venerable tenants of the soil were rooted up, and a parcel of dotted clumps, composed of trumpery shrubs, substituted in their places; I was the more disgusted, when I perceived that by the nonsensical zigzaggery of the road, through which we meandered, I was to keep company with these newfashioned upstarts, through as many parallels as would serve for the regular approaches to a citadel. At one of these turnings, however, 1 caught the glimpse of a well dressed gentleman standing in a very becoming attitude, who I concluded must be the master of the mansion waiting our approach; and, as I perceived he had his hat under his arm, expecting us with great politeness and civility, I instantly took mine from my head, and called to our driver to stop the carriage, for that I perceived Sir Theodore was come out to meet us. My companion was at this time exceedingly busy in directing my attention to the beauties of his son-in-law's improvements, so that I had stopped the chaise before he observed what I was looking at; but how was I surprised to find, in place of Sir Theodore, a leaden statue on a pair of scates painted in a blue and gold coat, with a red waistcoat, whose person, upon closer examination, 1 recollected to have been acquainted with some years ago, amongst the elegant group, which a certain celebrated artist exhibits to the amusement of stage coaches and country waggons, upon their entrance into town at Hyde Park Corner! I was happy to find that this ridiculous mistake, instead of embarrassing my friend, occasioned infinite merriment, and was considered as so good a joke by all the family upon our arrival that I am persuaded it was in the mind of the improver when he placed him there; for the jest was followed up by several other party-coloured personages cast to the life, gentlemen and ladies, who were airing

themselves upon pedestals, to the no small delight of my companion; and though most of these witticisms in lead were of the comic cast, one group, of a mountebank in the act of drawing an old woman's tooth, was calculated to move the contrary passion ; and this I observed was the last in the company, standing in view from the windows of the house, as the moral of the fable. We now entered a Chinese fence through a gate of the same fashion, to the side of which was affixed a board, on which I observed, at some distance, a writing in fair characters; this I suspected to be some classical text, which my lady had set up to impress her visitors with a due respect for her learning, but upon a near approach I found it contained a warning to all interlopers, that men traps and spring guns were concealed in those walks.

In this dangerous defile we were encountered by a servant in livery, who was dispatched in great haste to stop our driver, and desire us to alight, as the gravel was newly laid down, and a late shower had made it very soft; my friend readily obeyed the arrest, but I confess the denunciation of traps and guns were so formidable to my mind that I took no step but with great circumspection and forecast, for fear I was treading on a mine, or touching a spring with my foot, and was heartily glad when I found myself on the steps, though even these I examined with some suspicion before I trusted myself upon them.

As we entered the house, my friend the merchant whispered me, that we were now in my lady's regions; all without doors was Sir Theodore's taste, all within was hers;-but as here a new scene was opened, I shall reserve my account to another paper.

No. V.

OUR visit to Sir Theodore and Lady Thimble being unexpected, we were shown into the common parlour, where this happy couple were sitting over a good fire with a middleaged man of athletic size, who was reposing in an elbow chair, in great state, with his mull in his hand, and with an air so self important, as plainly indicated him to be the dictator of this domestic circle.

When the first salutations were over, lady Thimble gave her orders to the servant, in the style of Lucullus, to prepare The Apollo, declaring herself ashamed to receive a gentleman of talents in any other apartment; I beseeched her to let us remain where we were, dreading a removal from a comfortable fireside to a cold stately apartment, for the season was severe; I was so earnest in my request that Sir Theodore ventured, in the most humble manner, to second my suit; the consequence of which was a smart reprimand, accompanied with one of those expressive looks which ladies of high prerogative in their own houses occasionally bestow to husbands under proper subjection, and I saw with pity the poor gentleman dispatched for his officiousness upon a freezing errand through a great hall, to see that things were set in order, and make report when they were ready. I could not help giving my friend the merchant a significant look upon this occasion; but he prudently kept silence, waiting with great respect the dreadful order of march.

My lady now introduced me to the athletic philosopher in the elbow chair, who condescended to relax one half of his features into a smile, and with a gracious waving of his hand, or rather fist, dismissed me back again to my seat without uttering a

syllable. She then informed me, that she had a treat to give me, which she flattered herself would be a feast entirely to my palate; I assured her ladyship I was always happiest to take the family dinner of my friends, adding, that in truth the sharp air had sufficiently whetted my appetite to recommend much humbler fare than I was likely to find at her table. She smiled at this, and told me, it was the food of the mind that she was about to provide for me: she undertook for nothing else; culinary concerns were not her province; if I was hungry, she hoped there would be something to eat, but for her part, she left the care of her kitchen to those who lived in it. Whilst she was saying this, methought the philosopher gave her a look, that seemed to say

he was of my way of thinking; upon which she rung

the bell, and ordered dinner to be held back for an hour, saying to the philosopher she thought we might have a canto in that time.

She now paused for some time, fixing her eyes upon him in expectation of an answer; but none being given, nor any signal of assent, she rose, and observing that it was surprising to think what Sir Theodore could be about all this while, for she was sure the Apollo must be ready, without more delay bade us follow her: Come, Sir, says she to me, as I passed the great hall with an aching heart and chattering teeth, you shall now have a treat in your own taste; and meeting one of the domestics by the way, bade him tell Calliope to come into the Apollo.

When I set my foot into the room, I was immediately saluted by something like one of those ungenial breezes which travellers inform us have the faculty of putting an end to life and all its cares at a stroke: a fire indeed had been lighted, which poor Sir Theodore was soliciting into a blaze, working the bellows with might and main to little purpose;

for the billets were so wet that Apollo himself, with all his beams, would have been foiled to set them in a flame: the honest gentleman had taken the precaution of opening all the windows, in spite of which no atom of smoke passed up the chimney, but came curling into the room in columns as thick as if a hetacomb had been offering to the shrine of Delphi; indeed this was not much to be wondered at, for I soon discovered that a board had been fixed across the flue of the chimney, which Sir Theodore, in his attention to the bellows, had neglected to observe; I was again the unhappy cause of that poor gentleman's unmerited rebuke, and in terms much severer than before: it was to no purpose he attempted to bring Susan, the housemaid, in for some share of the blame his plea was disallowed; and though I must own it was not the most manly defence in the world, yet, considering the unhappy culprit as the son of a tailor, I thought it not entirely inadmissible.

When the smoke cleared up I discovered a cast of the Belvidere Apollo on a pedestal in a niche at the upper end of the room; but, if we were to judge by the climate, this chamber must have derived its name from Apollo, by the rule of lucus a non lucendo. As soon as we were seated, and Lady Thimble had in some degree composed her spirits, she began to tell me that the treat she had to give me was the rehearsal of part of an epic poem, written by a young lady of seventeen, who was a miracle of genius, and whose talents for composition were so extraordinary that she had written a treatise on female education, whilst she was at the boarding-school, which all the world allowed to be a wonderful work for one of such an early age. There was no escape, for Calliope herself now entered the room, and dinner was put back a full hour for the luxury of hearing a canto of a boarding-school girl's epic poem read by herself

VOL. I.

D