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SA T I R E S..
SA TIRE I.
AWAY! thou changeling morcly humourist; Hate Virtue, though flie naked be and bare?
Of bodies they from bliss are banished.
He lost that, he was cloth'd but in beast's skin, And wily statesmen, which teach how to tye And in this coarse attire, which I now wear, The finews of a city's mystic body;
With God and with the Muses I confer. Here gathering chroniclers, and by them sand But since thon, like a contrite penitent, Giddy fantastic poets of each land.
Charitably warnid of thy sins, dost repent Shall I leave all this constant company,
These vanities and gidairesses, lo And follow headlong wild uncertain thee? I shut my chainber door, and coine, let's go. First swear by thy best lovc, here in earnest, But sooner may a cheap whore, who hath been · (If thou which lov'st all canst love any best) Worn out by as many several men in sin Thou wilt not leave me in the middle street, As are black feathers or musk-colour'd hose, Though some more spruce companion thou dost Name her child's right true father 'mongst all meet;
those; Not though a captain do come in thy way Sooner may one guess who shall bear away Bright parcel gilt, with forty dead men's pay; The infantry of London hence to India; Not though a brisk perfum'd pert courtier And sooner may a gulling weather-fpy, Deign with a nod thy courtesie to answer ; By drawing forth heav'n's scheme, rell certainly Nor come a velvet justice with a long
What fashion'd hats, or ruffs, or suits, next year Great train of blew-coats, twelve or fourteen strong, Our giddy-headed antick youth will wear, Wilt thou grin or fawn on him, or prepare Than hou, when thou depart'lt from me, can show A speech to court his beauteous son and heir ? Whither, why, when, or with whom, thou wouldit For better or worse take me or leave me ;
go. To take and leave me is adultery.
But how thall I be pardon'd my offence, Oh, monstrous ! superstitious Puritan,
That thus have finn'd against my conscience ? Of refin'd manners, yet ceremonial man!
Now we are in the street; he first of all,
Yet though he cannot skip forth now to greet
He them to him with amornus smiles allures, As though all thy companions should make thec And grins, smacks, shrugs, and such an itch enJoin urıs, and marry thy dear company;
dures Why shouldft thou (that dost not only approve, As 'prentices or school-boys, which do know But in rank itchy lust desire and love,
Of fome gay sport abroad, yet dare not go ; The nakedness and barrenness t' enjoy
And as fiddlers stoop lowelt at highest sound, Of thy plump muddy whore or prostitute boy) So to the most brave Itoops he nigh'lt the ground;
But to a grave man he doth move no more And they who write to lords, rewards to get, Than the wise politic horse would heretofore ; Are they not like singers at doors for meat ? Or thou, O elephant or ape! wilt do,
And they who write, because all write, have still When any names the King of Spain to you. Th' excuse for writing, and for writing ill. Now leaps he upright, jogs me, and cries, Do you But he is worst who beggarly) doth chaw fee
Others' wit's fruits, and in his ravenous maw Yonder well-favour'd youth? Which? Oh! 'cis he Rankly digested, doth those things out-spue That dances so divinely. Oh! said I,
As his own things : and they're his own, 'tis true, Stand still; must you dance here for company? For if one eat my meat, though it be known He droop'd, we went, tilt onc (which did excel The meat was mine, th' excrement is his own. Th’Indians in drinking his tobacco well)
But these do me no harm, nor they which use Met us : they talk d; I whisper'd, Let us go ; To out-do dildoes and out-usure Jews, It may be you smell him not; truly I do.
T' out-drink che sea, e' out-swear the Litany, He hears not me; but on the other lide
Who with fios all kinds as familiar be A many-colour'd peacock having spy'd,
As confeffors, and for whose finful fake Leaves him and me : Ifor my lost theep Nay;
Schoolmen new tenements in hell must make; He follows, overtakes, goes on the way,
Whose strange fins canonists could hardly tell Saying, Him whom I last left all repute
In which commandment's large receit they dwelle For his device in handsoming a suit ;
But these punish themselves. The infolence To judge of lace, pink, panes, print, cut and plait,
Of Cofcus only breeds my just offence, Of all the court to have the best conceit:
Whom time ( which rots all, and makes botches pox, Our dull commedians want him ; let him go : And plodding on must make a calf an ox) But, oh: God strengthen thee; why stoop'it thou Hath made a lawyer, which (alas !) of late fo?
But scarce a poet, jollier of this state Why, he hath travail'd long; no, but to me
Than are new benefic'd ministers; he throws, Which understood none, he doth seem to be Like nets or lime-twigs, wherefoe'er he gocs, Perfect French and Italian. I reply'd,
His title of Barrister on every wench, So is the pox. He answer'd not, but spy'd And woos in language of the Pleas and Bench. More men of sort, of parts and qualities,
A motion, Lady. Speak, Cofcus. I have been At last his love he in a window spies,
In love e'er fince tricesimo of the Queen. And like lighe dew exhald he flings from me,
Continual claims I've made, injunctions got Violently ravish'd to his lechery.
To ftay my rival's fuit, that he should not Many there were he could command no more; Proceedd ; spare me, in Hillary term I went i He quarrellid, fought, bled; and, curu'd out of You faid, if I return'd next 'fize in Lent, door,
I should be in remitter of your grace; Dire@ly came to me, hanging the head,
In th' interim my lecters should take place
Of affidavits. Words, words, which would tear
Than when winds in our ruin'd abbys rore.
When fick with poetry, and posleft with Muse
Thouwalt, and mad, I hop'd; but men which choofe Sir, though (I thank God for it) I do hate Law.practice for mere gain, bold souls repute PerfeAly all this town, yet there's one state Worse than imbrothelld trumpets prostitute, In all ill things so excellently beft,
Now like an owl-like watchman he must walk, That hate towards them breeds pity towards the His hand still at a bill; now he must talk rest.
Idly, like prisoners, which whole months will Though poetry indeed be such a sin
swear As I think that brings dearth and Spaniards in ; That only furetyship hath brought them there, Though, like the pellilence and old-fashion'd love,' And to every fuitor lie in every thing, Ridlingly it catch men, and doch remove
Like a king's favourite, or like a king; Never till it be farv'd out; yet their late Like a wedge in a block wring to the bar, Is poor, disarm'a, like Papifts, not worth hate : Bearing like afles and more thamėless far One (like a wretch, which at bar judg'd as dead, Than carted whores, lie to the grave judge; for Yet prompts him which stands next, and cannot Bastardy abounds not in kings' titles, nor read,
Simony and Sodomy in churchmen's lives, And saves his life) gives idiot actors means, As these things do in him; by these he thrives. (Starving himself) to live by's labour'd scenes; Shortly (as th' sea, he'll compass all the land, Asin some organs puppits dance above,
From cost Wight, from Mount to Dover Strand, And bellows pant below which them do move. Ard spying heirs melt...g with luxury, One would sove love by rhymes; but witchcraft's Satan will not joy at their fir.s as he : charms
For (as a thrifty wench icrapes kitching.ftuff, Bring not now their old fears nor their old harms. And barielling the droppings and the inuff Rams and Linga now are Glly battery;
of varioulos which in thit, year Pistolets are thic bet artillery:
(Reliqusly kept) perchanc. Lure wedding chcar)
Piecemeal he gets lands, and spends as much time | Which cries not Goddess! to thy mistress, drast Wringing each acre as maids pulling prime. Or eat thy poisonous words? courage of straw! In parchment then, large as the fields, he draws O desperate coward! wilt thou seem bold, and Assurances big as gloss'd Civil laws;
To thy focs and his (who made thee to stand So huge, that men (in our time's forwardness) Centinel in this world's garrison) thus yield, Are fathers of the church for writing less. , And for forbid wars leave th' appointed field? These he writes not, nor for these written pays, Know thy foes : the foul devil (he whom thou Therefore spares no length, (as in those firû days, Striv'lt to please) for hate, not lovc, would allow When Luther was profeft, he did desire
Thee fain his whole realm to be quit ; and as Short Parer-nosters, saying, as a friar,
The world's all parts wither away and pass, Each day his beads : but having left those laws, , So the world's self, thy other lov'd foe, is Adds to Christ's prayer the power and glory | In her decrepit wane, and thou loving this clause)
Dost love a withered and worn strumpet last; But when he sells or changes land, h' impairs Flesh (itself's death) and joys, which fesh can taste, His writings, and (unwatch'd) leaves out ses beires, Thou lov'rt; and thy fair goodly soul, which doth And flily, as any commenter, goes by
Give this flesh power to taste joy, thou dost loath. Hard words or sense; or in divinity
Seek true religion. O! where : Mirreus, As controverters in vouch'd texts leave out Thinking her unhous'd here, and fled from us, Shrewd words, which might against them clear Seeks her åt Rome; there, because he doth know the doubt.
That she was there a thousand years ago. Where are those spread woods which cloth’d here. He loves the raggs so, as we here obey tofore
[door. The state-cloth where the prince fate yesterday. Those bought lands ? not built, nor burnt within Grants to such bravc loves will not be inthrallid, Where the old landlord's troops and alms? In halls But loves her only who at Geneva is callid Carthufian fasts and fulsome Bacchanals
Religion, plain, simple, sullen, young, Equally I hate. Mean’s bleft. In rich men's homes Contemptuous, yet unhandsome ; as among I bid kill some beasts, but no hecatombs;
Lecherous humours there is one that judges None starve, none surfeit so. But (oh :) w' allow No wenches wholesome but coarse country drudges. Good works as good, but out of fashion now, Grajus stays still at home here; and because Like old rich wardrobes. But my words none Some preachers, vile ambitious bawds, and laws draws
Still new like fashions, bid him think that the Within the valt reach of th’huge facute-laws. Which dwells with us is only perfect, he
Embraceth her whom his godfathers will
Pay values. Careless Phrygius doth abhor
All, because all cannot be good; as one
Knowing some women whores dares marry none. Ķind pity checks my spleen ; brave scorn forbids Gracchus loves all as one, and thinks that lo 'Those tears to issue which (well my eye-lids. As women do in diverse countries go I must not laugh nor weep sins, but be wise : In diverse habits, yet are still one kind, Can railing chen cure thele worn maladies ? So doth, so is Religion; and this blindis not our mistress, fair Religion,
Ness too much light breeds. But unmoved thou As worthy of our souls' devotion
Of force must one, and forc'd but one, allow, As virtue was to the first blinded age?
And the right; ask thy father which is she; Are not heaven's joys as valiant to assuage Let him ask this. Though Truth and Falsehood be Lufts as earth's honour was to them? Alas! Near twins, yet Truth a little elder is : As we do them in means, fhäll they surpass Be busie to seek her; believe me this, Us in the end ? and shall thy father s fpirit He's not of none, nor worst, that seeks the best. Meet blind philosophers in heav'n, whose merit T'adore or scorn an image, or proteft, Of ftri&t life may b'imputed faith, and hear May all be bad. Doubt wisely. In ftrange way Thee, whom he taught so eage ways and near To stand inquiring right is not to stray; To follow, damn'd! Oh! if thou dar's, fear this: To Neep or run wrong is. On a huge hill, This fear great courage and high valour is. Cragged and seep, Truth stands; and he that will Dar'lt thou aid mutinous Dutch? and dar'lt thou Reach her about must, and about it, go, lay
And what the hill's suddenness resists win so. Thec in ships' wooden fepulchres, a prey Yet strive so that before age, death's twilight, To leader's rage, to stornis, to sho:, to dearth? Thy soul rest; for none can work in that night. Dar'lt thou dive feas, and dungeons of the earth? To will implies delay, therefore now do: Haft thou courageous fire to thaw the ice Hard deeds the body's pains; hard knowledge to Of frozen north-discoveries, and thrice
The mind's endeavours reach ; and mysteries Colder than falan anders ! like divine
Are like the sun, dazzling, yet plain t' all eyes. Children in th' oven, fires of Spain and the line, Keep the truth which thou hast found; men do Whose countries limbccks to our bodies be,
not fland Cand thou for gain bear ? and must every he In so ill cafe, that God hath with bis hand
Siga'd kings' blank-charters to kill whom they / The thing hath travail'd, and, faith, speaks all hate,
tongues, Now are they vicars, but hangmen, to Fate. And only knoweth what t’ all states belongs. Fool and wretch! wilt thou let thy soul be tyd Made of th'accents and best phrase of all these, To man's laws, by which she shall not be try'd He speaks one language. If Arange meats displease, At the last day? or will it then boot thee Art can deceive, or hunger force my taste; To say a Philip or a Gregory,
But pedant's motley tongue, soldier's bombast, A Harry or a Martin, taught me this?
Mountebank's drug-tongue, nor the terms of law, If not this excuse for mere contraries
Are Atong enough preparatives to draw Equally strong ? cannot both sides say to : Me to hear this, yet I must be content That thou may'd rightly obey power, her bounds With his congue, in his tongue call'd Compliment; know;
In which he can win widows, and pay scores, Those past her nature and name's chang'd; to be Make men speak treason, cozen subtleft whores, Then humble to her is idolatry.
Ourflatter favourites, or outlie either As streams are, power is : those blert Aowers that Jovius or Surius, or both together. dwell
(well; He names me, and comes to me; I whisper, God! At the rough Atream's calm head thrive and do How have I finn'd, that thy wrath's furious rod, But having left their roots, and themselves given This fellow, chooseth me! He faith, Sir, To the Atream's tyrannous rage, alas! are driven I love your judgment; whom do you prefer Through mills, rocks,and woods, and at laft, almost For the best linguist? and I fillily Consum'd in going, in the sea are lost :
Said, that I thought Calepine's Dictionary.
Of our two academies, I nam'd. Here
Yet a poor gentleman; all these may pass
By travel. Then, as if he would have told
His tongue, he prais'd it, and fuch wonders told, Well; I may now receive and die. My fin That I was fain to say, If you had liv'd, Sir, Indeed is great, but yet I have been in
Time enough to have been interpreter A purgatory, such as fear'd hell is
To Babel's bricklayers, fure the tower had stood. A recreation, and scant map of this.
He adds, If of court-life you knew the good, My scind neither with pride's itch, nor yet hath
You would leave lonencss. I said, Not alone been
My loneness is, but Spartan's fafhion, Poison'd with love to see or to be seen.
To tcach by painting drunkards, doth not last I had no suit there, nor new suit to Thew,
Now; Aretine's pictures have made few chaste; Yet went to court : but as Glare, which did go No more can princes' courts, though there be few To mass in jest, catch'd, was fain to disburse Better pidures of vice, teach me virtue. The hundred marks, which is the statute's curse, He, like to a high-ftretch'd lute-ftring, squcakt, Before he 'scap'd; fo 't pleas'd
O, Sir! (Guilty of my sin of going) to think me
'Tis sweet to talk of kings! At Westminster, As prone to all ill, and of good as forget
Said I, the man that keeps the Abbey-tombs, Ful, as proud, lustful, and as much in debt, And for his price doth, with who ever comes, As vain, as witless, and as false as they
Of all our Harrys and our Edwards talk, Which dwell in court, for once going that way, From king to king, and all their kin can walk : Therefore I suffer'd this: Towards me did run Your ears shall hear nought but kings; your eyes A thing more strange than on Nile's flime the sun
meet E'er bred, or all which into Noah's ark came; Kings only; the way to it is King's-street. A thing which would have pos’d Adam to name : He Imack'd, and cry'd, He's base, mechanic coarse; Stranger than seven antiquaries' studies,
So're all your Englihmen in their discourse. Than Afric's monsters, Guiana's rarities;
Are not your Frenchmen neat! Minc, eyes you see, Stranger than strangers; one who for a Dane I have but one, Sir; look, he follows me. In the Danes' massacre had sure been slain, Certes, they're neatly cloth'd. I of this mind am, If he had liv'd then, and without help dies Your only wearing is your grogaram. When next the 'prentices 'gainst strangers risc; Not fo, Sir; I have more. Under this pitch One whom the watch at noon lets scarce go by; He would not fly. I chaf 'd him; but as itch One t' whom th' examining julice sure would cry, Scratch'd into smart, and as blunt iron ground Sir, by your priesthood, tell me what you are. Into an edge, hurts worse; so I (fool :) found His clothes were strange, though coarse, and black, Crossing hurt me. To fit my sullenness, though bare;
He to another key his style doth dress, Sleveless his jerkin was, and it had been
And aks, What news? I tell him of new plags : Velvet, but 't was now (so much ground was seen) He takes my hand, and, as a still which stays Become cufftaffaty; and our children shall A semibtief 'twixt each drop, he niggardly See it plain rask a while, theo nought at all. As loch to enrich me, fo celis many a lie,
More than ten Hollensheads, or Halls, or Stows, Itself o'er me: such men as he saw there
Shall I, none's flave, of high born or rais'd men
Fear frowns, and my mistress, Truth! betray the
No, no; thou which since yesterday has been He knows who 'hath sold his land, and now doth Almost about the whole world, haft thou seen, beg
Sun! in all thy journey vanity
Such as swells the bladder of our court? I
Toll to some courtier; and, wiser than all us, With us at London, flouts our courtiers; for
Some of the stocks are, their fruits bastard all.
Baloun, tennis, diet, or the stews
In the presence, and 1, (God pardon me !)
As fresh and sweet their apparels be, as be
Thofe hose are, cries the fatterer; and bring
At fage as court. All are prayers; whoe'er look
The lady's come. As pirates, which do know At the last day; and that great officers
That there came weak ships fraught with com Do with the pirates Thare and Dunkirkers.
cheneal, Who wastes in meat, in clothes, in horse, he notes; The men board them,and praise (as they think) we! Who loves whores, who boys, and who goats, Their beauties; they the men's wiis: both as 1, more amaz'd than Circe's prisoners, when
bought. They felt themselves curn beasts, felt myself then Why good wits ne'er wear scarlet gowns I thoug! Becoming traitor, and methought I saw
This cause: these men men's wits for speeches bu One of our giant ftatues ope his jaw
And women buy all reds which fearlets dye. To fuck me in for hearing him : I found
He call’d her beauty lime-twigs, her hair net :
From hat to shoe himself at door refine,
As if the presence were a Moschite; and list
His skirts and hose, and call his clothes to thrift,
Feathers and dust, wherewith they fornicate ?
Of his each limb, and with strings the odds tries
Perfect as circles, with such nicety
So much as at Rome would serve to 'have throw
That they each other plague; they merit it.
But here comes Glorius, that will plague thes