"Matters were yet worse with me, when I ventured to invite my old cronies to a friendly supper at my own house. In place of that ease and freedom which indicates a cordial reception, they found on my wife's part a cold and stiff formality which repressed all social enjoyment; and the nonsensical parade of a figure of empty show upon the table, which convinced them of the trouble their visit had occasioned. Under this impression, you may believe, there is no great danger of a debauch in my house. Indeed my wife commonly sits out the company. If it happens otherwise, we have a stated allowance of wine; and if more is called for, it is so long in coming, that my friends take the hint, and wish me a good night.

"But, even were I more at liberty to indulge my social dispositions than I unfortunately find myself, there are other reasons, no less powerful, which would prevent me from inviting my friends to my house. My wife, Sir, is absolutely unfit for any kind of rational conversation. Bred from her infancy under an old maiden aunt, who had the management of her father's household and country farm, she has no other ideas than what are accommodated to that station. Unluckily, her transplantation to town, by removing her from her calves, her pigs, and her poultry, has given her fewer opportunities of displaying the capital stock of her knowledge. She still finds, however, a tolerable variety of conversation, in the rise and fall of the markets, the qualities and prices of butcher-meat, the making of potatoestarch, the comparative excellence of Leith and Kensington candles, and many other topics of equally amusing disquisition. Seriously, Sir, when alone, I can find refuge in my books; but when with her in company, she never opens her mouth but I am in terror for what is to come out of it.

"I should perhaps complain the less of being reduced to this state of involuntary domestication, if I saw any endeavours on her part to make my home somewhat comfortable to me. I am no epicure, Mr. LOUNGER; but I own to you I like a good dinner, and have somehow got the reputation of being a pretty good judge of wines. In this last article I piqued myself on having a critical palate; and this my friends knew so well, that I was generally consulted when their cellars needed a supply, and was sure to be summoned to give my opinion at the opening of a new hogshead or the piercing of a butt. You may believe I took care that my own small stock of liquors should not discredit my reputation; and I have often, with some exultation, heard it remarked, that there was no such claret in Edinburgh as Bob Easy's yellow seal.

"Good claret, which I have long been accustomed to consider as a panacea for all disorders, my wife looks upon as little better than slow poison. She is convinced of its pernicious effects both on my purse and constitution, and recommends to me, for the sake of both, some brewed stuff of her own, which she dignifies with the name of wine, but which to me seems nothing but ill-fermented vinegar. She tells with much satisfaction, how she has passed her currant wine for Cape, and her gooseberry for Champaigne; but, for my part, I never taste them without feeling very disagreeable effects from it; and I once drank half a bottle of her Champaigne, which gave me a colic for a week.

"In the article of victuals, I am doomed to yet greater mortification. Here, Sir, my wife's frugality is displayed in a most remarkable manner. As every thing is to be bought when at the lowest price, she lays in during the summer all her stores for the win

ter.

For six months we live upon salt provisions,

and the rest of the year on fly-blown lamb and stale mutton. If a joint is roasted the one day, it is served cold the next, and hashed on the day following. All poultry is contraband. Fish, unless salt herrings and dried ling, when got a bargain, I am never allowed to taste.

"Thus mortified in my appetites, divorced as I am from my friends, having lost all my mirth, and forgone all custom of my exercise,' I am told that even my face and figure are totally changed; and, in place of the jolly careless air of a bon vivant, I have got the sneaking look and starved appearance of a poor wretch escaped from a spunging-house, and dreading a dun in every human being that accosts him. That it should come to this!-But I am determined no longer to endure it. My wife shall read this letter in my presence: and, while she contemplates her own picture, I shall take my measures according to the effect it produces on her. If she takes it as she ought, 'tis well;-if not, and a rupture is the consequence, still better-1 shall be my own man again.

"I am, Sir, yours, &c.
66 ROBERT EASY."

"SIR,

"THAT distress finds some consolation from re

vealing its misfortune, is a trite observation, which

perhaps is in no instance more strongly felt, than where we have ourselves to blame for our calamities. There is something in making a confession, though but on paper, even if it should never be communicated to any one, which unloads the mind of a weight that bears it down in secret; and though it cannot pluck the thorn from memory, has certainly the effect of blunting its poignancy.Suffer me then, Sir, to tell you, or to write as if I were telling you, how unhappy I am, and by what means I have become so.

"I was left by my father at the age of thirteen, the eldest of two daughters, under the charge of one of the best and most indulgent of mothers. Our circumstances were affluent, our society respectable, and our education, from its very commencement, had been attended to with care, and provided for with the utmost liberality. No instruction was neglected, no accomplishment unattended to. In attaining these my sister was not quite so fortunate as I. Born, as I have been often told, with uncommon quickness of parts, I found no difficulty in mastering the studies that were taught me, or in acquiring the embellishments it was wished I should acquire. My sister was often deficient in the one and awkward at the other. She possessed, however, a sound, plain understanding and an excellent temper. My superiority never excited envy in her, and I think never vanity in me. We loved one another most sincerely; and after some years had blunted the grief which my mother felt for her husband's death, there were, I believe, few happier families than ours.

"Though our affections were cordial, however, our dispositions were very different. My sister was contented to think as other people thought, and to feel as other people felt; she rarely ventured to speculate in opinion or to soar in fancy. I was often tempted to reject, if not to despise, the common

opinions of mankind, and to create to myself a warm, and, I am afraid, a visionary picture of happiness, arising from a highly refined sensibility. My mother was at pains to combat these enthusiastic ideas, and to represent the danger of indulging in them. From a desire, perhaps, of overcoming that tendency towards them which she perceived in me, her discourse, when we were alone, almost constantly turned on this subject. As she always allowed us the liberty of argument with her, I stood up in those conversations the warm defender of my own maxims, in contradiction to those prudent ones which she recommended. Hers, I am persuaded, admitted of better reasoning; but my cause gave greater room for eloquence. All my little talents were exerted in the contest: and I have often since thought that my mother had from nature a bent to my side of the question, which all her wisdom and experience had not been able to overcome; that though she constantly applauded the prudent system of my sister, she was in truth rather partial to mine, and vain of that ability with which I defended it. However that might be, I myself always rose from the dispute more and more convinced of the justness of my own opinions, and proud of that superiority which I thought they conferred on me.

"We had not long attained a marriageable age, when we found ourselves surrounded with those whom the world terms admirers. Our mother's benevolence and sweetness of temper inclined her to society, and we were too innocent for prudery; we had therefore a number of visitors of the other sex, many of whom were so particular in their attentions, that women who wished to boast of conquests, would have called them lovers. With us they did not always assume that title: my sister was too prudent, and I was too nice, easily to believe a man a lover.