without fear of thorns-husbands and brothers don't deal in poison and stilettos, as they do with you. Soph. Il nostro amico, Signor Carlo, has tol me a tousant volti, dat you vas de Orlando Innamorato himself. Daf. But not Furioso, I can assure you, my lord, ha, ha, ha! I am for variety, and badinage, without affection-reputation is the great ornament, and ease the great happiness of life-to ruin women would be troublesome; to trifle and make love to them, amuses one. use my women as daintily as my tokay; I merely sip of both, but more than half a glass palls me. I Soph. Il mio proprio gusto-Tukely is right; he's a villain.-Aside.]-Signor Daffodillo, vil you do me de favor to give me stranger, una introduzione to some of your signorine; let vostro amico taste a littel, un poco of your dulce tokay. Daf. O, certamente! I have half a hundred signorines at your service. Soph. Multo obligato, Signor Daffodillo. Enter Servant. Ser. Here's a letter for your honour. [Surlily. Daf. What is the matter with the fellow? Ser. Matter your honour! the lady that went out just now, gave me such a souse on the ear, as I made my bow to her, that I could scarce tell, for a minute, whether I had a head or no. Daf. Ha, ha! poor fellow! there's smart money for you.-[Gives him money.]-[Exit Ser.] -Will your lordship give me leave? Soph. Senza ceremonie-now for it. [Aside. 'SIR, DAFFODIL reads. 'I shall return from the country next week, and shall hope to meet you at Lady Fanny Pewit's assembly next Wednesday. I am very much your humble servant, My lord marquis, here is a letter has started game for you already—the most lucky thought imaginable! Soph. Cosa é questa—cosa, é—vat is? Daf. There are two fine girls, you must know, cousins, who live together; this is a letter from one of them, Sophia is her name; I have addressed them both, but as matters become a little serious on their side, I must raise a jealousy between the friends; discover to one the treachery of the other; and so, in the bustle, steal off as quietly as I can. Soph. O! Spiritoso amico-I can scarce contain myself. [Aside. Daf. Before the mine is sprung, I will introduce you into the town. Soph. You are great generalissimo in verita mà. I feel in miò core vat de poor infelice Sophia vil feel for the loss of Signor Daffadillo. Daf. Yes, poor creature! I believe she'll have a pang or two-tender, indeed! and I believe will be unhappy for some time. Soph. What a monster! [Aside. Daf. You must dine with our club today, where I will introduce you to more of Sir Charles's friends, all men of figure and fashion. Soph. I must primo haf my lettere, dat your amici may be assicurati dat I am no impostore. Daf. In the name of politeness, my lord marquis, don't mention your letters again; none but a justice of peace, or a constable, would ever ask for a certificate of a man's birth, parentage, and education, ha, ha, ha! Soph. Viva, viva il Signor Daffodillo ! You shall be il mio conduttorè in tutte le partite of love and pleasure. Daf. With all my heart! you must give me leave, now, my lord, to put on my clothes-in the mean time, if your lordship will step into my study there, if you chuse music, there is a guitar, and some Venetian ballads; or, if you like reading, there's infidelity and bawdy novels for you; call Ruffle, there. [Exit DAFFODIL. Soph. [Looking after him.]-I am shocked at him; he is really more abandoned than Tukely's jealousy described him. I have got my proofs, and will not venture any further. I am vexed that I should be angry at him, when I should only despise him: but I am so angry, that I could might demand satisfaction for the injury he has almost wish myself a man, that my breeches done my petticoats. [Exit. ACT II. SCENE I.-MRS. DAMPLY's Lodgings. Ara. All this may be true, Sophy-every young fellow has his vanities; fashion has made such irregularities accomplishments, and the man may be worth having, for all your disco veries. Enter ARABELLA and SOPHIA. Soph. In short, his own declarations, the unexpected meeting of Mrs. Dotterel, his usage of my letter, and twenty things beside, determined Soph. What! an abandoned, rash, profligate me not to go among the set of them-So, mak-male-coquette! a wretch, who can assume pasing the best excuse I could, I got quit of him and sions he never feels, and sport with our sex's frailhis companions. ties---fie, fie, Bull! Ara. Well, well, you are too angry to be merciful; if he is such a monster, I am glad you are out of his clutches, and that you can so easily resign him to another. Soph. To another! there is not that woman, be she ever so handsome, that I hate enough, to wish her so much evil; and happy it is for you, Bell, that you have a heart to resist his allure ments. stand cooling my heels, here, while you are making yourselves ridiculous? Soph. Bell's in the right--to business, to business-Mr. Tukely, you must introduce me to the ladies; I can at least make as good a figure as Mr. Daffodil among them. [Exit SOPHIA and TUKELY. Ara. When Daffodil's real inclinations are known, how those poor wretches will be disap[Exit ARA. Ara. Yes, I thank my stars-I am not so sus-pointed! ceptible of impressions of that kind—and yet—I won't swear-if an agreeable man-I-I Soph. No, no, Bell, you are not absolute stone -you, you may be mollified-she is confounded[Aside. Ara. Surely he has not betrayed me-'tis impossible! I cannot be deceived. [Aside. Soph. Well, shall we go in to the ladies and Mr. Tukely? Were they not surprized when he opened the business to them? Ara. 'Twas the finest scene imaginable-You could see, though they all endeavoured to hide their liking to Daffodil, all were uneasy at Tukely's discovery. At first they objected to his scheme; but they began to listen to his proposal the moment I was called out to you; what farther he intends, is a secret to us all ; but here he comes, and without the ladies. Enter TUKEEY. Tuke. Pray, Miss Bell-Bless me! Miss Sophy returned! I dare not ask-and yet, if my eyes do not flatter my heart-your looks→→→ Soph. Don't rely too much upon looks, Mr. Tuke. Madam-why, sure- see the mind in the face. Tuke. I can see, madam, that your mind is not disposed to wish, or make me happy. Soph. Did not I bid you not to rely upon looks? for, do you know, now, that my mind is at this time most absolutely disposed-to do every thing that you would have me. [Curtsies. Tuke. Then I have nothing more to wish, or ask of fortune. [Kneels and kisses her hand. Ara. Come, come; this is no time to attend to one, when you have so many ladies to take care of. adven Tuke. I will not yet enquire into your tures, till I have accomplished my own. The ladies within have at last agreed to attend me this evening; where, if you have a mind to finish the picture you have begun this morning, an opportunity may offer. SCENE II.-The Club-room. LORD RACKET, SIR TAN-TIVY, SIR WILLIAM Daf. What do you say, my lord? that I don't do it in an hour? Lord Rac. Not in an hour and a half, George. Daf. Done with you, my lord! I'll take your seven to five-seventy pounds to fifty! Lord Rac. Done-I lay the odds again, with you, Sir William, and with you, Sir Tivy. Sir Wil. Not I, faith; Daffodil has too many fine women-he'll never do it. Daf. I'll go into the country for a week, and not a petticoat shall come near me—I'll take the odds again. Sir Tan. Done, Daffodil! Lord Rac. You are to hop upon one leg, with- Spin. [Reads Lord Racket has betted seventy pounds to fify, with the honourable George Daffodil, that the latter does not walk from Buckingham-gate to the Bun-house, at Chelsea, eat a bun there, run back to the turnpike, and from thence hop upon one leg, with the other tied to the cue of his wig, to Buckingham-gate again, in an hour and a half.' Sir Wil. The first of April, to be sure. Lord Rac. Come, Daffodil, read the bets and paigne, and go to the opera. Soph, I am contented with my sketch-how-matches of to-day-then let us finish our chainever, I'll make one; and if you have an occasion for a second in any thing-I am your mancommand me. Daf. [Reads. March 24, 1757, Sir TanTivy has pitted Lady Pettitoe, against Dowager Lady Periwinkle, with Sir William Whister, for Tuke. A match-from this moment I take you as my second; nay, my first, in every circum-five hundred pounds.' I'll pit my uncle, Lord stance of our future lives. Chalkstone, against them both. Sir Tun. Done! Ara. Mighty pretty, truly! and so I am to Lord Rac. The odds are against you, Daffodil -my lord has got to plain Nantz, now, every morning. Dat. And the ladies have been at it, to my knowledge, this half year. Lord Rac. Good again, George! Sir Wil. [Reads.]- The honourable George Daffodil has betted one hundred pounds, with Sir William Whister, that he produces a gentleman, before the fifth of June next, that shall live for five days successively, without eating, drinking, or sleeping.' He must have no books, George? Def. No, no; the gentleman I mean, can't read. All. Bravo, George! Lord Rac. Now you talk of dying, how does your cousin Dizzy? Daf. Lingers on, better and worse-Lives upon asses milk, Panada, and Eringo root. Lord Rac. You'll have a wind-fall there, George; a good two thousand a year. Daf. 'Tis better, my lord; but I love Dick so well, and have had so many obligations to him —he saved my life once-that I could wish him better health. Sir Wil. Or in a better place; there's devilish fine timber in Staunton woods. Tan. Down with them, Daffodil. Lord Rac. But let Dizzy drop first; a little blast will fell him. I Diz. You are heartily welcome to any one of them, gentlemen, for a proper purpose-hugh, hugh! Lord Rac. Well said, Dick! How quick his wit, and how youthful the rogue looks! Daf. Bloomy and plump-the country air is a fine thing, my lord. Diz. Well, well, be as jocular as you please; am not so ill as you may wish or imagine; I can walk to Knightsbridge in an hour, for a hundred pounds. Lord Rac. I bet you a hundred of that, Dizzy! Daf. I'll lay you a hundred, Dick, that I drive a sow and pigs to your lodgings, before you can get there. Diz. Done, I say! [Draws his purse.] Done! Two hundred-done-three! Lord Rac. I'll take Dizzy against your sow and pigs! Sir Wil. I take the field against Dizzy. with the thoughts of running with them, that I Diz. Damn your sow and pigs! I am so sick shall certainly faint. [Smells to a bottle.] Hugh, hugh! Daf. Cousin Dizzy can't bear the mention of pork; he hates it-I knew it would work. [Aside to the rest. Diz. I wish you had not mentioned it—I can't stay-Damn your sow and pigs!--Here, waiter, call a chair-Damn your sow and pigs!-hugh, hugh! [Exit Dizzy. Daf. Poor Dizzy! What a passion he is in! Ha, ha, ha! Lord Rac. The woods are yours, George; you may whet the axe; Dizzy won't live a month. Daf. Pooh, this is nothing; he was always weakly. Sir Wil. "Tis a family misfortune, Daffodil. Sir Tan. I'll take it again. Lord Rac. Done, done, done! but I bar all assistance to him; not a physician or surgeon sent for, or I am off. Daf. No, no; we are upon honour. There shall be none, else it would be a bubble betThere shall be none. Sir Wil. If I were my lord, now, the physicians should attend him. Sir Wil. No; but he should be honourable to them, George, and rather conceal a woman's weakness, than expose it-I hate this work-so, I'll go to the coffee-house. [Exit SIR WILLIAM. Lord Rac. Let him go-don't mind him, George; he's married, and past fifty-this will be a fine frolic-devilish high! Daf. Very!-Well, I'll go and prepare myself; put on my surtout, and take my chair to Buckingham-gate. I know the very spot. Lord Ruc. We'll come with flambeaux; you must be surprised, and Daf. I know what to do-Here, waiter, waiter! Enter Waiter. How does cousin Dizzy? Wait. Quite recovered, sir. He is in the Phoenix with two ladies, and has ordered a boiled chicken and jellies. Lord Rac. There's a blood for you! without a drop in his veins. Daf. Do you stay with him, then, till I have secured my lady; and in half an hour from this time, come away, and bring Dizzy with you. Lord Rac. If he'll leave the ladies-Don't the alian Marquis dine with us to-morrow! Daf. Certainly. Lord Rac. Well, do you mind your business, and I'll speak to the cook to shew his geniusAllons! [Exit DAFF.] Tom, bid the cook attend me to-morrow morning, on special affairs. [Erit LORD RACKET, &c. ed Wait. I shall, my lord. Enter ARABELLA, MRS. DAMPLY, LADY FAN Ara. What a figure! and what a scheme! Tuke. Dear ladies, be as merry with my figure as you please!Yet you shall see this figure, aukward as it is, shall be preferred in its turn, as well as you have been. Soph. Why will you give yourself this unnecessary trouble, Mr. Tukely, to convince these ladies, who had rather still be deluded, and will hate your friendship for breaking the charm? Ara. My dear cousin, though you are satisfied, these ladies are not; and, if they have their particular reasons for their infidelity, pray, let them enjoy it, 'till they have other proofs than your prejudices. Soph. Ay, Bell, we have all our prejudices. Tuke. What signifies reasoning, when we are going upon the experiment? Dispose of yourselves behind those trees, and I will repair to the place of appointment, and draw him hither; but you promise to contain yourselves, let what will happen. Hear, and see; but be silent [Exit TUKELY. Soph. A severe injunction, indeed, ladies-But I must to my post. [Exit SOPHIA. Mrs. Damp. If he's a villain, I can never hold! Lady Pew. I shall tear his eyes out! Mrs. Dot. For my part, if I was unmarried, I should not think him worth my anger. Ara. But as you are, madam Mrs. Dot. I understand your insinuations, Miss Bell; but my character and conduct need no justification. Ara. I beg pardon, madam; I intended no offence. But haste to your posts, ladies; the enemy's at hand. [They retire behind the trees. Enter TUKELY and DAFFODIL. Tuke. [In a woman's voice.] For Heaven's sake, let us be cautious!I am sure I heard a noise. Daf 'Twas nothing but your fear, my angel! -don't be alarmed-There can be no danger, while we have love and darkness to befriend us. Tuke. Bless me, how my heart beats! Daf. Poor soul! what a fright it is in!You must not give way to these alarms-Were you as well convinced of my honour, as I am of your charms, you would have nothing to fear[Squeezes her hand. [Aside. Aside. Ara. Upon my word!Mrs. Damp. So, so, so! Tuke. Hold, sir; you must take no liberties— But, if you have the least feeling for an unhappy woman, urged by her passion to this imprudent step, assist me-forgive me-let me go. Daf. Can you doubt my honour? Can you doubt my love? What assurances can I give you to abate your fears? Mrs. Dot. Very slender ones, I can assure her. [Aside. Tuke. I deserve to suffer all I feel-For what, but the most blinded passion, could induce me to declare myself to one, whose amours and infidelities, are the common topic of conversation! Daf. Flattering creature! [Aside.]—May I never know your dear name, see your charming face, touch your soft hand, or hear your sweet voice, if I am not more sincere in my affection for this little finger, than for all the sex besides. [The Ladies seem astonished. Tuke. Except the widow Damply. Daf. She! Do you know her, madam? Tuke. I have not that honour. Daf. I thought so-Did you never see her, madam, nodding and gogling in her old fashioned heavy chariot, drawn by a pair of lean hackney horses, with a fat blackamoor footman behind, in a scanty livery, red greasy stockings, and a dirty turban? [The Widow seems disordered. Tuke. All which may be only a foil to her beauty. [Sighs. Daf. Beauty! don't sigh, madam; she is past forty, wears a wig, and has lost two of her fore teeth.—————And, then, she has so long a beard upon her upper lip, and takes so much Spanish snuff, that she looks for all the world, like the Great Mogul in petticoats; ha, ha Mrs. Dam. What falsehood and ingratitude! [Aside. Tuke. Could I descend to the slander of the town, there is a married lady——— Daf. Poor Mrs. Dotterel, you mean?— Mrs. Dot. Why am I to be mentioned !I have nothing to do Mrs. Damp. Nay, nay; you must have your share of the panegyric. Tuke. She is young, and has wit. Daf. She's an idiot, madam; and as fools are generally loving, she has forgot all her obligations to old Mr. Dotterel, who married her without a petticoat; and now seizes upon every young fellow she can lay her hands upon-she has spoiled me three suits of clothes, with tearing the flaps and sleeves. Ha, ha, ha! Mrs. Dot. Monster of iniquity! | Daf. She has even stormed me in my own house; but, with all my faults, madam, you'll never find me over-fond of age, or ignorance. Mrs. Dump. I could tear him to pieces! Mrs. Dot. I will tear him to pieces! Ara. Be quiet, and we'll all tear him to pieces. Tuke. He has swallowed the hook, and can't [Aside. escape. Tuke. I am only sighing, sir. Daf. Fond creature! [Aside.] I know there are a thousand stories about me: You have heard, too, of Lady Fanny Pewit, I suppose? Don't be alarmed. Tuke. I can't help it, sir. She is a fine woman, and a woman of quality. Daf. A fine woman, perhaps, for a woman of quality-but she is an absolute old maid, madam, almost as thick as she is long-middle-aged, homely, and wanton! That's her character. Lady Pew. Then, there is no sincerity in man. [Going. Ara. Positively, you shan't stir. -She is now upon her last legs. If she does not run away with some foolish gentleman this winter, she'll return into the country and marry her footman, ha, ha, ha ! Lady Pew. My footman shall break his bones, I can tell him that. Daf. Hush, madam! I protest I thought I heard a voice-I wonder they don't come. [Aside. Tuke. 'Twas only I, Mr. Daffodil-I was murmuring to you. [Sighs. Duf. Pretty murmurer!-'Egad, if they don't come soon, the lady will grow fond. [Aside. Tuke. But, among your conquests, Mr. Daffodil, you forgot Miss Sophy Sprightly. Daf. And her cousin Arabella.-I was coming to them; poor, silly, good-natured, loving fools; I made my addresses to one through pique, and the other for pity; that was all. Tuke. O, that I could believe you! Daf. Don't be uneasy! I'll tell you how it was, madam-You must know, there is a silly, selfsufficient fellow, one Tukely Tuke. So, so.-[Aside.]-I know him a little. Daf. I am sorry for it-The less you know of him, the better; the fellow pretended to look fierce at me, for which I resolved to have his mistress: So I threw in my line, and without much trouble, hooked her. Her poor cousin, too, nibbled at the bait, and was caught. So I have had my revenge upon Tukely, and now I shall willingly resign poor Sophy, and throw him in her cousin, for a make-weight, ha, ha, ha! Lady Pew. This is some comfort, at least. Ara. Your ladyship is better than you was. [Noise without. Tuke. I vow, I hear a noise.-What shall we do? It comes this way. Daf. They can't see us, my dear. I wish my friends would come. [Aside.] Don't whisper, or breathe. |