not be self-dependent, but still have my whole dependence upon God. What I passed through was remarkable, and indeed inexpressible. All things here below vanished; and there appeared to be nothing of any considerable importance to me, but holiness of heart and life, and the conversion of the Heathen to God. All my cares, fears, and desires, which might be said to be of a worldly nature, disappeared; and were, in my esteem, of little more importance than a puff of wind. I exceedingly longed that God would get to himself a name among the Heathen; and I appealed to him with the greatest freedom, that he knew I "preferred him above my chief joy." Indeed, I had no notion of joy from this world; I cared not where or how I lived, or what hardships I went through, so that I could but gain souls to Christ. I continued in this frame all the evening and night. While I was asleep, I dreamed of these things; and when I waked, (as I frequently did,) the first thing I thought of was this great work of pleading for God against Satan.

Lord's day, July 22. "When I waked, my soul was burdened with what seemed to be before me. I cried to God, before I could get out of my bed; and as soon as I was dressed, I withdrew into the woods, to pour out my burdended soul to God, especially for assistance in my great work; for I could scarcely think of any thing else. I enjoyed the same freedom and fervency as the last evening; and did with unspeakable freedom give up myself afresh to God, for life or death, for all hardships he should call me to among the Heathen; and felt as if nothing could discourage me from this blessed work. I had a strong hope that God would" bow the heavens and come down," and do some marvellous work among the Heathen. While I was riding to the Indians-three miles, my heart was continually going up to God for his presence and assistance; and hoping, and almost expecting, that God would make this the day of his power and grace amongst the poor Indians. When I came to them, I found them engaged in their frolic; but through divine goodness I persuaded them to desist and attend to my preaching: yet still there appeared nothing of the special power of God among them. Preached again to them in the afternoon, and observed the Indians were more sober than before; but still saw nothing special among them. Hence Satan took occasion to tempt and buffet me with these cursed suggestions, There is no God, or if there be, he is not able to convert the Indians, before they have more knowledge, &c. I was very weak and weary, and my soul borne down with perplexity; but was mortified to all the world, and was determined still to wait upon God for the conversion of the Heathen, though the devil tempted me to the contrary.

July 23. "Retained still a deep and pressing sense of what lay with so much weight upon me yesterday; but was more calm and quiet. Enjoyed freedom and composure, after the temptations of the last evening; had sweet resignation to the divine will; and desired nothing so much as the conversion of the Heathen to God, and that his kingdom might come in my own heart, and the hearts of others. Rode to a settlement of Irish people, about fifteen miles south-westward; spent my time in prayer and meditation by the way. Near night, preached from Matt. v. 3. Blessed are the poor in spirit, &c.God was pleased to afford me some degree of freedom and fervency. Blessed be God for any measure of assistance.

July 24. "Rode about seventeen miles westward, over a hideous mountain, to a number of Indians. Got together near thirty of them preached to them in the evening, and lodged among them.-Was weak, and felt in some degree disconsolate; yet could have no freedom in the thought of any other circumstances or business in life. All my desire was the conversion of the Heathen; and all my hope was in God. God does not suf fer me to please or comfort myself with hopes of seeing friends, returning to my dear acquaintance, and enjoying worldly comforts."

The next day, he preached to these Indians again; and then returned to the Irish settlement, and there preached to a numerous congregation. There was a considerable appearance of awakening in the congregation. Thursday he returned home, exceedingly fatigued and spent ; still in the same frame of mortification to the world, and solicitous for the advancement of Christ's kingdom. On this day he writes thus: "I have felt this week, more of the spirit of a pilgrim on earth, than perhaps ever before; and yet so desirous to see Zion's prosperity, that I was not so willing to leave this scene of sorrows as I used to be.”—The two remaining days of the week, he was very ill, and complains of wanderings, dulness, and want of spiritual fervency and sweetness. On the Sabbath, he was confined by illness, not able to go out to preach. After this, his illness increased upon him, and he continued very ill all the week; and says, that "he thought he never before endured such a season of distressing weakness; that his nature was so spent, that he could neither stand, sit, nor lie with any quiet; that he was exercised with extreme faintness and sickness at his stomach; that his mind was as much disordered as his body, seeming to be stupid, and without any kind of affections towards all objects, and yet perplexed, to think that he lived for nothing; that precious time rolled away and he could do nothing but trifle: and that it was a season wherein Satan buffetted him

with some peculiar temptations. On Tuesday of this week he wrote the following letter to an intimate and dear friend. It indicates affections in no ordinary degree chastened and spiritual.

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"Forks of Delaware, July 31, 1744.

-Certainly the greatest, the noblest pleasure of intelligent creatures must result from their acquaintance with the blessed God, and with their own rational and immortal souls. O, how divinely sweet and entertaining is it, to look into our own souls, when we can find all our powers and passions united and engaged in pursuit after God; our whole souls longing and passionately breathing after a conformity to him, and the full enjoyment of him! Verily no hours pass away with so much divine pleasure, as those which are spent in communing with God and our own hearts. O, how sweet is a spirit of devotion, a spirit of seriousness and divine solemnity, a spirit of gospel simplicity, love and tenderness! O, how desirable, and how profitable to the christian life, is a spirit of holy watchfulness, and godly jealousy over ourselves; when our souls are afraid of nothing so much as that we shall grieve and offend the blessed God, whom at such times we apprehend, or at least hope, to be a Father and Friend; whom we then love and long to please, rather than to be happy ourselves; or at least we delight to derive our happiness from pleasing and glorifying him! Surely this is a pious temper, worthy of the highest ambition and closest pursuit of intelligent creatures and holy christians. O, how vastly superior are the pleasure, peace, and satisfaction derived from these divine frames, to that which we, alas! sometimes pursue in things impertinent and trifling! Our own bitter experience teaches us, that" in the midst of such laughter the heart is sorrowful," and there is no true satisfaction but in God. But, alas! how shall we obtain and retain this sweet spirit of religion and devotion? Let us follow the apostle's direction, Phil. ii. 12. and labour upon the encouragement which he there mentions, ver. 13. for it is God only can afford us this favour; and he will be sought to, and it is fit we should wait upon him for so rich a mercy. Oh, may the God of all grace afford us the grace and influences of his divine Spirit; and help us that we may from our hearts esteem it our greatest liberty and happiness, that "whether we live, we may live to the Lord, or whether we die, we may die to the Lord ;" that in life and death, we may be his!

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"I am in a very poor state of health; I think, scarce ever poorer: but, through divine goodness, I am not discontented

under my weakness, and confinement to this wilderness. I bless God for this retirement; I never was more thankful for any thing, than I have been of late for the necessity I am under of self-denial in many respects. I love to be a pilgrim and stranger in this wilderness; it seems most fit for such a poor, ignorant, worthless, despised creature as I. I would not change my present mission for any other business in the whole world. I may tell you freely, without vanity and ostentation, God has of late given me great freedom and fervency in prayer, when I have been so weak and feeble that my nature seemed as if it would speedily dissolve. I feel as if my all was lost, and I was undone for this world, if the poor Heathen may not be converted. I feel, in general, different from what I did, when I saw you last; at least more crucified to all the enjoyments of life. It would be very refreshing to me to see you here in this desart; especially in my weak disconsolate hours; but, I think, I could be content never to see you, or any of my friends again in this world, if God would bless my labours here to the conversion of the poor Indians.

"I have much that I could willingly communicate to you, which I must omit till Providence gives us leave to see each other. In the mean time, I rest

"Your obliged friend and servant,

"DAVID BRAINERD."

Concerning the next five days he writes thus: "Lord's day, August 5, was still very poor. But, though very weak, I visited and preached to the poor Indians twice, and was strengthened vastly beyond my expectations. Indeed, the Lord gave me some freedom and fervency in addressing them; though I had not strength enough to stand, but was obliged to sit down the whole time. Towards night, was extremely weak, faint, sick, and full of pain. I have continued much in the same state I was in last week, through most of this, (it being now Friday,) unable to engage in any business; frequently unable to pray in the family. I am obliged to let all my thoughts and concerns run at random ; for I have not strength to read, meditate, or pray and this naturally perplexes my mind. I seem to myself like a man that has all his estate embarked in one small boat, unhappily going adrift, down a swift torrent. The poor owner stands on the shore, and looks, and laments his loss-But, alas! though my all seems to be adrift, and I stand and see it, I dare not lament; for this sinks my spirits more, and aggravates my bodily disorders! I am forced therefore to divert myself with trifles; although at the same time I am afraid, and often feel as if I was guilty of the misimprovement of time. And oftentimes my conscience is so exercised,

:

with this miserable way of spending time, that I have no peace; though I have no strength of mind or body to improve it to better purpose. Oh that God would pity my distressed state!"

The next three weeks, his illness was less severe; and he was in some degree capable of business, both public and private; though he had some turns wherein his indisposition prevailed to a great degree. He had generally also much more inward assistance, and strength of mind. He often expresses great longings for the enlargement of Christ's kingdom, especially by the conversion of the heathen to God; and speaks of this hope as all his delight and joy. He continues still to express his usual desires after holiness, living to God, and a sense of his own unworthiness. He several times speaks of his appearing to himself the vilest creature on earth; and once says, that he verily thought there were none of God's children, who fell so far short of that holiness, and perfection in their obedience, which God requires, as he. He speaks of his feeling more dead than ever to the enjoyments of the world. He sometimes mentions the special assistance which he had at this time, in preaching to the Indians, and the appearances of religious concern among them. He speaks also of assistance in prayer for absent friends, and especially ministers and candidates for the ministry; and of much comfort which he enjoyed in the company of some ministers who came to visit him.

Sept. 1. "Was so far strengthened, after a season of great weakness, that I was able to spend two or three hours in writing on a divine subject. Enjoyed some comfort and sweetness in things divine and sacred; and as my bodily strength was in some measure restored, so my soul seemed to be somewhat vigorous, and engaged in the things of God.

Lord's day, Sept. 2. "Was enabled to speak to my poor Indians with much concern and fervency; and I am persuaded, that God enabled me to exercise faith in him, while I was speaking to them. I perceived that some of them were afraid to hearken to and embrace Christianity, lest they should be enchanted and poisoned by some of the powaws: but I was enabled to plead with them not to fear these; and, confiding in God for safety and deliverance, I bid a challenge to all these powers of darkness, to do their worst on me first. I told my people that I was a Christian, and asked them why the powaws did not bewitch and poison I scarcely ever felt more sensible of my own unworthiness, than in this action. I saw that the honour of God was concerned in the affair; and desired to be preserved-not from selfish views,

me.