swears with me; in short, we are as like one another as a couple of guineas.

Col. S. Now that I have raised you to the highest pinnacle of vanity, will I give you so mortifying a fall, as shall dash your hopes to pieces. I pray your honour to peruse these papers. (Gives him the packet.) [ment, Colonel? Sir H. What is't, the muster-roll of your regiCol. S. No, no; 'tis a list of your forces in your last love campaign; and, for your comfort, all disbanded.

Sir H. Pr'ythee, good metaphorical Colonel, what d'ye mean?

Col. S. Read, sir, read; these are the sybil's leaves, that will unfold your destiny.

Sir H. So it be not a false deed to cheat me of my estate, what care I? (Opening the packet.) Humph! my hand! To the Lady Lurewell-To the Lady Lurewell-To the Lady Lurewell. What the devil hast thou been tampering with, to conjure up these spirits?

Col. S. A certain familiar of your acquaintance, sir. Read, read.

Sir H. (Reads.) “Madam, my passion—so natural-your beauty contending force of charmsmankind-eternal admirer, WILDAIR."-I never was ashamed of my name before.

Col. S. What, Sir Harry Wildair out of humour! ha, ha, ha! Poor Sir Harry! more glory in her smile than in the jubilee at Rome, ha, ha, ha! But, then, her foot, Sir Harry; she dances to a miracle! ha, ha, ha! Fie, Sir Harry, a man of your parts write letters not worth keeping. What sayest thou, my dear knight errant? Ha, ha, ha! you may seek adventures now, indeed.

Sir H. (Sings.) "No, no, let her wander," &c. Col. S. You are jilted to some tune, sir; blown up with false music, that's all.

Sir H. Now, why should I be angry that a woman is a woman? Since inconstancy and falsehood are grounded in their natures, how can they help it? Col. S. Then they must be grounded in your nature; for she's a rib of you, Sir Harry.

Sir H. Here's a copy of verses, too; I must turn poet in the devil's name. Stay-'Sdeath, what's here? This is her hand-Oh! the charming characters! (Reads.) “My dear Wildair-That's I, egad!-this huff bluff Colonel-that's he-is the rarest fool in nature-the devil he is!—and as such, have I used him-with all my heart, faith!—I had no better way of letting you know that I lodged in St. James's.-LUREWELL." Colonel, I am your most humble servant.

Col. S. Hold! sir, you sha'n't go yet; I ha'n't delivered half my message.

Sir H. Upon my faith, but you have, Colonel. Col. S. Well, well, own your spleen; out with it, I know you're likely to burst.

Sir H. I am so, egad! ha, ha, ha! (Laugh, and point at one another.)

Col. S. Ay, with all my heart, ha, ha! Well, well, that's forced, Sir Harry.

Sir H. I was never better pleased in all my life, by Jupiter.

Col. S. Well, Sir Harry, 'tis prudence to bide your concern, when there's no help for't. But, to be serious now. The lady has sent you back all your papers there. I was so just as not to look upon them.

Sir H. I'm glad on't, sir; for there were some things that I would not have you see.

Col. S. All this she has done for my sake, and I desire you would decline any farther pretensions for your own sake. So, honest, good-natured Sir Harry, I'm your humble servant. [Exit. Sir H. Ha, ha, ha! poor Colonel! Oh! the delight of an ingenious mistress! what a life and briskness it adds to an amour, like the loves of mighty Jove, still suing in different shapes. A legerdemain mistress, who, præsto! pass! and she's

vanished, then eh! in an instant, in your arms
again. (Going.)

Enter VIZARD.
Viz. Well met, Sir Harry; what news from the
Island of Love?

Sir H. Faith, we make but a broken voyage by your chart; but now I am bound for another port: I told you the Colonel was my rival.

Viz. The Colonel! curs'd misfortune! another! (Aside.)

Sir H. But the civilest in the world; he brought me word where my mistress lodges: the story's too long to tell you now, for I must fly.

Viz. What! have you given over all thoughts of Angelica?

Sir H. No, no; I'll think of her some other time. But now for the Lady Lurewell; wit and beauty calls.

That mistress ne'er can pall her lover's joys, Whose wit can whet, whene'er her beauty cloys. Her little amorous frauds all truths excel; And make us happy, being deceiv'd so well. [Exit. Viz. The Colonel my rival, too! how shall I ma age? There is but one way: him and the knight will I set a tilting, where one cuts t'other's throat, and the survivor's hanged: so there will be two [Exit. rivals pretty decently disposed of.

SCENE IV.-Lady Lurewell's Lodgings. LADY LUREWELL and PARLEY. Lady L. Has my servant brought me the money from my merchant?

Par. No, madam; be met Alderman Smuggler at Charing-cross, who has promised to wait on you himself immediately.

tend to love me; and, at the same time, cheat me Lady L. 'Tis odd that this old rogue should preof my money.

Par. 'Tis well, madam, if he don't cheat you of your estate; for you say the writings are in his hands.

Lady L. But what satisfaction can I get of him? Oh! here he comes.

Enter ALDERMAN SMUGGLER. Mr. Alderman, your servant; have you brought me any money, sir?

Ald. S. Faith, madam, trading is very dead; what with paying the taxes, raising the customs, losses at sea abroad, and maintaining our wives at home, the bank is reduced very low.

Lady L. Come, come, sir, these evasions won't serve your turn; I must have money, sir. I hope you don't design to cheat me.

Ald. S. Cheat you, madam! have a care what you say: I'm an alderman, madam! Cheat you, madam! I have been an honest citizen these liveand-thirty years!

Lady L. An honest citizen! bear witness, Par ley. I shall trap him in more lies presently.Come, sir, though I am a woman, I can take a

course.

Ald. S. What course, madam? You'll go to law, will ye? I can maintain a suit of law, be it right or wrong, these forty years, I am sure of that, thanks to the honest practice of the courts. But, madam, I have brought you about a hundred and fifty guineas, (a great deal of money as times go) and

Lady L. Come, give 'em me.

Ald. S. Ah! that hand, that hand, that pretty soft, white-I have brought it, you see; but the condition of the obligation is such, that whereas that leering eye, that pouting lip, that pretty soft hand, that-you understand me; you understand, I am sure you do, you little rogue!

Lady L. Here's a villain, now, so covetous, that he would bribe me with my own money. I'll be revenged. Well, Mr. Alderman, you have such pretty winning ways, that I will, ha, ha, ha!

Ald. S. Will you, indeed, he, he he! my little coquette, and when? and where? and how?

Lady L. "Twill be a difficult point, sir, to secure both our honours; you must therefore be disguised, Mr. Alderman.

Ald. S. Psha! I'm disguised as I am; our sanctity is all outside, all hypocrisy.

Lady L. No man is seen to come into this house after night-fall; you must therefore sneak in, when 'tis dark, in woman's clothes.

Ald. S. With all my heart. I have a suit on purpose, my little coquette: I love to be disguised; I make a very handsome woman.

Enter a Servant, who whispers Lady L. and exit. Lady L. Oh! Mr. Alderman, shall I beg you to walk into the next room? here are some strangers coming up.

Ald. S. Buss and guinea first.

Enter SIR HARRY WILDAIR.

[Exit.

Sir H. My life, my soul, my all that heaven can give!

Lady L. "Death's life with thee, without thee, death to live."

Welcome, my dear Sir Harry! I see you got my directions.

Sir H. Directions! In the most charming manner, thou dear Machiavel of intrigue.

Lady L. Still brisk and airy, I find, Sir Harry. Sir H. The sight of you, madam, exalts my air, and makes joy lighten in my face.

Lady L. I have a thousand questions to ask you, Sir Harry. What gallantries are carrying on in the beau monde?

Sir H. I should ask you that question, madam, since your ladyship makes the beau monde where

ever you come.

Lady L. Ab! Sir Harry, I've been almost ruined, pestered to death here, by the incessant attacks of a mighty Colonel; he has besieged me. Sir H. I hope your ladyship did not surrender, though.

Lady L. No, but was forced to capitulate; but since you are come to raise the siege, we'll dance, and sing, and laugh

Sir H. And love.

Lady L. Would you marry me, Sir Harry? Sir H. Why, marriage is the devil!-But I will marry you.

Lady L. Your word, sir, is not to be relied on; if a gentleman will forfeit his honour in dealings of business, we may reasonably suspect his fidelity

in an amour.

Sir H. My honour in dealings of business! why, madam, I never had any business all my life.

Lady L. Yes, Sir Harry, I have heard a very odd story, and am sorry that a gentleman of your figure should undergo the scandal.

Sir H. Out with it, madam.

Lady L. Why, the merchant, sir, that transmitted your bills of exchange to you in France, complains of some indirect and dishonourable dealings.

Sir H. Who, old Smuggler?

Lady L. Ay, ay, you know him, I find.

Sir H. I have some reason, I think; why, the rogue has cheated me of above five hundred pounds within these three years.

Lady L. 'Tis your business then to acquit your self publicly; for he spreads the scandal every

where.

Lady L. Sir Harry, you won't raise a disturbance in the house?

Sir H. Disturbance, madam! no, no; I'll beat him with the temper of a philosopher. Here, Mrs. Parley, shew me the gentleman. [Exit with Parley.

Lady L. Now shall I get the old monster well beaten, and Sir Harry pestered, next term, with bloodsheds, batteries, costs and damages, solicitors, and attorneys; and if they don't tease him out of his good humour, I'll never plot again. [Exit. SCENE V. Another Room in the same house. Enter ALDERMAN SMUGGLER.

Ald. S. Oh! this d-d tide-waiter! A ship and cargo worth five thousand pounds; why, 'tis richly worth five hundred perjuries.

Enter SIR HARRY WILDAIR.

Sir H. Dear Mr. Alderman, I'm your most devoted and humble servant.

Ald. S. My best friend, Sir Harry, you're welcome to England.

Sir H. I'll assure you, sir, there's not a man in the king's dominions I am gladder to meet, dear, dear Mr. Alderman. (Bowing very low.)

Ald. S. Oh! lord, sir, you travellers have the most obliging ways with you.

Sir H. There is a business, Mr. Alderman, fallen out, which you may oblige me infinitely byI am very sorry that I am forced to be troublesome; but necessity, Mr. Alderman

Ald. S. Ay, sir, as you say, necessity-But upon my word, sir, I am very short of money at present; but

duced to

Sir H. That's not the matter, sir; I'm above an obligation that way; but the business is, I'm reobliged to you for a beating. Here, take this cane. an indispensable necessity of being Ald. S. A beating, Sir Harry! ha, ha, ha! I beat a knight baronet! An alderman turned cudgelplayer! ha, ha, ha!

Sir H. Upon my word, sir, you must beat me, or I'll beat you; take choice. Ald. S. Psha, psha! you jest. your

Sir H. Nay, 'tis sure as fate; so, Alderman, I hope you'll pardon my curiosity. (Strikes him.) Ald. S. Curiosity! Deuce take your curiosity, sir; what d'ye mean?

Sir H. Nothing at all; I'm but in jest, sir.

Ald. S. Oh! I can take anything in jest; but a man might imagine, by the smartness of the stroke, that you were in downright earnest.

Sir H. Not in the least, sir; (strikes him) not in the least, indeed, sir.

Ald. S. Pray, good sir, no more of your jests; for they are the bluntest jests that ever I knew. Sir H. (Strikes him.) I heartily beg your pardon, with all my heart, sir.

Ald. S. Pardon, sir! well, sir, that is satisfaction enough from a gentleman: but seriously now, if you pass any more of your jests upon me, I shall

grow angry.

Sir H. I humbly beg your permission to break one or two more. (Strikes him.)

Ald. S. Oh! lord, sir, you'll break my bones. Are you mad, sir? Murder, felony, manslaughter! (Falls down.)

Sir H. Sir, I beg you ten thousand pardons; but I am absolutely compelled to't, upon my honour, sir: nothing can be more averse to my inclinations, than to jest with my honest, dear, loving, obliging friend, the Alderman. (Striking him all this while. Ald. S. tumbles over and over, shakes out his pocket-book on the floor; LADY LUREWELL enters, and takes it up.)

Lady L. The old rogue's pocket-book; this may be of use. (Aside.) Oh! lord, Sir Harry's mur. dering the poor old man.

Ald. S. Oh dear madam, I was beaten in jest, till I am murdered in good earnest.

Lady L. Well, well, I'll bring you off, seigneur-frappez, frappez!

Ald. S. Oh! for charity's sake, madam, rescue a poor citizen.

Lady L. Oh! you barbarous man! hold! hold! frappez plus rudement. Frappez! I wonder you are not ashamed. (Holding Sir H.) A poor reverend honest elder. (Helps Ald. S. up.) It makes me weep to see him in this condition, poor man! Now deuce take you, Sir Harry-for not beating him harder. Well, my dear, you shall come at night, and I'll make you amends. (Here Sir H. takes snuff.)

Ald. S. Madam, I will have amends before I leave the place. Sir, how durst you use me thus? Sir H. Sir? Ald. S. Sir, say that I will have satisfaction. Sir H. With all my heart. (Throws snuff in his eyes.)

water!

Ald. S. Oh! murder, blindness, fire! Oh! madam, madam! get me some water! water, fire, [Exit with Lady L. Sir H. How pleasant is resenting an injury without passion! 'Tis the beauty of revenge. Let statesmen plot, and under business groan, And settling public quiet, lose their own; I make the most of life, no hour mispend, Pleasure's the mean, and pleasure is my end. No spleen, no trouble, shall my time destroy; Life's but a span, I'll every inch enjoy. ACT III.

SCENE I.-The Street.

[Exit.

Enter COLONEL STANDARD and VIZARD. Col. S. I bring him word where she lodged! I, the civilest fellow in the world! "Tis impossible. Viz. I shall urge it no further, sir. I only thought, sir, that my character in the world might add authority to my words, without so many repe

titions.

Col. S. Pardon me, dear Vizard. Our belief struggles hard before it can be brought to yield to the disadvantage of what we love. But what said Sir Harry?

Viz. He pitied the poor credulous Colonel; laughed heartily; flew away with all the raptures of a bridegroom, repeating these lines:

A mistress ne'er can pall her lover's joys, Whose wit can whet, whene'er her beauty cloys. Col. S. A mistress ne'er can pall! By all my wrongs, I'm made their dupe. Vengeance! Vizard, you must carry a note for me to Sir Harry.

Viz. What! a challenge! I hope you don't design to fight?

Col. S. What! wear the livery of my king, and pocket an affront! 'twere an abuse to his sacred majesty. A soldier's sword, Vizard, should start of itself to redress its master's wrong.

Viz. However, sir, I think it not proper for me to carry any such message between friends.

Col. S. I have ne'er a servant here; what shall I do?

Viz. There's Tom Errand, the porter, that plies at the Blue Posts, one who knows Sir Harry and his haunts very well, you may send a note by him. Col. S. Here, you, friend! (Calls.)

Viz. I have some business, and must take my leave; I would advise you, nevertheless, against

this affair.

Col. S. Do you know Sir Harry Wildair? Err. Ay, very well, sir; he's one of my best masters; many a round half-crown_have I had of his worship: he's newly come from France, sir.

Col. S. Go to the next coffee-house, and wait for me. [Exit Errand.] Oh! woman, woman, how blest is man, when favoured by your smiles, and how accursed when all those smiles are found but wanton baits to sooth us to destruction! [Exit. Enter SIR HARRY WILDAIR, and CLINCHER, Senior, following.

Clin. sen. Sir, sir, sir, having some business of importance to communicate to you, I would beg your attention to a trifling affair that I would impart to your understanding.

Sir H. What is your trifling business of importance, pray, sweet sir.

Clin.sen. Pray, sir, are the roads deep between this and Paris?

Sir H. Why that question, sir?

Clin.sen. Because I design to go to the jubilee, sir. I understand that you are a traveller, sir; there is an air of travel in the tie of your cravat, sir; there is, indeed, sir. I suppose, sir, you bought this lace in Flanders? Sir H. No, sir, this lace was made in Norway. Clin. sen. Norway, sir?

Sir H. Yes, sir, of the shavings of deal boards. Clin, sen. That's very strange now, faith-lace made of the shavings of deal boards! Egad, sir, you travellers see very strange things abroad, very incredible things abroad, indeed. Well, I'll have a cravat of the very same lace before I come home. Sir H. But, sir, what preparations have you made for your journey?

Clin. sen. A case of pocket pistols for the bravos, and a swimming-girdle.

Sir H. Why these, sir?

Clin. sen. Oh! lord, sir, I'll tell you: suppose us in Rome now; away goes I to some ball; for I'll be a mighty beau. Then, as I said, I go to some ball, or some bear-baiting, 'tis all one you know; then comes a fine Italian Bona Roba, and plucks me by the sleeve-"Signior Angle, Signior Angle, (she's a very fine lady, observe that,)Signior Angle!" says she-"Signora!" says I; and trips after her to the corner of a street, (suppose it Russell-street here, or any other street;) then you know, I must invite her to the tavern, I can do no less. There up comes her bravo; the Italian grows saucy, and I give him an English douse of the face. I can box, sir, box tightly; I was a 'prentice, sir,-but then, sir, he whips out his through, trips down stairs, turns the corner of stiletto, and I whips out my ball-dog; slaps him Russell-street again, and whips me into the ambas sador's train, and there I'm as safe as a beau in a side-box.

Sir H. Is your pistol charged, sir?

Clin. sen. Only a brace of bullets, that's all, sir. Sir H. 'Tis a very fine pistol, truly; pray let me

see it.

will be a devilish throng of people there; they say that all the princes in Italy will be there.

Sir H. And all the fops and fools in Europe. But the use of your swimming-girdle, pray, sir? Clin. sen. Oh! lord, sir, that's easy. Suppose the ship cast away; now, whilst other foolish people are busy at their prayers, I whip on my swimming-girdle, clap a month's provision into my pocket, and sails me away, like an egg in a duck's belly. And, harkye! sir, I have a new project in my head. Where d'ye think my swimming-girdle shall carry me, upon this occasion? 'Tis a new project.

Sir H. Where, sir?

Clin. sen. To Civita Vechia, faith and troth, and so save the charges of my passage. Well, sir, you must pardon me now, I'm going to see my mis[Exeunt.

tress.

SCENE II.-Lady Darling's House. Enter LADY DARLING, CLINCHER, Junior, and

DICKY.

Lady D. This is my daughter, cousin.

Dicky. Now, sir, remember your three scrapes. Clin. jun. (Saluting Angelica.) One, two, three; your humble servant. Was not that right, Dicky? Dicky. Ay, faith, sir; but why don't you speak to her?

Clin. jun. I beg your pardon, Dicky, I know my distance. Would you have me speak to a lady at the first sight?

Dicky. Ay, sir, by all means; the first aim is the

surest.

Clin. jun. Now for a good jest, to make her laugh heartily.-By Jupiter Ammon, I'll go give her a kiss. (Goes towards her.)

Enter SIR HARRY WILDAIR, interposing. Sir H. 'Tis all to no purpose, I told you so before; your pitiful five guineas will never do you may go, I'll outbid you.

Clin. jun. What the devil! the madman's here again.

Lady D. Bless me, cousin! what d'ye mean? Affront a gentleman of his quality in my house.

Clin. jun. Quality! Why, madam, I don't know what you mean by your madmen, and your beaux, and your quality; they are all alike, I believe.

Lady D. Pray, sir, walk with me into the next room. [Exeunt Lady D. and Clin.; Dicky follows. Angel. Sir, if your conversation be no more agreeable than 'twas the last time, I would advise you to make your visit as short as you can.

Sir H. The offences of my last visit, madam, bore their punishment in the commission; and have made me as uneasy till I receive pardon, as your ladyship can be till I sue for it.

Angel. Sir Harry, I did not well understand the offence, and must therefore proportion it to the greatness of your apology; if you would, therefore, have me think it light, take no great pains in

an excuse.

Sir H. How sweet must the lips be that guard that tongue! Then, madam, no more of past offences, let us prepare for joys to come; let this seal my pardon. (Kisses her hand.) And this (again) initiate me to farther happiness.

Angel. Hold, sir! one question, Sir Harry, and pray answer plainly: d'ye love me?

Sir H. Love you! Does fire ascend? Do hypocrites dissemble, usurers love gold, or great men flatter? Doubt these, then question that I love. Angel. This shews your gallantry, sir, but not your love.

Sir H. View your own charms, madam, then judge my passion; your beauty ravishes my eye, your voice my ear, and your touch has thrilled my melting soul.

Angel. If your words be real, 'tis in your power to raise an equal flame in me.

Sir H. Nay, then-I seize

Angel. Hold! sir, 'tis also possible to make me detest and scorn you worse than the most profligate of your deceiving sex.

Sir H. Ha! a very odd turn this. I hope, madam, you only affect anger, because you know your frowns are becoming.

Angel. Sir Harry, you being the best judge of your own designs, can best understand whether my anger should be real or dissembled; think what strict modesty should bear, then judge of my

resentments.

Sir H. Strict modesty should bear! Why, faith, madam, I believe, the strictest modesty may bear fifty guineas, and I don't believe 'twill bear one farthing more.

Angel. What d'ye mean, sir?

Sir H. Nay, madam, what do you mean? if you go to that. I think, now, fifty guineas is a fine offer for your strict modesty, as you call it.

Angel. 'Tis more charitable, Sir Harry, to charge the impertinence of a man of your figure on his defect in understanding, than on his want of manners. I'm afraid you're mad, sir.

Sir H. Why, madam, you're enough to make any man mad. 'Sdeath! are you not aAngel. What, sir?

Sir H. Why, a lady of-strict modesty, if you will have it so.

Angel. I shall never, hereafter, trust common report, which represented you, sir, a man of honour, wit, and breeding; for I find you very deficient in all three of them. [Exit.

Enter VIZARD.

Viz. Ah! Sir Harry, have I caught you? Well, and what success?

Sir H. Success! 'tis a shame for you young fellows in town here, to let the wenches grow so saucy: I offered her fifty guineas, and she was in her airs presently, and flew away in a huff. I could have had a brace of countesses in Paris for half the money, and je vous remercie into the bargain.

Viz. Gone in her airs, say you? and did not you follow her?

Sir H. Whither should I follow her?

Viz. Into her bed-chamber, man; she went on purpose. You a man of gallantry, and not understand that a lady's best pleased when she puts on her airs, as you call it.

Sir H. She talked to me of strict modesty and stuff.

Viz. Certainly. Most women magnify their modesty, for the same reason that cowards boast their courage, because they have least on't. Come, come, Sir Harry, when you make your next assault, encourage your spirits with brisk Burgundy: if you succeed, 'tis well; if not, you have a fair excuse for your rudeness. I'll go in, and make your peace for what's past. Oh! I had almost forgot, Colonel Standard wants to speak with you about some business.

Sir H. I'll wait upon him presently: d'ye know where he may be found?

Viz. In the piazza of Covent-garden. About an hour hence, I promised to see him; and there you may meet him-to have your throat cut. (Aside.) I'll go in, and intercede for you.

Sir H. But no foul play with the lady, Vizard. [Exit.

Viz. No: fair play, I can assure you. SCENE III.-The Street before Lady Lurewell's Lodgings.

Enter COLONEL STANDARD.

Col. S. How weak is reason in disputes of love! That daring reason, which so oft pretends to question works of high Omnipotence, yet poorly truckles to our weakest passions, and yields implicit faith to

foolish love, paying blind zeal to faithless women's eyes. I've heard her falsehood with such pressing proofs, that I no longer should distrast it, yet still my love would baffle demonstration, and make impossibilities seem probable. (Looks up.) Ah! that fool, too! What, stoop so low as that animal? 'Tis true; women, once fallen, like cowards in despair, will stick at nothing: there's no medium in their actions: they must be bright as augels, or black as fiends. But now for my revenge; I'll kick my rival before her face, curse the whole sex, and leave her. (Goes in.)

SCENE IV-A Dining-room.

Enter LADY LOREWELL and CLINCHER, Senior. Lady L. Oh! sir, it is my husband. What will become of you?

Clin. sen. Ah! your husband! Oh! I shall be murdered. What shall I do? where shall I run? I'll creep into an oven; I'll climb up the chimney; I'll fly; I'll swim! I wish to the lord I were at the jubilee now.

Lady L. Can't you think of anything, sir? Clin. sen. Think! not I; I never could think to any purpose in my life.

Enter TOM ERRAND.

Lady L. What do you want, sir?

Err. Madam, I am looking for Sir Harry Wildair: I saw him come in here this morning; and did imagine he might be here still, if he is not gone. Lady L. A lucky hit! Here, friend, change clothes with this gentleman; quickly strip. Clin. sen. Ay, ay, quickly strip; I'll give you half-a-crown to boot. Come here; so. (They change clothes.)

Lady L. Now slip you (to Clincher) down stairs, and wait at the door till my husband be gone; and get you in there (to the Porter) till I call you. (Puts Errand in the next room.)

Enter COLONEL STANDARD.

Oh! sir, are you come? I wonder, sir, how you have the confidence to approach me after so base a trick? [avail.

Col. S. Oh! madam, all your artifices won't Lady L. Nay, sir, your artifices won't avail. I thought, sir, that I gave you caution enough against troubling me with Sir Harry Wildair's company, when I sent his letters back by you; yet you, forsooth, must tell him where I lodged, and expose me again to his impertinent courtship!

Col. S. I expose you to his courtship! Lady L. I'll lay my life you'll deny it now. Come, come, sir; a pitiful lie is as scandalous to a red coat as an oath to a black.

Col. S. You're all lies. First, your heart is false; your eyes are double; one look belies another; and then your tongue does contradict them all: madam, I see a little devil just now hammering out a lie in your pericranium.

Lady L. On my conscience, he's in the right on't. (Aside.)

Col. S. I exposed you to the court of your fool, Clincher, too; hope your female wiles will impose that upon me, also.

Lady L. Clincher ! Nay, you're stark nad. I know no such person.

Col. S. Oh! woman in perfection. Not know him? 'Slife! madam, can my eyes, my piercing jealous eyes, be so deluded? Nay, madam, my nose could not mistake him; for I smelt the fop, by his pulvilio, from the balcony down to the street.

Enter TOM ERRAND, in Clincher Senior's Clothes. Col. S. This is illusion all; my eyes conspire against themselves. Tis legerdemain.

Lady L. Legerdemain! Is that all your acknowledgment for your rude behaviour! Oh! what a curse it is to love as I do. Begone, sir, (to the Porter,) to your impertinent master, and tell him I shall never be at leisure to receive any of his troublesome visits. Send to me to know when I should be at home! [Exit Tom Errand.] I am sure he has made me an unfortunate woman. (Weeps.) Col. S. Nay, then there is no certainty in nature; and truth is only falsehood well disguised.

Lady L. Sir, had not I owned my fond foolish passion, I should not have been subject to such unjust suspicions: but it is an angrateful return. (Weeping.)

Col. S. I hope, madam, you'll pardon me; since jealousy, that magnified my suspicion, is as much the effect of love, as my easiness in being satisfied.

Lady L. Easiness in being satisfied! No, no sir; cherish your suspicions, and feed upon your jer lousy: 'tis fit meat for your squeamish stomach.

With me all women should this rule pursue: Who think us false, should never find us true. [Exit in a rage.

Enter CLINCHER, Senior, in the Porter's clothes. Clin. sen. Well, intriguing is the prettiest, plea santest thing! How shall we laugh at the husband when he is gone? To make a colonel a cuckold! 'twill be rare news for the Alderman. (Aside.)

Col. S. All this Sir Harry has occasioned; but he is brave, and will afford me a just revenge. Oh! this is the porter I sent the challenge by. Well, sir, have you found him?

Clin. sen. What the devil does he mean, now?
Col. S. Have yon given Sir Harry the note, fellow?
Clin. sen. The note! what note?

Col. S. The letter, blockhead, which I sent by you to Sir Harry Wildair: bave you seen him?

Clin. sen. Oh, lord! what shall I say now! Seen him? Yes, sir-no, sir. I have, sir-I have not, sir.

Col. S. The fellow's mad. Answer me directly, sirrah, or I'll break your head.

Clin. sen. I know Sir Harry very well, sir; but as to the note, sir, I can't remember a word on't truth is, I have a very bad memory.

Col. S. Oh! sir, I'll quicken your memory. (Strikes him.) [note. Clin. sen. Zauns! sir, hold! I did give him the Col. S. And what answer?

Clin. sen. I mean I did not give him the note. Col. S. What, d'ye banter, rascal? (Strikes his again.) [swet Clin. sen. Hold, sir, hold! He did send an auCol. S. What was it, villain?

Clin. sen. Why, be sent his service to you. Truly, sir, I had forgot it: I told you that I had a very treacherous memory.

Col. S. I'll engage you shall remember me this month, rascal. [Beats him off, and exit. Re-enter CLINCHER, Senior. Clin. sen. Ah! the devil take all intriguing, sy I, and him who first invented canes. That cursed Colonel has got such a knack of beating his men, that he has left the mark of a collar of bandileers about my shoulders.

Enter LADY LUREWELL and PARLEY. Lady L. Oh! my poor gentleman. And was it

beaten?

Clin. sen. Yes, I have been beaten. But where's my clothes, my clothes?

Lady L. What, you won't leave me soon, my dear, will ye?