conjurers. Mammon's ten pounds: eight score before.
Off. Or we'll break it open. Where be the French petticoats,
Love. What warrant have you? And girdles, and hangers ?
Offi. Warrant enough, sir, doubt not. Sub. Here i' the trunk,
Love. Is there an officer there? And the bolts of lawn.
Offi. Yes, two or three for failing. Face. Is Drugger's damask there?
Love. Have but patience, Sub. Yes.
And I will open it straight. Face. Give me the keys.
Face. Sir, have you done? Dol. Why you the keys?
Is it a marriage? perfect? Sub. No matter, Dol; because
Love. Yes, my brain. We shall not open them, before he comes. Face. Off with your ruff, and cloak then; be Face. 'Tis true, you shall not open them, in
yourself, sir. deed;
Sur. Down with the door. Nor have them forth. Do you see? Not forth, Kas. 'Slight, ding it open. Dol.
Love. Hold, Dol, No!
Hold, gentlemen! what means this violence ? Face. No, my smock-rampant. The right is, Mam. Where is this collier? my master
Sur. And my captain Face? Knows all, has pardoned me, and he will keep Mam. These day-owls ? them;
Sur. That are birding in men's purses. Doctor, 'tis true (you look) for all
your figures :
Mam. Madam Suppository? I sent for him indeed. Wherefore, good part Kas. Doxey, my suster? ners,
Ana. Locusts of the foul pit. Both he, and she, be satisfied : for here
Trib. Prophane as Bell and the Dragon. Determines the indenture tripartite,
Ana. Worse than the grashoppers, or the lice 'Twixt Subtle, Dol, and Face. All I can do,
of Egypt. Is to help you over the wall, o' the backside; Love. Good gentlemen, hear me. Are you ofOr lend you a sheet to save your velvet gown,
And cannot stay this violence? Here will be officers presently; bethink you Offi. Keep the peace. Of some course suddenly to 'scape the dock ; Love. Gentlemen, what is the matter! Whom For thither you'll come else. Hark you ! thunder. do you seek?
[Some knock. Mam. The chymical cozener. Sub. You are a precious fiend !
Sur. And the captain pander. Offi . Open the door.
[Outside. Kas. The nun, my suster. Face. Dol, I am sorry for thee i'faith. But, Mam. Madam Rabbi. hear'st thou ?
Ana. Scorpions and caterpillars. It shall go hard, but I will place thee some
Love. Fewer at once, I pray you. where :
Off. One after another, gentlemen, I charge Thou shalt have my letter to mistress Amo.
you. Dol. Hang you
By virtue of my staff. Face. Or madam Cæsarean.
Ana. They are the vessels VOL. II.
Of pride, lust, and the cart.
Or any formal writ out of a court, Love. Good zeal, lie still
That you did cozen yourself, I will not hold A little while.
them. Trib. Peace, deacon Ananias.
Mam. I'll rather lose them. Love. The house is mine here, and the doors Love. That you shall not, sir, are open:
By me, in troth. Upon these terms they are If there be any such persons you seek for, Use your authority;
What should they ha' been, sir? turned into gold I am but newly come to town, and finding
all ? This tumult 'bout my door (to tell you true)
Mam. No, It somewhat 'mazed me; till my man here, fear- I cannot tell. It may be they should. What ing
then ? My more displeasure, told me had done
Love. What a great loss in hope have you susSomewhat an insolent part, let out my house
tained ! To a doctor, and a captain; who, what they are, Mam. Not I, the commonwealth has. Or where they be, he knows not.
I will go mount a turnip-cart, and preach Mam. Are they gone?
[They enter. The end o' the world, within these two months, Love. You may go in and search, sir. Here, I Surly, what! in a dream? find
Sur. Must I needs cheat myself,
Come, let us go, and hearken out the rogues
[Ereunt. That is within, that said she was a widow
Face. If you get off the angry child, now, sirKas. Aye, that's my suster. I'll go thump her. Where is she?
(Exit. Love. And should ha' married a Spanish count, Kas. Come on, you ewe, you have matched but he,
most sweetly, ha' you not? When he came to't, neglected her so grossly,
[To his sister. That I, a widower, am gone through with her. Did I not say, I would never ha' you tupped Sar: How! Have I lost her, then?
But by a dubbed boy, to make you a Lady-Tom? Love. Were you the Don, sir !
'Slight, you are a mammet! Oh, I could tuse Good faith, now, she does blame you extremely,
Love. You lie, boy!
Love. Come, will you quarrel? I will seize you, And then did nothing. What an oversight,
Kas. God's light!
Love. What! do you change your copy now!
dare. Mam. The whole nest are fled!
Kas. 'Slight, I must love him! I cannot chuse, Love. What sort of birds were they?
i' faith! Mam. A kind of choughs,
An' I should be hanged for't. Suster, I protest, Or thievish daws, sir, that have picked my purse I honour thee for this match. Of eight score and ten pounds, within these five Love. Oh, do you so, sir? weeks,
Kus. Yes, and thou canst take tobacco, and Beside my first materials, and my goods,
drink, old boy, That lie i' the cellar, which I am glad they ha' I'll give her five hundred pounds more, to her left.
marriage, I may have them home yet.
Than her own 'state: Love. Think you so, sir?
Love. Fill a pipe-full, Jeremy.
Face. Yes, but go in, and take it, sir.
I will be ruled by thee in any thing, Jeremy.
Were very ungrateful, if he would not be
A little indulgent to that servant's wit,
Got off from Subtle, Surly, Mammon, Dol, And help his fortune, though with some small Hot Ananias, Dapper, Drugger, all strain
With whom I traded; yet I put myself Of his own candour.
you that are my country; and this pelf, Speak for thyself, knave.
Which I have got, if you do quit me, rests Face. So I will, sir. Gentlemen,
To feast you often, and invite new guests. Though I am clean
A NEW WAY TO PAY OLD DEBTS.
WELLDO, a parson. LOVELL, an English lord.
Tapwell, an ale-house-keeper.
LADY ALLWORTH, a rich widow.
MARGARET, Overreach's daughter.
Scene.--A county in England.
SCENE I.-— The out side of a village ale-house. A potent monarch called the constable,
That does command a citadel, called the stocks; Wellborn, Tapwell, Froth.
Such as, with great dexterity, will hale Well. No liquor! nor no credit?
Your poor tattered Tap. None, sir;
Well, Rascal! slave! Not the remainder of a single can,
Froth. No rage, sir. Left by a drunken porter; all night palled, too. Tap. At his own peril ! Do not put yourself Froth. Not the dropping of the tap for your In too much heat, there being no water near morning's draught, sir :
To quench your thirst; and sure, for other liquor, 'Tis verity, I assure you.
As mighty ale, or beer, they are things, I take it, Well. Verity, you brach!
You must no more remember; not in a dream, The devil turned precisian? Rogue, what am I?
sir. Tap. Troth! durst I trust you with a looking Well. Why, thou unthankful villain, dar'st thou glass,
talk thus? To let you see your trim shape, you would quit Is not thy house, and all thou hast, my gift? me,
Tap. I find it not in chalk; and Timothy TapAnd take the name yourself.
well Well. How! dog!
Does keep no other register. Tap. Even so, sir.
Well, Am I not he And I must tell you, if you but advance your Whose riots fed and cloathed thee? Wert thou
voice, There dwells, and within call, if it please your Born on my father's land, and proud to be worship,
A drudge in his house?
Tap. What I was, sir, it skills not;
'Twas I, that when I heard thee swear, if What you are, is apparent. Now for a farewell: Thou could’st arrive at forty pounds, thou Since you talk of father, in my hope it will tor would'st ment you,
Live like an emperor : 'twas I that gave it, I'll briefly tell your story. Your dead father, In ready gold. Deny this, wretch! My quondam master, was a man of worship; Tap. I must, sir. old sir John Wellborn, justice of peace and quo For, from the tavern to the tap-house, all, rum ;
On forfeiture of their licence, stand bound And stood fair to be custos rotulorum ;
Never to remember who the best guests were, Bare the whole sway of the shire; kept a good if they grow poor like
Well. They are well rewarded Relieved the poor, and so forth; but he dying, That beggar themselves to make such rascals rich. And the twelve hundred a-year coming to you, Thou viper, thankless viper ! Late Mr Francis, but now forlorn Wellborn But since you are grown forgetful, I will help
Well. Slave, stop ! or shall lose myself. Your memory, and kick thee into remembrance; Froth. Very hardly,
Not leave one bone unbroken, You cannot be out of your way,
Tap. Oh! Tap. But to my story; I shall proceed, sir :
Enter ALLWORTI. You were then a lord of acres, the prime gallant, And I your under-butler : note the change now. Allw. Hold, for my sake, hold ! You had a merry time of?t. Hawks and hounds; Deny me, Frank? they are not worth your With choice of running horses : mistresses,
anger. And other such extravagancies;
Well. For once thou hast redeemed them from Which your uncle, sir Giles Overreach, observing,
this sceptre :
[Shaking his cudgel. Resolving not to lose so fair an opportunity, But let them vanish, On foolish mortgages, statutes, and bonds, For if they grumble, I revoke my pardon. For awhile supplied your lavishness, and then left Froth. This comes of your prating, husband;
you presumed Well. Some curate has penned this invective, On your ambling wit, and must use your glib mongrel,
tongue, And you have studied it.
Though you are beaten lame for it. Tap. I have not done yet.
Tap. Patience, Froth; Your lands gone, and your credit not worth a There is no law to cure our bruises. token,
[They go off into the house, You grew the common borrower; no man'scaped Well. Sent for to your mother? Your paper pellets, from the gentleman to the Allw. My lady, Frank, my patroness ! my all ! groom;
She's such a mourner for my father's death,
Well. Tis a noble widow,
Tap. True, but they brought in profit ; From the least taint of infamy; her life,
To envy or detraction. Pr'ythee, tell me; I gleaned from them hath made me in my parish Has she no suitors ? Thought worthy to be scavenger! and, in time, Allw. Even the best of the shire, Frank, May rise to be overseer of the poor;
My lord excepted : such as sue, and send, Which, if I do, on your petition, Wellborn, And send, and sue again; but to no purpose. I may allow you thirteen pence a quarter; Their frequent visits have not gained her preAnd you shall thank my worship.
sence; Well. Thus, you dog-bolt
Yet she's so far from sullenness and pride, And thus
[Beats him. That I dare undertake you shall meet from her Tap. Cry out for help!
A liberal entertainment. I can give you Well. Stir, and thou diest :
A catalogue of her suitors' names. Your potent prince, the constable, shall not save Well. Forbear it, you.
While I give you good counsel. I am bound Hear me, ungrateful hell-bound ! did not I
to it; Make purses for you? then you licked my boots, Thy father was my friend; and that affection And thought your holiday cloak too coarse tó I bore to him, in right descends to thee : clean them.
Thou art a handsome and a hopeful youth,