صور الصفحة
PDF
النشر الإلكتروني

nary resolution may support; and by a pretty rapid course of descent. To communicate this result of my experiment was my foremost pur pose. 2dly, as a purpose collateral to this, I wished to explain how it had become impossible for me to compose a Third Part in time to accompany this republication: for during the very time of this experiment, the proof sheets of this reprint were sent to me from London: and such was my inability to expand or to improve them, that I could not even bear to read them over with attention enough to notice the press errors, or to correct any verbal inaccuracies. These were my reasons for troubling my reader with any record, long or short, of experiments relating to so truly base a subject as my own body and I am earnest with the reader that he will not forget them, or so far misapprehend me as to believe it possible that I

would condescend to so rascally a subject for its own sake, or indeed for any less object than that of general benefit to others. Such an animal as the self-observing valetudinarian-I know there is: I have met him myself occasionally: and I know that he is the worst imaginable heautontimoroumenos ; aggravating and sustaining, by calling into distinct consciousness, every symptom that would else perhaps under a different direction given to the thoughts-become evanescent. But as to myself, so profound is my contempt for this undignified and selfish habit, that I could as little condescend to it as I could to spend my time in watching a poor servant girl

to whom at this moment I hear some lad or other making love at the back of my house, Is it for a Transcendental Philosopher to feel any curiosity on such an occasion? Or can I, whose life is worth only

On which last notice I would remark, that mine was too rapid, and the suffering therefore needlessly aggravated: or rather perhaps it was not sufficiently continuous and equably graduated. But, that the reader may judge for himself-and above all that the Opium-eater, who is preparing to retire from business, may have every sort of information before him, I subjoin my diary :

[ocr errors][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][ocr errors][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small]

What mean these abrupt relapses, the reader will ask perhaps, to such numbers as 300 -350, &c.? The impulse to these relapses was mere infirmity of purpose: the motive, where any motive blended with this impulse, was either the principle of “ reculer pour mieux sauter;" (for under the torpor of a large dose, which lasted for a day or two, a less quantity satisfied the stomach-which, on awaking, found itself partly accustomed to this new ration): or else it was this principle-that of sufferings otherwise equal those will be borne best which meet with a mood of anger; now, whenever I ascended to any large dose, I was furiously incensed on the following day, and could then have borne ny thing.

eight and a half years' purchase, be supposed to have leisure for such trivial employments?-However, to put this out of question, I shall say one thing, which will perhaps shock some readers: but I am sure it ought not to do so, considering the motives on which I say it. No man, I suppose, employs much of his time on the phenomena of his own body without some regard for it; whereas the reader sees that, so far from looking upon mine with any complacency or regard, I hate it and make it the object of my bitter ridicule and contempt: and I should not be displeased to know that the last indignities which the law inflicts upon the bodies of the worst malefactors might hereafter fall upon it. And, in testification of my sincerity in saying this, I shall make the following offer. Like other men, I have particular fancies about the place of my burial: having lived chiefly in a mountainous region, I rather cleave to the conceit, that a grave in a green church-yard, amongst the ancient and solitary hills, will be a sublimer and more tranquil place of repose for a philosopher than any in the hideous Golgothas of London. Yet if the gentlemen of Surgeons' Hall think that any benefit can redound to their science from inspecting the appearances in the body of an Opiumeater, let them speak but a word, and I will take care that mine shall be legally secured to them-i. e. as soon as I have done with it myself.

Let them not hesitate to express their wishes upon any scruples of false delicacy, and consideration for my feelings: I assure them they will do me too much honour by demonstrating' on such a crazy body as mine: and it will give me pleasure to anticipate this posthumous revenge and insult inflicted upon that which has caused me so much suffering in this life. Such bequests are not com mon: reversionary benefits contingent upon the death of the testator are indeed dangerous to announce in many cases: of this we have a remarkable instance in the habits of a Roman prince-who used, upon any notification made to him by rich persons, that they had left him a handsome estate in their wills, to express his entire satisfaction at such arrangements, and his gracious acceptance of those loyal legacies: but then, if the testators neglected to give him immediate possession of the property, if they traitorously "persisted in living' (si vivere perseverarent, as Suetonius expresses it), he was highly provoked, and took his measures accordingly. Inthose times, and from one of the worst of the Cæsars, we might expect such conduct: but I am sure that from English surgeons at this day I need look for no expressions of impatience, or of any other feelings, but such as are answerable to that pure love of science and all its interests, which induces me to make such an offer. Sept. 30, 1822.

PRESENTIMENT: A FRAGMENT.

Ir a man has a little child to whom he bows his heart and stretches forth his arins-if he has an only son, or a little daughter-with her sweet face and innocent hands, with her mother's voice, only louder-and her mother's eyes, only brighter, let him go and caress them while they are his, for the dead possess nothing. Let him put fondness in his breath while it is with him, and caress his babes as if they would be fatherless, and blend his fingers with their glossy hair, as if it were a frail, frail gossamer. And if he be away, let him hasten homeward with his impatient spirit before him, plotting kisses for

[ocr errors]

their lips: but if he be far distant, let him read my story, and weep, and utter fond breath, kissing the words before they go, wishing that they could reach his children's ear. And yet let him be glad; for though he is beyond seas he is still near them while Death is behind him-for the greater distance swallows the less. And the wings of angels may waft his love to their far-away thoughts, silently, like the whisperings of their own spirits while they weep for their father.

It was in the days of my bitterness, when care had bewildered me, and the feverish strife of this world had

vexed me till I was mad, that I went into a little land of graves, and there wept; for my sorrow was deep unto darkness, and I could not win friendship by friendship, nor love, though it still loved me, but in heaven for it was purer than the pure air, and had floated up to God. And I sat down upon a tombstone with my unburied grief, and wondered what that earth contained, of joy and misery, and triumph long past, and pride lower than nettles,—and how old love was joined to love again, and hate was gone to hate. For there were many monuments, with sunshine on one side and shade on the other, like life and death; with black frowning letters upon their white bright faces; and through those letters one might hear the dead speaking silently and slow, for there was much meaning in those words and mysteries which Jong thought could not fathom. And there was dust upon those flat dwell ings, which I kissed, for lips like it were there, and eyes where much love had been, and cheeks that had warmed the sunshine. But the dust was gone in a breath, and so were they; and the wind brought shadows that passed and passed incessantly over that land of graves, which you might strive to stay, but could not, even as the dead had passed away and been missed in the after bright

ness.

Thus I buried my thoughts with the dead, and, as I sat unconsciously, I heard the sound of young sweet voices, and, looking up, I saw two little children coming up the path. The lambs lifted up their heads as they passed, and gazed; but fed again without stirring, for there was nothing to fear from such innocent looks and so gentle voices; there was even a melancholy in their tone which does not belong to childhood. The eldest was a young boy, very fair and gentle, with a little hand linked to his; and, by his talk, it seemed that he had brought his sister, to show her where her poor father lay, and to talk about Death. Their lips seemed too rosy and tender to utter his dreadful name,-but the word was empty to them, and unmeaning as the sound of a shell, for they knew him not, that he had kissed them before they were born or breathed, and would again when the

time came. So they approached, dew-dabbled, and struggling through the long-tangled weeds, to a new grave, and stood before it, and gazed on its record, like the ignorant sheep, without reading. They did not see their father, but only a little mound of earth, with strange grass and weeds; and they looked and looked again, and at each other, with whisp ers in their eyes, and listened, till the flowers dropped from their forgotten hands. And when I saw how rosy they were in that black, which only made them the more rosy, and their bright curly hair that had no proud hand to part it, I thought of the yearnings of disembodied love, and invisible agony that had no voice, till methought their father's spirit passed into mine, and burned, and gazed through my eyes upon his children. They had not yet seemed to notice me, but only that silent grave; and, looking more and more sadly, their eyes filled with large tears, and their lips drooped, and their heads sunk so mournfully and so comfortless, that my own grief rushed into my eyes and hid them from me. And I said inwardly, I will be their father, and wipe their blue eyes, and win their sorrowful cheeks into dimples, for they are very fair, and young-too young for this stormy life. I will watch them through the wide world, for it is a cruel place, where the tenderest are most torn, because they are tenderest, and the most beautiful are most blighted. Therefore this little one shall be my daughter, that I may gather her for heaven as my best deed upon earth; and this young boy shall be my son, to share my blessing when I die, that God in that time may so deal with my own offspring. For I feel a misgiving that I shall soon die, and that my own little ones will come to my grave and weep over me, even as these poor orphans. Oh! how shall I leave them to the care of the careless-to the advice of the winds-to the home of the wide world?—and, as I thought of this, the full tears dropped from my eyes, and I saw again the two children. They were still there and weeping: but as I looked at them more earnestly, I perceived that they were altered, or my sight changed, so that I knew their faces. I knew them-for I had

seen them in very infancy, and through all their growth; in sickness when I prayed over them-and in slumber, when I had watched over them till I almost wept, they were so beautiful! I had kissed, how often! those very cheeks, blushing my own blood, and had breathed blessings upon their glossy brows, and had pressed their little hands in ecstacies of anxious love. They also knew me; but there was an older grief in their looks than had ever been:-and why had they come to me in that place, and in black, so sad and so speechless, and with flowers so withering? but they only shook their heads and wept. Then I trembled exceedingly, and stretched out my arms to embrace them, but there was nothing between me and the tombstone where they had seemed; yet they still gazed at me from behind it, and further and still further as I followed, till they stood upon the verge of the church-yard. Then I saw, in the sunshine, that they were shadowless; and, as they raised their hands in the light, that no blood was in them; and as I moved still closer they slowly turned into trees, and hills, and pale blue sky, that had been in the distance. Still I gazed where they had been, and the sky seemed full of them; but there were only clouds; and the shadows on the earth were merely shadows, and the rustling was the rustling of the sheep. I saw them no more. They were gone from me, as if for ever:-but I knew that this was my warning, and wept, forit came to me through my own children in all its bitterness. I felt that I should leave them as I had foretold their hearts, and lips, and sweet voices, to one another, to be their own comfort; for I knew that such grief is prophetic of grief, and that angels so minister to man, and that death thus converses in spirit with his elect. So I spread my arms to the world in farewell, and weaned my eyes from all things that had been pleasant on the earth, and would be so after me, and prepared myself for her ready bosom., And I said, now I will go home, and kiss my children before I die, and put a life's love into my last hour; for I must hasten while my thoughts are with me, lest I madden, and perhaps wrong them in my delirium, and spurn their sorrowful love, and curse them, instead of

blessing, with a fierce strange voice. Thus I hurried towards them, faster and faster, till I ran; but as my desire increased, my strength failed me, so that I wished for my death-bed, and threw myself down on a green hill, under the shade of trees that almost hid the sky with their intri cate branches. And as I lay, the thought of death came over me as death, with a deep gloom like the shade of a darkened chamber, and blinded me to the trees, and the sky, and the grass, that were round me. But a pale light came, as I thought, through the pierced shutters, and I saw by it strange and familiar faces full of grief, and eyes that watched mine for the last look, and tiptoe figures, gliding silently with clasped hands-and a woman that chafed my feet; and as she seemed to chafe them, she turned to shake her head, and tears gushed into all eyes as if they had been one, so that I seemed drowned, and could see nothing, except their shadows in the light of my own spirit. In that moment, I heard the cries of my children, calling to me, fainter and fainter, as if they died and I could not save them; and I tried to stay them, but my tongue was lifeless in my mouth, and my breath seemed locked up in my bo som; and I thought, surely I now die, and the last of my soul is in my ears, for I still hear, though I see not: but the voices were soon drowned in a noise like the rushing of waters, for the blood was strug gling through my heart, slower and slower, till it stopped, and I turned so cold, that I felt the burning of the air upon me, and the scalding of unknown tears. Yet for a moment the light returned to me, with those mourners, for they were already in black, even their faces; but they turned darker and darker, and whirled round into one shade, till it was utterly dark; and as my breath went forth, the air pressed heavy upon me, so that I seemed buried, and in my deep grave, and suffering the pain of worms till I was all consumed and no more conscious. Thus I lay for unknown time, and without thoughtand again awakening I saw a dark figure bending over me, and felt him grasp me till I ached in all my bones. Then I asked him if he was Death or an Angel, and if he had brought me

wings? for I could not see plainly :but as my senses returned, I knew an intimate friend and neighbour, and recognised the sound of his voice. He had thus found me, he said, in passing, and had seen me faint, and had recovered me, but not till he had almost wrung the blood from my fingers; and he inquired the cause of my distress. So I thanked him, and told him of my vision, and he tried to comfort me; but I knew that the angels of my children had told me truly, and the more so, for this shadow of death that I had passed; and feeling that my hour was near, and recollecting my home, I endeavoured to rise. But my strength was gone, and I fell backwards; till fear, which had first taken away my strength, restored it tenfold, and I descended the hill, and hurried onwards before my friend, who could not keep up with me. When I had gone a little way, however, the road was of deep sand, so that I grew impatient of my steps, and wished for the speed of a horse that I heard galloping before me. Even as I heard it, the horse suddenly turned an angle of the road, and came running with all the madness of fright, plunging, and scattering the loose sand from his fiery heels. As he came nearer, I thought I saw a rider upon his back:-it was only fancy-but he looked like Death, and very terrible, for I knew that he was coming to tear me and trample me under his horse's hoofs, and carry me

away for ever, so that I should never see my children again. At that thought my soul fainted within me without his touch, and my breath went from me, so that I could not stir even from Death, though he came nearer and nearer, and I could see him frown through the black tossing mane. In a moment he was

close the wild foaming horse struck at me with his furious heels, so that the loose sand flew up in my bosom;→ reared his head disdainfully, and flew past me with the rush of a whirlwind. The Fiend grinned upon me as he passed, and tossed his arms in an ecstacy of triumph; but he left me untouched, and the noise soon died away behind me. Then a warm joy trembled over my limbs, and I hurried forward again with an hour's hope of life. My heart's beat quickened my feet, and I soon reached the corner where I had first seen the horse, but there I stopped-it was only a low moan-but my heart stopped with it. In another throb I was with my children, and in another

they were with God. I saw their eyes before they closed-but my son's

How it happened I have never asked, or have forgotten; I only know that I had children, and that they are dead. Now I have only their angels: they still visit me in the church-yard; but their eyes are closed, and their little locks drop blood:-they still shrink, and faint, and fade awaybut still I die not! INCOG.

ON THE LIFE AND WRITINGS OF

ERASMUS DARWIN.

IN CONTINUATION OF DR. JOHNSON'S LIVES OF THE POETS. ERASMUS, the seventh child and fourth son of Robert Darwin, Esq. by his wife, Elizabeth Hill, was born at Elston, near Newark, in Nottinghamshire, on the 12th of Dec. 1731. He was educated at the Grammar school of Chesterfield, in Derbyshire, under the Rev. Mr. Burrows, and from thence sent to St. John's College, Cambridge, where he had for his tutor Dr. Powell, afterwards Master of the College, to whose learning and goodness, Mason, another of his pupils, has left a testimony in one of his ear

liest poems.

After proceeding Bachelor in Medicine at Cambridge, Darwin went to Edinburgh, in order to pursue his studies in that science to more advantage. When he had been there long enough to entitle him to the degree of Doctor in Medicine, he quitted Edinburgh, and began his practice at Nottingham, but soon after (in 1756) removed to Lichfield. In the following year he married Mary, daughter of Charles Howard, Esq. a proctor in the Ecclesiastical Court of Lichfield. He was very soon distinguished for his professional skill. The first

« السابقةمتابعة »