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For. Well, jill-Airt, you are very pert--and always ridiculing that celestial science.
Ang. Nay, uncle, don't be angry.-If you are, I'll
For. Why, you malapert slut !
you lend me your coach ? or I'll go on. -Nay, I'll declare how you prophesied popery was coming, only because the butler had mislaid some of the apostle spoons, and thought they were lost. Away went religion and spoon-meat together !-Indeed, uncle, I'll indite you for a wizard.
For. How, hussy! was there ever such a provoking minx ?
Nurse. O merciful father, how she talks !
Ang. Yes, I can make oath of your unlawful midnight practices; you and the old nurse there.
Nurse. Marry, Heaven defend l-I at midnight practices !_O Lord, what's here to do?-I in unlawful doings with my master's worship! Why, did you ever hear the like now ?--Sir, did ever I do any thing of your midnight concerns--but warm your bed, and tuck you up, and set the candle and your
tobacco-box and your urinal by you, and now and then rub the soles of your feet 1-0 Lord, Il
Ang. Yes, I saw you together, through the keyhole of the closet, one night, like Saul and the witch of Endor, turning the sieve and sheers, and pricking your thumbs, to write poor innocent servants names in blood, about a little nutmeg-grater, which she had forgot in the caudle-cup.-Nay, I know something worse, if I would speak of it!
For. I defy you, hussy ; but I'll remember this. I'll be revenged on you, cockatrice ; l'll hamper you -You have your fortune in your own hands—but I'll find a way to make your lover, your prodigal spendthrift gallant, Valentine, pay for all, I will.
Ang. Will you? I care not; but all shall out then. -“ Louk to it, nurse; I can bring witness that you “ have a great unnatural teat under your left arm, " and he another; and that you
de• vil, in the shape of a tabby cat, by turns; I can.
“ Nurse. A teat, a teat, I an unnatural teat! O “ the false slanderous thing! Feel, feel here; if I “ have any thing but like another Christian !"
[Crying. For. I will have patience, since it is the will of the stars I should be thus tormented—this is the effect of the malicious conjunctions and oppositions in the third house of my nativity; there the curse of kindred was foretold.—But I will have my doors locked upI'll punish you; nct a man shall enter my house.
Ang. Do, uncle, lock them up quickly, before my
suckle a young
aunt comes home-you'll have a letter for alimony to-morrow morning !—But let me be gone first; and then let no mankind come near the house : but converse with spirits and the celestial signs, the bull and the ram, and the goat. Bless me, there are a great many horned beasts among the twelve signs, uncle ! But cuckolds go to Heaven !
For. But there's but one virgin among the twelve signs, spit-fire!—but one virgin !
Ang. Nor there had not been that one, if she had had to do with any thing but astrologers, uncle ! That makes my aunt go
abroad. For. How! how! is that the reason ? Come, you know something; tell me, and I'll forgive you; do, good niece.-Come, you shall have my coach and horses_faith and troth, you shall.--Does
wife complain? Come, I know women tell one another. -She is young and sanguine, has a wanton hazel eye, and was born under Gemini, which may incline her to society; she has a mole upon her lip, with a moist palm, and an open liberality on the mount of Venus.
Ang. Ha, ha, ha!
For. Do you laugh ?-Well, gentlewoman, I'll But come, be a good girl, don't perplex your poor uncle! Tell me—won't you speak? Odd, I'll
Enter Servant. Serv. Sir Sampson is coming down, to wait upon
[Exit. Ang. Good b'ye, uncle.-Call me a chair.-I'll
find out my aunt, and tell her, she must not come home.
[Exit. For. I am so perplexed and vexed, I am not fit to receive him; I shall scarce recover myself before the hour be past. Go, nurse; tell Sir Sampson, I'm ready to wait on him. Nurse. Yes, sir.
[Exit. For. Well-why, if I was born to be a cuckold, there's no more to be said l-He is here already.
Enter Sir SAMPSON LEGEND with a paper. Sir S. Nor no more to be done, old boy; that is plain—here it is, I have it in my hand, old Ptolemy; I'll make the ungracious prodigal know who begat him ; I will, old Nostrodamus. What, I warrant, my son thought nothing belonged to a father, but forgiveness and affection ; no authority, no correc. tion, no arbitrary power-nothing to be done, but for him to offend, and me to pardon! I warrant you, if he danced till doomsday, he thought I was to pay the piper. Well, but here it is under black and white, signatum, sigillatum, and deliberatum_that, as soon as my son Benjamin is arrived, he is to make over to him his right of inheritance. Where's my daughter that is to be ha! old Merlin ? Body of me, I'm so glad I'm revenged on this undutiful rogue!
For. Odso, let me see; let me see the paper.-Ay, faith and troth, here it is, if it will but hold-I wish things were done, and the conveyance made. When was this signed? what hour? Odso, you should have
consulted me for the time. Well, but we'll make haste.
Sir S. Haste! ay, ay, haste enough; my son Ben will be in town to-night-1 have ordered my lawyer to draw up writings of settlement and jointure-all shall be done to-night.-No matter for the time ; pr’ythee, brother Foresight, leave superstition.-Pox o'th'time; there's no time but the time present; there's no more to be said of what's past; and all that is to come will happen. If the sun shine by day, and the stars by night-why, we shall know one another's faces without the help of a candle ; and that's all the stars are good for.
For. How, how, Sir Sampson ? that all? Give me leave to contradict you, and tell you, you are ignorant.
Sir S. I tell you, I am wise; and sapiens dominabitur astris; there's Latin for you to prove it, and an argument to confound your Ephemeris.-Ignorant !-I tell you,
I have travelled, old Fercu: and know the globe. I have seen the antipodes, where the sun rises at mid-night, and sets at noon-day.
For. But I tell you, I have travelled, and travelled in the celestial spheres; know the signs and the planets, and their houses; can judge of motions direct and retrograde, of sextiles, quadrates, trines and oppositions, fiery trigons, and acquatical trigons; know whether life shall be long or short, happy or unhappy; whether diseases are curable or incurable; if journies shall be prosperous, undertakings success. ful, or goods stolen recovered: I know