Sir G. That vessel never can unsuccessful prove, Whose freight is beauty, and whose pilot's love. [Exeunt, with Miranda. Mar. Tyty ti, tyty ti. (Steals off the other way.) Re-enter SIR GEORGE. Sir G. Marplot! Marplot! Mar. (Entering.) Here! I was coming, Sir George. [Exeunt. ACT V. SCENE I.-A Room in Sir Francis Gripe's House. Enter MIRANDA, PATCH, and SCENTWELL. Mir. Well, Patch, I have done a strange bold thing; my fate is determined, and expectation is no more. Now to avoid the impertinence and roguery of an old man, I have thrown myself into the extravagance of a young one; if he should despise, slight, or use me ill, there's no remedy from a husband but the grave, and that's a terrible sanctuary to one of my age and constitution. Patch. Oh! fear not, madam; you'll find your account in Sir George Airy; it is impossible a man of sense should use a woman ill, endued with beauty, wit, and fortune. It must be the lady's fault if she does not wear the unfashionable name of wife easy, when nothing but complaisance and good humour is requisite on either side to make them happy. Mir. I'long till I am out of this house, lest an accident should bring my guardian back. Scentwell, put my best jewels into the little casket, slip them into thy pocket, and let us march off to Sir Jealous. Scent. It shall be done, madam. [Exit. Patch. Sir George will be impatient, madam. If their plot succeeds, we shall be well received; if not, he will be able to protect us. Besides, I long to know how my young lady fares. Mir. Farewell, old Mammon, and thy detested walls! "Twill be no more sweet Sir Francis! I shall be compelled to the odious task of dissembling no longer to get my own, and coax him with the wheedling names of my precious, my dear, dear gardy! O heavens! Enter SIR FRANCIS GRIPE. Sir F. Ah, my sweet chargy! don't be frighted; (She starts.) but thy poor gardy has been abused, cheated, fooled, betrayed; but nobody knows by whom. Mir. Undone, past redemption. (Aside.) Sir F. What won't you speak to me, chargy? Mir. I am so surprised with joy to see you, I know not what to say. Sir F. Poor dear girl! But do you know that my son, or some such rogue, to rob or murder me, or both, contrived this journey? for upon the road I met my neighbour Squeezum well, and coming to town. Mir. Good lack, good lack! what tricks are there in this world! Re-enter SCENTWELL, with a diamond necklace in her hand, not seeing Sir Francis. Scent. Madam, be pleased to tie this necklace on, for I can't get in to the-(Seeing Sir Francis.) Mir. The wench is a fool, I think! Could you not have carried it to be mended without putting it in the box. Sir F. What's the matter? Mir. Only, dearee,-I bid her, I bid her-Your ill-usuage has put every thing out of my head. But won't you go, gardy, and find out these fellows, and have them punished, aud, and— Sir F. Where should I look for them, child? Mir. I must get him out of the house. Now assist me, fortune! (Aside.) Sir F. Mrs. Patch! I profess I did not see you: repent leaving my chargy? how dost thou do, Mrs. Patch? Well, don't you Patch. Yes, every body must love her; but I come now-Madam, what did I come for? my invention is at the last ebb. (Aside to Miranda.) Sir F. Nay, never whisper, tell me. Mir. She came, dear gardy! to invite me to her lady's wedding, and you shall go with me, gardy; 'tis to be done this moment, to a Spanish merchant. Old sir Jealous keeps on his humour: the first minute he sees her, the next he marries her. sight of matrimony would tempt chargy to perform Sir F. Ha, ha, ha, ha! I'd go if I thought the her promise. There was a smile, there was a conmillion! 'Ods-precious! I am happier than the senting look, with those pretty twinklers, worth a great mogul, the emperor of China, or all the poit, make me leap out of my skin. tentates that are not in the wars. Speak, confirm Mir. When one has resolved, 'tis in vain to stand shilly-shally. If ever I marry, positively this is my wedding-day. beget a son the first night shall disinherit that dog Sir F. Oh! happy, happy man. Verily, I will Charles. I have estate enough to purchase a barony, and be the immortalizing the whole family of the Gripes. to this house of Hymen. My choice is fixed, let good or ill betide; [Exeunt. Sir J. Ha! Signior Babinetto! admit 'em instantly, joyful minute; I'll have my daughter married to-night. Enter CHARLES, in a Spanish habit, with SIR GEORGE AIRY, dressed like a merchant. Senhor, beso las manos: vuestra merced es muy bien venido en esta tierra. Charles. Senhor, soy muy humi lde, y muy obligado cryado de vuestra merced: mi padre embia a vuestra merced, los mas profondos de sus respetos; y a commissionado este mercadel Ingles, de shombre del mundo, haziendo me su yerno. concluyr un negocio, que me haze el mas dichos Sir J. I am glad on't, for I find I have lost much of my Spanish. Sir, I am your most humble servant. Signior Don Diego Babinetto has informed me that you are commissioned by Signior Don Pedro, &c. his worthy father Sir G. To see an affair of marriage consummated between a daughter of yours and Signior Diego Babinetto his son here. True, sir, such a trust is reposed in me, as that letter will inform you. I hope it will pass upon him. (Aside.) (Gives him a letter.) Sir J. Ay, 'tis is hand. (Seems to read.) Re-enter SIR JEALOUS TRAFFICK, dragging in Sir G. Good, you have counterfeited to a nicety, Charles. (Aside to Charles.) Sir J. Sir, I find by this that you are a man of honour and probity; I think, sir, he calls you Meanwell. Sir G. Meanwell is my name, sir. Sir J. A very good name, and very significant. For to mean well is to be honest, and to be honest is the virtue of a friend, and a friend is the delight and support of human society. Sir G. You shall find that I'll discharge the part of a friend in what I have undertaken, sir Jealous. Therefore, sir, I must entreat the presence of your fair daughter, and the assistance of your chaplain; for Signior Don Pedro strictly enjoined me to see the marriage rites performed as soon as we should arrive, to avoid the accidental overtures of Venus. Sir J. Overtures of Venus! Sir G. Ay, sir; that is those little hawking females, that traverse the park and the playhouse to put off their damaged ware; they fasten upon foreigners like leeches, and watch their arrival as carefully as the Kentish men do a shipwreck: I warrant you they have heard of him already. Sir J. Nay, know this town swarms with them. Sir G. Ay, and then you know the Spaniards are naturally amorous, but very constant; the first face fixes 'em; and it may be very dangerous to let him ramble ere he is tied. Sir J. Pat to my purpose. Well, sir, there is but one thing more, and they shall be married instantly. Charles. Pray heaven that one thing more won't spoil all. (Aside.) ISABINDA. Sir J. Come along, you stubborn beggage, you! come along. Isa. Oh hear me, sir, hear me but speak one word; Do not destroy my everlasting peace; Isa. Let this posture move your tender nature. (Kneels.) For ever will I hang upon these knees, Sir J. Did you ever see such a perverse slut? Could I suspect that falsehood in my heart, Sir J. Falsehood! why, who the devil are you in love with? Don't provoke me, for by St. Jago I shall beat you, housewife. Sir G. Sir Jealous, you are too passionate. Give me leave, I'll try by gentle words to work her to your purpose. Sir J. I pray do, Mr. Meanwell, I pray do; she'll break my heart. (Weeps.) There is in that casket, jewels of the value of three thousand pounds, which were her mother's, and a paper, wherein I have settled one half of my estate upon her now, and the whole when I die, but provided she marSir J. Don Pedro wrote me word, in his lastries this gentleman, else by St. Jago, I'll turn her but one, that he designed the sum of five thousand crowns by way of jointure for my daughter, and that it should be paid into my hand upon the day of marriage Charles. Oh, the devil! (Aside.) Sir J. In order to lodge it in some of our funds in case she should become a widow, and return to England. Sir G. Plague on't! this is an unlucky turn. What shall I say? (Aside.) Sir J. And he does not mention one word of it in this letter. Sir G. Humph! True, sir Jealous, he told me such a thing, but, but, but, but-he, be, be, he-he did not imagine that you would insist upon the very day; for, for, for, for money, you know, is dangerous returning by sea, an, an, an— Charles. Zounds! say we have brought it in commodities. (Aside to Sir G.) Sir G. And so, sir, he has sent it in merchandize; tobacco, sugars, spices, lemons, and so forth, which shall be turned into money with all expedition; in the mean time, sir, if you please to accept of my bond for performance Sir J. It is enough, sir; I am so pleased with the countenance of Signior Diego, and the harmony of your name, that I'll take your word, and will fetch my daughter this moment. Within there! out of doors to beg or starve. Tell her this, Mr. Meanwell, pray do. Sir G. Ha! this is beyond expectation. (Aside.) Trust to me, sir, I'll lay the dangerous consequence of disobeying you at this juncture before her, I warrant you. Come, madam, do not blindly cast your life away just in the moment you would wish to save it. Isa. Pray cease your trouble, sir: I have no wish but death to free me from this hated Spaniard. If you are his friend, inform him what I say. Sir G. Suppose this Spaniard, which you strive to shun, should be the very man to whom you'd fly? Isa. Ha! Sir G. Would you not blame your rash resolve, and curse your eyes that would not look on Charles ? Isa. On Charles! Where is he? (Rises.) Sir G. Hold, hold, hold. 'Sdeath! madam, you'll ruin all. Your father believes him to be signior Babinetto. Compose yourself a little, pray madam. (He runs to Sir Jealous.) She begins to hear reason, sir; the fear of being turned out of doors has yield; I see it in her face. done it. Speak gently to her, sir; I'm sure she'll Sir J. Well, Isabinda, can you refuse to bless a father whose only care is to make you happy. Isa. Oh, sir! do with me what you please; I am all obedience. Sir J. And wilt thou love him? Enter Servant. Serv. Sir, here is Mr. Tackum. Sir J. Shew him into the parlour. [Exit Servant.] Senhor tome vind sueipora; cette momento les junta les manos. (Gives her to Charles.) Charles. Senhor, yo la recibo como se deve un tesora tan grande. (Embraces her.) Enter a Servant of Sir Jealous Traffick's to him out of the house. Harkye, sir, do you belong to this house? Serv. Yes, sir. Mar. Isn't your name Richard? Serv. No, sir; Thomas. Sir J. Why, who are you then, sir? and what do you want? Mar. Nay nothing at all, not I, sir. Plague on him! I wish I were out; he begins to exalt his voice! I shall be beaten again. (Aside.) Sir J. Nothing at all, sir! Why then what business have you in my house, ha? Serv. You said you wanted a gentleman in a Spanish habit. Mar. Why ay, but his name is neither Babinetto nor Meanwell. Sir J. What is his name then, sirrah? Ha! now that threatened me with half a dozen myrmidonsI look at you again, I believe you are the rogue Mar. Me, sir! I never saw your face in all my life before. Sir J. Speak, sir; who is it you look for? or, or Mar. A terrible old dog! (A side.) Why, sir, only an honest young fellow of my acquaintanceI thought that there might be a ball, and that he might have been here in a masquerade. 'Tis Mar. Oh, ay, Thomas. Well, Thomas, there's Charles, Sir Francis Gripe's son,--because I know a shilling for you. Serv. "Thank you, sir. Mar. Pray, Thomas, can you tell if there be a gentleman in it in a Spanish habit? Ser. There's a Spanish gentleman within, that is just a-going to marry my young lady, sir. Mar. Are you sure he is a Spanish gentleman? Serv. I'm sure he speaks no English that I hear of. Mar. Then that can't be him I want, for 'tis an English gentleman that I inquire after; he may be dressed like a Spaniard, for aught I know. Serv. Ha! who knows but this may be an impostor? I'll inform my master, for if he should be imposed upon, he'll beat us all round. (Aside.) Pray come in, sir, and see if this be the person you inquire for. Mar. Ay, I'll follow you. Now for it. [Exeunt into the house. SCENE IV.-The Inside of the house. Enter MARPLOT, and Servant. Serv. Sir, please to stay here; I'll send my master to you. (Exit. Mar. So this was a good contrivance. If this be Charles now, he will wonder how I found him out. Re-enter Servant, and SIR JEALOUS TRAFFICK. Sir J. What is your earnest business, blockhead! that you must speak to me before the ceremony's past! Ha! who's this? Serv. Why this gentleman, sir, wants another gentleman in a Spanish habit he says. Sir J. In a Spanish habit! 'tis some friend of Signior Don Diego's, I warrant. (Aside.) Sir, your servant. he used to come hither sometimes. Sir J. Did he so?-Not that I know of, I'm sure. Pray heaven that this be Don Diego. If I should be tricked now-Ha! my heart misgives me plaguily. Within there! stop the marriage. Run, sirrah, call all my servants! I'll be satisfied daughter. that this is Signior Pedro's son ere he has my Mar. Ha! Sir George! what have I done now? Enter SIR GEORGE AIRY, with a drawn sword. Sir G. Ha! Marplot here! oh! the unlucky dog! What's the matter Sir Jealous? Sir J. Nay, I don't know the matter, Mr. Meanwell. Mar. Upon my soul, Sir George- (Going up to Sir George.) Sir J. Nay then, I'm betrayed, ruined, undone. Thieves, traitors, rogues! (Offers to go in.) Stop the marriage, I say Sir G. I say go on, Mr. Tackum-Nay, no entering here; I guard this passage, old gentleman: the act and the deed were both your own, and I'll see them signed, or die for't. Enter Servant. Sir J. A plague on the act and deed!-Fall on, sir, knock him down. Sir G. Ay, come on, scoundrels! I'll prick your jackets for you. Sir J. Zounds! sirrah, I'll be revenged on you. (Beats Marplot.) Sir G. Ay, there your vengeance is due. Ha, ha! Mar. Why, what do you beat me for? I han't married your daughter. Sir J. Rascals! why don't you knock him down? Serv. We are afraid of his sword, sir; if you'll take that from him, we'll knock him down presently. Enter CHARLES and ISABINDA. Sir J. Seize her, then. Charles. Rascals, retire, she's my wife; touch her if you dare; I'll make dogs'-meat of you. Mar. Ay, I'll make dogs'-meat of you, rascals. Sir J. Ah! downright English.-Oh, oh, oh, oh ! Enter SIR FRANCIS GRIPE, and MIRANDA. Sir F. Into the house of joy we enter without knocking.-Ha! I think 'tis the house of sorrow, Sir Jealous. Sir J. Oh, Sir Francis, are you come? What! was this your contrivance, to abuse, trick, and chouse me out of my child? Sir F. My contrivance! what do you mean? Sir F. How! my son in a Spanish habit! Sirrah, you'll come to be hanged. Get out of my sight, ye dog! get out my sight. Sir J. Get out of your sight, sir! get out with your bags. Let's see what you'll give him now to maintain my daughter on. Sir F. Give him! he shall never be the better for a penny of mine; and you might have looked after your daughter better, Sir Jealous. Tricked, quotha! Egad, I think you design to trick me : but look ye, gentlemen, I believe I shall trick you both. This lady is my wife, do you see, and my estate shall descend only to her children. Sir G. I shall be extremely obliged to you, sir Francis. Sir F. Ha, ha, ha, ha! poor Sir George! does not your hundred pounds stick in your stomach? ha, ha, ha! Sir G. No faith, Sir Francis, this lady has given me a cordial for that. (Takes her by the hand.) Sir F. Hold, sir, you have nothing to say to this lady. sir. Sir G. Nor you nothing to do with my wife, Sir F. Wife, sir! Mir. Ay, really, guardian, 'tis even so. I hope you'll forgive my first offence. Sir F. What, have you choused me out of my consent and your writings then, mistress, ha? Mir. Out of nothing but my own, guardian. Sir J. Ha, ha, ha! 'tis some comfort at least to see you are over-reached as well as myself. you settle your estate upon your son now. Sir F. He shall starve first. tress? 'Egad, I'll make you restore 'em-bussy, I will so. Sir J. Take care I don't make you pay the arrears, sir. 'Tis well 'tis no worse, since 'tis no better. Come, young man, seeing thou hast outwitted me, take her, and bless you both! Charles. I hope, sir, you'll bestow your blessing too; 'tis all I ask. (Kneels.) Mar. Do, gardy, do. Sir F. Confound you all! [Exit. Mar. Mercy upon us, how he looks! Sir G. Ha, ha, ha! never mind his curses, Charles; thou'lt thrive not one jot the worse for 'em. Since this gentleman is reconciled, we are all made happy: Sir J. I always loved precaution, and took care to avoid dangers; but when a thing was past, I ever had philosophy to be easy. Charles. Which is the true sign of a great soul. I loved your daughter, and she me, and you shall have no reason to repent her choice. Isa. You will not blame me, sir, for loving my own country best. Mar. So, here's every body happy, I find, but poor Pilgarlick. I wonder what satisfaction I shall have for being cuffed, kicked, and beaten in your service! Sir J. I have been a little too familiar with you as things are fallen out; but since there's no help for it, you must forgive me. Mar. 'Egad I think so; but provided that you be not so familiar for the future. Sir G. Thou hast been an unlucky rogue. Charles. That I'll vouch for, and freely forgive thee. Sir G. And I'll do you one piece of service Willmore, Marplot; I'll take care Sir Francis makes you master of your estate. Mir. That I have taken care to prevent. There, sir, are the writings of your uncle's estate, which have been your due these three years. (Gives Charles papers.) Charles. I shall study to deserve this favour. Mar. Now, how the devil could she get those writings, and I know nothing of it? Sir F. What, have you robbed me too, mis Mar. That will make me as happy as any of you. Sir J. Now let us in, and refresh ourselves with a cheerful glass, in which we'll bury all animosities; and By my example let all parents move, And never strive to cross their childen's love; [Exeunt. Of jubilee, cajollery; That you may say, Dood. Oh! 'tis a day, &c. Dood. Sure, such a day, &c. Nood. Courtiers so gay, &c. Dood. Yes, Noodle, yes; to-day the mighty Returns triumphant. Captive giants swarm I go. Dood. And I also, to offer my petition. Nood. Doodle, do. SCENE II.-Inside of the Palace. [Exeunt. KING ARTHUR and QUEEN DOLBALOLLA seated Dood. (Kneeling.) Dread liege, (Kisses her.) King. (Kicks it away.) Petition me no petitions, sir, to day; To-day it is our pleasure to be drunk, And this our queen shall be as drunk as we. failers! Let's have a row, and get as drunk as tailors. |