FAL. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. FORD. Troth, and I have a bag of money here, troubles me: if you will help to bear it, sir John, take half, or all, for easing me of the carriage.

FAL. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter.

FORD. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing.

FAL. Speak, good master Brook; I shall be glad to be your servant.

FORD. Sir, I hear you are a scholar. I will be brief with you; and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know, how easy it is to be such an offender.

FAL. Very well, sir; proceed.

FORD. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband's name is Ford.

FAL. Well, sir.

FORD. I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee'd every slight occasion, that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only

bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath pursued me; which hath been, on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind, or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel that I have purchased at an infinite rate; and that hath taught me to say this:

Love like a shadow flies, when substance love

breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance," authentic in your place and person, generally allowed for your many war-like, court-like, and learned preparations.

FAL. O, sir!

FORD. Believe it, for you know it: there is money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of wooing, win her to consent to you; if any man may, you may as soon as any.

FAL. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks, you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.

FORD. O, understand my drift! she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves; I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too strongly embattled against me. What say you

to't, sir John?

FAL. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife.

want none.

FAL. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her, (I may tell you,) by her own appointment-even as you came in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from me-I say, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed.

FORD. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, sir?

FAL. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not yet I wrong him, to call him poor; they say, the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife seems to me wellfavoured. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home.

FORD. I would you knew Ford, sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him.

a Of great admittance,-] i.e. Of great rogue, fashion, &c. b Preposterously.] See note (a), page 218.

e She dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour,-] This passage serves in some degree to support Theobald's reading

FAL. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know, I will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night: Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile; thou, master Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckold: come to me soon at night. [Exit.

FORD. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says, this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made. Would any man have thought this? See the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villainous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms! names! Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils' additions, the names of fiends: but cuckold! wittol-cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass ; he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous: I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vitæ bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself: then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises : and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven be praised for my jealousy! eleven o'clock the hour; I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon, than a minute too late. fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold!

SCENE III.-Windsor Park.

Enter CAIUS and RUGBY.

CAIUS. Jack Rugby!
RUG. Sir.

CAIUS. Vat is de clock, Jack?

Fie, fie, [Exit.

RUG. He is wise, sir; he knew, your worship | would kill him, if he came.

CAIUS. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.

RUG. Alas, sir, I cannot fence.
CAIUS. Villainy, take your rapier.
RUG. Forbear; here's company.

Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE.

HOST. 'Bless thee, bully doctor.

sir.

SHAL. 'Save you, master doctor Caius. PAGE. Now, good master doctor! SLEN. 'Give you good-morrow, CAIUS. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?

HOST. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montánt. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully Stale? is he dead?

CAIUS. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he is not show his face.

HOST. Thou art a Castilian, king Urinal! Hector of Greece, my boy!

CAIUS. I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.

SHAL. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions; is it not true, master Page?

PAGE. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace.

SHAL. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, master Page.

PAGE. 'Tis true, master Shallow.

SHAL. It will be found so, master Page. Master doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself

a wise physician, and sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman: you must go with me, master doctor.

HOST. Pardon, guest justice: a word,* monsieur Mock-water.

CAIUS. Mock-vater! vat is dat?

HOST. Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.

CAIUS. By gar, then I have as much mockvater as de Englishman.--Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears.

HOST. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. CAIUS. Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat? HOST. That is, he will make thee amends. CAIUS. By gar, me do look, he shall clapper-declaw me; for, by gar, me vill have it.

HOST. And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag.

CAIUS. Me tank you vor dat.

HOST. And moreover, bully,--but first, master guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore.

[Aside to them. PAGE. Sir Hugh is there, is he? HOST. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields: will it do well?

SHAL. We will do it.

PAGE, SHAL. and SLEN. Adieu, good master doctor. [Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. CAIUS. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page.

HOST. Let him die: but first sheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where mistress Anne Page is, at a farmhouse a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her; Cried game, said I well?

с

CAIUS. By gar, me tank you vor dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.

HOST. For the which, I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page; said I well?

CAIUS. By gar, 't is good; vell said.
HOST. Let us wag then.

CAIUS. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.

[Exeunt.

a To see thee foin,-] To foin is to make a pass, or thrust, in fencing.

b Pass thy punto, &c.] The punto, the stoccado, the reverso, &c. are all technical terms, derived from the Italian masters of Fence See note (6), page 216.

e Cried game,-] The old text has, Cride game, which we mention in hope that some one more fortunate than previous guessers, may shape these apparently senseless words into the epithet,

(*) First folio omits, word. (†) First folio omits, but first.

laughable and contemptuous, which the jolly Host intended to convey. Theobald proposed to substitute Ty'd game; Warburton, Cry aim; and Douce, not infelicitously, Cry'd I aim. The conjecture of Mr. Collier's annotator, "curds and cream," is lar removed from probability.

PAGE. 'Save you, good sir Hugh! EVA. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!

SHAL. What! the sword and the word! do you study them both, master parson?

PAGE. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day?

EVA. There is reasons and causes for it. PAGE. We are come to you, to do a good office, master parson.

EVA. Fery well: what is it?

PAGE. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who belike, having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw.

SHAL. I have lived fourscore years, and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect.

EVA. What is he?

SHAL. So do you, good master doctor. HOST. Disarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English.

CAIUS. I pray you, let-a me speak a vord vit your ear: verefore vill you not meet a-me?

EVA. Pray you, use your patience in good time.

CAIUS. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.

EVA. [Aside to CAIUS.] Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends:-[Aloud.] I will knog your urinal

a For missing your meetings and appointments.] These words, from the quarto, are omitted in the folio; another instance of strange neglect in the compilers of that volume, as without

about your knave's eogscomb, for missing your meetings and appointments."

CAIUS. Diable!-Jack Rugby, mine Höst de Jarterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint? look you,

EVA. As I am a Christians soul, now, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment py mine Host of the Garter.

HOST. Peace, I say, Guallia and Gaul, French and Welsh; soul-curer and body-curer.

CAIUS. Ay, dat is very good! excellent!

HOST. Peace, I say; hear mine Host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions, and the motions. Shall I lose my parson? my priest? my sir Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs.-Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so:-give me thy hand celestial; so.-Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue.-Come, lay their swords to pawn::-follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow,

follow.

SHAL. Trust me, a mad Host.-Follow, gentlemen, follow.

SLEN. O, sweet Anne Page!

[Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host. CAIUS. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us? ha, ha!

EVA. This is well; he has made us his vloutingstog.-1 desire you, that we may pe friends; and let us knog our prains together, to pe revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the Host of the Garter.

CAIUS. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive

me too.

EVA. Well, I will smite his noddles :-pray you, follow. [Exeunt.

SCENE II.-The Street in Windsor.

Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN.

MRS. PAGE. Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader whether had you rather, lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels?

ROB. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man, than follow him like a dwarf.

MRS. PAGE. O you are a flattering boy; now, I see, you'll be a courtier.

them the answer of Caius loses its point.

b Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so:] These words also are found only in the quarto.