صور الصفحة
PDF
النشر الإلكتروني
[blocks in formation]
[blocks in formation]

SCENE I.—Mr. and MRS. DANGLE at Break--Pshaw! To the first L-dash D of the A

fast, and reading Newspapers.

dush Y.-Genuine Extract of a Letter from St. Kitt's. Coxheath Intelligence. It is Dan. [Reading.] Brutus to Lord North!' now confidently asserted, that Sir Charles Hardy -Letter the Second, on the State of the Army?'-Pshaw!-Nothing but about the fleet and

the nation!-and hate all politics but theatrical politics-Where's the Morning Chronicle? Mrs. D, Yes, that's your Gazette. Dan. So, here we have it.

"Theatrical intelligence extraordinary.”— "We hear there is a new tragedy in rehearsal at Drury-lane theatre, called the Spanish Armada, said to be written by Mr. Puff, a gentleman well known in the theatrical world: if we may allow Ourselves to give credit to the report of the performers, who, truth to say, are in general but indifferent judges, this piece abounds with the most striking and received beauties of modern composition."-So! I am very glad my friend Puff's tragedy is in such forwardness. Mrs. Dangle, my dear, you will be very glad to hear that Puff's tragedy

Mrs. D. Lord, Mr. Dangle, why will you plague me about such nonsense?-Now the plays are begun, I shall have no peace.—Isn't it sufficient to make yourself ridiculous by your passion for the theatre, without continually teazing me to join you? Why can't you ride your hobbyhorse without desiring to place me on a pillion behind you, Mr. Dangle?

Dan. Nay, my dear, I was only going to read

Mrs. D. No, no; you will never read any thing that's worth listening to; you hate to hear about your country; there are letters every day with Roman signatures, demonstrating the certainty of an invasion, and proving that the nation is utterly undone. But you never will read any thing to entertain one.

Dan. What has a woman to do with politics, Mrs. Dangle?

Mrs. D. Yes; but wasn't the farce damned, Mr. Dangle? And to be sure it is extremely pleasant to have one's house made the motley rendezvous of all the lackeys of literature: the very high change of trading authors and jobbing critics! Yes, my drawing-room is an absolute register-office for candidate actors, and poets without character; then to be continually alarmed with Misses and Ma'ams piping hysteric changes on Juliets and Dorindas, Pollys and Ophelias; and the very furniture trembling at the probationary starts and unprovoked rants of would-be Richards and Hamlets! And what is worse than all, now that the manager has monopolized the opera-house, haven't we the Signors and Signoras calling here, sliding their smooth semi-breves, and gargling glib divisions in their outlandish throats-with foreign emissaries and French spies, for ought I know, disguised like fiddlers and figure dancers!

Dan. Mercy! Mrs. Dangle;

Mrs. D. And to employ yourself so idly at such an alarming crisis as this too-when, if you had the least spirit, you would have been at the head of one of the Westminster associations, or trailing a volunteer pike in the Artillery Ground!-But you-o'my conscience, I believe if the French were landed to-morrow, your first enquiry would be, whether they had brought a theatrical troop with them.

Dan. Mrs. Dangle, it does not signify-I say the stage is" the Mirror of Nature," and the actors are "the Abstract, and brief Chronicles of the Time."-and pray what can a man of sense study better? Besides, you will not easily persuade me that there is no credit or importance in being at the head of a band of critics, who take upon them to decide for the whole town, whose opinion and patronage all writers solicit, and whose recommendation no manager dares refuse!

Mrs. D. And what have you to do with the theatre, Mr: Dangle? Why should you affect the character of a critic? I have no patience with you-haven't you made yourself the jest of all your acquaintance by your interference in matters where you have no business? Are not you Mrs. D. Ridiculous!--Both managers and called a theatrical Quidnunc, and a mock Mæ-authors of the least merit laugh at your pretencenas to second-hand authors? sions. The public is their critic-without whose fair approbation they know no play can rest on the stage, and with whose applause they welcome such attacks as yours, and laugh at the malice of them, where they can't at the wit. Dan. Very well, madam-very well. Enter Servant.

Dan. True; my power with the managers is pretty notorious; but is it no credit to have applications from all quarters for my interest? From lords to recommend fiddlers, from ladies to get boxes, from authors to get answers, and from actors to get engagements?

Mrs. D. Yes, truly; you have contrived to get a share in all the plague and trouble of theatrical property, without the profit, or even the credit of the abuse that attends it.

Dan. I am sure, Mrs. Dangle, you are no loser by it, however; you have all the advantages of it: mightn't you, last winter, have had the reading of the new Pantomime a fortnight previous to its performance? And doesn't Mr. Fosbrook let you take places for a play before it is advertised, and set you down for a box for every new piece through the season? And didn't my friend, Mr. Smatter, dedicate his last farce to you, at my particular request, Mrs. Dangle?

Serv. Mr. Sneer, sir, to wait on you.

Dan. O, shew Mr. Sneer up. [Exit Servant.] Plague on't, now we must appear loving and affectionate, or Sneer will hitch us into a story.

Mrs. D. With all my heart; you can't be more ridiculous than you are..

Dan. You are enough to provoke

Enter MR. SNEER.

Ha! my dear Sneer, I am vastly glad to see you.
My dear, here's Mr. Sneer.

Mrs. D. Good morning to you, sir.

Dan. Mrs. Dangle and I have been diverting ourselves with the papers.-Pray, Sneer, won't

you go to Drury-lane theatre the first night of Puff's tragedy.

Sneer. Yes; but I suppose one shan't be able to get in, for on the first night of a new piece they always fill the bouse with orders to support it. But here, Dangle, I have brought you two pieces, one of which you must exert yourself to make the managers accept, I can tell you that, for 'tis written by a person of consequence.

Dan. So! now my plagues are beginning. Sneer. Aye, I am glad of it, for now you'll be happy. Why, my dear Dangle, it is a pleasure to see how you enjoy your volunteer fatigue, and your solicited solicitations.

Dan. It's a great trouble; yet, egad, it's pleasant too. Why, sometimes of a morning, I have a dozen people call on me at breakfast time, whose faces I never saw before, nor ever desire to see again.

Sneer. That must be very pleasant indeed! Dan. And not a week but I receive fifty letters, and not a line in them about any business of my own.

Sneer. An amusing correspondence! Dan. [Reading.] "Bursts into tears, and exit.'-What, is this a tragedy?

Sneer. No, that's a genteel comedy, not a translation-only taken from the French; it is written in a stile which they have lately tried to run down; the true sentimental, and nothing ridiculous in it from the beginning to the end.

Mrs. D. Well, if they had kept to that, I should not have been such an enemy to the stage; there was some edification to be got from those pieces, Mr. Sneer.

Sneer. I am quite of your opinion, Mrs. Dangle; the theatre in proper hands, might certainly be made the school of morality; but now, I am sorry to say it, people seem to go there principally for their entertainment.

Mrs. D. It would have been more to the credit of the managers to have kept in the other

line.

Sneer. Undoubtedly, madam, and hereafter perhaps to have had it recorded, that in the midst of a luxurious and dissipated age, they preserved two houses in the capital, where the conversation was always moral at least, if not entertaining!

Dan. Now, egad, I think the worst alteration is in the nicety of the audience. No double entendre, no smart inuendo admitted; even Vanburgh and Congreve obliged to undergo a bungling reformation!

Sneer. Yes, and our prudery in this respect is just on a par with the artificial bashfulness of a courtezan, who increases the blush upon her cheek in an exact proportion to the diminution of her modesty...

Dan. Sneer can't even give the public a good word! But what have we here? This seeins a very odd

formed Housebreaker;" where, by the mere force of humour, housebreaking is put into so ridiculous a light, that if the piece has its proper run, I have no doubt but that bolts and bars will be entirely useless by the end of the season. Dan. Egad, this is new, indeed!

Sneer. Yes; it is written by a particular friend of mine, who has discovered that the fol lies and foibles of society, are subjects unworthy the notice of the comic muse, who should be taught to stoop only at the greater vices and blacker crimes of humanity-gibbeting capital offences in five acts, and pillorying petty larcenies in two, In short, his idea is to dramatize the penal laws, and make the stage a court of ease to the Old Bailey.

Dan. It is truly moral.

Enter Servant.

Serv. Sir Fretful Plagiary, sir.

Dan. Beg him to walk up. [Exit Servant.] Now, Mrs. Dangle, Sir Fretful Plagiary is an author to your own taste.

Mrs. D. I confess he is a favourite of mine, because every body else abuses him.

Sneer. Very much to the credit of your charity, madam, if not of your judgment.

Dan. But, egad, he allows no merit to any author but himself; that's the truth on't—though friend. my

he's

Sneer. Never.-He is as envious as an old maid verging on the desperation of six-and-thirty: and then, the insidious humility with which le seduces you to give a free opinion on any of his works, can be exceeded only by the petulant arrogance with which he is sure to reject your observations.

Dan. Very true, egad—though he's my friend. Sneer. Then his affected contempt of all newspaper strictures; though, at the same time, be is the sorest man alive, and shrinks like scorched parchment from the fiery ordeal of true criticism; yet is he so covetous of popularity, that he had rather be abused than not mentioned at all.

Dan. There's no denying it—though he is my friend.

Sneer. You have read the tragedy he has just finished, haven't you?

Dan. O yes; he sent it to me yesterday. Sncer. Well, and you think it execrable, don't you?

Dan. Why, between ourselves, egad, I must own-though he's my friend-that it is one of the most-He's here [Aside.]-finished and most admirable perform

[SIR FRETFUL, without.] Mr. Sneer with him, did you say?

Enter SIR FRETFUL. Ah, my dear friend !-Egad, we were just speaking of your tragedy.Admirable, Sir Fretful, admirable!

Sneer. O, that's a comedy, on a very new plan; replete with wit and mirth, yet of a most Sneer. You never did any thing beyond it, serious moral! You see it is called "The Re-Sir Fretful-never in your life.

Sir F. You make me extremely happy; for, without a compliment, my dear Sneer, there in't a man in the world whose judgment I value as I do your's, and Mr. Dangle's.

Mrs. D. They are only laughing at you, Sir Fretful; for it was but just now that

think I can hit that gentleman; for I can safely swear he never read it.

Sneer. I'll tell you how you may hurt him

more

Sir F. How?

Sneer, Swear he wrote it.

Dan. Mrs. Dangle!-Ah, Sir Fretful, you Sir F. Plague on't now, Sncer, I shall take it know Mrs. Dangle.-My friend Sneer was rally-ill.-I believe you want to take away my characing just now. He knows how she admires you,

and

[blocks in formation]

Dan. He has a ready turn for ridicule-his wit costs him nothing.

Sir F. No, egad-or I should wonder how he came by it. [Aside. Mrs. D. Because his jest is always at the expense of his friend.

Dan. But, Sir Fretful, have you sent your play to the managers yet?—or can I be of any service to you?

Sir F. No, no, I thank you; I believe the piece had sufficient recommendation with it. I thank you, though-I sent it to the manager of Covent Garden Theatre this morning.

Sneer. I should have thought now, that it might have been cast (as the actors call it) better at Drury Lane.

Sir F. O lud! no-never send a play there while I live-harkye! [Whispers SNEER. Sneer. Writes himself!-I know he doesSir F. I say nothing-I take away from no man's merit-I am hurt at no man's good fortune -I say nothing-but this I will say-through all my knowledge of life, I have observed, that there is not a passion so strongly rooted in the human heart as envy!

Sneer. I believe you have reason for what you say, indeed.

Sir F. Besides-I can tell you it is not always so safe to leave a play in the hands of those who write themselves.

Sncer. What, they may steal from them, hey, my dear Plagiary?

Sir F. Steal!-to be sure they may; and, egad, serve your best thoughts as gypsies do stolen children, disfigure them, to make 'em pass for their own.

Sneer. But your present work is a sacrifice to Melpomene; and HE, you know, never———

Sir F. That's no security. A dexterous plagiarist may do any thing. Why, sir, for aught I know, he might take out some of the best things in my tragedy, and put them into his own comedy.

Sneer. That might be done, I dare be sworn. Sir F. And then, if such a person gives you the least hint or assistance, he is devilish apt to take the merit of the whole.

Dan. If it succeeds,

Sir F. Aye; but with regard to this piece, I

ter as an author!

Sneer. Then I am sure you ought to be very much obliged to me.

Sir F. Hey!-sir !—

Dan. O you know, he never means what he

says.

Sir F. Sincerely then-you do like the piece?
Sneer. Wonderfully!

Sir F. But, come, now, there must be some thing that you think might be mended, hey?— Mr. Dangle, has nothing struck you?

Dan. Why, faith, it is but an ungracious thing for the most part to

Sir F. With most authors it is just so indeed; they are in general strangely tenacious!-but, for my part, I am never so well pleased as when a judicious critic points out any defect to me; for what is the purpose of shewing a work to a friend, if you don't mean to profit by his opinion?

Sneer. Very true. Why then, though I seriously admire the piece upon the whole, vet there is one small objection; which, if you'll give me leave, I'll mention.

Sir F. Sir, you can't oblige me more.
Sneer. I think it wants incident.

Sir F. Good God! you surprise me !-wants incident!

Sneer. Yes; I own I think the incidents are too few.

Sir F. Good God! believe me, Mr. Sneer, there is no person for whose judgment I have a more implicit deference; but I protest to you, Mr. Sueer, I am only apprehensive that the incidents are too crowded.My dear Dangle, how does it strike you?

Dan. Really I can't agree with my friend Sneer. I think the plot quite sufficient; and the four first acts by many degrees the best I ever read or saw in my life. If I might venture to suggest any thing, it is, that the interest rather falls off in the fifth.

Sir F. Rises, I believe you mean, sir.

Dan. No; I don't, upon my word. Sir F. Yes, yes, you do, upon my soul-it certainly don't fall off, I assure you-no, noit don't fall off.

Dan. Now, Mrs. Dangle, didn't you say it struck you in the same light?

Mrs. D. No, indeed, I did not-I did not see a fault in any part of the play from the beginning to the end.

Sir F. Upon my soul, the women are the best judges after all!

Mrs. D. Or if I made any objection, I am sure it was to nothing in the piece; but that I was afraid it was, on the whole, a little too long.

Sir F. Pray, madam, do you speak as to dura

« السابقةمتابعة »