The falfe Purfuit of Pleafure tried before the Judge Philofophy 433 Exchange-Alley carricatur'd 435 Sailor's Hiftory of the Havannab Conclufion of the Speculift's Vifit 343 384 The Hiftory of Exchange-Alley con- Dr. d'Aftringent's Advertisements, Account of the first English Sea -fight INTRODUCTION to the Hiftory of the PRESENT TIMES. E fhall confider Political Affairs Philofophically, and Philofophical ones (or fuch as are proper for the practice of Philofophy, viz. Beauty, Cards, and Claret) Politically. When Events will not afford to appear in either of thefe Habits, we shall endeavour to dress them Comic, but not Comical; for this Periodical Performance is defigned to be of fomewhat a better use, than juft to preferve News Paper paragraphs. -Laft Year, or ANN. DOм. 1761, was the Annus Mirabilis, or Year of all Years. Whether we confider the feats performed at home, or the facts committed abroad, during that above-mentioned period. Have we not had Battles, Negociations, Refignations, Altercations and Coronations? Together with my Lord Mayor's Show, the Newmarket Match, the General Election, and Monf. Buffy. We fhall copy the example of Epic writers, who haften at once into the middle of things, beginning our work with, The HISTORY of FEMALE FASHIONS. SEN MINCE the World was at an end, there is no monthly, or daily writer, who takes notice of the dreffes of the Gentlemen and Ladies now in fhow; indeed, by way of Frontispiece to a work or two, we have had a whole length etching of a lady, in the habit of either this age or the lait. The things are pretty, to be fure, and nothing could be better defigned for prints to be dreffed in filks (as mifies ufed to do) than fuch etchings, but yet thofe are not fufficient directions for country fhopkeepers to cut patterns by. But we fhall oblige our customers with a fuccinct, critical, impartial and authentic account of every alteration-Sacks, Trollopees, Trains, Caps, Hoods, Hats, Flyes, Muffs, Tippets, Slippers, Stomachers, Gauzes, Coxcombs, Flounces, Beads and Garnets, undergo fo plainly, that a lady at the Land's-end fhall, in ten days after a new mode has made its appearance at St. James's, be as well acquainted with its excellencies and intricacies, as if he had breakfasted at Ranelagh, dined with my Lord Mayor at Guildhall, or danced at a. Birth-night affembly. No change in the fyftem of the ftate, nor in the fyftem of the minifters of the ftate, has been more remarkable, than the revolutions which have happened lately to ladies headB dreffes, It has been whifpered, indeed, that this mode is an introduction to popery; it is to bring in the veil by and by, a fort of a trial, to fee how our English Toasts will take it. Some ill-natured perfons, indeed, go fo far as to fay, that every woman, who wears thefe vifage-covers, has done fomething the fhould be a little afhamed of, and therefore don't care to fhow much of her face. Mrs. Jane Douglafs (of procuring memory) who was a very great market-woman, in her way, was the first who made a Scotch lawn, double neck handkerchief, into the mob above-mentioned. Her female boarders would do as the mistress did, to be fure; and after a little cut and contrivance, away they whisked in them to Ranelagh. The ladies of fashion there, who fometimes drefs almoft like ladies of The fashion flew abroad upon the the town, immediately took the hint. wings of whim; and as Schioppius obferves, inftantly fpread itself over the face of the land. The MARY QUEEN of SCOTS CAP. beads; was very becoming to fome Edged down the face with French complexions; but as the cap was made of black gauze, and faved wafhing, it has too much good houfewifry in it, ever to be immenfe taste. The FLY CAP. This is fixed upon the forehead, forming the figure of an over-grown. butterfly, refting upon its head, with outfirech'd wings; 'tis much wore at: prefent, not that it either adds to the colour, or outlines of the face; but as The RANELAGH MOB; or the Hoop thefe caps are edged with Garnets, from Low Life. This is a piece of Gauze, Minionett, Catgutt, or Leicester Webb, &c. &c. which is clouted about the head, then croffed under the chin, and brought back to faften behind, the two ends hanging down like a pair of pigeons tails. This fashion was copied from the filk handkerchiefs, which market-women tye over their ears, roll about their throats, and then pin up to the nape of their necks. They were first wore in the Inner Square of Covent-garden market, among the green ftalls; it was from thence introduced into the outward Topazes, or Brilliants, they are very fparkling, and a fide-box-appearance is not now altogether the confultation of elegance, but ornament. Therefore, thofe ladies who make the most fhow, are looked upon to be the finest women. It is become a very interefting dif-: pute, among the Connoiffeurs in ge neral, whether the prefent Turband Roll, which is now wore round the Mecklenbourg caps, was taken from the Egyptian Fillet, the Perfian Tiara, or the wreath round the eldest Fauftina's Temples? We have the pleasure to inform the married gentlemen, particularly those who, in their BUCKISH days, have been a little 3 a little fo-fo-ifh, and are too apt to look jaundiced upon their ladies, that STIFFENED STAYS are again coming into fashion. Many an unhappy headed husband, to be fure, has provokingly pretended to prove, that the introducing Farthingales in Queen Elizabeth's days, and the leaving off Stays in ours, arofe from the fame neceflity. Ill-natured old Batchelors have been virulent enough to infift, that fome of our fair country women adopted the stayless fashion, for the conveniency of intrigue, when the time would not wait for undreffing. However, it must please every wellwifher to his country, to hear, that our ladies, who are the finest ornaments of it,will no longer facrifice grace to eafe; and that we shall once more have our women as shapeable, as the Toafts in Mat. Prior's time, who defcribes their waftes, by faying they were FINE BY DEGREES, AND BEAUTIFULLY LESS. Thus far, the Nature of our Plan allows us this Month to mention the Mode; only by way of Poftfcript we may add, that the ladies, as to their fhoe-heels, go juft as they did, no fix'd measure, fome as broad as a tea cup's brim; fome as narrow as the China circle the cup ftands upon. Bell Hoops, Blon Laces, Pompoons, Necklaces as ufual. Modefty bits-out of fashion, and hats are trimmed as every perfon pleases. Thus finishes the first part of the Fashionable History. The Differtation upon Trains will be inferted in the next monthly publication. rules, and those bufineffes now are, like what a woman of the town fays to every new friend, but the fame thing over and over again. At least, last time there was not any thing more done in the Parlia menteering affair than ufual. In fome places votes were above Par; in others, Freeholders hawk'd themfelves about without one bidder. Many, according to Septennial Cuftom, had their heads broke for Liberty and Property, by people who had neither; every thing else went on with the ufual harmony; Drunkennefs and Gluttony, hand in hand, vifited every corporation.-And as to Perjury,-why Perjury, indeed, once or twice committed a blunder, and was found out. However, the magiftrates confidered the thing in a political light, and as no real harm happened, their worship's wink'd at it. As to other Intrigues, fuch as Cuckold-making, three poll one at Whitt, Crimp-matches at Tennis, Billiards, or riding Booty at Horferacing; it is not worth while advertifing the town of fuch common oc curences. To be fure there is a deal to be faid of Crim. Con. Incidents. Married men are very fond of women of pleafure, and their wives are very fond of men of pleasure, and many pleafant parties are made on both fides. Three or four very extraordinary affairs of that fort are come to our knowledge, which we fhall relate occafionally. But firft to entertain the Public, we fhall offer them a Specimen of our Story-telling Capacity, in the Adventures Of HONESTY and KNAVERY. HONESTY and KNAVERY, when they were boys, went to the fame fchool. HONESTY was a very promifing lad; minded his book, kept his cloaths clean, and fpoke truth. KNAVERY used to play truant, ftripp'd his clafs fellows at chuck and hufsle-cap, had his cloaths torn with robbing B 2 orchards, orchards, and was the greatest liar in all the parish. HONESTY's parents were very poor, and it was a long time before any perfon would take him 'prentice; at laft a Miller, finding the lad was a good fcholar, let him keep his books for him; but he had like to have ruined his mafter, the Miller turned him away at a minute's warning, and gave him fo bad a character, no body would harbour him, the poor boy was forced to lye in the ftreets, the parish officers faying he was full of the fmall-pox, they would not come nigh him, but the juftice obliged them to take him into the workhoufe. There he was found to be a dead weight upon the mafter; he threatned to throw up his office, if fuch a fellow was foitter'd upon him to take care of; a veftry was called, a motion was made, whether parish officers had any thing to do with HONESTY? It was agreed, Nem. Con, they had not, and HONESTY, therefore, was turned out of the workhouse. KNAVERY in the mean time grew up to be a very acute boy, and several people wanted to employ him as their agent; he promifed he'd ferve all, but at the fame time complained bitterly for want of money; perfons of all conditions then began to fee him, and out-bid one another; a thing never before practifed, fo that KNAVERY may be faid to be the author of BRIBERY. He hired himself at laft to be page to a great lady, and as he could write a fine hand, nay he could write all forts of hands (forKNAVERY was the inventor of FORGERY) the fervants employed him to make their bills out; but my lady's woman proving with child by him, and he refufing to marry her, he was discharged; the fame day his fchool-fellow HONESTY was turned out of the workhoufe, and they agreed to feek their fortunes together. HONESTY's companion wore laced cloaths, and kept great company; and one day the pair went upon a vifit to a man of fashion. As foon as KNAVERY ftepped into the Saloon, he began to give himfelf airs of Connoiffeur confequence. He talkedaway without ftopping, about point of fight, point of distance, etablatures, harmony, projection, keeping, handling, contour, fore-ground, groups, and corregieque grace. Mingled Michael Angelo and Zeuxis, Salvator Rofa, Praxitiles, Raphael, Vitruvius, Guido, Stuccos, Cameos, Intaglias, Feffils, Minerals and Marcafites. Greedily he was attended to, looked upon as a man of most exquifite accomplishments, and ushered into the dining-room with all becoming honours, while his meekminded companion had a ftool fet for him in the fervants hall. KNAVERY fo far ingratiated himself into the family by flattery, and card playing, that he ran away with the eldest daughter, a great fortune. Her relations, out of revenge, threw HoNESTY into jail as an accomplice, tho' his companion knew better than to truft him with the fecret. Judge what a life HONESTY muft lead in prifon, he was ill ufed by all the debtors; every one reproaching him for being the caufe of their coming to that place. The jailor fhewed him no favour; the prifoners at the mafters fide despised him, and thofe at the begging-grate grumbled, that he was admitted to share the box with them. Difcharged by an act of Grace, he attended for a place at the Regi fter-office; every mafter of a family was ready to hire him, but either the wife, or the mistress, or the fon, or the daughter, or fome favourite footman, butler, or lady's confident, objected to him. He was at laft pick'd up by a girl juft left upon the town, but he turned him off the fecond week fhe went into keeping. Then he hired himself to her brother, a poor poet; and his mafter, by his means, got acquainted with the Drury Lane Patentees, and they gave him a benefit. But the day after the poor fellow was fet adrift, only for hinting to |