thy father, and thou shalt make me a father, and I'll make thee a mother; and we'll beget sons and daughters enough to put the weekly bills out of

Countenance.

Scand. Death and hell! Where's Valentine? [Exit. Mrs. For. This is so surprising

Sir S. How! What does my aunt say? surprising, aunt? not at all, for a young couple to make a match in winter! Not at all—It's a plot to undermine cold weather, and destroy that usurper of a bed called a warming-pan.

Mrs. For. I'm glad to hear you have so much fire in you, Sir Sampson.

Ben. Mess, I fear his fire's little better than tinder; mayhap it will only serve to light a match for somebody else. The young woman's a handsome young woman, I can't deny it: but father, if I might be your pilot in this case, you should not marry her. It is just the same thing as if so be you should sail as far as the Streights without provision.

Sir S. Who gave you authority to speak, sirrah ? To your element, fish; be mute, fish, and to sea. Rule your helm, sirrah; don't direct me.

Ben. Well, well, take you care of your own helm; or you mayn't keep your new vessel steady.

Sir S. Why, you impudent tarpawlin! sirrah, do you bring your forecastle jests upon your father? But I shall be even with you; I won't give you a groat. Mr. Buckram, is the conveyance so worded, that nothing can possibly descend to this scoundrel ?

I would not so much as have him have the prospect of an estate, though there were no way to come to it, but by the north-east passage.

Buck. Sir, it is drawn according to your directions; there is not the least cranny of the law unstopt.

Ben. Lawyer, I believe there's many a cranny and leak unstopt in your conscience! If so be that one had a pump to your bosom, I believe we should discover a foul hold. They say a witch will sail in a sieve-but I believe the devil would not venture aboard your conscience. And that's for you.

Sir S. Hold your tongue, sirrah.-How now? who's here?

Enter TATTLE, and Mrs. FRAIL.

Mrs. F. O, sister, the most unlucky accident!
Mrs. For. What's the matter?

Tatt. O the two most unfortunate poor creatures in the world we are!

For. Bless us! how so?

Mrs. F. Ah, Mr. Tattle and I, poor Mr. Tattle and I are-I can't speak it out.

Tatt. Nor I-But poor Mrs. Frail and I are-Mrs. F. Married.

For. Married! How?

Tatt. Suddenly-before we knew where we were -that villain Jeremy, by the help of disguises, trick'd us into one another.

For. Why, you told me just now, you went hence in haste to be married!

Ang. But, I believe Mr. Tattle meant the favour to me, I thank him.

Tatt. I did, as I hope to be saved, madam; my intentions were good.- -But this is the most cruel thing, to marry one does not know how, nor why, nor wherefore. The devil take me, if ever I was so much concerned at any thing in my life.

Ang. 'Tis very unhappy, if you don't care for one

another.

Tatt. The least in the world

part, I speak for myself. Gad,

-that is, for my

never had the

least thought of serious kindness-I never liked any body less in my life. Poor woman! Gad, I'm

sorry for her too; for I have no reason to hate her neither; but I believe I shall lead her a damned sort of a life.

Mrs. For. He's better than no husband at allthough he's a coxcomb.

[To Frail. Mrs. F. [To her.] Ay, ay, it's well it's no worse. Nay, for my part, I always despised Mr. Tattle of all things; nothing but his being my husband could have made me like him less.

Tatt. Look you there, I thought as much! Pox on't, I wish we could keep it secret; why I don't believe any of this company would speak of it.

Ben. If you suspect me, friend, I'll go out of the

room.

Mrs. F. But, my dear, that's impossible; the parson and that rogue Jeremy will publish it.

Tatt. Ay, my dear, so they will, as you say.

Ang. O you'll agree very well in a little time; custom will make it easy for you.

Tatt. Easy! Pox on't, I don't believe I shall sleep to-night.

Sir S. Sleep, quotha! No, why, you would not sleep on your wedding night? I'm an older fellow than you, and don't mean to sleep.

Ben. Why, there's another match now, as thof a couple of privateers were looking for a prize, and should fall foul of one another. I'm sorry for the young man with all my heart. Look you, friend, if I may advise you, when she's going-for that you must expect, I have experience of her-when she's going, let her go. For no matrimony is tough enough to hold her; and if she can't drag her anchor along with her, she'll break her cable, I can tell you that. Who's here the madman ?

Enter VALENTINE, SCANDAL, and JEKEMY.

Val. No; here's the fool; and, if occasion be, I'll give it under my hand.

Sir S. How now?

Val. Sir, I'm come to acknowledge my errors, and ask your pardon.

Sir S. What have you found your senses at last then? In good time, sir.

Val. You were abused, sir; I never was distracted. For. How not mad! Mr. Scandal?

Scand. No, really, sir; I'm his witness, it was all counterfeit.

-but it was a poor

Val. I thought I had reasonscontrivance: the effect has shewn it such.

Sir S. Contrivance! what to cheat me? to cheat your father! Sirrah, could you hope to prosper ?

Val. Indeed, I thought, sir, when the father endeavoured to undo the son, it was a reasonable return of

nature.

Sir S. Very good, sir. Mr. Buckram, are you ready? Come, sir, will you sign and seal?

Val. If you please, sir; but first I would ask this lady one question.

Sir S. Sir, you must ask me leave first-That lady! No, sir; you shall ask that lady no questions, till you have asked her blessing, sir; that lady is to be my wife.

Val. I have heard as much, sir; but I would have it from her own mouth.

Sir S. That's as much as to say, I lie, sir; and you don't believe what I say.

Val. Pardon me, sir. But I reflect that I very lately counterfeited madness: I don't know but the frolic may go round.

Sir S Come, chuck, satisfy him, answer him. Come, Mr. Buckram, the pen and ink.

Buck. Here it is, sir, with the deed; all is ready. [Val. goes to Ang.

Ang. 'Tis true, you have a great while pretended love to me; nay, what if you were sincere? Still you must pardon me, if I think my own inclinations have a better right to dispose of my person, than yours.