while I buried my eyes in my handkerchief with one hand, and seized that of the object of my philanthropy with the other. Scarcely had I done so, than the Mouth uttered these awful words-" Friend, thou art more free than welcome !”—and, on looking up to see what they could import, I found that I was seated in the travellers' room of the Hen and Chickens at Birmingham, and had caught by the nose a worthy quaker, who was at that moment occupied in devouring a savoury dish of pork-chops, and sausages.

THE WIG.

ONE day last summer, happening to be at Belfast, I was shown into the traveller's room of the inn at which I put up, where half a dozen of strangers were seated round the table listening to a tall, militarylooking gentleman, who seemed in the act of amusing them with some story or other which he was relating. At least I judged that they were amused, from a loud peal of laughter set up by the whole body of listeners just as I entered the room. He who appeared to afford this entertainment was a very singular personage. He might be about sixty years of age, was considerably above six feet high, and one of the thinnest men I ever met with. His head was bald, except behind, where a few remaining grey hairs were drawn into a queue, which descended down his back. His countenance was of a brown or dingy tint, his nose and chin hooked, his mouth large, and he squinted powerfully with both eyes. He was dressed in a blue military surtout, long Hessian boots, and buckskin breeches. In addition to this he wore huge, brazen

spurs, and held in his right hand a long jockey whip. Altogether his appearance was striking; and when he spoke, his body was in incessant motion, his mouth drawn up into a grim smile, and his language rich, fluent, and Irish. His appearance, I must say, interested me; and, by a sort of involuntary movement, I placed myself at the table beside the rest, resolved to hear a little of that amusement which seemed to have such influence upon the risible faculties of the audience. As soon as the laughter had subsided, the old gentleman recommenced nearly in the following strain,— what truth there may be in his narrative I know not, "I tell it as 'twas told to me."

"What I have told you, gentlemen, proves that great events sometimes spring from trifling causes; but I shall relate to you a circumstance still more wonderful, and I pledge my honour that every word of it is true.

"It chanced, then, just thirty years ago, that the East India Company, in whose service I at that time was, declared war against the Peishwa of Surindab. The cause of this war was never made public, but I knew well what gave rise to it; and you will hardly believe me when I tell you, that the whole continent of Hindostan was convulsed, a thousand lacks of rupees expended, and a hundred and fifty thousand human lives lost, on account of a wig! Yes, by the powers, a wig! This was the cause of the war. A wig, -a wig,-a wig! Let it be written in letters of brass, that the continent of India was convulsed, a thousand

lacks of rupees expanded, and a hundred and fifty thousand human beings sacrificed, about a wig !—You will perhaps wonder how all this botheration could proceed from so inadequate a cause, but I shall tell you how it happened.

"The baggage of the Governor-General was one night robbed, and a patent peruke belonging to his wife taken out of it. This patent peruke was sold to the Peishwa of Surindab for half a lack of rupees; and he, considering that it became his own by purchase, put it upon his bald pate, and acquired thereby much dignity in his own estimation, and much honour in the eyes of his subjects. No sooner was the wig amissing, than the Governor's wife fell into a dreadful passion, and caused proclamations to be posted up through Calcutta, in the Hindoo, Persic, Syriac, Coptic, Sanscrit, Arabic, Hebrew, and Chinese tongues, offering a large reward for the recovery of the same, and threatening to immolate those in whose possession it should be found, at the altar of the great god Juggernaut. I assure you gentlemen, that the people of Calcutta were in a devil of a stew. The Hindoos turned up the whites of their eyes, and commended themselves to the crocodiles of the Ganges; the Mahometans chewed an extra allowance of opium, and smoked with redoubled zeal, ejaculating between every puff the name of the prophet, and consoling themselves with the thought, that if they did die on account of the wig, they would be straightway transported to the arms of the houris in the bowers of Paradise. As for the Chinese, they

invoked the god Fum to their assistance, and vowed in good round style, that, if any evil were done to them, their celestial emperor, the mighty Kien Long, would come with his multitude of immortals, and sweep Calcutta from the face of the earth.-How the business might have ended no human being can tell, when word was brought to the lady, that her wig adorned the royal head of the Peishwa of Surindab. This enraged her more than ever; and, sending for me one evening, she commanded me to proceed to the capital city of the Peishwa, and demand the peruke. I accordingly set out with an elegant equipage, which her ladyship ordered to be prepared for me; and, after hard travelling, reached the palace of his highness, to whom I communicated my message.

"The Peishwa was a short, squat, flat-nosed, mahogany-faced fellow, of about fifty-three. His limbs were cased in wide linen trowsers and sandals. He wore a white jewelled turban upon his head; and from his shoulders flowed a loose robe of purple silk, inwrought with all the mysteries of the Hindoo mythology. Around his waist, a girdle, studded with amethysts, was bound; and in his girdle were stuck a diamond-hilted hanger, a long scymitar, and a brace of Spanish pistols. He was seated on a throne of gold and ivory, surrounded by a crowd of grim-looking fellows, with sabres in their hands, and daggers at their sides, after the fashion of their master. On being introduced, I was desired to prostrate myself, and make a certain number of salaams; but this I declined, al