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head is e'en as light as his pockets; and any body that has a mind to a bad bargain, can't do better than to beg him for his estate. Ang. If you speak truth, your endeavouring at wit
unseasonable. Scand. She's concern'd, and loves him! [ Aside.
Ang. Mr. Scandal, you can't think me guilty of so much inhumanity, as not to be concerned for a man I must own myself obliged to.-Pray tell me the truth.
Scand. Faith, madam, I wish telling a lie would mend the matter. But this is no new effect of an unsuccessful passion.
Ang. [Aside. ] I know not what to think! Yet I should be vext to have a trick put upon me!-May I not see him?
Scand. I'ın afraid the physician is not willing you should see him yet.–Jeremy go in and enquire.
[Exit Jeremy. Ang, Ha! I saw him wink and smile! I fancy a trick, I'll try. [ Aside.]-I would disguise to all the world, sir, a failing which I must own to you—I fear my happiness depends upon the recovery of Valentine. Therefore I conjure you, as you are his friend, and as you have compassion on one fearful of affliction, to tell me what I am to hope for–I cannot speak—But you may tell me, for you know what I would ask.
Scand. So, this is preity plain !—Be not too much concerned, madam ; I hope his condition is not desperate. An acknowledgment of love from you, perhaps, may work a cure, as the fear of your aversion occasioned his distemper.
Ang. Say you so ? nay, then I'm convinced : and if I don't play trick for trick, may I never taste the pleasure of revenge! [ Aside. ]— Acknowledgment of love! I find you have mistaken my compassion, and think me guilty of a weakness I am a stranger to. But I have too much sincerity to deceive you, and too much charity to suffer him to be deluded with vain hopes. Good nature and humanity oblige me to be concerned for him; but to love, is neither in my power nor inclination ; “ and if he can't be cured “ without I suck the poison from his wounds, I'm 6 afraid he won't recover his senses till I lose mine."
Scand. Hey, brave woman, i'faith!~Won't you see him then, if he desires it?
Ang. What signifies a madman's desires? besides, 'twould make me uneasy--If I don't see him, perhaps my concern for him may lessen--If I forget him, 'tis no more than he has done by himself; and now the surprise is over, methinks I'm not half so sorry as I
Scand. So, faith, good-nature works 'apace; you were confessing just now an obligation to his love.
Ang. But I have considered that passions are unreasonable and involuntary. If he loves, he can't help it; and if I don't love, I cannot help it; no more than he can help his being a man, or I my being a woman; or no niore than I can help my want of inclination to stay longer here.
Scand. Humph!- An admirable composition, faith, this same womankind I
Enter JEREMY. Jer. What, is she
sir ? Scand. Gone? why she was never here, nor any where else ; nor I don't know her if I see her, nor
Jer. Good lack! what's the matter now? are any more of us to be mad? Why, sir, my master longs to see her; and is almost mad in good earnest with the joyful news of her being here.
Scand. We are all under a mistake.--Ask no questions, for I can't resolve you ; but I'll inform your master. In the mean time, if our project succeed no better with his father than it does with his mistress, he may descend from his exaltation of madness into the road of common sense, and be content only to be made a fool with other reasonable people. I hear Sir Samp. son. You know your cue? I'll to your master. [Exit.
Enter Sir SAMPSON and BUCKRAM. Sir S. D'ye see, Mr. Buckram, here's the paper signed with his own hand.
Buck. Good, sir. And the conveyance is ready drawn in this box, if he be ready to sign and seal.
Sir S. Ready! body o'me, he must be ready: his sham sickness sha'nt excuse him.-O, here's his scoundrel.—Sirrah, where's your master?
Jer. Ah, sir, he's quite gone!
Sir S. Gone! what, he's not dead?
Sir S. What, is he gone out of town? run away? ha! has he trick'd me? Speak, varlet.
Jer. No, no, sir, he's safe enough, sir, an he were but as sound, poor gentleman ? He is indeed here, sir, and not here, sir.
Sir S. Hey-day, rascal, do you banter me ? sirrah, d'ye banter me?-Speak, sirrah; where is he? for I will find him.
Jer. Would you could, sir; for he has lost himself.-Indeed, sir, I have almost broke my heart about him, I can't refrain tears when I think on him, sir: I'm as melancholy for him as a passing-bell, sir; or a horse in a pond.
Sir S. A pox confound your similitudes, sir :Speak to be understood ; and tell me in plain terms what the matter is with him, or I'll crack your fool's scull.
Jer. Ah, you've hit it, sir; that's the matter with him, sir; his scull's crack'd poor gentleman! he's stark mad, sir.
Sir S. Mad!
Buck. Why then, all's obliterated, Sir Sampson. If he be non compos mentis, his act and deed will be of no effect ; it is not good in law.
Sir S. Oons, I won't believe it; let me see him, sir,--Mad! I'll make him find his senses.
Jer. Mr. Scandal is with him, sir; I'll knock at the door.
(Goes to the scene, which opens and discovers
Valentine and Scandal. Valentine upon
a couch disorderly dressed.] Sir S. How now? what's here to do? Val. Ha! who's that?
[Starting. Scand. For Heaven's sake, softly, sir, and gently : don't provoke him.
Val. Answer me, who's that? and that?
Sir S. Gads bobs, does he not know! is he mischievous ? I'll speak gently.--Val, Val, dost thou not
boy? not know thy own father, Val? I am thy own father; and this, honest Brief Buckram, the lawyer.
Val. It may be so—I did not know you—the world is full. --There are people that we do know, and people that we do not know; and yet the sun shines upon all alike.-There are fathers that have many children ; and there are children that have many fathers—'tis strange! But I am Honesty, and come to give the world the lie.
Sir S. Body o’nie, I know not what to say to him.
Val. Why does that lawyer wear black ?- -does he carry his conscience without-side ? Lawyer, what art thou? dost thou know me?
Buck. O Lord, what must I say?- -Yes, sir.
Val. Thou liest ; for I am Honesty. 'Tis hard I cannot get a livelihood amongst you.
I have been sworn out of Westminster-Hall the first day of every