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She is not worth my notice-[Sits down, turns | every thing I play for, may fortune eternally his back, and looks uneasy.] I'll take no more forsake me, if I endeavour to set you right again. pains about it. [Pauses for some time, then looks at her.] Is it not very strange, that you

won't hear me?

Lady Rac. Sir, I am very ready to hear you. Sir Cha. Very well, then, very well; you remember how the game stood.

[Draws his chair near her. Lady Rac. I wish you would untie my necklace, it hurts me.

Sir Cha. Why can't you listen?

Lady Rac. I tell you it hurts me terribly. Sir Cha. Death and confusion! [Moves his chair away.] there is no bearing this. [Looks at her angrily. It won't take a moment, if you will but listen. [Moves towards her.] Can't you see, that by forcing the adversary's hand, Mr. Jenkins would be obliged to

Lady Rac.[Moving her chair away from him.] Mr. Jenkins had the best club, and never a diamond left.

Sir Char. [Rising.] Distraction! Bedlam is not so mad. Be as wrong as you please, madam. May I never hold four by honours, may I lose

[Exit.

Enter MR. and MRS. DRUGGET, WOODLEY, and

NANCY.

Mrs, Drug. Gracious! what's the matter now? Lady Rac. Such another man does not exist. I did not say a word to the gentleman, and yet he has been raving about the room, and storming like a whirlwind.

Drug. And about a club again! I heard it all, Come hither, Nancy; Mr.Woodley, she is yours for life.

Mrs. Drug. My dear, how can you be so passionate?

Drug. It shall be so. Take her for life, Mr. Woodley.

Wood. My whole life shall be devoted to her happiness.

Drug. Mr. Woodley, I recommend my girl to your care. I shall have nothing now to think of, but my greens, and my images, and my shrubbery. Though, mercy on all married folks, say for these wranglings are, I am afraid, what they must all come to.

[Exeunt.

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SCENE I-A Room in SIR THEODORE GOOD- the mirth, especially when they know what kind

CHILD'S House.

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Sir T. But consider, Charlotte, what will the world say of me? will it not be in every mouth, | that Sir Theodore Goodchild was a very imprudent man, in combining with his ward to turn her lovers into ridicule!

|

of lovers they are; and that the sole motive of their addresses was the lady's fortune. Well, sure, since the days of giants and enchanted castles, no poor damsel has been besieged by such a group of odd mortals. Let me review my equipage of lovers ! the first upon the list is a beau Jew, who, in spite of nature and education, sets up for a wit, a gentleman, and a m

of taste.

man

Sir T. Aye, laugh at him as much as you

will.

Char. The next is a downright EnglishNewmarket, stable-bred gentleman jockey, who having ruined his finances by dogs, grooms, Char. Not at all, sir : the world will applaud | cocks, and horses, and such polite company,

now thinks to retrieve his affairs by a matrimonial match with a city fortune.

Sir T. Ha, ha, ha! I find, madam, you have perused the squire with great exactness.

Sir T. Thou art a mad creature! well, madam, I will indulge your wicked mirth. His name is Callaghan O'Brallaghan.

Char. O shocking! Callaghan O'Brallaghan! Char. Pretty well, sir. To this Newmarket why it is enough to choke one; and is as difiwight succeeds a proud, haughty, Caledonian cult to be uttered as a Welch pedigree. Why knight; whose tongue, like the dart of death, if the fates should bring us together, I shall be spares neither sex nor age, it leaves none unvi-obliged to hire an Irish interpreter, to go about sited. All dread and all feel it. with me, to teach the people to pronounce my name; - ha, ha, ha !

Sir T. Yes, yes, his insolence of family, and licentiousness of wit, have gained the contempt and general toleration of mankind. But we must not look upon his spleen and ill nature, my dear, as a national, but a personal | vice.

Char. As such, sir, I always understand, and laugh at him.-Well of all my swains, he he is the most whimsical; his passion is to turn every mortal into ridicule; even I, the object of his flame, cannot escape; for while his avarice courts my fortune, his pride despises, and sneers at my birth.

Sir T. That, Charlotte, is only to shew his

wit.

Sir T. You may laugh, madam, but he is as proud of that name as any of your lovers are of their titles. I suppose they all dine here.

Char. Certainly !-all but Squire Groom. Sir T. O! you must not expect him; he is at York, he was to ride his great match there, yesterday. He will not be here, you may be sure.-Let me see :—what is't o'clock? almost three.-Who's there?

Enter a Servant.

Order the coach to the door. Ser. Tis ready, sir.

Char. True, sir.-The next in Cupid's train is your nephew, guardian, a wild Irish, Prussian, hard-headed soldier, whose military hu-Hall, and see what they are doing in your cause; Sir F. I will but just step to Lincoln's Inu mour, and fondness for his profession, make me it is to be ended to-day. By the time I return, fancy sometimes that he was not only born in a siege, but that Bellona had been his nurse, Mars morning to you, Charlotte. suppose your company will be come. A good his schoolmaster, and the furies his playfellows. Char. Sir a good morning. -Ha, ha, ha!

Sir. T. Ha, ha, ha! O fye, Charlotte, how can you be so severe upon my poor nephew? Char. Upon my honour, Sir Theodore, I don't mean to be severe, for I like his character extremely-ha, ba!

Sir T. Well, well, notwithstanding your mirth, madam, I assure you he has gain'd the highest esteem in his profession.-But what can you expect, my dear, from a soldier, a mere rough-hewn soldier, who, at the age of fifteen, would leave Ireland, his friends, and every other pursuit, to go a volunteer into the Prussian service, and there he has lived seventeen years; so that I don't suppose he has six ideas out of his own profession-garrisons and camps have been the courts and academies that have formed him. But he ever had, from a child, a kind of military madness.

Char. O, I am in love with his warlike humour, I think it highly entertaining.

Sir T. As he has not made any direct addresses to you, Charlotte, let me inform him how improper such a step would be, and even let us leave him out of our scheme tonight.

I

[Exit SIR THEodore. Morde. [Sings Italian withoat.] Sir Theodore, your humble servant.

Sir T. [Without] Mr. Mordecai, your most obedient."

Enter a Servant.

Serv. Mr. Mordecai, madam. Char. Shew him in. [Exit Servant. Morde. [Without.] I see your coach is at the door. Sir Theodore, you dine with us, I hope.

Sir T. [Without.] Certainly, You'll find Miss Charlotte within. Your servant.

Morde. [Without.] Yours, Sir Theodore. Enter MORDECAI, singing an Italian Air, and addressing CHARLOTTE fantastically.

Char. O caro, caro, carissimo.

Morde. Voi sete molto cortese ! anima mia! here let me kneel, and pay my softest adoration; and thus, and thus, in amorous transport breath iny last. [Kisses her hand. Char. Ha, ha, ha! softly, softly! you would not sure breath your last yet, Mr. Mordecai.

Char. O, sir, impossible! our day's sport, our plot, our every thing, would be imperfect without him; why, I intend him to be the lead- Morde. Why, no, madam, I would live a liting instrument in the concert. One cannot pos- tle longer for your sake. [Bowing very low. sibly do without Sir Callaghan Brall-Bra- Char. Ha. ha, ha! you are infinitely polite Brall.-Pray, guardian, learn me to pronounce-but a truce with your gallantry-why you my lover's name.

are as gay as the sun ;-I think I never saw any

thing better fancied than that suit of yours, Mr. | tow chandler's shop, in the dog days; his filthy Mordecai.

Morde. Ha, ha!-a-well enough-just as my tailor fancied-ha, ha, ha! do you like it,

madam?

Char. Quite elegant: I don't know any one about town deserves the title of beau better than Mr. Mordecai.

high dried poisons me, and his scandal is grosser than a hackney news writer's: madam he is as much despised by his own countrymen, as by the rest of the world. The better sort of Scotland never keep him company ; but that is entre nous, entre nous.

Sir A. [Speaks without.] Randol, bid SawMorde. O dear, madam, you are very oblig-ney be here with the chariot at eight o'clock ing.

Char. I think you are called Beau Mordecai by every body.

Morde. Yes, madam, they do distingush me by that title, but I don't think I merit the ho

Hour.

Char. No body more: for I think you are always by far the finest man in town. But do you know that I have heard of your extraordinary court the other night, at the Opera, to Miss Sprightly.

Morde. O heavens, madam, how can you be so severe? that the woman has designs, I stedfastly believe; but as to me—oh !—

Char. Ha, ha, ha! nay, nay, you must not deny it; for my intelligence is from very good hands.

Morde. Pray, who may that be? Char. Sir Archy Macsarcasm. Morde. Oh, shocking! the common Pasquin of the town; besides, madam, you know he's my rival, and not very remarkable for veracity in his narrations.

Char. Ha, ha, ha! I cannot say he's a religious observer of truth, but his humour always makes amends for his invention. You must allow he has humour, Mr. Mordecai.

Morde. O cuor mio! how can you think so; bating his scandal, dull, dull as an alderman, after six pounds of turtle, four bottles of port, and twelve pipes of tobacco.

Char. Ha, ha, ha! O surfeiting! surfeiting.

Morde. The man indeed has something droll -something ridiculous in him ;-his abominable Scots accent, his grotesque visage, almost buried in snuff, the roll of his eyes, and twist of his mouth, his strange inhuman laugh, his tremendous perriwig, and his manner altogether, indeed, has something so caricaturely risible in it, that, ha, ha, ha! may I die, madam, if I don't always take him for a mountebank doctor at a Dutch fair.

Char. Oh, oh! what a picture has he drawn? why you're as severe in your portraits as Sir Archy himself.

Enter a Servant.

Ser. Sir Archy Macsarcasm is below, madam.

Char. Shew him up. [Exit Servant. Morde. Don't you think, madam, he is a horrid, foul-mouthed, uncouth fellow? he is worse to me, madam, than assafoetida, or a tal

exactly.

Enter SIR ARCHY.-MORDECAI runs up to embrace him.

Sir A. Ha, ha, ha! my cheeld of circumcision, gee us a wag of thy loof; hoo dun ye do, my bonny Girgishite?

Morde. Always at your service, Sir Archy: -He stinks worse than a scotch snuff shop.

[Aside

Sir A. Weel, Mordecai, I see yee are as deeligent in the service o'yeer mistress, as in the ser vice of yeer leuking glass, for yeer face and yeer thoughts are always turned upon the one or the other.

Morde. And I see your wit, Sir Archy, like a lawyer's tongue, will ever retain its usual politeness and good nature.

Char. Coming forward.] Ha, ha, ba! civil and witty on both sides. Sir Archy, your most obedient. [Curtsies. Sir A. Ten thousand pardons, madam, I did na'observe ye; I hope I see yeer ladyship weel, Ah! yee look like a deeveenity

[Bowing awkwardly and los. Char. Sir Archy, this is immensely galgant.

Sir A. Weel, madam, I see my friend Mar decai here, is determined to bear away the prize fra us all! Ha, ha,ha! he is trick'd out in aw the colours of the rainbow.

Char. Mr. Mordecai is always well dress'd, Sir Archy.

Sir A. Upon my honour he is as fine as a jay. Turn aboot man, turn aboot, let us view yeer finery step along and let us see yeer shapes-he has a bonny march wi' him: vary weel, vary eligant.-Ha, ha, ba! guid traith, I think I never saw a tooth-drawer better dressed in aw my life.

[Viewing and admiring his dress.

Char. Ha, ha, ha!

Morde. You are very polite, sir. Char. But, Sir Archy, what is become of my Irish lover, your friend, Sir Callaghan ? I hope he dines here.

Sir A. Ah, ah! guid faith, wool he! I have brought him along wi' me.

Char. What! is he in the house?

Sir A. Ay, in this very mansion, madam; for ye mun ken, that like the monarchs of awld I never travel noo without my fool.

Char. Then, pray, Sir Archy exhibit your

fool.

Morde. Let's have a slice of him.

Sir A. Jauntly, jauntly, not so fast! he is a reptile, a mere reptile! and as to the Irishnot in reeght order yet.

man, Sir Callaghan O'Brallaghan, the fallow is weel enough to laugh at, but I wou'd ha' yee leuk aboot yee there, for yee ken that yeer guardian is his uncle, and, to my certain knowledge, there is a deseeign upon yeer fortune in that quarter, depend upon it.

Char. How do you mean, Sir Archy; Sir A. Madam, as we came heether, I counsell'd him to wreete a loove epestle till ye, by way of introduction tull his courtship! he is now aboot it below stairs, and in ten meenutes yee mun leuck to see an amoroos bellet, sic as has nai ben penn'd sin the days of Don Quixote ;-ble; for a woman's fortune, I believe, is the Ha, ha, ha!

Omnes. Ha, ha, ha!

Char. O charming! I shall be impatient till I see his passion upon paper.

Sir A. Guid faith madam, he has done that already; for he has composed a jargon, that he calls a sonnet, upon his bewitching Charlotte, as he tarms you. Mordecai, yee have heard him sing it.

Morde. I beg your pardon, Sir Archy, I have heard him roar it. Madam, we had him last night at the tavern, and made him give it to us in an Irish howl, that might be heard from hence to West Chester.

Sir A. Ha, ha, ha! why ye have a devellish deal of wit, Mordecai.

Char. Ha, ha, ha! I must hear this song. Morde. Madam, your servant ;-I will leave Sir Archy to entertain you for a few minutes.

Char. You are not going, Mr. Mordecai. Morde. Madam, I am only going down stairs, to see if Sir Callaghan is disengaged; and if he be, to have a laugh at him before dinner, by way of a whet-that's all, madam, only by way of [Going. Sir A. But, hark'e, Mordecai, not a seelable o' the letter.

a whet.

Char. Very possible, Sir Archy, very possi

principal object of every lover's wish.

Sir A. Madam, yeer observation is very orthodox, in truth-as to Mordecai, Sir Callaghan, Squire Groom, and sic like fellows; but men of honour! men of honour, madam, bave other principles. I assure yee, lady, the tenure of my affection is nai for yeer pecuniar, but for the mental graces of ycer soul, and the devene parfections of yeer body, which are indeed to me Peru and a Mexico.

Char. O, Sir Archy, you overwhelm me.

Sir A. Madam, I speak upon the verity of mine honour; beside, madain, guin you marry me, ye wool marry a man of sobreeity and oeconomy, 'tis true I am not in the high-day of blood, yet, as the poet sings, far fra the vale of years; not like your young flashy whupsters, that go off like a squib or a cracker, on a rejoic ing night, in a noise and a stanch, and are never heard of after.

Char. You are certainly right, Sir Archy, the young fellows of fashion are mere trifles.

Sir A. They are baubles madam, absolute baubles and prodigals, therefore yee should preponderate the maiter weel, before ye mak yeer election. Consider, madam, there is nai scant of wealth or honour in oor fameely. Lady, we hai in the hoose of Macsarcasm, twa Barons, three Viscounts, six Earls, yane Marquisate, and Sir A. What a fantastical baboon this Eesre-twa Dukes-besides Baronets and Lairds oot of lite makes of himself. The fellow is the mockery aw reckoning, of the whole nation.

Morde. O never fear me, sir Archy, I am as
Erit.

secret as a spy.

Char. Why, to say the truth, he is entertaining, Sir Archy.

Sir A. O yes, he is rediculous, therefore very useful in society,-for wherever he comes there must be laughter. But, now, madam, eef yee please, a word or twa of oor ain maiters; ye see I do na paster ye with flames, and darts. and seeghings, and lamentations, and freevolous protestations, like yeer silly loovers in a romance; for yee ken, I awways speak my thoughts wi' a blunt inteegrity-madam, I loove you, and guin I deed not, I would scorn to say it.

Char. O, Sir Archy, all the world allows you sincerity, which is the most valuable quality a friend or a lover can possess.

Sir A. Vary true, madam, therefore I cannot help giving yee aboot ye, who caw them selves yeer lovers.-Squire Groom doubtless, is a man of honour, and my vary guid friend, but he is a baggar, a baggar; and, touching this Mordecai, the fellow is wealthy, 'tis true; yes, yes, he is wealthy, but he is

Char. Ha, ha, ha!

Sir A. What gars yee laugh, madam ?

Char. I beg your pardon, sir; but-ha, ha, ha! I am laughing to-ha, ha, ha! to think what a-ha, ha! a number of noble relations I shall have.

Sir A. Faith wool ye madam, and other guess fameelies than ye hai in this part of the world. Odzwunds, madam, there is as much deeference betwixt our Nobeelity of the North, and yours o'the South, as there is betwixt a haund of blood and a mungrel.

Char. Ha, ha, ha! Pray how do you out that, Sir Archy.

make

Sir A. Why, madam, in Scotland, aw our Nobeelity are sprang fra Monarchs, warriors, heroes, and glorious achievements; now, here i'th' South, ye frai sugar are aw sprung hogsheads, rum puncheons, wool packs, hop sacks, iron bars and tar jackets;-in short, are a composition of Jews, Turks, and ye Refugees, and of aw the commercial vagrants of the land and sea-a sort of amphibious breed ye are.

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