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Young Wild. Not I, as I hope to be saved! | Kit. Wilding.
Old Wild. And how came you by that name, Ser. A young lady begs to speak with Mr. Kit. Most lawfully, sir; by the sacred band
the holy tie, that made us one. Young Wild. With me?
Old Wild. What! married to him? Miss God. A young lady with Mr. Wilding? 1 Kit. Most true.
Ser. She seems distressed, madam, and ex Omnes. How ! tremely pressing for admittance.
Young Wild. Sir, may I never Miss God. Indeed! There may be something Old Wild. Peace, monster One question in this! You must pei mit me, sir, to pause a more; Your maiden name? little: who knows but a prior claina may pre-l Kit. Sybthorp. vent
Old Wild. Lydia, from Abington, in the counOld Wild. Now, sir, who is this lady? ty of Berks?
Young Wild. It is impossible for me to divine, Kit. The same. sir,
Old Wild. As I suspected. So, then, the Old Wild. You know nothing of her? whole story is true, and the monster is married Young Wild. How should I?
at last! Old Wild. You hear, madam.
Young Wild. Me, sir! By all that's Miss God. I presume your son can have no Old Wild. Eternal dumbness seize thee, meaobjection to the lady's appearance.
sureless liar? Young Wild. Not in the least, madam. Young Wild. If not me, hear this gentleman Miss God. Show her in, John. [Erit Ser. - Marquis
Old Wild. No, madam. I don't think there is Pap. Not I; I'll be drawn into none of your the least room for suspecting him : he can't he so scrapes: it is a pit of your own digging; and so abandoned as to-But she is here. Upon my get out as well as you can. Mean time I'll shift word, a sightly woman!
Old Wild. What evasion now, monster?
Miss God. Deceiver !
Old Wild. Liar! Kit. Where is he?-Oh, let me throw my |
Aliss God. Impostor! arnus-my life, my
Young Wild. Why, this is a general combinaYoung Wild. Hey-day!
tion to distract me; but I will be heard. Sir, Kit. And could you leave me? and for so you are grossly imposed upon: the low contriver long a space? Think how the tedious time has of this woman's shallow artifice I shall soon find lagged along.
means to discover; and as to you, madanı, with Young Wild. Madam!
whom I have been suddenly surprised into a Kit. But we are met at last, and now will part contract, I most solemly declare this is the first no more!
time I ever set eyes on you. Young Wild. The deuce we won't!
Old Wild. Amazing confidence! Did not I Kit. What! not one kind look! no tender bring her at your own request? word to hail our second meeting!
Young Wild. No, Young Wild. What the devil is all this?
Miss God. Is not this your own letter? Kit. Are all your oaths, your protestations, Young Wild. No. come to this? Have I deserved such treatment? Kit. Am not I your wife? Quitted my father's house, left all my friends, Young Wild. No. and wandered here alone in search of thec, thou Old Wild. Did not you own it to me? first, last, only object of my love?
Young Wild. Yes—that is—No, no. Old Wild. To what can all this tend? Hark Kit, Hear me. ye, sir, unriddle this mystery.
Young Wild. No. Young Wild. Davus, non Edipus sum. It is Miss God. Answer me. beyond me, I confess. Some lunatic escaped
Young Wild. No. froin her keeper, I suppose.
Old Wild. Have not I--Kit. Ai I disowned then, contemned, slight
Young Wild. No, no, no, Zounds ! you are ed?
all mad? and, if I stay, I shall catch the infecOld Wild. Hold; let me inquire into this mat- tion.
[Erit YOUNG WILD. ter a little. Pray, madam--You seem to be pretty familiar bere.—Duv you know this gentle Enter Sir James Elliott, and Miss Grant
HAM. kit. Too well. Ola Wild. His name?
Omnes. Ha, ha, ha! Kit. Wilding.
Miss Gran. Finely performed ! Old. Wild. So far she is right. Now yours, if | Old Wild. You have kept your promise ; and you please.
1 I thank you, madam.
Miss Gran. My medicine was somewhat at heart, till we have undeniable proofs of the rough, sir; but in desperate cases, you know, success of our operations. To the ladies, indeed,
Old Wild. If his cure is completed, he will no character is so dangerous as that of a liar: gratefully acknowledge the cause; if not, the punishment comes far short of his crimes. It They in the fairest fames can fix a flaw, is needless to pay you any compliments, sir And vanquish females, whom they never saw. James; with that lady you can't fail to be happy.
Ereunt omnes. I shan't venture to hint a scheme I have greatly
Scene - London.
Tire. Hallon, Harry! Harry Enter WILL TIREHACK and HARRY SCAMPER,
Scam. Well, what's the matter now?
(Returning. booted, with whips in their hands, into a side Tire. Here's Poll Bayless just come into the
gallery. Scam. Psha ! zounds! pr’ythee, Will, let us Scam. No go; what signifies our staying here!
Tire. She is, byTire, Nay, but tarry a little : besides, you Scam. (Looking.] Yes, faith! it is she, sure know we promised to give Poll Bayless and Bett enough-How goes it, Poll ? Skinner the meeting.
Tire. Well, now, we shall have you, I hope? Scam. No matter; we shall he sure to find Scam. If I thought we should get any fun. them at three, at the Shakespeare.
Tire. I'll make an inquiry. Halloo ! snuffers, Tire. But as we are here, Harry, let us know snuffers ! a little what 'tis about?
Candle-snuffer. Your pleasure, sir? Scam. About! Why lectures, you fool! Have Tire. What is all this business about here? not you read the bills? and we have plenty of Snuf. Can't say, sir. them at Oxford, you know.
Scam. Well, but you could if you would; let Tire. Well, but for all that there may be fun. us into the secret! · Scam. Why, then, stay and enjoy it yourself; Snuf. Not I, upon my honour! and I'll step to the Bull and Gate, and call upon Tire. Your honour, you son of a whore ! D'ye Jerry Lack-Latin and my horse. We shall see hear? bid your master come hither; we want to you at three?
[Risiny. | ask him a question. Tire. Nay, but, pr’ythee, stay.
| Snuf. I will.
(Erit. Scan. Rot me, if I do! (Going out of the bor. Tire. Scamper, will you ask him, or shall I?
Scam. Let me alone to him
Suds. Oh! there was no danger of that yes,
yes, I got it all hollow; but now to come to the Enter Foote.
marrow of the business. Well, Alice, says I, Tire. O! here he is
now I am chosen, what's next to be done? Why Foute. Your commands with me, gentlemen ? now, says Alice says she, thee must learn to
Scam. Wbv, you must know, Will and I, here, make speeches; wby dost not see what purferare opon a scheme from Oxford; and because ment neighbour Grogham has got; why, man, cash begins to ruo low- How much have you, 'tis all brought about by his speechifying. I tell Will?
thee what, Ephraim, if thou canst but once learn Tire. Three and twenty shillings, besides the to lay down the law, there's no knowing to what crown I paid at the door.
thee inayest riseScam. And I eighteen. Now, as this will last Foote. Your lady had reason, us but to-nigbt, we are willing to husband our Suds. Why, I thought so, too; and as good time; let us -ee-Wiil, bow are we engaged? luck would have it, who should come into the
Tire. Why, at three, with Bett and Poll there, city, in the very nick of time, but master proat the Shakespeare: after that to the Corona- fessor along with his lectures Adod, away tion; for, you know, we have seen it but nipe in a burry Alice and I danced to Pewterer's times
Hall. Scam. And then back to the Shakespeare Foote. You improved, I hope ? again ; where we sup, and take horse at the Suds. O lud! it is unknown what knowledge door.
we got! We can read-Oh! we never stop to Tire. So, there's no time to be lost, you see; spell a word now, And then he told us such we desire, therefore to know what sort of a thing things about verbs, and nouns, and adverbs, that this affair, bere, of yours is? What, is it damned never entered our heads before, and emphasis, funny and comical.
and accert; Heaven bless us! I do not think Foote. Have you not seen the bills?
there had been such things in the world. Scam. What, about the lectures? ay, but that's Foote. And have you speechified yet? all slang, I suppose ; Do, no. No tricks upon Suds. Soft; soft and fair! we must walk betravellers; no, we know better W hat, are fore we can ran think I have laid a pretty there any more of you; or do you do it all your foundation, The mansion-house was not built self?
in a day, Master Foote. But to go on with my Foote. If I was in want of comedians, you, tale; my dame, one day looking over the papers, gentlemen, are kind enough to lend me a lift ; came running to me; pow, Ephraim, says she, but, upon my word, my intentions, as the bill thy business is done; rare news, lad; bere is a will inform you, are serious
man, at the other end of the town, that will make Tire. Are they? then I'll have my money thee a speecher at once-and out she pulled your again. What, do you think we come to London proposals. Ah, Alice, says I, thee be'st but a to learn any thing? Come, Will. [Going. fool; why, I know that man, he is all upon bis
Foote. Hold, gentlemen; I will detain you, fun ; he lecture! why, 'tis all but a bam-well, if possible. What is it you expect ?
'tis but seeing, says she; so wolens, nolens, she Scaw. To be jolly and laugh, to be sure would have me come hither: now, if so be you Foote. At what?
be serious, I shall think my money wisely beTire. At what-damme, I don't know-at you, stowed, but if it be only your comical works, I and your frolics and fancies
can tell you, you shall see me no more. Foote. If that is all you desire, why, perhaps, Foote. Sir, I should be extremely sorry to lose we shan't disappoint you
you, if I kner but what would content you. Scam. Shan't you?'why, that is an honest 'fel Suds. Why, I want to be ade an orutor on; low-come, begin
and to speak speeches, as I'tell you, at'ourmees Foote. But you'll be so kind as not to inter ings, about politics, and peace, and addresses, rupt nie?
and the new bridge, and all them kind of things Scum. Never fear.
Foote. Why, with your happy talents, I should Foote. Ladies and gentlemen
think much might be done. Suds from the opposite bor calls to Foote, Suds. I am proud to hear you say so; indeed I and stops him short.)
10. I did speechify once at a vestry, concerning Suds. Stop a minute! may I be permitted to new-lettering the church-buckets, and came off speak?
cutely enough; and, to say the truth, that was Foole. Doubtless, sir,
the thing that provoked me to go to Pewterer's Suds. Why, the affair is this. My wife Alice Hall.
[Sits down again. com-for, you must know, my name is Ephraim Foote. Well, sir, I'fatter myself that, in proSuds, I am a soap-boiler in the city-took it into portion to the difference of abilities in your two her head, and nothing would serve her turn but instructors, you will here make a 'tolerable prothat I must be a coinmon councilman this year; gress. But now, sir, with your favour, 'we will for, says Alice, says she, it is the onliest way to proceed to explain the nature of our design; rise in the world.
| avd I hope, in the process, you, gentlemen, will Foote. A just observation ! you succeeded ? 'find entertainment, and you, sir, information.
Me. Foote then proceeds in his lecture are wide o' the mark: er Demosthenes the
Greek ? In gude troth, ye're as far off as before : My plan, gentlemen, is to be considered as a wha was it, then? It was e'en that arch chiel, superstructure on that admirable foundation laid the deevil himsel by the modern professor of English, both our la- Scam. [Hastily. The devil it was! How do bours tending to the same general end, the per- you prove that?" fectioning of our countrymen in a most essential Don. Guds zounds, mun, ye brak the thrid of article, the right use of their native languaye.- iny barang; an ye'll but haud your tongue, I'se The English orators are to be devided into four prove it as plain as a pike-staff. distinct classes, the pulpit, the senate, the bar, Tyre. Be quiet, Will, and let hiin go on. and the stage. With the first of these branches, Don. I say it was that arch chiel, the deeril the pulpit, I shan't interfere; and, indeed, so few himsel. Ye ken weel, my lads, how Adam and people, now, of consequence and consideration, Eve were planted in Eden, wi' plenty o'bannocks frequent the churches, that the art is scarce and kail, and aw that they wished, but were proworth cultivation. The bar
hibited the eating of pepins Scam. Pshaw! there's enough of this dull Scam. Apples prosing; come, give us a little of something Don. Weel, weel, and are na pepins and apthat's funny; you talked about pupils. Could (ples aw the same thing? not we see them?
Foote. Nay, pray, gentlemen, hcar him out.Foote. Rather too precipitate, sir; but, how Go ou with your pepins. ever, in some measure to satisfy you, and demon- Don. Prohibited the eating of pepins; upon strate the success of our scheme, give me leave which, what does me the orator Satan, but he to introduce to you a most extraordinary in- whispers a saft speech in her lug; egod, our stance, in the person of a young Highlander. It grandum fell to in an instant, and eat a pepin is not altogether a year since this astonishing without staying to pare it-Addresses himself to subject spoke nothing but Erse. Encouraged the Oronians. Ken ye, lads, wha was the first by the prodigies of my brother professors's skill, orator, now? whose fame, like the Chevalier Taylor's, pierces Tire. [To SCAM. What say you to that? the remotest regions, his relations were tempted Scam. "By my soul, the fellow's rightto send this young genius to Edinburgh; where Don. Ay, but ye wunna ha' patienceye he went through a regular course of the profes-wunna ha' patience, ladssor's lectures, to finish his studies; he has been Tire. Hold your jaw, and go on about six weeks under my care, and, considering | Don. Now, we come to the definition of an the time, I think you will be amazed at his pro-orator: and it is from the Latin words, oro, press. Donald !
orare, to intreat, or perswad; and how? by the
means o'elocution or argument, which argument Enter DONALD.
consists o'letters, which letters joined, mak syl· Don. What's yer wull, sir?
lables, which syllables compounded, mak words, Foote. Will you give these ladies and gentle which words combined, mak sentences or pemeg a proof of your skill?
riods, or which aw together, mak an orator; so Don. Ah, ye wad ha' a specimen of my orato- the first gift of an orator is words, rical art?
Scam. Here, Donald, you are out. Foote. If you please.
Don. How so? Don. In gude troth an ye sal; wul ye gi me a Scam. Words the first gift of an orator! No, topic?
Donald, no, at school I learned better than that, "Foote. Oh, choose for yourself.
do'st not remember, Will, what is the first perDon. It's aw ane to Donald.
fection of an orator? action; the second, acFoote. What think you of a short panegyriction; the third, action. on the science we are treating of ?
Tire. Right, right, Harry, as right as my nail; Don. On oratory? Wi' aw my heart. there, Donald, I think, he has given you a dose
Foote. Mind your action; let that accompany! Don. An ye stay me in the midst o'my arguyour words
mentDon. Dunna heed, man--the topic I presume Scam. Why don't you stick to truth? to haundie, is the miraculous gifts of an orator, Don. I tell ye, I can, logically. wha, by the bare power of his words, leads men, Tire. Damn your logic! women, and bairns, as he lists
Don. Mighty weel- Maister Foote, how ca' Scam. And who?
ye this usage? Don. [Tartly.]-Men, women, and bairns. Foote. Oh, never mind hem-proceed. Scam. "Bairns ! who are they?
Don. In gude troth, I'se no say ane word Foote. Ob, children-his meaning is obvious mare, enough.
Foote. Finish, finish, Donald. Don. Ay, ay; men, women, and bairns, where- Don. Ah! they have jumbled aw my ideas toever he lists. And first for the antiquity of the gether! but an they will enter in a fair arguart-Ken ye, my lads, wha was the first orator?mentation, I'se convince then thas Donald Maghap, ye think it was Tully the Latinist? Yel Macgregor is mare than a match.