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Ang. O you'll agree very well in a little time; custom will make it
for you. Tatt. Easy! Pox on't, I don't believe I shall sleep to-night.
Sir S. Sleep, quotha! No, why, you would not sleep on your wedding night? I'm an older fellow than you, and don't mean to sleep.
Ben. Why, there's another match now, as thof a couple of privateers were looking for a prize, and should fall foul of one another. I'm sorry for the young man with all my heart. Look you, friend, if I may
when she's going—for that you must expect, I have experience of her—when she's going, let her go. For no matrimony is tough enough to hold her; and if she can't drag her anchor along with her, she'll break her cable, I can tell you that. Who's here ? the madman?
Enter VALENTINE, SCANDAL, and JEREMY. Val. No; here's the fool ; and, if occasion be, I'll give it under
hand. Sir S. How now?
Val. Sir, I'm come to acknowledge my errors, and ask your pardon.
Sir S. What have you found your senses at last then? In good time, sir.
Val. You were abused, sir ; I never was distracted. For. How? not mad! Mr. Scandal ?
Scand. No, really, sir; I'm his witness, it was all counterfeit.
Val. I thought I had reasons-
but it was a poor contrivance: the effect has shewn it such.
Sir S. Contrivance! what to cheat me? to cheat your father ! Sirrah, could you hope to prosper?
Val. Indeed, I thought, sir, when the father endeavoured to undo the son, it was a reasonable return of nature.
Sir S. Very good, sir. Mr. Buckram, are you ready? Come, sir, will you sign and seal?
Val. If you please, sir ; but first I would ask this lady one question.
Sir S. Sir, you must ask me leave first-That lady! No, sir ; you shall ask that lady no questions, till
you have asked her blessing, sir ; that lady is to be my wife.
Val. I have heard as much, sir; but I would have it from her own mouth.
Sir S. That's as much as to say, I lie, sir; and you don't believe what I say.
Val. Pardon me, sir. But I reflect that I very lately counterfeited madness: I don't know but the frolic
may go round. Sir S Come, chuck, satisfy him, answer him. Come, Mr. Buckram, the pen and ink, Buck. Here it is, sir, with the deed; all is ready.
[Val. goes to Ang. Ang. 'Tis true, you have a great while pretended love to me; nay, what if you were sincere? Still you must pardon me, if I think my own inclinations have a better right to dispose of my person, than yours.
Sir S. Are you answered now, sir?
Sir S. Where's your plot, sir ? and your contrivance now, sir? Will you sign, sir? Come, will you sign and seal ?
Val. With all my heart, sir.
Scand. 'Sdeath, you are not mad indeed ? to ruin yourself?
Val. I have been disappointed of my only hope ; and he that loses hope may part with any thing. I never valued fortune, but as it was subservient to my pleasure; and my only pleasure was to please this lady : I have made many vain attempts ; and find at last that nothing but my ruin can effect it; which, for that reason, I will sign to.
. Give me the paper. Ang. Generous Valentine !
[Aside. Buck. Here is the deed, sir.
Val. But where is the bond, by which I am obliged to sign this?
Buck. Sir Sampson you have it.
Ang. No, I have it; and I'll use it, as I would every thing that is an enemy to Valentine.
[Tears the paper. Sir S. How now? Val. Ha!
Ang. Had I the world to give you, it could not make me worthy of so generous and faithful a pas. sion. Here's my hand ; my heart was always yours, and struggled very hard to make this utmost trial of
[To Val. Val. Between pleasure and amazement, I am lost but on my knees I take the blessing.
Sir S. Oons, what is the meaning of this ?
Ben. Mess, here's the wind changed again. Father, you and I may make a voyage together now!
Ang. Well, Sir Sampson, since I have played you a trick, I'll advise you how you may avoid such another. Learn to be a good father, or you'll never get a second wife. I always loved your son, and hated your unforgiving nature. I was resolved to try him to the utmost; I have tried you too, and know you both. You have not more faults than he has vir. tues; and it is hardly more pleasure to me, than I can make him and myself happy, than that I can punish you.
“ Val. If my happiness could receive addition, this “ kind surprise would make it double.”
Sir S. Qons, you're a crocodile.
Tatt. If the gentleman is in disorder for want of a wife, I can spare him mine. Oh, are you there, sir? I am indebted to you for my happiness. [To Jeremy.
Jer. Sir, I ask you ten thousand pardons : it was an arrant mistake. You see, sir, my master was never mad, nor any thing like it.-Then how can it be otherwise
Val. Tattle, I thank you; you would have interposed between me and heaven; but Providence laid purgatory in your way. You have but justice.
Scand. I hear the fiddles that Sir Sampson provided for his own wedding; methinks it is pity they should not be employed when the match is so much mended. Valentine, though it be morning, we may have a dance.
Val. Any thing, my friend; every thing that looks like joy and transport.
Scand. Cal them, Jeremy.
Ang. I have done dissembling now, Valentine; and if that coldness which I have always worn before you should turn to an extreme fondness, you must not suspect it.
Val. I'll prevent that suspicion-for I intend to doat to that immoderate degree, that your fondness shall never distinguish itself enough to be taken notice of. If ever you seem to love too much, it must be only when I can't love enough.
Ang. Have a care of promises : you know you are apt to run more in debt than you are able to pay.
Val. Therefore I yield my body as your prisoner, and make your best on't. Scand. “ The music stays for you."
[A dance. [To Ang.] Well, madam, you have done exemplary justice, in punishing an inhuman father, and rewarding a faithful lover : but there is a third good work, which I, in particular, must thank you for : I was an infidel to your sex, and you have converted me for now I am convinced that all women are not, like fortune, blind in bestowing favours, either on those who do not merit, or who do not want them.