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You must this cobler's wife transform, Thou first broke the commandement,
In honour of thy wife :
When Adam heard her say these words,
He ran away for life.
Lady, Why, husband! Sir John! will you
[Thunder. I good jest, faith!
Lady. Ha! he's gone ; he is not in the bed. SCENE V.-Changes to the Cobler's house. Heaven! where am I ? Foh! what loathsoine
Jobson at work. The bed in view. smells are here? Canvass sheets, and a filthy Job. What devil has been abroad to-night? I ragged curtain; a beastly rug, and a fock bed. never beard such claps of thunder in my life. I Am I awake? or is it all a dream? What rogue thought my little hovel would have flown away; is that? Sirrah! Where am I? Who brought me but now all is clear again, and a fine star-light | hither? What rascal are you? morning it is. I'll settle myself to work. They Job. This is amazing! I never heard such say winter's thunder bring summer's wonder.
words froin her before. If I take my strap to
you, I'll inake you know your husband. I'll teach AIR.—Charming Sally.
you better manners, you saucy drab! Of all the trades from east to west,
Lady. Oh, astonishing impudence! You my The cobler's, past contending,
husband, sirrah? I'll have you hanged, you Is like in time to prove the best,
rogue! I'm a lady. Let me know who has given Which every day is mending.
me a sleeping-draught, and conveyed me hither,
you dirty varlet? How great his praise who can amend
Job. A sleeping-draught! yes, you drunken The soals of all his neighbours,
jade; you had a sleeping-draught with-a-pox to Nor is unmindful of his end,
you. What, has not your lambs-wooll done workBut to his last still labours,
Lady. Where am I? Where has iny villainous
husband put me? Lucy! Lettice! Where are rogue is that, who dares wake me out of my 1. sleep? I'll have you flead, you rascal!
Job. Ha, ha, ha! what, does she call her Job. What a pox! does she talk in her sleep?
maids, too? The conjurer has made her mad as or is she drunk still?
well as drunk. AIR.—Now ponder well, ye parents dcar.
Lady. He talks of conjurers; sure I am be
witched. Ha ! what clothes are here? a lindseyIn Bath, a wanton wife did dwell,
woolsey gown, a calico hood, a red bays pettiAs Chaucer he did write,
coat! I am removed from my own house by Who wantonly did spend her time
witchcraft. What must I do? What will become In muny a fond delight.
[Horns wind without. All on a time sore sick she was,
Job. Hark! the hunters and the merry horns And she at length did die,
are abroad. Why, Nell, you lazy jade, 'ris break And then her soul at paradise
of day! to work, to work! come and spin, you Did knock most mightily.
drab, or I'll tan your hide for you! What-a-pox, Lady. Why, villain, rascal, screech-owl! who must I be at work two hours before you in a makest a worse noise than a dog hung in the morning? pales, or a hog in a high wind; where are all my Lady. Why, sirrah, thou impudent villain, servants? Somebody come, and hamstring this dost thou not know me, you rogue ? rogue.
Job. Know you! yes, I know you well enough, Job. Why, how now, you brazen quean! You and I'll make you know me before I have done must get drunk with the conjurer, must you? | with you. I'll give you money another time to spend in Lady. I am Sir John Loverule's lady; how lamb's-wooll, you saucy jade, shall I?
caine I here? Lady. Monstrous! I can find no bell to ring. Job. Sir John Loverule's lady! no. Nell: not Where are iny servants ? They shall toss hin in I quite so bad, neither; that damned stingy, fanaa blanket.
tic whore, plagues every one that comes near Job. Ay, the jade's asleep still; the conjurer her; the whole country curses ler. told her she should keep her coach, and she is Lady. Nay, then, I'll hold no longer; you rogue! dreaming of ber equipage.
Sings. I you insolent villain!I'll teach you better manners.
[Flings the bedstaff, and other things, at him. I will come in, in spite, she said,
Job. This is more than ever I saw by her; I Of all such churls os thee,
never had an ill word from her before. Come, Thou art the cause of all our pain,
strap, I'll try your mettle; I'll sober you, I warOur grief and misery :
rant you, quean. (He straps her, she fies at him.
Lady. I'll pull your throat out; I'll tear out! The cobler has nought to perpler him; your eyes! I am a lady, sirrah. O murder ! Has nought but his wife murder ! Sir John Lorerule will hang you for To ruffle his life, this; murder! murder!
And her he can strap if she ver him. Job. Come, hussy, leave fooling, and come to your spinning, or else I'll lamb you; you ne'er He's out of the power was so lambed since you were an inch long. Of fortune, that whore, Take it up, you jade.
Since low as can be she has thrust him; [She flings it down, he straps her. From duns he's secure, Lady. Hold, hold ! I'll do any thing.
For being so poor, Joh. Oh! I thought I should bring you to! There's none to be found that will trust him. yourself again.
Lady. What shall I do? I can't spin. [Aside. Heyday, I think the jade's brain is turned! What, Job. I'll into my stall; 'ris broad day, now, have you forgot to spin, hussy?
[Works and sings. Lady. But I have not forgot to run. I'll e'en
try my feet; I shall find somebody in the town, AIR.—Come, let us prepare.
sure, that will succour me. She runs out.
Job. What, does she run for it? I'll after her. Let matters of state
[He runs out, Disquiet the great,
ACT II. SCENE I.-Changes to Sir Joun's house. Let. Now's my time! what, to have another
tooth beat out! Madam! Nell in bed.
Nell. What dost say, my dear! O father! Nell. What pleasant dreams I have had to- | what would she bave! night! Methought I was in paradise, upon a bed Let. What work would your ladyship please of violets and roses, and the sweetest husband to have done to-day? Shall I work plain work, by my side! Ha! bless me, where am I now? or go to my stitching? What sweets are these? No garden in the spring | Nell. Work, child !'tis holiday; no work tocan equal them : Am I on a bed ? The sheets are day. sarscnet sure! no linen ever was so fine. What Let. Oh, mercy! am I, or she awake? or do a gay silken robe have I got? O Heaven! I we both dream? Here's a blessed change? dream! Yet, if this be a dream, I would not wish Lucy. If it continues, we shall be a happy fato wake again. Sure, I died last night, and went mily. to Heaven, and this is it.
• Let. Your ladyship's chocolate is ready.
Nell. Mercy on me! what's that? Some garEnter Lucy.
ment I suppose? [Aside.]—Put it on then, sweetLucy, Now must I awake an alarm, that will heart. not lie still again till midnight, at soonest; the Let. Put it on, madam! I have taken it off: first greeting, I suppose, will be jade, or whore. I'tis ready to drink. Nadam! madan!
Nell. I mean, put it by; I don't care for drinkNell. O gemini! who's this? What dost say, ing now, sweetheart?
Enter Cook. Lucy. Swectheart! Oh lud, sweetheart! the best påmes I bave liad these three months from Cook. Now go I like a bear to the stake, to her, liave been slut, or whore.------What gown know her scurvy ladysbip's coinmands about dinand ruffles will your ladyship wear to-day?
ner. How many rascally names must I be called. Nell. What does she mean? Ladyship! gown! Let, Oh, John Cook! you'll be out of your and ruffles ! Sure I am awake : Oh! I remember wits to find my lady in so sweet a temper. the cunning man now.
Cook. What a devil ! are they all mad? Lucy. Did your ladyship speak?
Lucy. Madam, here's the cook come about Nell. Ay, child; I'll wear the same I did yes- dinner. terday.
| Nell, Oh ! there's a fine cook! He looks like Laicy, Mercy upon me!--Child -Here's a one of your gentlefolks. [Aside. Indeed, homiracle !
nest man, I'm very hungry now; pray get me a
rasher upon the coals, a piece of one milk cheese, Enter LETTICE.
and some wbite bread. Let. Is my lady awake ? have you had her! Cook. Hey! what's to do here? my head turns shoe or her slipper Aung at your head yet? round. Honest man ! I looked for rogue or ras
Lucy. Oh no, I'ın overjoyed; she's in the kind- cal, at least. She's strangely changed in her diet, est humour! go to the bed, and speak to her; as well as her humour. [ Aside. I'm afraid, now is your time,
| madam, cheese and bacon will sit very heavy on
your ladyship's stomach, in a morning. If you Sir John. This is astonishing! I must go and please, madam, I'll toss you up a white fricasee | inquire into this wonder. If this be true, Ishall of chickeus in a trice, madam; or what does rejoice indeed. your ladyship think of a veal sweetbread?
But. 'Tis true, sir, upon my honour. Long Nell. E'en what you will, good cook
live Sir John and my lady; huzza! (Exeunt, Cook. Good cook! good cook! Ah! 'tis a sweet lady!
Nell. I well remember the cunning man warnOh! kiss me, Chip, I am out of my wits: We he said, would follow. I am ashamed, and know
ed me to bear all out with confidence, or worse have the kindest, sweetest lady!
not what to do with all this ceremony: I am But. You shamming rogue, I think you are out
amazed, and out of my senses. I looked in the of your wits, all of ye; the maids look merrily,
glass, and saw a gay fine thing I knew not; metoo. Lucy. Here's the butler, madam, to know your seen at home, in a piece of looking glass fastened
thought my face was not at all like that I have ladyship's orders. Nell. Oh! pray Mr. Butler ! let me have some
upon the cupboard. But great ladies, they say, small beer when my breakfast comes in.
have flattering glasses, that shew them far unlike
themselves, whilst poor folks glasses represent But. Mr. Butler! Mr. Butler! I shall be turn
them e'en just as they are. ed into stone with ainazement! [ Aside. Would not your ladyship rather have a glass of Frontiniac, or Lacryme?
AIR.—When I was a dame of honour. Nell. O dear! what hard names are there!
Fine ladies, with an artful grace, but I must not betray myself. [Aside. ]-Well,
Disguise each native feature; which you please, Mr. Butler.
Whilst flattering glasses shew the face,
As made by art, not nature;
But we poor folks in home-spun grey, But. Go, get you in, and be rejoiced as I am.
By patch nor washes tainted, Coach. The cook has been making his game I
Look fresh and sweeter far than they, know not how long. What, do you banter, too? |
That still ure finely painted. Lucy. Madam, the coachman.
Lucy. O madam! here's my master just reCoach. I come to know if your ladyship goes turned from hunting. out to-day, and which you'll have, the coach or chariot.
Enter Sir John. Nell. Good lack-a-day! I'll ride in the coach, Nell. O gemini! this fine gentleman my husif you please.
band! Coach. The sky will fall, that's certain. [Exit. Sir John. My dear, I am overjoyed to see my
Nell. I can hardly think I am awake yet. How family thus travsported with exstasy which you well pleased they all seem to wait upon me! 0 | occasioned.
table cunning man! My head turns round! 1 Nell. Sir, I shall always be proud to do every am quite giddy with my own happiness. thing, that may give you delight, or your family AIR.—What though I am a country lass.
Sir John. By Heaven, I am charmed! dear Though late I was a cobler's wife,
creature, if thou continuest thus, I had rather In cottage most obscure-a.
enjoy thee than the Indies. But can tbis be real In plain stuf-gown, and short-eared coif, May I believe my senses? Hard labour did endure-a :
Nell. All that's good above can witness for The scene is changed, I'm altered quite,
me, I am in earnest.
Kneels. And from poor humble Nell-a.
Sir John. Rise, my dearest! Now am I happy I'll learn to dance, to read, and write, indeed— Where are my friends, my servants ? And from all bear the bell-a.
call them all, and let them be witnesses of my
happiness. Enter Sir John, meeting his Servants.
Nell. O rare, sweet man! he smells all over But. Oh, sir, here's the rarest news ! I like a posegay. Heaven preserve my wits! Lucy. There never was the like, sir! you'll be
AIR.—'Twas within a furlong, 8c. overjoyed and amazed.
Sir John. What, are ye mad? What's the mat- Nell. O charming cunning man! thou hast been ter with ye? How now ! here's a new face in my
wondrous kind, family; what's the meaning of this?
And all thy golden words do now prove But. Oh, sir! the family's turned upside down.
true, I find; We are almost distracted; the happiest people!
Ten thousand transports wait, -as Lucy. Ay, my lady, sir, my lady.
To crown my happy state, Sir John. What, is she dead?
Thus kissed, and pressed, Di But. Dead ! Heaven forbid ! O! she's the best
And doubly blessed woman, the sweetest lady!
In all this pomp and state:
New scenes of joy arise,
| Nell. Dear sir, you make me proud :
Be you but kind,
And you shall find
All the good I can boast of
Shall end but with my life.
Sir John, Give me thy lips;
Nell. First let me, dear sir, wipe them ; For hence I will not, cannot, no, nor must not, Sir Jolin. Was ever so sweet a wife ! buckle to. [Exit.
Nell. Thank you, dear sir !
I dow and protest,
I ne'er was so kissed;
O muy it last for life ! they sure are all of the conspiracy. This wicked
What joys thus to enfold thee ! husband of mine has laid a devilish plot against Nell, What pleasure to behold thee! me. I must at present submit, that I may here
Inclined again to kiss! after have an opportunity of executing my de- Sir John. How ruvishing the bliss ! sign. Here comes the rogue; I'll have him Nell, I little thought this morning, strangled; but now I must yield.
'Twould ever come to this.
[Da Capo. Enter Jobson. Job. Come on, Nell; art thou come to thyself
Enter Lady. Fet?
Lady. Here's a fine rout and rioting! You, Lady. Yes, I thank you, I wonder what I ailed; sirrab, butler, you rogue ! this cunning man has put powder in my drink, I But. Why, how now! Who are you? most certainly.
| Lady. Impudent varlet! Don't you know your Job. Powder! the brewer put good store of lady? powder of malt in it, that's all. Powder, quoth But. Lady! here, turn this mad woman out of she ! ha, ha, ha!
doors! Lady. I never was so all the days of my lifc. Lady. You rascal ! take that, sirrah ! Job. Was so ! no, nor 1 hope ne'er will be so
[Flings a glass at him. again, to put me to the trouble of strapping you Foot. Have a care, hussy! there's a good pump so devilisbly.
| without; we shall cool your courage for you. Lady. I'll have that right hand cut off for thai, Lady. You, Lucy, have you forgot me too, rogue. (Aside. -You was unmerciful to bruise you minx ? me so.
Lucy. Forgot you, woman! Why, I never reJob. Well, I'm going to Sir John Loverule's; membered you; I never saw you before in my all his tenants are invited; there's to be rare feasting and revelling, and open house kept for Lady, Oh, the wicked slut! I'll give you cause three months.
to remember me, I will, hussy. Lady. Husband, shan't I go with you?
Pulls her headcloths off Job. What the devil ails thee uow? Did I not! Lucy. Murder ! Murder ! Help! tell thee but yesterday, I would strap thee for Sir John. How now! What uproar's this? desiring to go, and art thou at it again, with a. Lady. You, Lettice, you slut! Won't you pox?
know me, neither?
[Strikes her. Lady. What does the villain mean by strap
Let. Help, help! ping, and yesterday?
Sir John. What's to do there? Job. Why, I have been married but six weeks, But. Why, sir, here's a madwoman calls her and you long to make me me a cuckold already self my lady, and is beating and cuffing us all Stay at home, and be hanged ! there's good cold round. pye in the cupboard; but I'll trust thee no more! Sir John. [To Lady. -Thou my wife ! poor with strong beer, hussy.
[Erit. creature! I pity thee ! I never saw thee before. Lady. Well, I'll not be long after you: sure Il Lady. Then it is in vain to expect redress from shall get some of my own family to know me ; thee, thou wicked contriver of
thee, thou wicked contriver of all my misery. they can't be all in this wicked plot. [Exit. Nell. How am I amazed! Can that be 1,
there in my clothes, that have made all this disSCENE III.-Sir John's.
turbance? And yet I am here, to my thinking,
in these fine clothes. How can this be? I am so SIR John and company enter. confounded and affrighted, that I begin to wish
I was with Zekel Jobson again.
Lady. To whom shall I apply myself, or wheSir Joho. Was ever man possessed of
ther can I fly? Heaven ! What do I see! Is not So sweet, so kind a wife?
that I, yonder, in my gown and petticoat I wore
yesterday? How can it be! I cannot be in two / Sir John. Oh, wretch! thou hast undone me! places at once.
I am fallen from the height of all my hopes, and Sir John, Poor wretch! She's stark mad! must still be cursed with a tempestuous wife; a
Lady. What, in the devil's name, was I here fury whom I never knew quiet since I had her. before I came? Let me look in the glass. Oh Doc. If that be all, I can continue the charm Heavens! I am astonished! I don't know iny- for both their lives. self! If this be I that the glass shews me, I never Sir John. Let the event be what it will, I'll saw myself before.
bang you if you do not end the charm this inSir John. What incoherent madness is this! Istant.
Doc. I will this minute, sir; and, perhaps, Enter Jobson.
you'll find it the luckiest of your life; I can asLady. There, that's the devil in my likencss, sure you, your lady will prove the better for it. who has robbed me of my countenance. Is he
Sir John. Hold; there's one material circum. bere, too?
stance I'd know, Job. Ay, bussy; and here's my strap, you
v: and here's my strap, vou Doc. Your pleasure, sir? quean.
Sir John. Perhaps the cobler has--you anderNell. O dear! I'm afraid my husband will beat stand me? me, that am on t'other side the room, there. Doc. I do assure you, no; for ere she was
Job. I hope your honours will pardon her; she conveyed to his bed, the cobler was got up to was drinking with a conjurer last night, and bas work, and he has done nought but beat her ever been mad ever since, and calls herselt' my lady since. And you are like to reap the fruits of Loverule.
This labour. He'll be with you in a minute; bere Sir John. Poor woman! take care of her; do he comes. not hurt her, she may be cured of this. Job. Yes, and please your worship, you shall
Enter Jobson. see ine cure her presently. Hussy, do you see Sir John. So, Jobson, where's your wife? this?
Job. And please your worship, she's here at Nell. O! pray, Zekel, don't beat me. the door, but, indeed, I thought I bad lost her
Sir John. What says iny love? Does she infect just now, for as she came into the hall, she felt thee with madness, too?
into such a swoon, that I though she would neNell. I am not well; pray lead me in. ver come out on't again; but a tweak or two by
FEreunt Nell and Maid. the nose, and half a dozen straps, did the busiJob. I beseech your worship don't take it ill of ness at last. Here, where are you, housewife? me; she shail never trouble you more. Sir John. Take her home, and use her kindly.
Enter Ludy. Lady. What will become of me?
But. [Holds up the candle, but lets it fall [Ereunt Jobson and Lady. I when he sees her.]-O heaven and earth! Is this
my lady? Enter Footman.
| Job. What does he say? My wife changed to Foot. Sir, the doctor, who called here last my lady? night, desires you will give him leave to speak Cook. Ay; I thought the other was too good a word or two with you upon very earnest busi- for our lady. ness.
Lady. [To SIR John.]-Sir, you are the perSir John. What can this mean? Bring him iv. son I have most offended, and here I confess I
have been the worst of wives in every thing, but Enter Doctor.
that I always kept myself chaste. If you can Doc. Lo! on my knces, sir, I beg forgiveness vouchsafe once more to take me to your bosom, for what I have done, and put my life into your the remainder of my days shall joyfully be spent hands.
Jin duty, and observance of your will. Sir John. What mean you ?
Sir John. Rise, madam; I do forgive you; and Doc. I have exercised my magic art upon your if you are sincere in what you say, you'll make lady; I know you have too much honour to me happier than all the enjoyments in the take away my life, since I might have still con- world, without you, could do. cealed it, had I pleased.
Job. What a pox! Am I to lose my wife thus ? Sir John. You have now brought me to a
Enter Lucy and LETTICE. glimpse of misery too great to bear. Is all my happiness then turned into a vision only.
Lucy. Oh, sir! the strangest accident has bapDoc. Sir, I beg you, fear not; if any harm pened! it has amazed us; my lady was in so comes of it, I freely give you leave to hang me. great a swoon, we thouglit she had been dead.
Sir John. Inform me what you have done. Let. And when she came to herself, she pror
Doc. I have transformed your lady's face so, ed another woman. that she seems the cobler's wife, and have charm- Job. Ha, ha, ha! A bull, a bull! ed her face into the likeness of my lady's ; and Lucy. She is so changed, I knew ber not; I Jast night, when the storm arose, my spirits con- never saw her face before : O lud! Is this my veyed them to each other's bed.