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holy ministers of the gospel, and pious pastors of our Church: I conjure them to join in the holy work, and vindicate the religion of their God. I appeal to the wisdom and the law of this learned bench, to defend and support the justice of their country. I call upon the bishops to interpose the unsullied sanctity of their lawn; upon the learned judges, to interpose the purity of their ermine, to save us from this pollution. I call upon the honor of your lordships, to reverence the dignity of your ancestors, and to maintain your own. I call upon the spirit and humanity of my country, to vindicate the national character. I invoke the ge nius of the constitution.
From the tapestry that adorns these walls, the inmortal ancestor of this noble lord frowns with indigmation at the disgrace of his country. In vain he led your victorious fleets against the boasted armada of Spain; in vain he defended and established the honor, the liberties, the religion, the protestant religion of this country, against the arbitrary cruelties of popery and the inquisition, if these more than popish cruelties and inquisitorial practices are let loose among us; to turn forth into our settlements, among our ancient connexions, friends, and relations, the merciless cannibal, thirsting for the blood of man, woman and child! to send forth the infidel savage-against whom? against your protestant brethren; to lay waste their country; to desolate their dwellings, and extirpate theirrace and name, with these horrible hell-hounds of savage war!
Spain armed herself with blood-hounds, to extirpate the wretched natives of America;and weimprove on the inhuman example even of Spanish cruelty. We turn loose these savage hell-hounds against our bre, thren and countrymen in America, of the same language, laws, liberties, and religion; endeared to us by every
tie that should sanctify humanity. My lords, this awful subject, so important to our honor, our constitution, and our religion, demands the most solemn and effectual inquiry. And I again call upon your lordships, and the united powers of the state, to examine it thoroughly, and decisively, and to stamp upon it an indelible stigma of the public abhorrence. And I again implore those holy prelates of our religion, to do away these iniquities from among us. Let them perform a lustration; let them purify this House, and this country from this sin.
My lords, I am old and weak, and at present unable to say more; but my feelings and indignation were too strong to have said less. I could not have slept this night in my bed, nor reposed my head on my pillow, without giving this vent to my eternal abhorrence of such preposterous and enormous principles.
DIALOGUE BETWEEN A SCHOOLMASTER, AND
[N. B. The Author is happy in believing, that the following Dialogue is applicable to but few towns and few teacher in this country; but, so long as there are any remaining to whom it may apply, he thinks a sufficient apology exists for its publi. cation]
SCENE, a Public House in the Town of
Enter SCHOOLMASTER, with a pack on his back. Schoolmaster.
OW fare you, landlord? what have
you got that's good to drink? Landlord. I bave gin, West-India, genuine NewEngland, whiskey, and cider brandy.
Schoolm. Make us a stiff mug of sling. Put in a gill and a half of your New-England; and sweeten it well with lasses.
Land. It shall be done, Sir, to your liking.
Schoolm. Do you know of any vacancy in a school in your part of the country, landlord?
Land. There is a vacancy in our district; and I expect the parson, with our three school-committee men, will be at my house directly, to consult upon matters relative to the school.
Schoolm. Well, here's the lad that will serve them as cheap as any man in America; and I believe I may venture to say as well too; for I profess no small share of skill in that business. I have kept school eleven winters, and have often had matter of fifty scholars at a time. I have teach'd a child its letters in a day, and to read in the Psalter in a fortnight: and I always feel very much ashamed, if I use more than one quire of paper in larnin a boy to write as well as his master. As for government, I'll turn my back to no man. I never flog my scholars; for that monstrous doctrine of whippin children, which has been so long preached and practised by ourrigid and superstitious forefathers, I have long since exploded. I have a rare knack of flattering them into their duty. And this, according to a celebrated Doctor at Philadelphia, whose works
I have heard of, though I never read them, is the grand criterion of school government. It is, landlord, it is the very philosopher's stone. I am told, likewise, that this same great Doctor does not believe that So. lomon and others really meant licken, in the proper sense of the word, when they talked so much about using the rod, &c. He supposes they meant confining them in dungeons;starving them for three or four days at a time; and then giving them a portion of tatromattucks, and such kinds of mild punishment. And, zounds, landlord, I believe he's about half right.
Land. [Giving the cup to the master1 MasterWhat may I call your name, Sir, if I may be so bold?
Schoolm. Ignoramus, at your service, Sir.
Land. Master Ignoramus, I am glad to see you. You are the very man we' wish for. Our committee won't hesitate a moment to employ you, when they becomeacquainted with your talents. Your sentiments on government I know will suit our people to a nicety. Our last master was a tyrant of a fellow, and very extravagant in his price. He grew so important the latter part of his time, that he had the frontery to demand ten dollars a month and his board. And he might truly be said to rule with a rod of iron; for he kept an ironwood cudgel in his school, four feet long; and it was enough to chill one's blood to hear the shrieks of the little innocents, which were caused by bis barbarity. I have heard my wife say, that Sue Gossip told her, that she had seen the marks of his lashes on the back of her neighbour Rymple's son Darling for twelve hours after the drubbing. At least, the boy told her with his own mouth, that they might be seen, if they would only take the trouble to strip his shirt off. And, besides, Master Ignoranus, he was the most niggardly of all the human race. I don't suppose that my
bar room was one dollar the richer for him, in the course of the whole time which he tarried with us. While the young people of the town were recreating themselves, and taking a sociable glass, of an evening, at my house, the stupid blockhead was etarnally in his chamber, poring over his musty books. But finally he did the job for himself, and I am rejoiced. The wretch had the dacity to box little Saminy Puney's ears at such an intolerable rate, that his parents fear the poor child will be an idiot all the days of his life. And all this, for nothing more, than, partly by design, and partly through mere accident, he happened to spit in his master's face. The child being nephew to the 'squire, you may well suppose, that the whole neighbourhood was soon in an uproar. The indignation of the mother, father, aunts, uncles, cous sins, and indeed the whole circle of acquaintance, was roused; and the poor fellow was hooted out of town in less than twenty-four hours.
Schoolm. [Drinking off his liquor.] This is a rare dose. Believe me, landlord, I have not tasted a drop before, since six o'clock this morning. [Eiter Parson and Committee Men.] Your humble sarvant, gentlemen. I understand you are in want of a schoolmaster. Parsan.Yes, Sir; that is the occasion of our present meeting. We have been so unfortunate as to lose one good man; and we should be very glad to find another.
1st Committee Man. Pray don't say unfortunate, Parson. I think we may consider ourselves as very fortunate, in having rid the town of an extravagant coxcomb, who was draining us of all the money we could earn, to fill his purse, and rig himself out with fine clothes.
2d Com. Ten dollars a month, and board, for a man whose task is so easy, is no small sum.
3d Com. I am bold to affirm, that we can procure a better man for half the
money. Schoolm. That I believe, friend; for, though I es. teem myself as good as the best; that is to say, in the common way; yet I never ax'd but five dollars a month in all my life.
Par. For my own part, whatever these gentlemen's opinion may be, I must tell you, that I am much less concerned about the wages we are to give, than I am about the character and abilities of the man with whom we intrust the education of our children, I had much rather you had said you had received forty dollars a month, than five.
1st Com. Dear Sir, you are beside yourself. You will encourage the man to rise in his price; whereas I was in hopes he would have fallen, at least one dollar.
Par. Before we talk any further about the price, it is necessary that we examine the gentleman according to law, in order to satisfy ourselves of his capability to serveus. Friend, will you be so obliging as to inform us where you received your education, and what your pretensions are, with respect to your profession?
Schoolm. Law, Sir! I never went to college in my life.
Par. I did not ask you whether you had been to college or not. We wish to know what education you have had; and whether your abilities are such, as that