beneficence of his commercial progenitor. That astute gentleman early perceived what parental affection so often prevents, viz., the inequality between the benevolent impulses of the heart, and the more mature product of the head of his clerical offspring. This prompted a pecuniary outlay, that the sagacious merchant perceived his commercial neighbors would have been disinclined to vest in a religious speculation, resting upon such an intellectual substratum. The son was therefore duly installed into a beautiful little edifice, usually so important an adjunct to clerical success. Finding a pastor and an edifice prepared to their hand, our commercial friends could do no less than give their pecuniary support and the countenance of their families to the undertaking.

I fondly supposed that my religious predilection for the plainer demonstrations of worship of my Quaker friends, would render any other contributions unnecessary, than the Epsom salts and Elixir Pro. with which my clerical neighbor was wont to reduce the grossness and strengthen the reins and stomachs of his own and his sexton's household; but I was soon given to understand that the pastor calculated upon material aid of a far more substantial character; in short, that it was necessary I should make a selection from three pews which had been kindly proposed for the modest occupancy of myself and family. They were considerately chosen by the vestry near the door; doubtless to facilitate my egress in case of my professional services being required during the service; or possibly with a benevolent eye to the facility with which I could cure the catarrhs, that might be consequent on a stray draft of air, that might perchance enter the only door of entrance immediately behind us. What influence a recent sight of my better half by Mrs. Mackerel might have had, in wishing to keep that lady away from her own contiguity-Mr. Mackerel was in the vestry-I will not pretend to determine. To do that lady

justice, however, she was a very lovely woman, and may therefore be supposed above the necessity of such selfish considerations. And yet, I cannot say, for it is natural to be partial to one's own, and I observed a marked increase of the deference with which she saluted me, after observing the entrance of the mistress of my affections into the street-door of our modest mansion. Be that as it may, at the time the sexton made me the confidential communication about the pews, I was laboring most impressively under the inconvenient and unfashionable idea, of the necessity of close attention to the preservation of my professional character by paying for my bread and meat, rent and horse feed; and had other delightful responsibilities of a more poetical character in prospect. I certainly saw no probability of fulfilling all these requisitions, and likewise enjoying the expensive luxury of an entire pew in a fashionable church. I therefore entered into an explanation with my venerable friend, and gave him to understand that I could not think of incurring so great a responsibility. He heard me out very dispassionately, but quietly assured me it was "expected by the vestry," and expressed himself very significantly that I "had better do it." I did not, however, accede to the proposition; and soon placed myself entirely outside the pale of clerical beneficence, by declining to draw a couple of teeth from two of the pastor's sons, being preferred to that dignified, and to me unwonted exercise of chirurgical skill, by a venerable medical gentleman who enjoyed the honor of attending the pastor's family. It was the last visit his reverence ever paid my modest office, and I soon had the satisfaction of being relieved from the espionage of his worthy coöperator, the sexton. I state these apparently trifling incidents, to show our aspiring young friends the path they are expected to travel, if they would attain the dignity of attending the families of gentlemen of a certain order of professional intellect, and that they are expected to take

sides on all questions involving religious and political speculations and pecuniary outlay in their respective neighborhoods.

To return to the lovely Mrs. Mackerel. I will explain how it was that I was summoned to her ladyship's mansion, and even at my first visit enjoyed the pleasure of seeing that distinguished operator in South street, Mr. Mackerel, of the firm of Mackerel, Haddock & Dun. One bitter night in January, it happened most fortunately that I had been to a wedding party and returned very late, clad in the highest style of fashion; a very unusual circumstance, to be sure, with me, but one which every young Esculapian should occasionally attend to, particularly if he has a fine figure. Just as I was about to retire, a furious ring at the front door made me feel particularly amiable. A servant announced the sudden alarming illness of Mrs. Mackerel, with the assurance that as the family physician was out of town, Mr. Mackerel would be obliged if I would immediately visit her. As this was my first call in the neigborhood to any lady of position, I resolved to do my prettiest. Accordingly I soon found myself in the presence of the accomplished lady, having, I confess it, given my hair an extra touch as I entered the beautiful chamber. Never hav ing had the pleasure of seeing Mr. Mackerel before, I had not hitherto been able to diagnosticate a very important item in professional attendance on married ladies; I allude to that delicate matter, the precise position occupied by the gentleman in the domestic ménage, and whether he had been accustomed to harmonize with Madam in her æsthetic predilections for jewelry, Italian greyhounds, Honiton lace, and other elements of domestic happiness. A single glance, as he appeared at the hall door, convinced me that the gentleman was but paired to his beautiful mate. He was, indeed, a very gross and obtuse person, presenting a marked similarity to a species of the article to which he owed his

reputed wealth, and the irreverent name I have given him.

His entire physiognomy, all but the disposition of the eyes, presented a marked resemblance to a codfish; the forehead and chin evinced the same disposition to retreat from the nose, and had the locality of the eyes been changed to the forehead in a well-developed specimen of one of those innocent victims as it lies on the market-stall, having escaped the process that renders so many of its sleek brethren the subject of commercial operations similar to those of Messrs. Mackerel, Haddock & Dun, their expressiveness would have admirably rivalled those of the senior partner of that most respectable concern. We are aware that Mr. Mackerel's personal peculiarities might have admitted of much simpler description, by the observation that he was utterly destitute of all point; indeed, there would have been a double advantage in using that term, for it would have been equally expressive of his unwillingness to yield to the persuasive eloquence of his lovely wife, on the necessity of an equipage suited to their rank and condition. Mrs. Tip Tape had just procured a new one, and her own charms were greatly superior to that lady's; but Mr. M. remained deaf to her entreaties, even in all the ravishing eloquence of her midnight toilette. Indeed, so obtuse was that human impersonation of his professional piscatorial coldness, that on his utter refusal to "point," a hysterical burst of grief and convulsive sobs, followed by speechlessness, was the cause of my being summoned to the bed-side of the patient; this I subsequently learned from a mutual friend. Until I knew Mr. Mackerel's pecuniary embarrassments by the sad dénoûment of her existing illness, in the collapse of the firm of Mackerel, Haddock & Dun (when the latter article of their merchandise, in the opinion of a wag of a neighbor, became expressive of their unenviable notoriety), I was so impressed with his evident coolness and obduracy, that I confidently

believed a post-mortem, should the opportunity offer, would actually disclose a single ventricle in the heart, and give a physiological clue to his wonderful resemblance to the article in which he dealt. Throughout the entire fortnight of my attendance, he displayed the most provoking indifference to the sufferings of the lady.

Now let me indulge in a little medico-physiologico-moral philosophy on my interesting patient, for the especial benefit of aspiring mammas and their daughters. Mrs. Mackerel was not a bad-tempered woman; she was only a beautiful fool; nothing less, reader, or she would never have married Mr. Mackerel. Her charms would have procured her a husband of at least a tolerable exterior, and no one could well have been more stupid than Mr. Mackerel; besides, he was only a fish-merchant, and fish are, at best, but a migratory sort of animal, as Mr. Mackerel soon proved: they are here now, and next minute nowhere. Mrs. Mackerel did not balance, when making a choice, her prospective advancement in the circle of fashion, with the unavoidable incumbrance of Mr. Mackerel's phlegm and personal appearance. Besides, he chewed and smoked; and the combination of the united aroma of his favorite luxuries, and the articles of his merchandise, must certainly have heen most uncongenial to the curve of such lips and such nostrils. Every day she would be mortified by his presence; and should she give an evening party, what could console her for such a partner? As long as his ability to gratify her pride lasted, she had some consolation; but when it was becoming rapidly apparent that the funds were decreasing, Mrs. Mackerel's nerves took the alarm. When Mr. Tip Tape purchased his new establishment, matters became desperate; that palpable evidence of prosperity and fashion had long been the lady's goal of ambition, and when a flat refusal followed her urgent appeal to add it to their existing glories, Mr. Mackerel's personal and intellec