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SCENE I. A room in LORD MINIKIN's house. Enter LADY MINIKIN and MISS TITTUP. Lady Min. It is not, my dear, that I have the least regard for my lord. I had no love for him, before I married him; and you know, matrimony is no breeder of affection; but it hurts my pride, that he should neglect me, and run after other women.

Miss Tit. Ha, ha, ha! how can you be so hypocritical, Lady Minikin, as to pretend to uneasiness at such trifles? but pray, have you made any new discoveries of my lord's gallantry? Lady Min. New discoveries! why, I saw him

I myself yesterday morning in a hackney coach, with a minx in a pink cardinal; you shall absolutely burn yours, Tittup, for I shall never bear to see one of that colour again.

Miss Tit. Sure she does suspect me. [Aside.] And where was your ladyship, pray, when you saw him?

Lady Min. Taking the air with Colonel Tivy in his vis à vis.

Miss Tit. But, my dear Lady Minikin, how can you be so angry, that my lord was hurting your pride, as you call it, in the hackney-coach, when you had him so much in your power, in the vis à vis?

Lady Min. What, with my lord's friend, and | cravat nicely twisted down his breast, and thrust my friend's lover! [Takes her by the hand.] O fie, Tittup!

Miss. Tit. Pooh, pooh, love and friendship are very fine names, to be sure; but they are mere visiting acquaintances; we know their names, indeed, talk of them sometimes, and let them knock at our doors, but we never let them in, you know.

through his gold button-hole, which looked exactly like my little Barbet's head in his gold collar-Niece Tittup,' cries he, drawing himself up, I protest against this manner of conducting yourself both at home and abroad.'What are your objections, Sir John?' answerI, a little pertly- Various and manifold,' replied he; I have no time to enumerate particulars now, but I will venture to prophecy, if you keep whirling round the vortex of pantheons, operas, festinos, coteries, masquerades, and Miss Tit. I am extremely indifferent in these all the devilades in this town, your head will be affairs, thanks to my education. We must giddy, down you will fall, lose the name of Lumarry, you know, because other people of fa-cretia, and be called nothing but Tittup ever shion marry; but I should think very meanly after-You'll excuse me, cousin!'—and so he of myself, if, after I was married, I should feel left me. the least concern at all about my husband.

[Looking roguishly at her. Lady Min. I vow, Tittup, you are extremely polite.

Lady Min. I hate to praise myself; and yet I may, with truth, aver, that no woman of quality ever had, can have, or will have, so consummate a contempt for her lord, as I have for my most honourable and puissant Earl of Minikin, Vicount Perriwinkle, and Baron Titmouse -Ha, ha, ha!

Miss Tit. But, is it not strange, Lady Minikin, that merely his being your husband should create such indifference? for certainly, in every other eye, his lordship has great accomplish

nients.

Lady Min. Accomplishments! thy head is certainly turned; if you know of them, pray let's have them; they are a novelty, and will

amuse me.

Miss Tit. Imprimis, he is a man of quality. Lady Min. Which, to be sure, includes all the cardinal virtues-poor girl!--go on!

Miss Tit. He is a very handsome man.
Lady Min. He has a very bad constitution.
Miss Tit. He has wit.

Lady Min. He is a lord, and a little goes a great way.

Miss Tit. He has great good nature. Lady Min. No wonder-he's a fool. Miss Tit. And then his fortune, you'll allow Lady Min. Was a great one-but he games, and, if fairly, he's undone; if not, he deserves to be hanged-and so, exit my Lord Minikin. And now, let your wise uncle, and my good cousin, Sir John Trotley, baronet, enter; where is he, pray?

Miss Tit. In his own room, I suppose, reading pamphlets and newspapers against the enormities of the times. If he stays here a week longer, notwithstanding my expectations from him, I shall certainly affront him.

Lady Min. I am a great favourite; but it is impossible much longer to act up to his very righteous ideas of things. Isn't it pleasant to hear him abuse every body, and every thing, and yet always finishing with a 'You'll excuse me, cousin? Ha, ha, ha!

Miss Tit. What do you think the Goth said to me yesterday? one of the knots of his tye hanging down his left shoulder, and his fringed

Lady Min. O, the barbarian!
Enter GYMP.

Gymp. A card, your ladyship, from Mrs.
Pewitt.

Lady Min. Poor Pewitt! If she can but be seen at public places with a woman of quality, she's the happiest of plebeians.

[Reads the card.

'Mrs Pewitt's respects to Lady Minikin, and Miss Tittup; hopes to have the pleasure of attending them to Lady Filligree's ball this evening-Lady Daisy sees masks. We'll certainly attend her-Gymp, put some messagecards upon my toilet, I'll send an answer immediately; and tell one of my footmen, that he must make some visits for me to-day again, and send me a list of those he made yesterday: he must be sure to call at Lady Pettitoes, and if she should unluckily be at home, he must say that he came to enquire after her sprained ankle.

Miss Tit. Ay, ay, give our compliments to her sprained ankle.

Lady Min. That woman's so fat, she'll never get well of it, and I am resolved not to call at her door myself till I am sure of not finding her at home. I am horribly low spirited to day! do send your colonel to play at chess with mesince he belonged to you, Titty, I have taken a kind of liking to him; I like every thing that loves my Titty. [Kisses her. Miss Tit. I know you do, my dear lady! [Kisses her.

Lady Min. That sneer I don't like; if she suspects, I shall hate her! [Aside.] Well, dear Titty, I'll go and write my cards, and dress for the masquerade; and, if that won't raise my spirits, you must assist me to plague my lord a little. [Exit.

Miss Tit. Yes, and I'll plague my lady a little, or I am much mistaken. My lord shall know every tittle that has passed: what a poor, blind, half-witted, self-conceited creature this dear friend and relation of mine is! and what a fine, spirited, gallant soldier my colonel is! My lady Minikin likes him, he likes my fortune;

my lord likes me, and I like my lord; however, not so much as he imagines, or to play the fool so rashly as he may expect; she must be very silly indeed, who can't flutter about the flame, without burning her wings. What a great revolution in this family in the space of fifteen months!-We went out of England, a very aukward, regular, good English family; but half a year in France, and a winter passed in the warmer climate of Italy, have ripened our minds to every refinement of ease, dissipation, and pleasure.

Enter COLONEL TIVY.

Col. Ticy. May I hope, madam, that your humble servant had some share in your last reverie?

Miss Tit. How is it possible to have the least knowledge of Colonel Tivy, and not make him the principal object of one's reflections?

Col. Try. That man must have very little feeling and taste, who is not proud of a place in the thoughts of the finest woman in Europe. Miss Tit. O fye, colonel! [Curtsies, and blushes. Col. Tivy. By my honour, madam, I mean what I say!

Miss Tit. By your honour, colonel! why will you pass off your counters to me? don't I know that you tine gentlemen regard no honour but that which is giving at the gaming table, and which indeed ought to be the only honour you should make free with?

Col. Tiry. How can you, miss, treat me so cruelly? have I not absolutely forsworn dice, mistresses, every thing, since I dared to offer myself to you?

Miss Tit. Yes, colonel; and when I dare to receive you, you may return to every thing again, and not violate the laws of the present happy matrimonial establishment.

Col. Tiry. Give me but your consent, madam, and your life to come

Miss Tit. Do you get my consent, colonel, and I'll take care of my life to come.

Col. Tivy. How shall I get your consent? Miss Tit. By getting me in the humour. Col Tir. But how to get you in the humour? Miss Tit. O, there are several ways; I am very good-natured.

Col. Tivy. Are you in the humour now?

Miss Tit. Try me.

Col. Tivy. How shall I?

Miss Tit. No, no, no, I have no time to be killed now; besides Lady Minikin is in the vapours, and wants you at chess, and my lord is low-spirited, and wants me at picquet; my uncle is in an ill humour, and wants me to discard you, and go with him into the country. Col. Tiv. And will you, miss?

Miss Tit. Will I,-no, I never do as I am bid: but you ought-so, go to my lady. Col. Tivy. Nay, but, miss

Miss Tit. Nay, but, colonel, if you won't obey your commanding officer you should be broke, and then my maid won't accept of you; so march, colonel!-lookye, sir, I will command before marriage, and do what I please afterwards, or I have been well educated to very little purpose.

[Exit MISS TITTUP.

Col. Tivy. What a mad devil it is!-Now, if I had the least affection for the girl, I should be damnably vext at this!--but she has a fine fortune, and I must have her if I can-Tol, lol, lol, &c. [Exit singing.

Enter SIR JOHN TROTLEY and DAVY. Sir John. Hold your tongue, Davy; you talk like a fool!

Davy. It is a fine place, your honour, and I could live here for ever.

Sir John. More shame for you-live here for ever!-what among thieves and pickpockets! -What a revolution since my time! the more I see, the more I've cause for lamentation; what a dreadful change has time brought about in twenty years! I should not have known the place again nor the people-all the signs, that made so noble an appearance, are all taken down— not a bob or tye-wig to be seen! all the degrees, from the parade in St. James's Park, to the stool and brush at the corner of every street, have their hair tied up-the mason laying bricks, the baker with his basket, the post-boy crying newspapers, and the doctors prescribing physic, have all their hair tied up! and that's the reason so many heads are tied up every month.

Davy. I shall have my head tied up to-morrow; Mr. Wisp will do it for me-your honour and I look like Philistines among them.

Sir John. And I shall break your head, if it is tied up! I hate innovations: all confusion, and no distinction!--the streets now are as smooth as a turnpike road! no rattling and exercise in the hackney-coaches; those who ride in them Miss Tit. How shall I!-you a soldier, and are all fast asleep; and they have strings in not know the art military?-how shall I?--I'll their hands, that the coachman must pull to tell you how-when you have a subtle, treacher-wake them, when they are to be set downous politic enemy to deal with, never stand what luxury and abomination!

shilly-shally, and lose your time in treaties and Dary. Is it so, your honour?-'feckins, I like parlies, but cock your hat, draw your sword-it hugely! march, beat drum-dub, dub adub-present, fire, piff, pauff-'tis done! they fly, they yield-Vic-don. toria! Victoria!Running off.

Sir John. But you must hate and detest Lon

Davy. How can I manage that, your honour, Col. Tivy. Stay, stay, my dear, dear angel! when there is every thing to delight my eye, and cherish my heart?"

[Bringing her back. I

bed all day, sit up all night; if they are silent,
they are gaming; and, if they talk, 'tis either
scandal or infidelity; and that they may look
what they are, their heads are all feather, and
round their necks are twisted rattlesnake tip-
-O tempora, O mores!
[Exit.

Sir John. 'tis all deceit and delusion! Davy. Such crowding, coaching, carting, and squeezing! such a power of fine sights! fine shops full of fine things! and then such fine illuminations all of a row! and such fine dainty ladies in the streets, so civil and so graceless!-petsthey talk of country girls! these here look more healthy and rosy by half.

Sir John. Sirrah, they are prostitutes, and are civil to delude and destroy you they are painted Jezabels! and they who hearken to them, like Jezabel of old, will go to the dogs! if you dare to look at them, you will be tainted; and if you speak to them, you are undone.

Davy, Bless us, bless us !-how does your honour know all this!-were they as bad in your time?

Sir John. Not by half, Davy-In my time there was a sort of decency in the worst of women; but the harlots, now, watch like tygers for their prey, and drag you to their dens of infamy-See, Davy, how they have torn my neckcloth? [Shews his neckcloth. Davy. If you had gone civilly, your honour, they would not have hurt you.

Sir John. Well, we'll get away as fast as we

can.

Davy. Not this month, I hope, for I have not had half my belly-full yet.

Sir John. I'll knock you down, Davy, if you grow profligate; you sha'nt go out again tonight, and to-morrow keep in my room, and stay till I can look over my things, and see they don't cheat you. Davy. Your honour, then, won't keep your word with me? [Sulkily.

Sir John. Why, what did I promise you? Davy. That I should take sixpen'oth of oneof the theatres to-night, and a shilling-place at

the other to-morrow.

Sir John. Well, well, so I did: is it a moral piece, Davy?

Davy. O yes, and written by a clergyman; it is called the Rival Cannanites, or the Tragedy of Bragadocia,

Sir John. Be a good lad, and I won't be worse than my word; there's money for you-[Gives him some.] but come strait home, for I shall want to bed. go

to

Davy. To be sure, your honour-as I am to go soon, I'll make a night of it.

[Aside, and exit. Sir John. This fellow would turn rake and maccaroni if he was to stay here a week longer -Bless me, what dangers are in this town at every step! O, that I were once settled safe again at Trotley Place! nothing but to save my country should bring me back again. My niece Lucretia is so be-fashioned and be-devilled, that nothing, I fear, can save her; however, to ease my conscience, I must try. But what can be expected from the young women of these times, but sallow looks, wild schemes, saucy words, and loose morals! They lie a

SCENE II.-LORD MINIKIN'S Dressing Room.
LORD MINIKIN discovered in his powder-

ing gown, with JESSANY and MIGNON. Lord Min. Prithee, Mignon, don't plague me any more! dost think that a nobleman's head has nothing to do but be tortured all day under thy infernal fingers? give me my

cloaths.

Mig. Ven you loss your monee, my lor, you no goot humour; the devil may dress your che[Exit.

veau for me!

but he's a genius, so I must bear with him. Lord Min. That fellow's an impudent rascal! Our beef and pudding enriches their blood so much, that the slaves in a month forget their. chair, Jessamy! I must absolutely change my misery and soup-maigre-O, my head! a

wine-merchant: I cannot taste his champaigne without disordering myself for a week! heig[Sighs.

ho

Enter MISS TITTUP.

Miss Tit. What makes you sigh, my lord? Lord Min. Because you were so near me, child.

Miss Tit. Indeed!I should rather have thought my lady had been with you-by your looks, my lord, I am afraid fortune jilted you last night.

Lord Min. No, faith! our champaigne was not good yesterday, and I am vapoured like our English November; but one glance of my Tittup can dispel vapours like-like

Miss Tit. Like something very fine to be sure; but pray keep your simile for the next time; and hark ye-a little prudence will not be amiss; Mr. Jessamy will think you mad, and me worse. [Half aside.

Jes. O, pray don't mind me, madain." Lord Min. Gadso, Jessamy, look out my domino and I'll ring the bell when I want you. Jes. I shall, my lord. Miss thinks that every body is blind in the house but herself.

[Aside, and exit.

Miss Tit. Upon my word, my lord, you must be a little more prudent, or we shall become the town talk.

Lord Min. And so I will, my dear! and, therefore, to prevent surprise, I'll lock the door. Miss Tit. What do you mean, my lord? Lord Min. Prudence, child, prudence! I keep all my jewels under lock and key.

Miss Tit. You are not in possession, yet, my lord: I can't stay two minutes; I only came to tell you, that Lady Minikin saw us yesterday in the hackney-coach; she did not know me, I be

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