Let my good spouse pay tribute, do me right,
And keep an equal reckoning every night.
His proper body is not his, but mine;
For fo faid Paul, and Paul's a found divine.
Know then, of those five husbands I have had,
Three were juft tolerable, two were bad.
The three were old, but rich and fond befide,
And toil'd moft piteously to please their bride:
But fince their wealth (the beft they had) was mine, 60
The reft, without much lofs, I could refign.
Sure to be lov'd, I took no pains to please,
Yet had more Pleasure far than they had Ease.
Prefents flow'd in apace: with fhowers of gold,
They made their court, like Jupiter of old.
If I but smil'd, a sudden youth they found,
And a new palfy feiz'd them when I frown'd.
Ye fovereign wives! give ear and understand,
Thus fhall ye speak, and exercise command.
For never was it given to mortal man,
To lie fo boldly as we women can :
Forfwear the fact, though feen with both his eyes,
And call your
maids to witnefs how he lies.
Hark, old Sir Paul! ('twas thus I us'd to fay)
Whence is our neighbour's wife so rich and gay
Treated, carefs'd, where'er fhe's pleas'd to roam-
I fit in tatters, and immur'd at home.
Why to her house dost thou so oft repair?
Art thou fo amorous? and is the fo fair?
If I but fee a coufin or a friend,
Lord! how you fwell, and
But you reel home, a drunken beaftly bear,
Then preach till midnight in your easy chair;
Cry, wives are falfe, and every woman evil,
And give up all that 's female to the devil.
If poor (you fay) fhe drains her husband's purse;
If rich, fhe keeps her priest, or something worse;
If highly born, intolerably vain,
Vapours and pride by turns poffefs her brain,
Now gayly mad, now fourly fplenetic ;
Freakish when well, and fretful when she's fick.
If fair, then chafte she cannot long abide,
By preffing youth attack'd on every
If foul, her wealth the lufty lover lures,
Or else her wit fome fool-gallant procures,
Or else she dances with becoming grace,
Or fhape excuses the defects of face.
There fwims no goofe fo grey, but, foon or late,
She finds fome honest gander for her mate.
Horfes (thou fay'ft) and affes men may try,
And ring fufpected veffels ere they buy:
But wives, a random choice, untry'd they take,
They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake :
Then, nor till then, the veil's remov'd away,
And all the woman glares in open day.
You tell me, to preserve your wife's good grace,
Your eyes must always languish on my face,
Your tongue with constant flatteries feed my ear,
And tag each sentence with, My life! my dear!
If, by strange chance, a modest blush be rais'd,
Be fure my fine complexion must be prais'd.
My garments always must be new and gay,
And feafts ftill kept upon my wedding-day.
Then must my nurse be pleas'd, and favourite maid;
And endless treats, and endless visits paid,
To a long train of kindred, friends, allies;
All this thou fay'ft, and all thou say'st are lies.
On Jenkin too you caft a fquinting eye :
What! can your 'prentice raise your jealoufy?
Fresh are his ruddy cheeks, his forehead fair,
And like the burnish'd gold his curling hair.
But clear thy wrinkled brow, and quit thy forrow,
I'd fcorn your 'prentice, fhould you die to-morrow.
Why are thy chests all lock'd? on what design?
Are not thy worldly goods and treasure mine?
Sir, I'm no fool: nor fhall you, by St. John,
Have goods and body to yourself alone.
One you fhall quit, in spite of both your eyes-
I heed not, I, the bolts, the locks, the spies.
If had wit, you'd say,
"Go where you will,
you
"Dear spouse, I credit not the tales they tell :
"Take all the freedoms of a married life;
"I know thee for a virtuous, faithful wife.”
Lord! when you have enough, what need you care
How merrily foever others fare?
Though all the day I give and take delight,
Doubt not, fufficient will be left at night.
'Tis but a just and rational defire,
To light a taper at a neighbour's fire.
There's danger too, you think, in rich array,
And none can long be modest that are gay.
The Cat, if you but finge her tabby skin,
The chimney keeps, and fits content within;
But once grown fleek, will from her corner run,
Sport with her tail, and wanton in the fun;
She licks her fair round face, and frisks abroad,
To fhew her fur, and to be catterwaw'd.
Lo thus, my friends, I wrought to my defires
These three right ancient venerable fires.
I told them, thus you fay, and thus you do,
And told them falfe, but Jenkin swore 'twas true.
I, like a dog, could bite as well as whine,
And first complain'd, whene'er the guilt was mine.
I tax'd them oft with wenching and amours,
When their weak legs scarce dragg'd them out of doors
And fwore the rambles that I took by night,'
Were all to spy what damfels they bedight.
That colour brought me many hours of mirth;
For all this wit is given us from our birth.
Heaven gave to women the peculiar grace,
To spin, to weep, and cully human race.
By this nice conduct, and this prudent course,
By murmuring, wheedling, ftratagem, and force,
I still prevail'd, and would be in the right,
Or curtain-lectures made a reftlefs night.
If once my husband's arm was o'er my fide,
What! fo familiar with your spouse? I cry'd:
I levied first a tax upon his need:
Then let him-'twas a nicety indeed!
Let all mankind this certain maxim hold,
Marry who will, our fex is to be fold.
With empty hands no taffels you can lure,
But fulfome love for gain we can endure;
For gold we love the impotent and old,
And heave, and pant, and kiss, and cling, for gold. Yet with embraces, curfes oft I mix'd,
Then kiss'd again, and chid, and rail'd betwixt.
my will in peace, and die,
For not one word in man's arrears am I.
To drop a dear dispute I was unable,
Ev'n though the Pope himself had fat at table.
But when my point was gain'd, then thus I spoke, "Billy, my dear, how fheepishly you look!
Approach, my spouse, and let me kiss thy cheek; "Thou should'st be always thus, refign'd and meek! "Of Job's great patience since so oft you preach, "Well should you practise, who so well can teach. "'Tis difficult to do, I must allow,
“But I, my dearest, will instruc you how.
"Great is the bleffing of a prudent wife,
"Who puts a period to domestic strife.
"One of us two must rule, and one obey;
« And fince in man right reason bears the sway,
"Let that frail thing, weak woman, have her way.
"The wives of all my family have rul'd
“Their tender husbands, and their paffions cool'd.
“Fy, 'tis unmanly thus to figh and groan;
"What! would you have me to yourself alone?
"Why take me, Love! take all and every part!
"Here's your revenge! you love it at your heart. 200
|