Lean. Well, go on.

Lean. What's the matter?

Sly. Your mistress, sir, is yonder arrested in an action of 2001. They say 'tis a debt she left hither to Dover; and, if you don't raise money unpaid at London, in the haste of her escape within these two hours to discharge her, she'll be hurried to prison.

Lean. Within these two hours?

Sly. Yes, sir, within these two hours. Lean. Ah, my poor Scapin! I want thy assistance. [SCAPIN walks about surlily. poor Scapin; now you've need of me. Sca. Ah, my poor Scapin! Now I'm your

Lean. No more! I pardon thee all that thon hast done, and worse, if thou art guilty of it.

Sca. No, no; never pardon me: run your sword in my guts; you'll do better to murder

Oct. Faith, Scapin, you must, you cannot but yield.

Sca. Well, then: But do you mark me, sir?

Sca. 'Twas said, she died for love of me, sir: another time, better words and gentler blows. But let that pass.

Lean. Death! you trifling buffoon. Sca. About a week after her death, I drest up myself like her ghost, and went into Madam Lucia, your mistress's chamber, where she lay half in, half out of bed, with her woman by her, reading an ungodly play-book.

Lean. And was it your impudence did that? Sca. They both believed it was a ghost to this hour. But it was myself played the goblin, to frighten her from the scurvy custom of lying awake at those unscasonable hours, hearing filthy plays, when she had never said her prayers. Lean. I shall remember you for all in time and place: But come to the point, and tell me what thou hast said to my father.

Sca. To your father? I have not so much as seen him since his return, and if you would ask him, he'll tell you so himself.

Lean. Yes, he told me himself, and told me all that thou hast said to him.

Sca. With your good leave, sir, then, he lied; I beg your pardon, I mean he was mistaken.

Enter SLY.

Lean. Will you promise to mind my busi

ness?

Sca. As I see convenient, care shall be taken.
Lean. But the time you know is short.
much money is't you want?
Sca. Pray, sir, don't be so troublesome: How

Lean. Two hundred pounds.
Sca. And you?

Oct. As much.

shall be done: For you the contrivance is laid Sca. [To LEANDER.] No more to be said; it already; and for your father, though he be covetous to the last degree, yet, thanks be to Heaven, he's but a shallow person; his parts are not extraordinary: Do not take it ill, sir; for you have no resemblance of him, but that you are very like him. Begone! I see Octavian's father coming; I'll begin with him.

[Exeunt OCTAVIAN and LEANDER. Enter THRIFTY.

Here he comes, mumbling and chewing the cud, to prove himself a clean beast.

Thrifty. Oh, audacious boy, to commit so insolent a crime, and plunge himself in such a

Sly. Oh, sir, I bring you the most unhappy mischief!

news!

Sca. Sir, your humble servant.

Sca. Going to law! Are you mad, to venture Sca. Why, so I said; and after much argument, yourself among lawyers? Do you not see every I brought him to this: Damme,' says he, I day how the spunges suck poor clients, and, am going to the army, and I must have two with a company of foolish nonsensical terms,good horses for myself, for fear one should die; and knavish tricks, undo the nation? No, you shall take another way.

Thrifty. You have reason, if there were any other way.

Sco. Come, I have found one. The truth is, I have a great compassion for your grief. cannot, when I see tender fathers afflicted for

I

Sca. Well reckoned: 'Faith, this arithmetic is | pleadings of doctors, for the register, substitute,

a fine art. Then, I must have one for my boy, will cost twenty more.

Thrifty. Oh, the devil! confounded dog! let him go and be damned! I'll give him nothing. Sca. Sir.

Thrifty. Not a sous, damned rascal! let him turn foot soldier, and be hanged!

Sca. He has a man besides; would you have him go a-foot?

Thrifty. Ay, and his master too; I'll have nothing to do with him.

Sca. Well, you are resolved to spend twice as much at Doctors' Commons, you are; you will stand out for such a sum as this, do.

Thrifty. O, damned, unconscious rascal, well! if it must be so, let him have the other twenty. Sca. Twenty! why it comes to forty. Thrifty. No, I'll have nothing to do in it. Oh, a covetous rogue! I wonder he is not ashamed to be so covetous.

Sca. Why, this is nothing to the charge at Doctors' Commons: and though her brother has no money, she has an uncle able to defend her.

Thrifty. O, eternai rogue! well, I must do it; the devil's in him, I think!

Sca. Then, says he, I must carry into France money, to buy a mule, to carry

Thrifty. Let him go to the devil with his mule; I'll appeal to the judges.

Sca. Nay, good sir, think a little.
Thrifty. No, I'll do nothing.
Sca. Sir, sir; but one little mule?
Thrifty. No, not so much as an ass!
Sca. Consider.

Thrifty. I will not consider; I'll go to law. Sca. I am sure if you go to law, you do not consider the appeals, degrees of jurisdiction, the intricate proceedings, the knaveries, the craving of so many ravenous animals, that will prey upon you! villainous harpies, promoters, tipstaves, and the like; none of which but will puff away the clearest right in the world for a bribe. On the other side, the proctor shall side with your adversary, and sell your cause for ready money: Your advocate shall be gained the same way, and shall not be found when your cause is to be heard. Law is the torment of all torments.

Thrifty. That's true: why, what does the
damned rogue-
-reckon for his mule?
Sca. Why, for horses, furniture, mule, and to
pay some scores that are due to his landlady, he
demands, and will have, two hundred pounds.

Thrifty. Come, come, let us go to law.
[THRIFTY walks up and down in a great heat.
Sca. Do but reflect upon-
Thrifty. I'll go to law.

Sca. Do not plunge yourself-
Thrifty. To law, I tell you.

Sca. Why, there's for procuration, presentation, councils, productions, proctors, attendance, and scribbling vast volumes of interrogatories, depositions, and articles, consultations, and

judgments, signings-Expedition fees, besides
the vast presents to them and their wives.
Hang it the fellow is out of employment; give
him the money, give him it, I say.

Thrifty. What, two hundred pounds!
Sca. Ay, ay; why, you'll gain 150l. by it, I
have summed it up; I say, give it him, i'faith do.
Thrifty. What, two hundred pounds!

Sca. Ay; besides, you ne'er think how they'll rail at you in pleading, tell all your fornications, bastardings, and commutings, in their courts. Thrifty. I defy them; let them tell of my whoring-'tis the fashion!

Sca. Peace! here's the brother.
Thrifty. O Heaven! what shall I do.

Enter SHIFT, disguised like a Bully. Shift. Damme! where's this confounded dog, this father of Octavian? Null the marriage! By all the honour of my ancestors, I'll chine the villain.

Thrifty. Oh, oh!

[Hides himself behind SCAPIN. Sca. He cares not, sir; he'll not give the two hundred pounds.

Shift. By Heaven! he shall be worm's meat within these two hours!

Sca. Sir, he has courage; he fears you not. Thrifty. You lie, I have not courage; I do fear him mortally!

Shift. He, he, he! Ounds he! would all his family were in him, I'd cut off root and branch. Dishonour my sister! this in his guts! What fellow's that? ha!

Sca. Not he, sir.

Shift. Nor none of his friends?

Thrifty. No, sir; hang him, I am his mortal enemy?

Shift. Art thou the cnemy of that rascal ?
Thrifty. Oh! ay, hang him- -Oh damned
[Aside.
bully!
Shift. Give me thy hand, old boy; the next
sun shall not see the impudent rascal alive.
Sca. He'll muster up all his relations against
you.

Thrifty. Do not provoke him, Scapin.
Shift. Would they were all here-ha, ha, ha !

[He forms every way with his sword. Here I had one through the lungs, there another into the heart: Ha! there another into the guts : Ah, rogues ! there I was with you-hah! hah!

Sca. Hold, sir; we are none of your enemies. Shift. No, but I will find the villains out while my blood is up! I will destroy the whole family. Ha, ha, ha. [Exit SHIFT fencing. Thrifty. Here, Scapin, I have two hundred guineas about me, take them. No more to be said. Let me never see his face again. Take them, I say. This is the devil!

Sca. Will you not give them him yourself? Thrifty. No, no! I will never see him more': I shall not recover this these three months! See the business done. I trust in thee, honest Sca

pin-I must repose somewhere-I am mightily | my son, and stay as a pledge in his room, till I can raise the money. out of order-A plague on all bullies, I say! [Exit THRIFTY. Sca. So, there's one dispatched; I must now find out Gripe. He's here; how Heaven brings them into my nets, one after another!

Sca. Alas, sir! think you the captain has so little wit as to accept of such a poor rascally fellow as I am, instead of your son?

Gripe. What the devil did he do a shipboard? Sca. D'ye remember, sir, that you have but an hour's time?

Gripe. Thou sayest he demands-
Sca. Two hundred pounds.

Gripe. Two hundred pounds! Has the fellow no conscience?

Sca. O lord! the conscience of a pirate! why, very few lawful captains have any.

Gripe. Has he not reason neither? Does he know what the sum two hundred pounds is?

Sca. Yes, sir; tarpawlins are a sort of people that understand money, though they have no great acquaintance with sense. But, for Heaven's sake, dispatch!

Gripe. Here, take the key of the countinghouse.

Sca. So !

Gripe. And open it.

Sca, Very good.

Gripe. In the left-hand window lies the key of my garret; go, take all the clothes that are in the great chest, and sell them to the brokers to redeem my son.

Sca. Sir, you're mad! I shan't get fifty shillings for all that's there, and you know that I am straitened for time.

Gripe. What a devil did he do a shipboard! Sca. Let shipboard alone, and consider, sir, your son. But Heaven's my witness, I have done for him as much as was possible; and if he be not redeemed, he may thank his father's kindness.

Gripe. Well, sir, I'll go see if I can raise the money-was it not ninescore pounds you spoke of?

Sca. No; two hundred pounds.

Gripe What two hundred pounds Dutch,

Sca. While we were eating, he put to sea ; and when we were a good distance from the shore, he discovered himself to be an English renegado, | that was entertained in the Dutch service, and sent me off in his long-boat to tell you, that if you don't forthwith send him two hundred pounds, he'll carry away your son prisoner: nay Sca. No, sir; I mean English money; two hunfor aught I know, he'll carry him a slave to Al-dred pounds sterling. giers.

hey?

Gripe. I' th' devil's name, what business had

Gripe. How, in the devil's name? two hun-he a shipboard? Confounded shipboard! dred pounds!

Sca. Yes, sir; and more than that, he has allowed me but an hour's time; you must advise quickly what course to take, to save an only son! Gripe. What a devil had he to do a shipboard? -Run quickly, Scapin, and tell the villain, I'll send my lord chief justice's warrant after him.

Sca. O lord! his warrant in the open sea! d'ye think pirates are fools?

Gripe. I'th' devil's name, what business had be a shipboard?

Sca. There is an unlucky fate, that often hurries men to mischief, sir.

Gripe. Scapin, thou must now act the part of

a faithful servant.

Sca. As bow, sir?

Sca. This shipboard sticks in his stomach. Gripe. Hold, Scapin! I remember I received the very sum just now in gold, but I did not think I should have parted with it so soon. [He presents ScAPIN his purse, but will not

let it go; and in his anxiety pulls his arm to and fro, whilst ScAPIN reaches

at it.

Sca. Ay, sir.

Gripe. But tell the captain he is the son of a whore !

Sca. Yes, sir.

Gripe. A dogbolt.

Sca. I shall, sir.

Gripe. A thief! a robber! and that he forces me to pay him two hundred pounds contrary to

Gripe. Thou must go bid the pirate send me all law or equity.

ACT III.