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Sharp. I had better run, and let them know 'tis deferred, [Going. Kitty. [Stopping him.] I have been with them already, and told them my mistress insists upon their coming, and they have all promised to be here; so, pray, don't be under any apprehensions that your preparations will be thrown away.

Gay. But as I can't have her company, Mrs. Kitty, 'twill be a greater pleasure to me, and a greater compliment to her, to defer our mirth; besides, I can't enjoy any thing at present, and she not partake of it.

Kitty. Oh, no! to be sure; but what can I do? my mistress will have it so; and Mrs. Gadabout, and the rest of the company, will be here in a few minutes; there are two or three coachfuls of them.

Sharp. Then my master must be ruined, in spite of my parts. [Aside. Gay. [Aside to SHARP.] 'Tis all over, Sharp! Sharp. I know it, sir.

Gay. I shall go distracted! what shall I do? Sharp. Why, sir, as our rooms are a little out of furniture at present, take them into the captain's that lodges here, and set them down to cards: if he should come in the mean time, I'll excuse you to him. [Aside. Kitty. I have disconcerted their affairs, I find; I'll have some sport with them. [Aside.]-Pray, Mr. Gayless, don't order too many things: they only make you a friendly visit; the more ceremony, you know, the less welcome. Pray, sir, let me entreat you not to be profuse. If I can be of service, pray command ine; my mistress has sent me on purpose: while Mr. Sharp is doing the business without doors, I may be employed within. If you'll lend me the keys of your side-board [To SHARP], I'll dispose of your plate to the best advantage.

Sharp. Thank you, Mrs. Kitty; but it is disposed of already. [Knocking at the door. Kitty. Bless me, the company's come! I'll go to the door, and conduct them into your pre[Exit KITTY.

sence.

Sharp. If you'd conduct them into a horsepound, and wait on them there yourself, we should be much obliged to you.

Gay. I can never support this.

Sharp Rouse your spirits, and put on an air of gaiety, and I don't despair of bringing you off yet.

Gay. Your words have done it effectually. Enter MRS. GAD-ABOUT, MR. Guttle, Mr. TRIPPET, and MRS. TRIPPET.

Gad. Ah, my dear Mr. Gayless! [Kisses him.
Gay. My dear widow !
[Kisses her.
God. We are come to give you joy, Mr. Gay-

less!

Sharp. You never was more mistaken. in your life. [Aside. Gad. I have brought some company here, I believe, is not well known to you; and I protest I have been all about the town to get the little

I have-Mr. Guttle, sir, Mr. Gayless ;—Mr. Gayless, Justice Guttle.

Sharp. Oh, destruction, one of the quorum. Gut. Hem! Though I had not the honour of any personal knowledge of you, yet, at the instigation of Mrs. Gad-about, I have, without any previous acquaintance with you, throwed aside all ceremony, to let you know, that I joy to hear the solemnization of your nuptials is so near at hand.

Gay. Sir, though I cannot answer you with the same elocution, however, sir, I thank you with the same sincerity.

Gad. Mr. and Mrs. Trippet, sir; the properest lady in the world for your purpose, for she'll dance for four and twenty hours together.

Trip. My dear Charles, I am very angry with you, faith; so near marriage, and not let me know! 'twas barbarous; you thought, I suppose, I should rally you upon it; but dear Mrs. Trippet here has long ago eradicated all my antimatrimonial principles.

Mrs. Trip. I eradicate! fie, Mr. Trippet, don't be so obscenc.

Kitty. Pray, ladies, walk into the next room; Mr. Sharp can't lay his cloth till you are set down to cards.

Gad. One thing I had quite forgot, Mr. Gayless: my nephew, whom you never saw, will be in town from France presently; so I left word to send him here to make one.

Gay. You do me honour, madam.

Sharp. Do the ladies choose cards, or the supper first?

Gay. Supper! what does the fellow mean? Gut. Oh! the supper by all means; for I have eaten nothing to signify since dinner. Sharp. Nor I, since last Monday was a fortnight. Aside. Gay. Pray, ladies, walk into the next room': Sharp, get things ready for supper, and call the

music.

Sharp. Well said, master!
Gad. Without ceremony, ladies.

[Exeunt Ladies. Kitty. I'll go to my mistress, and let her know every thing is ready for her appearance. [Erit KITTY.

Enter GUTTLE and SHARP.

Gut. Pray, Mr. What's-your-name, don't be long with supper: But hark'e, what can I do in the mean time? Suppose you get me a pipe and some good wine; I'll try to divert myself that way till supper's ready.

Sharp. Or suppose, sir, you was to take a nap till then; there's a very easy couch in that closet. Gut. The best thing in the world; I'll take your advice; but be sure you wake me when supper is ready. [Exit GUTTLE.

Sharp. Pray heaven, you may not wake till then-What a fine situation my master is in at present! I have promised him my assistance; but bis affairs are in so desperate a way, that I am afraid 'tis out of my skill to recover him,

Well, fools have fortune, says an old proverb, and a very true one it is; for my master and 1 are two of the most unfortunate mortals in the creation.

Enter GAYLESS.

Gay. Well, Sharp, I have set them down to cards; and now what have you to propose?

Sharp. I have one scheme left, which, in all probability, may succeed. The good citizen, overloaded with his last meal, is taking a nap in that closet, in order to get him an appetite for yours. Suppose, sir, we should make him treat us.

Gay. I don't understand you.

Sharp. I'll pick his pocket, and provide us a supper with the booty.

Gay. Monstrous! for without considering the villainy of it, the danger of waking him makes it impracticable!

Gay. Draw, sir, and follow me.

[Exeunt GAYLESS and GAD. Trip. Not I: I don't care to run myself into needless quarrels; I have suffered too much formerly by flying into passions: besides, I have pawned my honour to Mrs. Trippet, never to draw my sword again; and, in her present condition, to break my word might have fatal consequences.

Sharp. Pray, sir, don't excuse yourself; the young gentleman may be murdered by this time. Trip. Then my as-istance will be of no service to him; however-I'll go to oblige you, and look on at a distance.

Mrs. Trip. I shall certainly faint, Mr. Trippet, if you draw,

Enter GUTTLE, disordered, as from sleep.

Gut. What noise and confusion is this?
Sharp. Sir, there's a man murdered in the

Sharp. If he awakes, I'll smother him, and lay his death to indigestion-a very common deathstreet. among the justices.

Gay. Pr'ythee be serious; we have no time to lose: can you invent nothing to drive them out of the house?

Sharp. I can fire it.

Gay. Shame and confusion so perplex me, I cannot give myself a moment's thought. Sharp. I have it; did not Mrs. Gad-about say ber nephew would be here?

Gay. She did.

Sharp. Say no more, but in to your company: if I don't send them out of the house for the night, I'll at least frighten their stomachs away; and if this stratagem fails, I'll relinquish politics, and think my understanding no better than my Beighbour's.

had thrown the supper down-A plague of your
Gut. Is that all? Zounds! I was afraid you
noise-
-I shan't recover my stomach this half
hour.

Enter GAYLESS and GAD-ABOUT, with MELISSA
in boy's clothes, dressed in the French manner.
Gad. Well, but my dear Jemmy, you are not
hurt, sure.

Mel. A little with riding post only.

Gad. Mr. Sharp alarmed us all with an account of your being set upon by four inen; that you had killed two, and was attaking the other when he came away; and when we met you at the door, we were running to your rescue.

Mel. I had a small rencounter with half a dozen villains; but, finding me resolute, they were wise enough to take to their heels: I believe I scratched some of them.

[Laying her hand on her sword. a thought come into my head may prove to our Sharp. His vanity has saved my credit. I have advantage, provided Monsieur's ignorance bears any proportion to his impudence. [Aside.

Gay. How shall I reward thee, Sharp? Sharp. By your silence and obedience: away to your company, sir. [Exit GAYLESS.]-Now, dear madam Fortune, for once open your eyes, and behold a poor unfortunate man of parts addressing you: now is your time to convince your foes you are not that blind, whimsical whore, they take you for; but let them see, by your assting me, that men of sense, as well as fools, are sometimes intitled to your favour and protecGon.So much for prayer; now for a great noise and a lie. [Goes aside, and cries out.]-nephew. Help, help, master! help! gentlemen, ladies! Murder, fire, brimstone!Help, help, help!

Enter MR. GAYLESS and the Ladies, with cards in their hands, and SHARP enters, running, and meets them.

Gay. What's the matter?

Sharp. Matter, sir! if you don't run this miBute with that gentleman, this lady's nephew will be murdered! I am sure it was he; he was set upon at the corner of the street by four; he has Laled two; and if you don't make haste, he'll be Cither murdered, or took to prison. God. For Heaven's sake, gentlemen, run to Ris assistance! How I tremble for Melissa! This frolic of her's may be fatal. [Aside.

Gad. Now my fright's over, let me introduce you, my dear, to Mr. Gayless. Sir, this is my

your friendship.
Gay. [Saluting her.] Sir, I shall be proud of

quianted in a little time.
Mel. I don't doubt but we shall be better ac-

Gut. Prav, sir, what news in France?
Mel. Faith, sir, very little that I know of in
the political way: I had no time to spend among
the politians. I was-

Gay. Among the ladies, I suppose? Mel. Too much, indeed. Faith, I have not philosophy enough to resist their solicitations; you take me? [TO GAYLESS aside. Gay. Yes, to be a most incorrigible fop; 'Sdcath, this puppy's impertinence is an addition to my misery. [Aside to SHARP. Miel. Poor Gayless! to what shifts is he reduc

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Ladies. With all my heart!

Mel. Allons donc.-[As the company goes out, SHARP pulls MELISSA by the sleeve.]

Sharp. Sir, sir! Shall I beg leave to speak with you? Pray, did you find a bank-note in your way hither?

Mel. What, between here and Dover, do you mean?

Sharp. No, sir, within twenty or thirty yards of this house.

Mel. You are drunk, fellow !

Sharp. Damnably, sir; but mum-You must know this entertainment was designed for madam to-night; but she got so very gay after dinner, that she could not walk out of her own house; so her maid, who was half gone too, came here with an excuse, that Mrs. Melissa had got the vapours: and so she had indeed violently, here, here, sir. [Pointing to his head. Mel. This is scarcely to be borne. [Aside.]— Melissa! I have heard of ber; they say she's very whimsical.

Sharp. A very woman, an't please your honour; and, between you and me, none of the mildest and wisest of her sex-But to return, sir, to the twenty pounds.

Mel. I am surprised, you, who have got so much money in his service, should be at a loss for twenty pound, to save your bones at this juncture.

Sharp. I have put all my money out at in

Sharp. I am undone, sir, but not drunk, I'll terest; I never keep above five pounds by me; assure you.

Mel. What is all this?

Sharp. I'll tell you, sir: A little while ago, my master sent me out to change a note of twenty pounds; but I, unfortunately, hearing a noise in the street of, Damn-me, sir! and clashing of swords, and Rascal, and Murder! I runs up to the place, and saw four men upon one: and having heard you was a mettle some young gentleman, I immediately concluded it must be you; so ran back to call my master; and when I went to look for the note to change it, I found it gone, either stole or lost; and if I don't get the money immediately, I shall certainly be turned out of my place, and lose my character

Mel. I shall laugh in his face. [Aside.]-Oh, I'll speak to your master about it, and he will forgive you, at my intercession.

Sharp. Ah, sir, you don't know my master. Mel. I'm very little acquainted with him; but I have heard he's a very good-natured man. Sharp. I have heard so too; but I have felt it otherwise he has so much good-nature, that if I could compound for one broken-head a day, I should think myself very well off.

Mel. Are you serious, friend?

Sharp. Look'e, sir, I take you for a man of honour; there is something in your face that is generous, open, and masculine; you don't look like a foppish effeminate tell-tale; so I'll venture to trust you-See here, sir, [Shews his head.] these are the effects of my master's good-nature. Mel. Matchless impudence! [Aside.]-Why do you live with him, then, after such usage? Sharp. He's worth a great deal of money; and when he's drunk, which is commonly once a day, he's very free, and will give me any thing: but I design to leave him when he's married, for

all that.

Mel. Is he going to be married then? Sharp. To-morrow, sir; and between you and I, he'll meet with his match, both for humour and something else too.

Mel. What! she drinks, too?

and if your honour would lend me the other fifteen, and take my note for it

[Knocking.

Mel. Somebody's at the door.
Sharp. I can give very good security.

[Knocking.

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[Exit SHARP.

Mel. Ha, ha, ha! what lies does this fellow invent, and what rogueries does he commit, for his master's service! There never, sure, was a more faithful servant to his master, or a greater rogue to the rest of mankind. But here he comes again: the plot thickens; I'll in and observe Gayless. [Exit MELISSA.

Enter SHARP, before several persons, with dishes

in their hands, and a Cook, drunk. Sharp. Fortune, I thank thee! the most lucky accident! [Aside.]-This way, gentlemen; this way.

Čook. I am afraid I have mistook the house. Is this Mr. Treatwell's?

Sharp. The same, the same: What, don't you know me?

Cook. Know you!-Are you sure there was a supper bespoke here?

Sharp. Yes, upon my honour, Mr. Cook; the company is in the next room, and must have gone without, had you not brought it. I'll draw a table. I see you have brought a cloth with you; but you need not have done that, for we have a very good stock of linen-at the pawnbroker's. [Aside.

[Exit, and returns immediately, drawing in a table.

Come, come, my boys, be quick; the company began to be very uneasy; but I knew my old friend Lick-spit here would not fail us.

Cook. Lick-spit! I am no friend of your's; so I desire less familiarity: Lick-spit, too!

Enter GAYLESS, and stares. Gay. What is all this?

Sharp. Sir, if the sight of the supper is offensive, I can easily have it removed.

[Aside to GAYLESS. Gay. Pr'ythee, explain thyself, Sharp. Sharp. Some of our neighbours, I suppose, have bespoke this supper; but the cook has drank away his memory, forgot the house, and brought it here: however, sir, if you dislike it, I'll tell him of his mistake, and send him about his business. Gay. Hold, hold! necesity obliges me, against my inclination, to favour the cheat, and feast at my neighbour's expense.

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Mel. Damn the rascal! What does he mean by affronting me?—Let the scoundrel go; I'll polish his brutality, I warrant you. Here's the best reformer of manners in the universe. [Draws his sword.] Let him go, I say!

Cook. Hark you, friend, is that your master? Sharp. Ay; and the best master in the world. Cook. I'll speak to him then-sir, I have, ac- Sharp. So, so, you have done finely now-Get cording to your commands, dressed as genteel aaway as fast as you can; he's the most courasupper as my art and your price would admit of.geous, mettlesome man in all England-Why, Sharp. Good again, sir; 'tis paid for. if his passion was up, he could eat you-Make [Aside to GAYLESS. your escape, you fool. Gay. I don't in the least question your abilities, Mr. Cook; and I'm obliged to you for your

care.

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Gay. Pr'ythee be advised: 'sdeath, I shall be discovered! [Takes the Cook aside. Mel. [To SHARP.] What's the matter? Sharp. The cook has not quite answered my master's expectations about the supper, sir, and he's a little angry at him; that's all.

Met. Come, come, Mr. Gayless, don't be uneay; a bachelor cannot be supposed to have things in the utmost regularity; we don't expect it. Cook. But I do expect it, and will have it. Mel. What does that drunken fool say? Cook. That I will have my money, and I won't stay till to-morrow-and-and

Cook. I won't-eat me! he'll find me damned hard of digestion, though

Sharp. Pr'ythee, come here; let me speak with [They walk aside.

you.

Enter KITTY.

Kitty. Gad's me! is supper on the table already? Sir, pray defer it for a few moments; my mistress is much better, and will be here iminediately.

Gay. Will she, indeed? Bless me!-I did not expect-but however-Sharp! Kitty. What success, madam?

[Aside to MELISSA. Mel. As we could wish, girl, but he is in such pain and perplexity, I can't hold it out much longer.

Kitty. Ay; that holding out is the ruin of half

our sex.

Sharp. I have pacified the cook; and if you can but borrow twenty pieces of that young prig, all may go well yet: you may succeed, though I could not. Remember what I told you-about it straight, sir

Gay. Sir, sir-[TO MELISSA.]-I beg to speak a word with you: my servant, sir, tells me he has had the misfortune, sir, to lose a note of mine of twenty pounds, which I sent him to receiveand the bankers' shops being shut up, and having very little cash by me, I should be much obliged to you if you would favour me with twenty pieces till to-morrow.

Mel. Oh, sir, with all my heart-[Taking out her purse.]—and as I have a small favour to beg of you, sir, the obligation will be mutual, Gay. How may I oblige you, sir.

Mel. You are to be married, I hear, to Melissa?

Gay. You cannot mean it, sure? I am lost in

Gay, to-morrow, sir. Mel. Then you'll oblige me, sir, by never see-wonder! ing her again.

Gay. Do you call this a small favour.

Mel. A mere trifle, sir; breaking of contracts, suing for divorces, committing adultery, and such like, are all reckoned trifles now-a-days: and smart young fellows, like you and myself, Gayless, should be never out of fashion.

Gay. But, pray, sir, how are you concerned in this affair?

Mel. Oh, sir, you must know I have a very great regard for Melissa, and indeed she for me: and, by the by, I have a most despicable opinion of you; for, entre nous, I take you, Charles, to be a very great scoundrel.

Gay. Sir!

Mel. Nay, don't look fierce, sir, and give yourself airs-Damme, sir, I shall be through your body, else, in the snapping of a finger! Gay. I'll be as quick as you, villain!

[Draws, and makes at MELISSA. Kitty. Hold, hold! murder! You'll kill my mistress-the young gentleman, I mean. Gay. Ah, her mistress! [Drops his sword. Sharp. How! Melissa! Nay, then, drive away

cart-all's over now.

Enter all the Company, laughing.

Gad. What, Mr. Gayless, engaging with Melissa before your time? Ha, ha, ha!

Kitty. Your humble servant, good Mr. Politician-To SHARP.]-This is, gentlemen and ladies, the most celebrated and ingenious Timothy Sharp, schemer-general, and redoubted squire to the most renowned and fortunate adventurer Charles Gayless, knight of the woeful countenance: ha, ha, ha! Oh, that dismal face, and more dismal head of yours!

[Strikes SHARP upon the head. Sharp. Tis cruel in you to disturb a man in his last agonies.

Mel. Now, Mr. Gayless! What, not a word? You are sensible I can be no stranger to your misfortunes; and I might reasonably expect an excuse for your ill treatment of me.

Gay. No, madam, silence is my only refuge; for to endeavour to vindicate my crimes, would show a greater want of virtue, than even the commission of them.

Mel. Oh, Gayless? 'twas poor to impose upon a woman, and one that loved you, too!

Gay. Oh, most unpardonable! but my necessities

Mel. Prepare yourself for more wonder-You have another friend in masquerade here. Mr. Cook, pray throw aside your drunkenness, and make your sober appearance. Don't you know that face, sir?

Cook. Ay, master! what, have you forgot your friend Dick, as you used to call me?

Gay. More wonder indeed! Don't you live with my father?

Mel. Just after your hopeful servant, there, had left me, comes this man from Sir William with a letter to me; upon which (being by that wholly convinced of your necessitous condition) I invented, by the help of Kitty and Mrs. Gadabout, this little plot, in which your friend Dick, there, has acted miracles, resolving to teaze you a little, that you might have a greater relish for a happy turn in your affairs. Now, sir, read that letter, and complete your joy.

Gay. [Reads.] Madam, I am father to the unfortunate young man, who, I hear, by a friend of mine (that by my desire has been a continual spy upon him), is making his addresses to you: if he is so happy as to make himself agreeable to you (whose character I am charmed with), I shall own him with joy for my son, and forget his former follies. "I am, madam,

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Your most humble servant, WILLIAM GAYLESS.' 'P. S. I will be soon in town myself, to congra tulate his late reformation and marriage.'

Oh, Melissa, this is too much,! Thus let me show my thanks and gratitude-[Kneeling, she raises him.]—for here 'tis only due.

Sharp. A reprieve! A reprieve! A reprieve! Kitty. I have been, sir, a most bitter enemy to you; but since you are likely to be a little more conversant with cash than you have been, I am now, with the greatest sincerity, your most obedient friend, and humble servant. And I hope, sir, all former enmity will be forgotten.

Gay. Oh, Mrs. Pry, I have been too much indulged with forgiveness myself, not to forgive less offences in other people.

Sharp. Well, then, madam, since my master has vouchsafed pardon to your handmaid Kitty, I hope you'll not deny it to his footman Timo. thy?

Mel. Pardon! for what!

Sharp. Only for telling you about ten thousand lies, madam; and, among the insinu

Sharp. And mine, madam, were not to beating that your ladyship wouldmatched, I'm sure, o'this side starving.

Mel. His tears have softened me at once-Your necessities, Mr. Gayless, with such real contrition, are too powerful motives not to affect the breast already prejudiced in your favour. You have suffered too much already for your extravagance; and as I take part in your sufferings, 'tis easing myself to relieve you: Know, therefore, all that's past I freely forgive.

rest,

Mel. I understand you; and can forgive any thing, Sharp, that was designed for the service of your master; and if Pry and you will follow one example, I'll give her a small fortune as a reward for both your fidelities.

Sharp. I fancy, madam, 'twould be better to halve the small fortune between us, and keep us both single; for as we shall live in the same house, in all probability we may taste the com

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