the established church, and never gets into a pulpit.

Mrs. Diana Bridle, a maiden lady, about forty years of age, had a conceit that she was with child. I advised her to convert her imaginary pregnancy into a real one, by taking a husband; and she has never been troubled with any fancies of that kind since.

Mr. William Moody, an elderly gentleman, who lived in a solitary part of Kent, was apt to be very low spirited in an easterly wind. I nailed his weathercock to a westerly point; and at present, whichsoever way the wind blows, he is equally cheerful.

Alexander Stingo, Esq. was so strongly possessed by the spirit of witticism, that he would not condescend to open his lips for any thing less than an epigram. Un der the influence of this malady he has been so deplorably dull, that he has often been silent a whole week together. I took him into my own house; instead of laughing at his jests, I either pronounced them to be puns, or paid no attention to them at all. In a month I perceived a wonderful alteration in him for the better: from thinking without speaking, he began to speak without thinking: at present never says a good thing, and is a very agreeable companion.

I likewise cured a lady of a longing for ortolans, by a dozen of Dunstable larks! and could send you many other remarkable instances of the efficacy of my prescriptions; but these are sufficient for a specimen. I am, &c.

Bonnel Thornton. $106. Character of a Choice Spirit. Sir,

That a tradesman has no business with humour, unless perhaps in the way of his dealing; or with writing, unless in his shop-book, is a truth, which I believe nobody will dispute with me. I am so unfortunate however as to have a nephew, who, not contented with being a grocer, is in danger of absolute ruin by his ambition of being a wit; and having forsaken his counter for Comus's Court, and dignified himself with the appellation of a Choice Spirit, is upon the point of becoming a bankrupt. Instead of distributing his shop-bills as he ought, he wastes a dozen in a morning, by scribbling shreds of his nonsense upon the back of them; and a few days since affronted an alder

man, his best customer, by sending hima pound of prunes wrapped up in a ballad he had just written, called The Citizen outwitted, or a Bob for the MansionHouse.

He is likewise a regular frequenter of the play-houses, and, being acquainted with every underling of each theatre, is at an annual expence of ten pounds in tickets for their respective benefits. They generally adjourn together from the play to the tavern; and there is hardly a watchman within a mile of Covent Garden, but has had his head or his lantern broke by one or other of the ingenious fraternity.

I turned into his shop this morning, and had no sooner set my foot upon the threshold, than he leaped over the counter, threw himself into an attitude as he calls it, and asked me, in the words of some play that I remember to have seen formerly, "Whether I was a spirit of "health, or goblin damned?" I told him he was an undutiful young dog for daring to accost his uncle in that irreverent manner; and bid him speak like a Christian, and a reasonable person. Instead of being sensible of my rebuke, he took off his wig, and having very deliberately given it two or three twirls upon his fist, and pitched it upon his head again, said I was a dry old fellow and should certainly afford them much entertainment at the club, to which he had the impudence to invite me; at the same time he thrust a card into my hand, containing a bill of fare for the evening's entertainment; and, as a further inducement, assured me, that Mr. Twister himself would be in the chair; thar he was a great creature, and so prodigiously droll, that though he had heard him sing the same songs, and repeat the same stories a thousand times, he could still attend to him with as much pleasure as at first. I cast my eye over the list; and can recollect the following items:

"To all true Lovers of Fun and Jocularity.

"Mr. Twister will this evening take "off a cat worried by two bull-dogs; " "ditto, making love in a gutter; the knife-grinder and his wheel; High"Dutch squabble; and a hog in a "slaughter-house."

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I assured him, that so far from having any relish for those detestable noises, the more they resembled the originals the less

I should like them; and if I could ever be fool enough to go, I should at least be wise enough to stop my ears till I came out again.

Having lamented my deplorable want of taste, by the elevation of his eye brows and a significant shrug of his shoulders, he thrust his fore finger against the inside of his cheek, and plucking it out of his mouth with a jerk, made a noise which very much resembled the drawing of a cork: I found that by this signal he meant to ask me if I chose a whet? I gave my consent by a sulky kind of nod, and walked into the back room as much ashamed of my nephew as he ought to have been of himself. While he was gone to fetch a pint of mountain from the other side of the street, I had an opportunity to minute down a few of the articles of which the litter of his apartment consisted, and have selected these, as the most material, from among them:

On one of the sconces by the chimney, a smart grizzle bob-wig, well oiled and powdered, feather-topt and bag fronted.

den, a sound like the braying of an ass at my elbow, alarmed me to such a degree, that I started from my seat in an instant, and to my further astonishment, beheld my nephew, almost black in the face, covering his ear with the hollow of his hand, and exerting the whole force of his lungs in imitating that respectable animal : I was so exasperated at this fresh instance of his folly, that I told him hastily, he might drink his wine alone, and that I would never see his face again, till he should think proper to appear in a character more worthy of himself and his family. He followed me to the door without making any reply; and, having advanced to the middle of the street, fell to clapping his sides, and crowing like a cock, with the utmost vehemence; and continued his triumphant ejaculation till I was fairly out of hearing.

Having reached my lodging, I immediately resolved to send you an account of his absurdities; and shall take this opportunity to inform him, that as he is blest with such variety of useful talents, and so completely accomplished as a Choice Spirit, I shall not do him the injury to consider him as a tradesman, or mortify him hereafter by endeavouring to give him any assistance in his business. I am, &c.

On the opposite sconce, a scratch. On the window-seat, a Nankeen waistcoat, bound with silver twist with out skirts or pockets, stained with red wine and pretty much shrunk. Item, A pair of buckskin breeches, in one pocket a cat-call, in the other the mouth of a quart bottle, chipt § 107. A Citizen's Family setting out for

and ground into a smooth ring, very
fit to be used as a spying glass by
those who never want one.

Ilem, A red plush frock lappelled with
ditto, one pocket stuffed with orange-
peel, and the other with square bits
of white paper ready cut and dried
for a shower.

In the corner a walking-staff, not port

able.

Item, A small switch.

On the head of the bureau, a lettercase, containing a play-bill, and a quack-bill; a copy of verses, being an encomium upon Mr. Twister; another of four lines, which he calls a distich; and a third, very much blotted and scratched, and yet not finished, entitled, An Extempore Epigram.

Having taken this inventory of his goods and furniture, I sat down before the fire, to devise if possible, some expedient to reclaim him; when, on a sud

66

Sir,

B. Thornton.

Brighthelmstone.

That there are many disorders peculiar to the present age, which were entirely unknown to our forefathers, will (I believe) be agreed by all physicians, especially as they find an increase of their fees from them. For instance, in the language of the advertisement, Never were nervous disorders more frequent:" we can hardly meet with a lady that is not na-a-arvous to the last degree, though our mothers and grandmothers scarce ever heard the word Nerves: the gentlemen too are affectated in the same manner; and even in the country this disorder has spread like the small-pox, and infected whole villages. I have known a farmer toss off a glass of brandy in the morning to prevent his hand shaking, while his wife has been obliged to have recourse to the same cordial in her tea, because it otherwise would make her lowspirited. But there is an epidemical dis

order (that was formerly quite unknown;
and even
now wants a name) which
seizes whole families here in town at this
season of the year. As I cannot define
it, I shall not pretend to describe or ac-
count for it but one would imagine,
that the people were all bit by a mad
dog, as the same remedy is thought ne-
cessary. In a word, of whatever nature
the complaint may be, it is imagined
that nothing will remove it, but spending
the summer months in some dirty fishing
town by the sea-shore; and the water is
judged to be the most efficacious, where
there is the greatest resort of afflicted
persons.

I called upon a friend the other morn-
ing, in the city, pretty early, about busi-
ness, when I was surprised to see a coach
and four at the door, which the 'prentice
and book-keeper were loading with
trunks, portmanteaus, baskets, and band-
boxes. The front glass was screened by
two round paper hat-cases hung up be-
fore it; against one door was placed a
guitar-case; and a red satin cardinal,
lined and edged with fir, was pinned
against the other; while the extremities
of an
enormous hoop-petticoat rested
upon each window. These preparations
were undoubtedly for a journey and
when I came in, I found the family were
equipped accordingly. The lady-mother
was dressed in a joseph of scarlet duffil,
buttoned down from the breast to the
feet, with a black silk bonnet tied down
to her head with a white handkerchief:
little miss (about sixteen years of age)
had a blue camblet jacket, cuffed and lap.
pelled with pink satin, with a narrow
edging of silver lace, a black beaver hat,
covered on the outside with white shag,
and cocked behind, with a silver button
and loop, and a blue feather. The old
gentleman had very little particular in
his dress, as he wore his usual pompa-
, dour-coloured coat with guilt buttons;
only he had added to it a scarlet cloth
waistcoat with a broad tarnished gold
lace, which was made when he was chosen
of the common-council. Upon my en-
trance, I naturally asked them if they
were going into the country; to which
the old lady replied in the affirmative, at
the same time assuring me that she was
sorry to take Mr.
from his busi-
ness, but she was obliged to it on account
of her health. "Health!" says the old
gentleman, "I don't understand your

66

66

"whim-whams, not I; here it has cost
"me the Lord knows what in doctor's
"stuff already, without your being a pin
"the better for it; and now you must
"Jug me and all the family to Brighthelm-
"stone." 66
Why, my dear," said the
lady, "you know Dr.
tells me
"there is nothing will do my spirits so
"much good as bathing in the sea."
"The sea!" said the old gentleman;
"why then could you not have taken
"lodgings at Gravesend, where I might
easily have come in the evening, and
gone back time enough for 'Change in
"the morning?" The good lady told
him that he had no taste, that people of
the best fashion went to Brighthelmstone,
and that it was high time their girl should
see a little of the world. To this miss
assented, by declaring, that indeed she
had been no where but to the play and
the castle-concert, since she had left the
boarding school. Both the females then
asked me an hundred questions, such as,
whether the sea looked green, and how
much bigger it was than the Thames,-
till the maid gave them notice that every
thing was put up. Accordingly, I saw
them into the coach; and the old lady
did not forget to take the pug-dog with
her, who, she declared, should go every
morning into the sea, as she had been told
it was good for the mange.

I cannot but agree with my city friend, that lodgings at Gravesend would answer all the common purposes of a jaunt to Brighthelmstone; for though one pretence for visiting these places is, going into the country, people in fact do not leave town, but rather carry London with them. Their way of living is exactly the same as here, and their amusements not very different. They suffer themselves to be mewed up in a little dirty lodging, with not half so good a prospect, or so good an air, as in the high road at Islington or Knightsbridge. Their mornings are drawled away, with, perhaps, a saunter upon the beach, which commands the delightful view of half a dozen hoys, and as many fishing-smacks; and if it was not for a lounge at the coffee-house, or the bookseller's, they would be at a loss how to fill up the vacant hours till dinner. The evenings would hang no less heavy on their hands, but for the ingenious contrivance of the assembly-room; where, instead of enjoying the cool temperature of the open air, they choose to swelter in a crowd, and be almost suffo.

§ 108. Character of a mighty good Kind would keep you standing half an hour un