Enter HEARTLY and SIR CHARLES. Sir Cha. I am overjoyed to hear it: There they are, the pretty doves! That is the age, neighbour Heartly, for happiness and pleasure! Heart. I am willing, you see, to lose no time; which may convince you, Sir Charles, how proud I am of this alliance in our families. Sir Cha. The thought of it rejoices me!Gad, I will send for the fiddles, and take a dance myself, and a fig for the gout and rheumatism. -But hold, hold!the lovers, methinks, are a little out of humour with each other What is the matter, Jack? Not pouting, sure, before your time? Young Cla. A trifle, sir -the lady will tell [Hums a tune. Heart. You seem to be troubled, Harriet?— What can this mean? Miss Har. You have been in an error, sir, about me. I did not undeceive you, because I could not imagine that the consequences could have been so serious and so sudden :-But I am now forced to tell you, that you have misunderstood me that you have distressed meHeart. How, my dear? Sir Cha. What do you say, miss? girl, those coxcomical airs of yours would surfeit me. Young Cla. But as the young ladies are not quite so squeamish as you, uncle, I fancy they will choose me as I am. Ha, ha! But what can the lady object to? I have offered to marry her; is not that a proof sufficient that I like her? A young fellow must have some affection that will go to such lengths to indulge it. Ha, ha! Sir Cha. Why, really, friend Heartly, I don't see how a young man can well do more, or a lady desire more. What say you, neighbour? Heart. Upon my word, I am puzzled about it. My thoughts upon the matter are so various, and so confused-every thing I see and hear is so contradictory-is so-She certainly cannot like any body else? Young Cla. No, no; I'll answer for that. Heart. Or she may be fearful, then, that your passion for her is not sincere; or, like other young men of the times, you may grow careless upon marriage, and neglect her. Young Cla. Ha! egad, you have hit it! nothing but a little natural delicate sensibility— [Hums a tune. Heart. If so, perhaps the violence of her re your professions. Young Cla. Mademoiselle is pleased to be outproaches may proceed from the lukewarmness of humour: but I can't blame her; for, upon my honour, I think a little coquettry becomes ber. Sir Cha. Ay, ay, ay,-Oh, ho!-Is that all? These little squalls seldom overset the lover's boat, but drive it faster to port-Ay, ay, ay!Heart. Don't be uneasy, my dear, that you have declared your passion.-Be consistent now, est you should be thought capricious. Young Cla. Talk to her a little, Mr. Heartly; de is a fine lady, and has many virtues; but ste does not know the world. Sir Char. Come, come; you must be friends Can, my children. Miss Har. I beg you will let me alone, sir. Heart. For Heaven's sake, Miss Harriet, explain this riddle to me! Miss Har. I cannot, sir-I have discovered the weakness of my heart, I have discovered it to you, sir.-But your unkind interpretations and reproachful looks convince me, that I have already said but too much.- [Exit HARRIET. [HEARTLY muses. Sir Cha. Well, but harky'e, nephew-This is ying a little too far. What have you done to Ber? Heart. I never saw her so much moved befice! Young Cla. Upon my soul, gentlemen, I am as much surprised at it as you can be:The little brouillerie between us, arose upon her esisting that there was no passion, no penchant between us. Sir Cha. I'll tell you what, Jack- -there is a certain kind of impudence about you, that I do not approve of; and, were I a a young But Young Cla. Je vous demande pordon-I have sworn to her a hundred and a hundred times, that she should be the happiest of her sex. there is nothing surprising in all this; it is the misery of an overfond heart, to be always doubtful of its happiness. Heart. And if she marries thee, I fear that she'll be kept in a state of doubt as long as she lives. [Half aside. Enter Lucy. Lucy. Pray, gentlemen, what is the matter among you? And which of you has affronted my mistress? She is in a most prodigious taking yonder, and she vows to return into the country again-I can get nothing but sighs from her. Young Cla. Poor thing! Lucy. Poor thing! The devil take this love, I say!There's more rout about it than 'tis worth. Young Cla. I beg your pardon for that, Mrs. Abigail. Heart. I must inquire farther into this; her behaviour is too particular for me not to be disturbed at it. Lucy. She desires, with the leave of these gentlemen, that, when she has recovered herself, she may talk with you alone, sir. [To HEARTWELL. Heart. I shall with pleasure attend her. [Exit LUCY. Young Cla. [Sings.] Divin Bacchus, &c. La, la, la ! Sir Cha. I would give, old as I am, a leg or an arm, to be beloved by that sweet creature as you are, Jack! Young Cla. And throw your gout and rheumatism into the bargain, uncle! Ha, ha! [Sings. Divin Bacchus, &c. La, la, la, &c. Sir Cha. What the plague are you quavering at! Thou hast no more feeling for thy happiness than my stick, here. Young Cla. I beg your pardon for that, my dear uncle. [Takes out a pocket looking-glass. Sir Cha. I wonder what the devil is come to the young fellows of this age, neighbour Heartly? Why, a fine woman has no effect upon themIs there no method to make them less fond of themselves, and more mindful of the ladies? Heart. I know but of one, Sir Charles. Sir Cha. Ay; what's that? Heart. Why, to break all the looking-glasses in the kingdom. [Pointing to YOUNG CLACKIT. Sir Cha. Ay, ay; they are such fops, so taken up with themselves! Zounds, when I was young, and in love Young Cla. You were a prodigious fine sight, to be sure! Heart. Look ye, Mr. Clackit, if Miss Harriet's affections declare for you, she must not be treated with neglect or disdain-Nor could I bear it, sir. Any man must be proud of her partiality to him; and he must be fashionably insensible, indeed, who would not make it his darling care to defend, from every inquietude, the most delicate and tender of her sex. Sir Cha. Most nobly and warmly said, Mr. Heartly! Go to her, nephew, directly. Throw yourself at her feet, and swear how much her beauty and virtue have captivated you, and don't let her go till you have set her dear little heart at rest. Young Cla. I must desire to be excused.— Would you have me say the same thing over and over again? I can't do it, positively. It is my turn to be piqued, now. Sir Cha. Damn your conceit, Jack! I can bear it no louger. Heart. I am very sorry to find that any young lady, so near and dear to me, should bestow her heart where there is so little prospect of its being valued as it ought. However, I shall not oppose my authority to her inclinations; and soWho waits there? ACT II. SCENE I-A Library. Enter HEARTLY, speaking to a Servant. I left you so abruptly without making an apology? dear. Heart. I am angry that you think an apology Heart. Tell Miss Harriet that I am here. If necessary. The matter we were upon was of she is indisposed, I will wait upon her in her own such a delicate nature, that I was more pleased room. [Exit Servant.] However mysterious her with your confusion, than I should have been conduct appears to me, yet still it is to be decy-with your excuses.- -You'll pardon me, my phered. This young gentleman has certainly touched her. There are some objections to him, and among so many young men of fashion that fall in her way, she certainly might have made a better choice. She has an understanding to be sensible of this: and, if I am not mistaken, it is a struggle between her reason and her passion, that occasions all this confusion. But here she is. Miss Har. I have reflected, that the person for whom I have conceived the most tender regard, may, from the wisest motives, doubt of my passion; and, therefore, I would endeavour to answer all his objections, and convince him how deserving he is of my highest esteem. Heart. I have not yet apprehended what kind of dispute could arise between you and Mr. Clackit: I would advise you both to come to a reconciliation as soon as possible. The law of Miss Har. I hope you are not angry, sir, that nature is an imperious one, and cannot, like Enter MISS HARRIET. those of our country, be easily evaded; and | though reason may suggest some disagreeable reflections, yet when the stroke is to be given, we must submit to it. Miss Har. He still continues in his error, and I cannot undeceive him. [Aside. Heart. Shall I take the liberty of telling you, my dear. [Taking her hand.] You tremble, Harriet! What is the matter with you? Miss Har. Nothing, sir. Pray, go on. Heart. I guess whence proceeds all your uneasiness. You fear that the world will not be so readily convinced of this young gentleman's merit as you are: and, indeed, I could wish him more deserving of you; but your regard for him gives him a merit he otherwise would have wanted, and almost makes me blind to his frailties. Miss Har. And would you advise me, sir, to make choice of this young gentleman? Heart. I would advise you, as I always have done, to consult your own heart upon such an occasion. [Aside. Miss Har. Yet my passion is a most disinterested one.' Miss Har. If that is your advice, I will most [Writes.] I must write what she would have me. religiously follow it; and, for the last time, I am resolved to discover my real sentiments; but, as a confession of this kind will not become me, I have been thinking of some inDocent stratagem to spare my blushes, and in part to relieve me from the shame of a declaration. Might I be permitted to write to him? Heart. I think you may, my dear, without the least offence to your delicacy! And, indeed, you ought to explain yourself; your late misunderstanding makes it absolutely neces sary. Miss Har. Will you be kind enough to assist me? Will you write for me, sir? Heart. Oh, most willingly! And as I am made a party, it will remove all objections. Heart. Most disinterested one.' [Writes. Miss Har. And to convince you, that you owe much more to my affections' Heart. And, then? Hart. Stay, stay: Had not experienced [Writes. Miss Har. Your tender care of me in my infancy Heart. [Disturbed.] What did you say? Did I hear right, or am I in a dream? [Sighing. Miss Har. I will dictate to you in the best manner I am able. Heart. And here is pen, ink, and paper, to obey your commands. [Draws the table. Miss Har. How my heart beats! I fear I cannot go through it. [Aside. Heart. Now, my dear, I am ready. Don't be disturbed. He is certainly a man of family; and though he has some little faults, time, and your virtues, will correct them. Come, what shall I write? [Preparing to write. Miss Har. Pray, give me a moment's thought. Tis a terrible task, Mr. Heartly. Heart. I know it is. Don't hurry yourrelf: I shall wait with patience. Come, Miss Har riet Miss Har. [Dictating.] It is in vain for me to conceal from one of your understanding the secrets of my heart!' Heart. The secrets of my heart!' [Writing. Miss Har. Though your humility and modesty will not suffer you to perceive it?' [Aside. Miss Har. Why have I declared myself? He'll hate me for my folly. [dside. is of Heart. Harriet! Heart. To whom do you write this letter? it not? Heart. You must not mention then the care your infancy; it would be ridiculous. Miss Har. It would indeed; I own it; it is improper. Heart. What, did it escape you in your confusion? Miss Har. It did, indeed. Heart. What must I put in its place? Miss Har. Indeed I don't know. I have said more than enough to make myself under stood. Heart. Then, I'll only finish your letter with the usual compliment, and send it away. Miss Har. Yes; send it away; if you think I ought to send it. L Heart. [Troubled.] Ought to send it! Who's | so much upon his guard against the approaches there? Enter a Servant. Carry this letter of vanity, yet he will find himself weak in that quarter. Had not my reason made a little stand against my presumption, I might have interpreted some of Harriet's word's in my own favour; but I may well blush, though alone, [An action escapes from HARRIET, as if to at my extravagant folly!-Can it be possible, hinder the sending the letter.] Is it not for Mr. Clackit? Miss Har. [Peevishly.] Who can it be for? that so young a creature should even cast a thought of that kind upon me? Upon me! Presumptuous vanity!-No, no; I will do her and Heart. [To the Servant.] Here, take this let-myself the justice to acknowledge, that, for a ter to Mr. Clackit. [Gives a letter.] very few slight appearances, there are a thousand reasons that destroy so ridiculous a supposition. [Exit Servant. Miss Har. What a terrible situation! [Aside. Aside. Heart. I am thunderstruck! Heart. My prudence fails me! Miss Har. He disapproves my passion, and I shall die with confusion! [Aside. Enter Lucy. Lucy. The conversation is over, and I inay appear. [Aside.] Sir Charles is without, sir, and is impatient to know your determination. May he be permitted to see you? Heurt. [Aside.] I must retire to conceal my weakness. [Exit. Lucy. Upon my word, this is very whimsical! -What is the reason, miss, that your guardian is gone away without giving me an answer? Miss Har. What a contempt he must have for me, to behave in this manner! [Erit. Lucy. Extremely well this, and equally foolish on both sides! But what can be the meaning of it? Ho, ho, I think I have a glimmering at last. Suppose she should not like young Shatterbrains after all; and, indeed, she has never absolutely said she did; who knows but she has at last opened her mind to my good master, and he, finding her taste (like that of other girls at her age) most particularly ridiculous, has not been so complaisant as he used to be. What a shame it is, that I don't know more of this matter, a wench of spirit as I am, a favourite of my mistress, and as inquisitive as I ought to be! It is an affront to my character, and I must have satisfaction inmediately. [Going.] I will go directly to my young mistress; teaze her to death, till I am at the bottom of this; and if threatening, soothing, scolding, whimpering, crying, and lying, will not prevail, I will e'en give her warning, and go upon the stage. Enter HEARTLY. Enter SIR CHARLES. Sir Cha. Well, Mr. Heartly, what are we to hope for? Heart. Upon my word, sir, I am still in the dark; we puzzle about, indeed, but we don't get forward. Sir Cha. What the devil is the meaning of all this? There never sure were lovers so difficult to bring together. But have you not been a little too rough with the lady? For as I passed by her but now, she seemed a little out of humour; and, upon my faith, not the less beautiful for a little pouting. Heart. Upon my word, Sir Charles, what I can collect from her behaviour is, that your nephew is not so much in her good graces, as he made you believe. Sir Cha. 'Egad, like enough. But, hold, hold! this must be looked a little into: If it is so, I would be glad to know, why, and wherefore, I have been made so ridiculous. Eh, Mr. Heartly, does he take me for his fool, his beast, his Merry Andrew? By the Lord Harry Heart. In him, a little vanity is excusable. Sir Cha. I am his vanity's humble servant for that, though. Heart. He is of an age, Sir Charles Sir Cha. Ay, of an age to be very impertinent; but I shall desire him to be less free with his uncle for the future, I assure him. Enter Lucy. Lucy. I have it, I have it, gentlemen! You need not puzzle any more about the matter. I have got the secret. I know the knight-errant that has wounded our distressed lady. Sir Cha. Well, and who, and what, child? Heart. Not directly. Heart. The more I reflect upon what has passed, the more I am convinced, that she did not intend writing to this young fellow. What am I to think of it then? Let a man be ever What pleasure it is to discover a secret, and then tell it to all the world! I pressed her so much, that she at last confessed. Lucy. In short, as she had openly declared against the nephew, I took upon me to speak of his uncle. Sir Cha. Of ine, child? Lucy. Yes, of you, sir- -And she did not say me nay, but cast such a look, and fetched such a sigh, that if ever I looked, and sighed in my life, I know how it is with her. Sir Cha. What the devil! Why, surely-Eh, Lucy? You joke for certain. Mr. Heartly! Eh? Lucy. Indeed I do not, sir. 'Twas in vain for me to say, that nothing could be so ridicufous as such a choice. Nay, sir, I went a little farther (you'll excuse me), and told her-Good God, madam! said I, why, he is old and gouty, asthmatic, rheumatic, sciatic, spleen-atic-It signified nothing; she had determined. Sir Cha. But you need not have told her all that. Heart. I am persuaded, Sir Charles, that a good heart and a good mind will prevail more with that young lady, than the most fashionable accomplishments. Sir Chu. I'll tell you what, neighbour, I have had my days, and have been well received among the ladies, I have. But, in truth, I am rather in my winter, than my autumn; she must mean somebody else. Now I think again, it can't be me. No, no; it can't be me. Lucy. But I tell you it is, sir. You are the man. Her stars have decreed it; and what they decree, though ever so ridiculous, must come to pass. Sir Cha. Say you so? Why, then, monsieur nephew, I shall have a little laugh with you, ha, ha, ha! The tit bit is not for you, my nice sir. Your betters must be served before you. But here he comes. Not a word, for your life. We'll laugh at him most triumphantly, ha, ha! but mum, mum. Enter YOUNG CLACKIT. [Music plays without.] Young Cla. That will do most divinely well! Bravo! bravo! Messieurs Vocal and Instrumental! Stay in that chamber, and I will let you know the time for your appearance. [To the Musicians.]-Meeting, by accident, with some artists of the string, and my particular friends, I have brought them to celebrate Miss Harriet's and my approaching happiness. [TO HEARTLY. Sir Cha. Do you hear the puppy? [To Lucy. Heart. Miss Harriet, sir, was not destined for you. Young Cla. What do you say, sir. Heurt. That the young lady has fixed her affections upon another! Young Cla. Upon another? Sir Cha. Yes, sir, another: That is English, sir; and you may translate it into French, if you like it better. Young Cla. Vous êtes bien drole, mon oncle. -Ha, ha! Sir Cha. Ay, ay, show your teeth, you have nothing else for it. But she has fixed her heart upon another, I tell you. Young Cla. Very well, sir; extremely well. Sir Cha. And that other, sir, is one to whom you owe great respect. Young Cla. I am his most respectful humble servant. Sir Cha. You are a fine youth, my sweet nephew, to tell me a story of a cock and a bull, of you and the young lady, when you have no more interest in her than the czar of Muscovy. Young Cla. [Smiling.] But, my dear uncle, don't carry this jest too far-I shall begin to be uneasy. Sir Cha. Ay, ay; I know your vanity: You think now, that the women are all for you young fellows. Young Cla. Nine hundred and ninety-nine in a thousand, I believe, uncle: Ha, ha, ha! Sir Cha. You'll make a damned foolish figure by and by, Jack! Young Cla. Whoever my precious rival is, he must prepare himself for a little humility; for be he ever so mighty, my dear uncle, I have that in my pocket will lower his top-sails for him. [Searching his pockets. Sir Cha. Well, what's that? Young Cla. A fourteen pounder only, my good uncle-A letter from the lady. [Takes it out of his pocket-book. Sir Cha. What, to you? Young Cla. To me, sir-This moment received, and overflowing with the tenderest sentiments. Sir Cha. To you! Young Cla. Most undoubtedly. She reproaches me with my excessive modesty. There can be no mistake. Sir Cha. What letter is this he chatters about? [TO HEARTLY. Heart. One written by me, and dictated by the young lady. Sir Cha. What! sent by her to him? Sir Cha. Well, but then-How the devilMrs. Lucy!-Eh!-What becomes of your fine story? Lucy. I don't understand it. |