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Dr. De la Cour of Cork, having one day to reprove a counsel, rather unlearned in the law, told him he was a counsellor of necessity. “ Necessity !" exclaimed the briefless barrister, “ what do you mean by that ?" “Why,” replied the doctor, “ you know necessity has no law.”
THERE once was an Emperor (so says my story),
Holy father, how fare ye? Those quellers of sin,
* This is nearly a translation of a Ballad of Burger's.
“Since your life must be dull, and your pastimes are few,
grow. “ That such talents should rust, were a pity, indeed ! So I give you three exquisite riddles to read: To each of my questions (as surely you can, sir), At the end of three months, you will find the true
“With my crown on my head, in costliest robe,
Now, unless you shall answer these questions, I ween,
Now, Time, the impostor, was at his old tricks,
faithful Hans Beudix vouchsafe to impart The trouble that inwardly preys on your
heart !"“Alas, my good Beudix, the Emperor's Grace Has made thy poor master's a pitiful case ! He has given me three pestilent cob-nuts to crack, Would puzzle Old Nick, with his dam at his back! “ For the first,—when array'd in his costliest robe, On his throne, with his crown, and his sceptre and globe, Must I, the most luckless of prelates on earth, Compute, to a farthing, his Highness's worth ! “ The problem hé, secondly, deign'd to propound, Is, how long it would take him to ride the world round? And this, to a minute, without more or less; He said, 'twas a trifle, quite easy to guess !
And, last, he expects me to tell him his thonght,
hand!” “What, no more?" quoth Hans Beudix-" Then write
me an ape, If I don't get your Reverence out of this scrape.
Just lend me your mantle, your crozier, and mitre,
globe, Thus address'd him,-" Thou wisest of prelates on
earth, Resolve, to a farthing, how much I am worth !” “For thirty rix-dollars the Saviour was sold, And, with all your gay trappings of purple and gold, Twenty-nine is your price :-you'll not take it amiss, If I judge that your value must fall short of his !" “So, so !" thought his Highness; “the priest has me
there! I own, my Lord Abbot, the answer is fair. Did greatness e’er swallow so bitter a pill ? But like it or not, I must swallow it still !" And, now for a question your learning shall probe:How long would it take me to ride round the globe ? To a minute compute it, without more or less; You'll easily solve it, my lord, as I guess!”— “ If your Highness will please just to get on your horse, With the rise of the sun, and pursue the sun's course, Keeping always beside him, a million to one, But in two dozen hours the whole business is done !" “ Are you there, my old fox, with your ifs and your ans? But I need not remind you, they're not pots and pans,
Else tinkers would starve (as I learnt from my nurse);
taken! You think me the Abbot-but I as you'll find, With all due submission, am-Beudix, his hind !" " What the d-l! Art thou not the Abbot of Lintz? By my troth, thou hast fairly outwitted thy prince! 'Tis the cowl makes the monk, as I've heard people say; So I dub thee Lord Abbot from this very day. “For the former incumbent, an indolent sot ! On Dapple's bare withers, please God, he shall trot; For his office, Hans Beudix is fitter by half ; And here I invest thee with ring and with staff.” “ Under favour, great sir, I can handle a crook, But, alas ! I'm no very great hand at my book; I ne'er went to school, and no Latin have INot so much as you'd write on the wing of a fly!" “ Is it so, my good fellow? Then, more is the pity: So, bethink thee of some other thing that may fit ye. Thy wit hath well pleased me; and it shall go hard, If Hans's sagacity miss its reward.” “ If such the condition, the boon that I ask Will prove to your highness no difficult task: To
your favour again, on my knees I implore, That your highness will please my good lord to re